I don’t want to hear any whining about this being a “fluff” piece that has no right to be on this site. This is not like my Horse Fucking article. Rather, this is a VERY serious piece of writing, because it’s about …. YOU. Statistically, 99% of you masturbated in the past 30 days. Yes, you have!! And the only reason I say 30 days is because of the women folk. If I were to include only men, half of you masturbated in the past 30 minutes, and the rest of you in the past 30 hours. We’re talking biological facts, folks.
Strangely enough, there is no other human activity that is so universal in its appeal, while at the same time so universally condemned … and often, punished. I’m in the age group where we were warned – and this is no joke — that choking the chicken could lead to; 1) blindness, 2) hairy knuckles, 3) failing grades, and since I went to Catholic school, 4) God striking me dead at any moment.
Every goddamned morning, all the way through high school I’d check my knuckles. “Phew! I’m still safe!”. Well, until one day when I brought home an “F” in math, and I was positive my mom would know I was using my body as an amusement park. I was forty years old when I first needed glasses (really), and I thought to myself; — “Goddammit! This shit finally caught up with me!”. I stopped peeling the banana for three straight months, but the eye damage was permanent, apparently. And, I can’t tell you how many thousands of times I prayed; “Dear Jesus, thank you for not taking my life while I laid me down to sleep. I promise, I mean I really promise that I will never ever do THAT again.”. A promise that usually lasted about 30 minutes.
So, that gives you an idea how charming the python affected ME. I spent much of my yooth living in fear, and with shame, and guilt. Now, I’m not saying I wanted to choke the chicken at the dinner table. But, just once it would have been really nice to just enjoy the activity … well, I’m taking about the fifteen seconds immediately after the deed. The worst fifteen seconds of my life. One time I even cried for being so weak willed, and for disappointing God.
BTW, the primary justification the Catlick Church uses for the Polishing-St Peters-Staff Is-A-Sin doctrine has to do with the guy above …. Onan …. which, ironically, has NOTHING to do with his cuddling the kielbasa … and everything to do with Onan breaking God’s law requiring him to produce an heir for his brother. Pulling OUT, not pulling OFF, was his downfall.
Well, enough about me. Perhaps you’ll share your own story … how lubricating your Love Monkey affected your life. Don’t leave out any details either. But, now I want to look at the Bigger Picture. Specifically, how the Anti-Masturbation Movement shaped society.
1)- IT GAVE US ….. THE BOY SCOUTS
The Great Masturbation Panic reached its climax during the late 19th and early 20th century. Doctors observed that sedentary people – students, truck drivers, shoe makers, engineers, ACCOUNTANTS, etc. – were far more prone to “masturbation induced insanity”. Naturally, the doctors prescribed vigorous exercise, which would keep your hands busy doing something else to divert “superfluous nervous energy” away from the wee-wee and vaginny. (Really. Not making any of this up.)
So, that brings us to 1907 and Lord Baden-Powell. He was the founder of the Scout Movement and first Chief Scout of The Boy Scouts Association. He was also a Wanker. Seriously, he was British, and his given birth-name was Robert Stephenson Smyth Powell. If this pic doesn’t scream “WANKER!!”, I don’t know what does.
— “These 3 fingers go up your hiney!” —
So here are things we know about him;
— he married …. at age 55. He refused to sleep in the same bed with his wife … decided the right thing to do was to sleep on his balcony …. some sources believe he was a closet homosexual
— he advised that young men should “bathe the racial [sic] organ in cold water daily.” [I really have no idea what “racial” means in the above context. I sort of picture a nice little white Boy Scout with his weenie in his hand, and just before burping the worm he looks down and says “Nigger!! Retreat! And take a bath while you’re at it.”]
— in his epic manual “Scouting for Boys: A Handbook for Instruction in Good Citizenship” he made such graphic warnings against masturbation that the publisher forced him to cut them out
— he wrote a book “Rovering to Success” …. “rovering” was keeping yourself busy with tying knots, hiking and other outdoorsy stuff. He wrote, “Young fellows in the rutting stage are apt to get together and tell smutty stories and look at lewd pictures. If you carry out Rovering, you will find lots to do in the way of hiking and the enjoyment of the out-of-door manly activities. To get rid of the bad you must put something good in its place.” I think “rutting stage” means rubbing-one-out.
