WASHINGTON—Noting that the Valero Energy representative had been coming to his office for more than a decade now, Sen. John Cornyn (R‑TX) told reporters Thursday that he now knows the regular lobbyist’s order without even having to be told. “Pete always drops in Monday mornings around eight on his way to work—well, you see the same friendly face year after year and you just pick up on what he wants,” said Cornyn, adding that he’s typically already preparing the lobbyist’s usual order of tax breaks and fossil fuel subsidies even as he’s taking off his coat. “Every once in a while, he’ll throw me a curveball and ask for a rider slashing regulations on greenhouse gas emissions, but for the most part, he knows what he likes and sticks with it. The way I see it, folks will always come back if you treat them right.” At press time, the lobbyist had arrived right on time and was getting settled in his usual seat.
Er, you ARE aware of the fact that The Onion is a parody Web site, not a reliable source of information?
Tucci78
I’ve been posting Onion articles every Friday for the last 4 years. That’s why we call it Funny Friday on TBP.
@tucci, this might be more your speed:
http://www.duffelblog.com/2015/03/suicide-bomber-not-participating-aar/
@Tucci, now THAT is funny.
Laugh to keep from crying, has worked for as long as man has lived. Try it, it is good for the soul.
“I’ve been posting Onion articles every Friday for the last 4 years. That’s why we call it Funny Friday on TBP.”
Not labeled as such.
So you just forgot your [/sarc] tag, eh?
Tucci, it says “Via The Onion” right below the article. What more do you want? The smart reader, as most readers of TBP are, will look at the source article when shit seems too outrageous to believe.
I think Tucci has just applied to be the new TBP village idiot.
Tucci – when you have dug yourself into a hole, it is usually a good idea to stop digging.
Applications for that position are no longer being accepted as long as dingleberr…………I mean bb is here.
“…it says “Via The Onion” right below the article. What more do you want? The smart reader, as most readers of TBP are, will look at the source article when shit seems too outrageous to believe.”
Stronzino, it’s pretty obvious (by the way this is headed, peddled on e-mail, and otherwise pushed) that the intention is snarky bastardliness, in order to sucker people into passing along this crap, because there will always be people who WANT to believe that something in this “satirical” line is being reported as a reliable news item.
Without the equivalent of a fucking [/sarc] tag on it, what else is to be concluded except that whoever posted it is himself a totally suckered stupid sonofabitch?
Tucci, to be honest we use as sort of an IQ test here on TBP. If you lack sufficient wattage to figure it out, we know we’re dealing with one of “those” people. Many fail. Don’t feel bad, most of us here are INTJ and the lack of a /sarc tag is just cheap amusement. Besides, we shit flinging monkeys are always looking for another victim.
“Without the equivalent of a fucking [/sarc] tag on it, what else is to be concluded except that whoever posted it is himself a totally suckered stupid sonofabitch?”
One could conclude that the reader is a suckered stupid sonofabitch who chooses to remain willfully fucking ignorant.
I suggest sending further complaints to The Onion. Who knows, they derive new stories from the ignorant masses all the time. You could be next!
Meanwhile I’m sure admin might disagree with you as well. He’s been rather feisty lately.
I’m off to make popcorn!
“…to be honest we use as sort of an IQ test here on TBP. If you lack sufficient wattage to figure it out, we know we’re dealing with one of ‘those’ people.”
So much for the charitable impulse.
It’s comforting to learn that your “we” is made up wholly of people who could be running screaming through a parking lot jetting arterial blood from a severed arm and yet don’t deserve even to be handed a Kleenex.
Most of us used to be extremely charitable until the govt forced us to be charitable.
FWIW, I’d be willing to cauterize that bleeding artery for you.
Seriously though, how do people who need a /sarc tag to recognize sarcasm make it in this world? Do lions and tigers need to hold up signs to warn morons that they are dangerous? There are too many fucking idiots in this world as it is. Stupidity is a major reason why we are in the mess we’re in. Natural selection should remove these idiots from the fucking gene pool but no, we have even bigger idiots requiring people to wear helmets or hold a little faggoty fucking orange flags when they cross the street. FUCK those people! If they can’t get along in the world without special rules, /sarc tags and most especially, my tax dollars to support their ignorant asses then FUCK THEM! They deserve to bleed out from a severed arm! They were probably fucking around with the aforementioned lion or tiger that caused them to lose their arm in the first damn place.
