Let’s have a contest. Best reason you’ve ever given or received for not having sex. Winner gets to have sex with their choice of Nancy Pelosi, Diane Feinstein, or Barney Frank.
Husband creates SPREADSHEET of wife’s excuses for refusing to have sex with him
The man spent a month compiling the list of reasons, which included “I’m watching a show” – which was a re-run of a Friends episode.
Other excuses from his wife were “I have to be up early”, “I’m not feeling good, I ate too much” and “I might be getting sick”.
Another excuse is “I’m too drunk and I ate to much” followed a few days later with “You’re too drunk.”
The man, who has not been named, wanted to make a point after having sex three times in two months.
He put the information into an excel document and e mailed it to his wife at an airport ahead of a business trip.
His wife, Reddit user throwwwwaway29, tried to contact him but couldn’t, so she wrote on Reddit: “Husband sends a message to my work email…he’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text.
“I open it up and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone.
“Attached is a spreadsheet of all the times he has tried to initiate sex, with a column for my ‘excuses’, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment.”
The spreadsheet, since deleted, attracted a number of comments with one Reddit user saying: “There are so many ways this could have been communicated better, but instead he came up with some bizarre hit and run with a spreadsheet method which I’d say is actually going to be really hard to come back to a normal relationship from.”
But another wrote: “Maybe her husband has got sick and tired of being totally and utterly ignored for months on end, has had enough and wants resolution of the issue. This time after all attempts, he has got her attention.”
Three times in two months? Lucky bastard.
My birthday
Her birthday
New Years Day
In Vegas:
“You want how much?”
“Fuck that, let’s hit the Blackjack tables”
No comment from me that wouldn’t get me in trouble at home.
Talk about cutting your own throat. What a moron. Maybe he’ll have better luck in his next marriage.
” Winner gets to have sex with their choice of Nancy Pelosi, Diane Feinstein, or Barney Frank.”
Oh, gee, yeah. I’m sure with a prize like that, you’ll have hundreds of great entries. Me? After more than 35 years together we’ve achieved a balance that gets everyone’s needs met most of the time.
Ha this is funny but sad at the the same time.
If you want it done right these days, you have to do it yourself.
I’m an old man so I don’t get to comment…
MA
He’s married-why did he think he could even get 1 time?
I have one of these on my Google drive. Don’t care if the NSA reads it. Instead of sex yes/no. It’s sex yes/rejected! Only had sex four times this year. The excuse column on mine is much longer and my comments are scathing. Last week I said I wanted a divorce mainly because of this issue. I think once she realized how hard a divorce was going to be and that she would not see our boys 100% of the time she decided she might try in this relationship. . Had sex twice this weekend (not included in the previous total).
Its the shit they put in wedding cake. I don’t what it is, but they put some shit in that cake that turns porno queens into nuns.
Yeah, three times in two months? Who cares!
I’ve been married 35 years now, all this talk about making same sex legal. If I have sex at all I can guarantee it will be the same sex I’ve had about the last 25 years.
Do we really have to make it a law?
I don’t have any best reasons, she just feels tired and fat.
When we were in our early 30’s and had kids at home the code word for sex was doing the laundry. I do most of my laundry by hand now.
What a pair. She doesn’t put out enough, and he is an asshole.
Pirate Jo
They are following your advice.
It’s tough to have kids if you don’t have sex.
Still dreaming of Kate……
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Admin,
Having kids is probably what caused them to stop having sex. 🙂
@ Billy Bob,
BAHH-HAHAHAHAH!!! Dude, you used The Nuclear Option? AHH-HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
That’s AWESOME! Points to you, sir.
AWD,
Nah… she might be good for a roll in the hay, but too high maintenance… plus, that stupid, vapid article someone (probably YOU) posted where she was like: “Oh, I just hate my HUGE AWESOME BOOBS because they’re so HUGE AND AWESOME..”
Fuckin’ please… plenty of hot chicks in the world other than YOU, ya know…
Billy
I’d still enjoy a black eye from getting those fun-bags slapped around my face…
Speaking from a subjective point of view, and as a woman, this post was very sad to read. Especially since three of my 5 adult children are men.
What loving, rational, intelligent wife would deny a man his healthy, normal sexuality? And what loving, rational,intelligent husband would deny his wife what she desires and needs? The two things are equal, but not exactly the same.
Someone, long ago, said “Healthy men want sex and so they profess love, while women need love and so they are seduced.”
I remember my father, after a long day at work, taking the trouble to stop along the highway to gather orange blossoms, which my mother loved, and burry them in her hair as he kissed her “hello” at the end of his work day. My mother’s eyes and smile said all we children needed to know. We would be met with a locked bedroom door the next morning.
Daddy, a tough WWII Marine vet knew that his wife needed the orange blossoms, and Mom knew what he needed.
A friend told me he makes his wife scream every time he has sex…he phones her !
My first two wives were well trained by their mothers….they were told if you don’t take care of your man at home…he’ll go to someone else’s home .