Bottom Line: He was absolutely obsessed with masturbation prevention …. in fact, it is the reason he started The Scouts. Ironic, isn’t it, that today’s Boy Scouts actually give the Onan Merit Badge to those masturbating five times a day for five years.
2)- IT GAVE US …… VIBRATORS
No, you did not misread that. Vibrators were invented as a means to prevent females from paddling the pink canoe.
First, you must understand there were many tools to keep MEN from rapid penile oscillation. This will be very instructive for many of you – Llpoh, SSS, Admin, Billy, bb, Bea, El Coyote who calls his trouser-snake “Sexy Mulatto”, I_S, DRUD, .. well, all the men here (except me and Boston Bob) – so, pay attention.
— leeches were placed on the … well, do I have to say it? The idea being that leeches, in addition to blood, would suck out the bad juice. Makes sense. The other idea being you wouldn’t fry off the old corn dog in front of the doctor and your mom.
— The Romans would pierce the foreskin of gladiators with a piece of metal to prevent both masturbation and sex.
— Pecker Piercing was quite popular in the Victorian era … they called it “infibulation”, it’s not just for women … whereby both sides of the foreskin were pierced and then connected by a ring or wire that passed over the top. The metal wasn’t rust proof pee proof and the resulting infections were known as Great Tribulations … mentioned in the Bible “such as the world has never seen before”.
— Progress never stopped and eventually elaborate attachments were designed which used cooling systems and even electricity. There was something called Dr. Moodies’ Apparatus for Boys, which was basically a bicycle lock for your dick. Seriously, the picture below is the patent picture for the device. Not only would it prevent yanking the chain … it also stopped Penis Theft, as there was not even one single such report in the entire 1900s.
Really rich people could afford Sterling Silver cock-blockers as shown below. Judging from the rather short dimensions, this one probably belonged to the Llpoh tribe.
However, and obviously, none of the above methods worked on women. This may come as a shock to some of our younger readers — I was 52 years old when I first found out – but, women also masturbate!
In fact, the 19th century medical community diagnosed practicing women as having a mental disorder known as “hysteria” brought on by “out of control genitals”. Seriously, one medical book described it thusly; —– “a loss of control over the nervous system, expressed in innumerable ways as by convulsions, weeping, laughing, random talk, and by indecent words and acts.” Psychiatrists labeled it “eroto–mania”.
To combat this deadly scourge, men doctors teamed up with men electricians to invent the vibrator. You see, at the time it was believed that vibration was “the greatest curative force known to the medical profession”. The new vibrators did reduce female injuries by 87%, as women in large numbers abandoned their Electrolux hand-mixers for the new device.
Below is an actual picture from the American Journal of Clinical Medicine.
A brand called “New-Life Vibrator” stated in its instruction manual that “hysteria is related most intimately and peculiarly with the sexual organs of woman,” and then goes on to provide recommended use, stating – “the disease is sure to manifest itself in some part of the body more decidedly than elsewhere — treat the nerves and muscles OF THAT PART with the New-Life Vibrator for sure relief.” Sure enough, subsequent studies showed that women who used the new-fangled vibrators 4-5 times a day never masturbated again.
3)- IT GAVE US …… CIRCUMCISION
You might think that the barbaric act of circumcision is the result of America being a Judeo-Christian nation. “If Jesus snipped da tip, then it’s good ‘nuff for me!”, said no baby, ever .. but the parents did. You would be wrong. Or, maybe you think circumcision is done in the USA to reduce infections and other medical issues that, seemingly, can only occur at the tip of the weenie. Again, you would be wrong.
Truly, circumcision became standard practice in order to keep boys from touching their wieners. Now that’s totally weird because one would have to believe that no circumcised Jewish boy ever played with his kosher Wiener Schnitzel … and one look at Bibi Netanyahu will tell you that just ain’t so.
Seriously, they believed there were two benefits to Jewish Penis Surgery;
—— 1) It would reduce the secretions that would get inflamed around the foreskin, which leads too young boys rubbing themselves. Genital itching was considered a major gateway to masturbation … much like our own SSS believes Sweet Mary Jane is a gateway drug to heroin. (Note: Due to gateway-fears, SSS actually did not polish his sword between 1904 and 1938.) A 1914 public school manual actually stated that the only way to keep from masturbating was for children to stop scratching their privates.