Tucci, your bus is waiting for you, run along and don’t be late.
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“Seriously though, how do people who need a /sarc tag to recognize sarcasm make it in this world?”
And what kind of asshole deliberately retails duplicity in a manner calculated to entice the gullible?
Bear in mind, that I was not gulled, but rather attempted to point out to “Administrator” a point of information of which he MIGHT conceivably have been unaware, in order to spare him embarrassment.
Charitable impulse.
Let’s change the metaphor, then.
Were your “we” to be lying on that parking lot in flames, writhing in agony, you wouldn’t deserve to be pissed upon.
The regulars at TBP have seen a wide range of trolling attempts and general pissiness from one-shot wonders. However, I have to say that this is the most pathetic troll yet, latching onto the most ridiculous issue and making the lamest attempts at insult.
Tucci, you are the reason that ladders say “Warning – do not stand ladder in manure pile.” You are the reason that coffee cups say “danger – hot.” And you are the reason that toasters say “do not use in bathtub.” Congratulations, you beat two trees.
Regarding El Tooch, I spotted him a couple of weeks ago, I thought I was being tough on him. You guys are heartless. Welcome, Tucci!
“Were your “we” to be lying on that parking lot in flames, writhing in agony, you wouldn’t deserve to be pissed upon.”
I’ll give you a real life example as a response.
One day I was pulling up to a red light when I noticed a guy pouring gasoline from a gas can into his car. The part that caught my attention was that he was trying to light a cigarette with his face two feet above the gas can. At this point I’m riveted by the scene. I certain that I’m about to see this dumbass burst into flames. I’m so riveted that I never noticed the light turn green even though traffic to my right and traffic in front of me had cleared completely. Cars honking horns behind me irritated me because I was looking forward to seeing Darwin’s Theory in action.
How nice. The “we” of this self-inflating collective sack of shit can’t even keep in touch with the meaning of the term “troll” in common ‘Net usage.
Pile on, children. At least this might be keeping you from sodomizing your gerbils for a while.
Not that any of your are packing enough behind your respective zippers to cause such rodents any distress.
Tucci78
The best defense is a good offense. If you want some respect, I suggest starting by saying “fuck you all!” It won’t change everything, but it would be a start.
” I suggest starting by saying ‘fuck you all!'”
As I’ve gotten to know the “we” in this shit pit, it’s impossible to escape the conclusion that getting fucked – preferably with something gasoline-powered and noisy – would thrill these sewer dwellers all to hellangone.
Not even in their dank and diseased imaginations should anyone give ’em the pleasure.
Some of them might ovulate, and then they’ll breed…..
Hey tucci, you’re catching a lot of grief, but I’d be willing to bet that’s a pretty accurate description of john cornyn’s day, except they omitted him washing his face after the lobbyist left.
“…I’d be willing to bet that’s a pretty accurate description of john cornyn’s day, except they omitted him washing his face after the lobbyist left.”
A perfectly good wager. Since that hellaciously hot night in August 1971 as the “Nixon Shock” finalized the process by which the U.S. dollar was insidiously to be turned into wastepaper, I’ve been pretty well convinced that the Red Faction is nothing more than a portion of the great big permanently incumbent Boot On Your Neck Party.
In the words of historian Clyde Wilson:
“Apparently millions continue to harbor the strange delusion that the Republican party is the party of free enterprise, and, at least since the New Deal, the party of conservatism. In fact, the party is and always has been the party of state capitalism. That, along with the powers and perks it provides its leaders, is the whole reason for its creation and continued existence. By state capitalism I mean a regime of highly concentrated private ownership, subsidized and protected by government. The Republican party has never, ever opposed any government interference in the free market or any government expenditure except those that might favor labor unions or threaten Big Business.”
Tucci Poochie
Be aware that the art of self-deprecation is a trait greatly admired here. We all have brain farts here …
I once posted as “A PhD In Geology”, making up shit about abiotic oil, and Admin nearly had a brain aneurism trying to shoot me down with post after post after post, including charts. When he found out it was me he just laughed it off and vowed not to be so gullible again.
In your case, you simply could have said — “Jeez, I’m such a dumbass for forgetting my sarcasm hat. Duh!!” ….. and people would have laughed WITH you, and given you many thumbs up.
