The Universal Laws of Douchebaggery:
1: The natural progression of douchebaggery is to ruin everything for everyone while steadfastly maintaining/believing they are not in fact douchebags.
2: Douches can’t be eliminated, they can only be mocked, minimized & marginalized.
3: Douches will always be douches.
please add as you see fit.
#4 ALL Politicians Are Douchebags
#5 So are all Bankers (wankers as well)
#6 Douches power rises incrementally with the number of laws.
Douches are just one of the set that includes assholes, jackasses, douches, dickheads, etc.
People can and do migrate between the subsets. Personally, I have jackass down to a science, but I frequently cross over into asshole territory.
Many douches tend also to move between categories. Today’s douche may be tomorrow’s asshole.
There are many variations and combinations possible. It makes for an interesting world.
#7 Douches never let an opportunity to exploit a crisis go to waste….command and control they said.
So what must we do that we are not doing?
First, we need someone to take over the position of “command and control.” The United Nations is the only international organization that can direct the immense amount of medical, public health and humanitarian aid that must come from many different countries and nongovernmental groups to smother this epidemic. Thus far it has played at best a collaborating role, and with everyone in charge, no one is in charge.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/12/opinion/what-were-afraid-to-say-about-ebola.html?emc=edit_tnt_20140911&nlid=745484&tntemail0=y&_r=2
Douchebaggery is maximized with the addition of cheap wannabe fedora hats sold at 7/11 or Walmart and repopularized about every 5-10 years.
#8 Douches never cease with the talk about themselves.
Douchebags ….
— make fun of people’s middle names
— post Bible verses when none are fuckin called for
— like saggy boobs on an aging Hispanic actress
— try to impress you with polynomial curves and R-square shit
— have only three keys on their keyboard; ctrl, copy, and paste
— can’t decide on ONE fuckin’ TBP name
— don’t enjoy really cool recipe threads
— think “village Idiot” is a compliment
— get really exciting college degrees … like, Accounting
— dopplegangers …. ALL dopplegangers are fuckin’ Major Douchbags
.
PS: Any resemblance to YOU is a mere coincidence
I can sum this all up with just 2 letters.
bb
#9 Douchebags all live in New Jersey
… but not everyone who lives in NJ is a douchebag
One man’s douchebag is another man’s hero.
Right Berthold?
Vollkommen !!
One douche in particular…Jamie Diamond has throat cancer . Now in 99.99% of the cases I’d feel for the victim of this disease but in his case, this is one douche bag who deserves it .
#10 Douchebags rule the comment section of TBP..long live douchery!
It’s been a few weeks since our breakup/makeup cycle Stucky. Remember the last time? Things got really dicey there for about 15 or 20 mins…
Douchebaggery and goatee-wearing are highly correlated.
Here, Here! Thank you, Iska.
I might add Douchery is also associated with wearing pajamas in public, pencil beards or custom-shaved facial hair, and those big ear-expanding earrings. Oh, and the trend in NYC I read about douchers who pay docs to transplant ass hair on their chins so they can grow more manly beards!
Douchebags have a crying towel nearby when complaining of racism or reverse racism
Douchebags try to hide their douchebaggery behind the someone else’s douchebaggery
Douchebags spell out their derisive snorts and bursts of laughter
Aw shit, we are talking LAW here and not traits.
A douchebag’s reaction will be equal/greater and opposite to the reaction he elicited, once you mention his sister-wife.
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Is that the Breaking Bad dude (not bb)?
Looks like George Costanza with a goat-tee.
“It’s been a few weeks since our breakup/makeup cycle Stucky. ” ——– Llpoh
That’s the ONLY reason I fight with you … so we can makeup, afterwards. It’s like makeup sex, only better.
Glad you always let me be on top.
The last llpoh was a dirty douche doppler.
#11. We have too many Douchebags in charge of government and big corporations.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=j6ez8MeAhpw
No it wasn’t. The last Llpoh was the rat bastard douchelicious dopple and I hate him and his dirty white forebears.
So, whites come from bears? Who knew.
It take four bears to make a white.
That was “BTK” (Dennis Rader). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Rader
A douchebags first question “Are you a racist ” ?
I kind of enjoy being a douchebag .So I am guilty. What are you Meatheads going to do about it ?