.—— 2) Doctors believed that removing the foreskin made masturbation very difficult. Of course, this makes no sense at all as “the head” in theory (I’m Austrian an un-snipped so I’m not 100% positive) should keep the hand from slipping off the end. It was thought that circumcision also wiped out nerve endings, hence, the desire would just go away. An 1895 medical journal went so far as to suggest that ALL nerves to the penis be severed. Wow. I am horrified because, surely, “penis” and “severed” should never, ever, be used in the same sentence.
John Harvey Kellogg then came along to add a new fuckin’ level of craziness to the equation. He wanted baby boys to feel Maximum PAIN during the surgery. Why? Because “penis & pain” would be etched in the baby’s mind forever … and when he became of age he would refrain from rubbing it.
Kellogg said; — “The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment, as it may well be in some cases. The soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice, and if it had not previously become too firmly fixed, it may be forgotten and not resumed. ……. followup should be so carefully surrounded by vigilance that he cannot possibly transgress without detection. If he is only partially watched, he soon learns to elude observation, and thus the effect is only to make him cunning in his vice.”
4)- IT GAVE US …… GRAHAM CRACKERS & GRAPE NUTS
John Harvey Kellogg was absolutely obsessed with anti-masturbation … 24x7x365.
Food & Masturbation experts felt that a major cause of many human ills were the result of diet. There were foods which were considered to be “excitants” which were known to “fire the blood”. Some of these foods were cloves, vinegar, pickles, eggs, pork, and candy. Fun foods! Foods you eat for …… breakfast.
In order to, wait for it ……. protect the chill’un …… the Food & Masturbation experts decided to offer the opposite of tasty food, cold breakfast cereal.
“Let Grape Nuts help you stop playing with YOUR nuts!”
Grape-Nuts became the first food-unfit-for-humans. Some of their ads boasted how is doesn’t “heat the blood like other foods”. Other ads claimed Grape Nuts were “predigested”. I guess Americans were even bigger morans back then, than today. You can see from the ad above that a man’s real power came from steadiness and a clear brain (oddly enough, for most men that only happens after varnishing the pole). All their ads were subtle hints against masturbation. Which makes sense, because “Eat Grape Nuts And Stop Jerking Off Forever!!” probably wouldn’t have made it past J. Edgar Hoover. (Not to mention that no man ever wants to stop jerking off … even for 30 minutes.)
The Reverend Sylvester Graham, of Graham cracker fame, was every bit Mr. Kellogg’s equal when it came to hating masturbation. He basically copied Kellogg’s food formula … throw some shit together, and make it bland as possible so as to not “stimulate” the blood. He specifically marketed his Honey Biscuits (the cereal .. not the porn star) as a way to recover from masturbation.
Again, the marketing was subtle. It was believed that weak people basted the ham more often. Skinny boys really turned up the notch on the knob. So, the solution was sturdy kids! Early on he marketed his Graham Crackers as the perfect food to help children gain weight … which would give them “strength necessary to resist temptation”. And every parent knew that the Reverend wasn’t talking about the temptation to skip school.
5)- IT GAVE US …… DAILY SHOWERS
Bathing is a cyclical thing. The Romans, for example, were big on bathing. Then some early Christian leaders came along, such as St. Benedict, who said “baths shall seldom be permitted” presumably because Roman bathhouses led to spontaneous orgies … which even a Holy Spirit filled Christian could not refuse. No one except royalty bathed in the Dark Ages. Bathing even in early America was discouraged because of “French moral corruption and the sexual license suggested by nudity”. Which makes no sense whatsoever because everyone knows the French don’t bathe.
Well, by around the 1900’s, at the very climax of the War on Masturbation, bathing once again was in vogue.