Instead, you don’t take Llpoh’s advice, and just continue to try to defend your dumb-shittedness by digging your own hole deeper and deeper. bb is probably still a safe bet as “village idiot”, but you are gaining ground … FAST.
Let’s see how you respond. You can still salvage the day by stating — “OK, I’m a dumbuk, haha!” — and win over the hordes at TBP. Will you do it?
“You can still salvage the day by stating — “OK, I’m a dumbuk, haha!” — and win over the hordes at TBP. Will you do it?”
Of course not. Knowingly utter a gross untruth in order to cater to critters which – like earthworms and other members of the lower species – are doubtless hermaphroditic?
I mean, why else would your “we” be engaged so frenetically in fucking yourselves?
Tucci Poochie
Congrats. You had the opportunity to redeem yourself … to stem the overwhelming avalanche of thumbs down. Instead, you chose to step on your dick, like this;
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May the Bird Of Paradise be with you …. and shit on you for all eternity.
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“Congrats. You had the opportunity to redeem yourself …”
In the eyes of your invertebrate and decerebrate “we”? Whatever in fuck gives you to arrogate to yourself and your fellow festerers-in-filth any such worth?
As for “shit on you,” I’m an American physician, coprophage. I’ve been shat upon for decades by HCFA – er, “MAMA” – or, no, it’s “CMS” now, isn’t it? – the professionals at shitting on their betters.
You clumsy clowns aren’t a flight of constipated mosquitoes compared with career DHHS bureaucrats dumping all over the patients and health care providers they supposedly “serve.”
Wow. I missed the whole show since I was out at a bar drinking all night.
What dumbass motherfucker doesn’t know an Onion article is satire?
I guess we all found out. After 200 Onion article posts over the last 5 years every Friday you would think even the slowest dolt would figure it out.
I guess not.
“Whatever in fuck gives you to arrogate to yourself and your fellow festerers-in-filth any such worth?” ——-Tucci Poochie
Ok, I shall edumucate yeew.
I AM … da Judge!! By UNANIMOUS vote, and bequeathed upon me forever and ever, and as proscribed in the Burning Platform Rules Of Order, Volume I, Chapter 1, Paragraph 1, in the year of our Lord, 2010, my duties are spelled out quite simply; — “Stucky da Judge (aka Stucky) shall have the FINAL say in any and all disputes, forthwith forevermore.”
I mean, c’mon, that’s so simple even a caveman can understand it.
You may not like it, but it is what it is. To be honest, I don’t like it either. It is a grave responsibility which has added many gray hairs upon my dome. Nevertheless, I soldier on. “To whom much is given, much is required.”, saith the Lawd.
You may not respect me, but you must respect the OFFICE I represent!! Otherwise, we will descend into total chaos here, if there is no Final Arbiter Of Disputes. Surely, you don’t want to see that happen.
Do you now understand?
I give you one final opportunity to change your dastardly disrespect. REPENT, while you still have time. Your Day Of Salvation has drawn nigh.
You present yourself as a critter who would value such groveling from anybody and yet you posture as someone worth anything but “disrespect”?
Fascinating. Do you allow any reflective surfaces in your domicile?
By all means, resume drinking. You cannot be numbered among the “we” if you have any functioning brain cells left.
Perhaps you’ll achieve hepatic cirrhosis at the same time your EEG flatlines.
A “twofer.”
At least when I woke up this morning I wasn’t stuck with an 85 level IQ and a 3 inch dick like you.
You proved yourself to be a clueless moron on this thread. You really need to lighten up Francis.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OnpkDWbeJs
I have attempted to reason with Tucci Poochie … with humor, kindness, and love.
Yet, he continues to pile insult upon insult upon us … now, even shitting on Admin.
All kidding aside, the guy is an incorrigible fucking dick-face ass-wipe. I STRONGLY urge the TBP Band Of Sisters and Brothers to VOTE HIM DOWN, here and elsewhere, forevermore. He is a worthlessfuk, not worthy of our greatness.
Shun the fake doctor bastard into oblivion!!!
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I had to come back from the dead to present this award. I think bb has some competition for TBP Village Idiot.