My present wife…if there’s more than a two day gap she wants to know if I’m feeling OK .
I like AWD today, it’s Buckhed I hate. A married man getting laid is unheard of in this day and age.
On the other hand (heh) I’m surprised to see the limp dicks here have not racked up 300 comments by now. Is soccer more popular than frustrated love?
Here’s my vote, heavily influenced by El Doggy’s radio program: the excel guy is not an asshole, his wife is. He ought to get rid of her. Too many manipulative, controlling, opportunistic, egotistic, psychotic, sadistic or selfish women finagle their way into a one-sided relationship they call a marriage in order to leach off a stupid dude. I say stupid because while no man would enter into a contract so written, quickly sign up to be used and abused by selfish women. One religious guy even wrote a counselor to ask if he should cut his dick off since his new wife was frigid.
I’m surprised that folks who go rabid fucking bonkers when they hear of some dude crossing the border illegally keep mum when their wife won’t put out. I’d go on but I have to go wash the dishes.
Why does she keep saying she feels sweaty and gross? Isn’t stinky punana a guaranteed turn on?
Punana sounds gross, no thanks, I’m trying to cut back. She is actually saying he’s sweaty and gross, see cave man above. Women like that have got a problem, most likely they were in love with someone else who ditched them, which afterwards made them feel worthless and paradoxically fall more in love with the asshole. Then dickless came along and paid the price. Fuck that. That, my friend is why women deserve everything they get, fuck them, fucking punanas, whatever that means, did you mean putanas?
Best reason you’ve ever given or received for not having sex. -JQ
Well, shit, I can’t think of ever having a reason for that, but well, shit, Woody, thats my one eyed snake, the horney screw he is, mind you, was getting stroked in my sleep, we were camping and the tent was dark, turns out it was my to be wifes sister.
I didn’t know, if I had I would have refused it. Dick without a brain.
But, we still got married and had a child. I never mentioned the dirty deed. =)
In all honesty I thought it was my wife to be.
I don’t understand, did you marry the sister, Jacob?
Jacob?
No, Chen, she married an Airforce AWACS trainer.
We did the bumping uglies and I didnt know it was my wifes sister Chen.
I did not initiate this.
I was going to ask who goes camping with two women but never mind, next to Leobeer’s 7 seconds, it’s the best story yet if we disregard Stucky’s spring break fantasy.
Truth be told and all that…
Dopple alert.
Jacob slept with his intended’s sister, he did not find out until the next morning. That’s all I meant.
I was going to ask who goes camping with two women but never mind, next to Leobeer’s 7 seconds, it’s the best story yet if we disregard Stucky’s spring break fantasy. -Chen
Is that the one where he eats a Baconator and craps himself?
Jacob slept with his intended’s sister, he did not find out until the next morning. That’s all I meant.
Okay, didn’t know that.
llpoh, I am not a dopple.
What some people won’t do to win a night with Pelosi.
Succubus, is that what you mean Chen?
The only way Pelosi can have sex is to fiddle with some drunk guys unfortunate member while he dreams of supermodels.
Forget being married to her, imagine doing shrooms with Non Anon…
There are always three sides to any story, hers, his, and the truth.
Guy is a douche. My douchebag warning system is going off all over the place. Odds are this is not the only way said guy is a douche.
Can’t tell you how Hallie’s story touched me. I only saw a love like that, that lasted long term, in one set of my grandparents. It sucks to accept that I’ll never be so blessed.
Anyway, love how the men assume it is the woman’s fault, and not the fact that we are wired completely differently and sex doesn’t start (for the majority of us), when the guy sidles up and asks us for it.
Long, loving, kisses with no expectation of immediate sex. Texts, emails, calls or letters that tell us how important we are and how much you love us. Holding hands. Helping with the 24/7 housework that there is no vacation, or time off from. These things need to be done daily, not only when you are trying to get laid. This is the time when 1/2 the men start screaming that I don’t know what I’m talking about, which continues to amuse me as they, and this guy, obviously don’t have a clue.
Truly, many of us aren’t that difficult to romance. The problem is you don’t want loved, you want laid.
This is why prostitution should be legal, but too many women equate the act with love, and too few men have the balls to admit it and talk about the subject based on human nature, human history, and the truth.
So it goes…
It appears I owe Bukhed an apology, my bad, dude. You obviously are working hard for the sex. Good show, bro!
Hallie,
What’s a loving, rational wife? Is it like the Loch Ness Monster or Yeti?
Iska, Go with the Yeti, you might get lucky.
Marge Simpson is hot, she never has a headache.
Alas the good ones are always taken.
Bukhed, just a question, sir, is your lovely wife carbon based?
Chen/Coyote,
1) I’d bang the Loch Ness monster
B) this explains the Japanese robot woman phenomenon.
Will no one answer T$C’s glove on the ground? We are studs, dammit. Studs in search of a place to happen. PJ is right, don’t get married, it kills the sex (romance, to be PC)