Yup, the fear of milking the lizard drove doctors and preachers to recommend daily baths, especially for children. It was that genital itching thingy once again. If little Billy (not our Billy) didn’t keep his junk clean, then little Billy would be scratching his junk … just a little too much, and a little to vigorously (OK, maybe our Billy). Just get a load of these quotes;
“A daily bath is indispensable to health under almost all circumstances; for masturbators it is especially necessary … Sun baths, electric baths, spray, plunge and other forms of bath, are of greatest value to those suffering from the effects of indiscretions.” ———– John Harvey Kellogg, in “Plain Facts for Old and Young”
“But we must here make some helpful suggestions to those who seek to avoid this form of sexual weakness … First, cleanliness of heart, of thought, imagination and of purpose must be reinforced also by cleanliness of body. Every man, woman and child should bathe at least once or twice a week. In addition to the ordinary weekly bath, there should also be added the daily morning sponge or hand-bath.” ———– Sylvanus Stall, in “What a Young Man Ought to Know”, (1904)
“Here are a few rules that will help the young man who wishes to overcome the habit just described [masturbation] … Arise three-quarters of an hour before breakfast every morning, take a cold sponge or shower bath.” ———- YMCA Manual, “From Youth into Manhood” (1909)
It is stunningly amazing to me that such theories of behavior — which are so easily proved to be 100% wrong — how they could have gained so much traction. I can’t imagine the HARM it has done to countless chill’un.
Take me for example. Some of my best ever performances took place in the shower … regardless of the water temperature. So, I read the YMCA manual, do what it says, and yet still fall to the devil’s call. What would I believe about myself? That I am INCURABLE!! So, I check my knuckles and say 100 Our Fathers and hope like fuck my momma doesn’t find me naked, and dead, in the shower. That’s no way to go through childhood.
********** BONUS STUFF **********
This is a 1940’s era poster produced for a library. I can’t find any details about the poster. Therefore, I must guess its meaning. I am guessing that at one time black people jerked off into library books. There should have been a government program to make them eat more Grape Nuts.
—–
This is also a 1940’s poster. I’m so confused. If 98% of women have VD … isn’t this a poster FOR masturbation? (I think that’s Honey Biscuits, second from the left.)
—–
This is a 1920s poster. If you’re like me, your first thought was – “Why is that fly trying to fuck a little girl??”. I include this only to show how stupid “science” was in that era. The same people who thought masturbation was evil also thought that flies caused tuberculosis and other horrible diseases. So, yeah, the USA (also Britain and Australia) actually launched a War on Flies. Yet another war we lost.
—–
In closing, I realize some of you will be offend by this post … even though you surely learned some new things. You folks would have loved living in the early 1900s. I also realize I didn’t cover The Big Question; What Would Jesus Do? Hmmmm … he was a NORMAL MAN, right? Figure it out. I leave you with this quote from the great philosopher, George Carlin; — “If God had intended us not to masturbate he would’ve made our arms shorter.“
Wow Stucky, given your masterbatory tendencies, I’m surprised you found the time to research & write this article. Well done, very informative!
Back n PA Mike
Multitasking AND ambidextrous …. it is a gift from God.
I could have lived the rest of my life happily not knowing whether Stuck’s carrot was wearing a raincoat or not.
And all this time I thought ol man Kellogg invented cold cereal as the cheapest way to feed inmates in his asylum! Sounds to me like a closet pervert.
Good job, Stucky!
TMI……..TMI……..TMI.
I like Grape Nuts, damn. Stucky needs to keep busy with a Jethro Bodine sized bowl of that chewy cereal and stop “spanking the monkey”. He prolly has to braid his knuckles by now.
I can see where this is going. Ya’ll wanna focus on ME doin’ the five knuckle shuffle.
1. That would be missing the point of the article.
2. What about YOU fuckers?? Fess up, and start telling the damn truth for once!! Other than avatars and fake names … your are totally anonymous (except Admin, and we already know what accountants do anyway). CONFESSION is good for the soul. Release your demons. Remove the burden you’ve been carrying all these years. Again … be free and FESS UP!!!
@Westcoaster watch “The Road to Wellville”. Hilarious and sad movie about Kellog. He was an utter nut bag.
You can’t accuse TBP of not having diverse content.
Couldn’t find a video for this scene from 40 year old virgin (I think most of us are like David):
Andy Stitzer: [motioning to David’s box of porn] I don’t want this stuff, okay? Because I don’t do that, that much.
David: What, masturbate?
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
David: Dude, I’ve jacked it twice since I’ve been here. Are you kidding me? Why not?
Andy Stitzer: It’s not a hobby of mine.
David: Well, then, that’s the only hobby you don’t have.
If I live to be 100 (doubtful – but who knows?) I’d love to go out at full speed with my pants at half-mast (being chased by at least one but maybe more) women. I’d leave skid marks for 200 feet at the terminus and hopefully exit with an erection.