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Tucci has a bit of Dr. Smith in him but that’s an endearing quality
I was losing brain cells reading Tucci’s retarded bullshit so I just let him wallow in ignorance last night. I’ve seen him post off and on before so I didn’t think he was a troll. He may not be a troll but he isn’t very quick on the uptake.
I love how he considers us to be the idiots yet he comes here to read and post. Oh well.
‘tTo which the proper response is to write two (or three) pages’ worth of orders to be done by the nursing staff stat! – night shift notwithstanding – on the patient for whose care I’d been ostensibly called, and on several more on the unit besides.
Pretty soon, personifications of vaginismus like you learned not to fuck with “the kind of doctor we [twats] loved to hate….”
The shit rolls downhill, and nurses – as you fucking well know – are always in a ditch in a gully at the bottom.
Jebuz Krist Tucci, you come off more retarded** with each comment! Yesterday Llpoh gave you some great advice at 8:34pm. Take a moment for review and introspection and I don’t mean shoving your head up your ass for a quick look around.
**With sincere apologies to actual retards who got that way through no fault of their own.
Yesterday Llpoh gave you some great advice at 8:34pm.”
What, grovel?
Ooh, no can do. Unlike the members of your shit-bespattered train-pull of a “we,” I have a reasoning mind that’s operating rostral to a spine.
College really does make you fucking stupid.
His advice was: “Tucci – when you have dug yourself into a hole, it is usually a good idea to stop digging.”
Definition of Tucci:
1. Italian slang for skid mark in the collective underwear of society.
Oh? So why are you oinks of the “we” so utterly bathyscaphically deep in the shit? Can’t quit “digging”?
Still a demand for submission, however couched.
With you as with Stucky, are you permitted to have reflective surfaces in your quarters?
Please leave my son alone. He’s in the basement now trying his best to play doctor with himself. Why are you people so mean? He’s accomplished so much in his life. Why, just last week his teacher gave him this award.
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Q: “What do you call the guy who graduated dead last in medical school?”
A: “Doctor”.
Just enjoying the drama… and wondering when Medical Schools started an outreach program for high functioning retards…
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Guess which one ended up here on TBP?
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Sorry Tucci, (not really) but I just saw this and thought of you.
[img]http://www.motivateusnot.com/resize.php?name=LzM3OC9Tb21ldGltZXMtcGVvcGxlLWdvLWZ1bGwtcmV0YXJkLTUzY2UxZmU2NDRmYjQuanBn&w=550&h=1200[/img]
LOL T4C, you’re my kind of human!
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A friend of mine’s father was head of surgery at an Ivy med school.
He finally quit the position because of asshats like Douchi.
He said they were idiots with no common sense and no people skills, and were ruining the profession.
He thought they should only recruit folks with A grade people skills.
Tucci is the living, breathing illustration of his point.
That he would disparage nurses is despicable.
People like Tuccie Poochie eventually piss off the wrong person, and then that person kills Tucci. Maybe soon? One can only hope.
Shit, you were “done” before you started, twatling.
House staff and attending physicians can make life easy for nurses who aren’t vicious cunts of your ilk, and even when faced by Nurse Ratched types (put your face to the mirror, skank), we tend to moderate our retaliations in consideration of collateral damage to the patients, technicians, and other nurses innocently – and similarly – suffering within your kind of hateful presence.
Maybe you’re so spastic in your hatred of physicians not because we average so much smarter and better-educated than do bedpan-toters of your variety but rather because your attitude and behavior have lost you the courtesy and compassion of those medicos who have been unfortunate enough to have been cursed with your involvement in patient care.
Diagnosis on the basis of present evidence and deductive reasoning, of course, but it’s good enough for the differential, ain’t it?
Hm. No wonder you’re on permanent night shift. Minimal possible human contact.
Tucci, I see you decided to turn a new leaf this morning and start passing out the honeybuns instead of the vinegar candy. A wise choice, and certain to win you some new fans. In all honesty, not grovelling was a good call, but I suggest finding another gear to fly from time to time. It’s cool to battle, but it helps to inform and amuse, especially when attacking the made men and women ’round here.
Tucci has to be perhaps the most unsavory person to ever post on TBP.
T4C is a well respected contributor to this site.
In one post he calls her a twat, a cunt, a skank, and claims to be smarter, all evidence to the contrary.
Seriously, this guy is a healer? At least it comes as no surprise that his specialty is shit. He is in his element, no doubt.