I love women. I’ve always loved women. I want to make them smile. I want to make them laugh. I want to make them feel they are the most important thing on the face of the earth at the moment of our interaction. I love pleasuring women whether or not I reach any sort of orgasm. Men’s orgasms are short, intense and tend to be messy. Old saying. “Women want security, men want friction!’.
What I want is to satisfy every need a woman has (and a lot she may not even knows she would like to have) with one thing in return. Affection and touch. The touch of a woman’s hand is the most lovely and satisfying sensation a man can experience – regardless of how applied.
Holding hands and snuggling on a sofa can be as intimate as a full blown episode of intercourse – perhaps not as intense at its’ climax but certainly no less satisfying.
I say long live the sexes – may they prosper and may two people find joy in each other for every living moment as long as they live.
MA
” … watch “The Road to Wellville”. ” ———– realestatepup
Never heard of it. I watched a couple clips. Looks good.
Below is a 30 second trailer;
The link below has the full movie. I bookmarked it for future viewing.
Did you ever watch it? I tried to peek just now and discovered it’s gone.
Shit! I linked the full movie above.
Here’s the brief trailer
[img]http://cdn.marketplaceimages.windowsphone.com/v8/images/936b2472-0b2e-45a7-a3b0-9dda8e85ddb9?imageType=ws_icon_large[/img]
Well since no one will talk about their personal masturbating experiences then Iguess I will.Ready? My very first memory of masturbating was when I was 13 .I went on a camping trip with some guys in the neighborhood. The oldest was 14 .As we sit around the camp fire he said look what I learned. He pulled out his dick and started pounding.The rest of us stood up,pulled out our dicks and started pounding. Five young teens standing around a camp fire jacking off.That’s the how the demon of masturbation got me.Ok your turn.
James 1:14-15 ESV
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
bb
5 teens? Was that your first homo experience? Nice story; short, sweet, and to the point. Hopefully, your magnificent display of courage will release the floodgates for others to cum forth. Well done!
I have just one question. Since you explained about the first time …. can you also give a quick rundown of the LAST time?
Good funny rant Stuckmaster,
My fave place was in the shower and the water covered up any noise you made.
Good article Stucky.
In just the last couple of years I’ve seen more daylight being brought on the lack of any medical reason for circumcision (which causes infant deaths every year, and a lot more who lose part or all of their penis), and just how fucking crazy Kellogg was.
Hilarious writeup.
Rovering…obviously not being done today with all the obesity – wonder what the kids do with all that extra time.
Honey Biscuits (the porn star) – never heard that name before. I do remember the Ivory Soap cutie.
“how stupid “science” was in that era” – possibly stupid then, but today they are not stupid; they just want power, fame, money, a job, and more moolah.
Everybody check your knuckles.
I sent the link out to email (why not share the info and humor), but I gave a Warning in the subject header.
Carlin was absolutely phenomenal. Am always impressed how people can even begin to think of the gems that are written – there are at least a few in the above.
I don’t know what you guys are talking about.
ummmmm, T4C
gimme an “S” !
gimme an “A” !
gimme an “R” !
gimme an “C” !
gimme an “A” !
gimme an “S” !
gimme an “M” !
What does it spell?
But, I suspect (hope) you knew that.
Brian
Funny shit. Now THOSE are the type of music vids Admin should be posting. Very nice harmony, and I understand the words .. and the concept. Thank yeeew.
T4C
No, you’re not! You might just be experiencing some temporary hysteria and out of control genitals. I happens to everybody.
I am glad to see that Stuck has stopped writing fluff. Finally getting into some serious scholarship.
OK, more Masturbation quotes!
“My job basically involves my masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, while at least once per day retiring to the men’s room to masturbate while I fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble hell.”
– Lester Burnham (DRUD would never share such a sentiment…as if)
“Did you letter in high school”
“I got the big M for Masturbation, my specialty was the double-overhand stroke.”
-Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis
“A recent pole revealed 97% of men masturbate regularly and and only 70% of women. The other 30% expect us to believe it takes that long to take a fucking bath!”
-Richard Jeni
And who could forget:
“You choke the chicken before any big date, don’t you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn’t flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That’s like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that’s why you’re nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you’ve had sex with a girl, and you’re lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you’re not, why?
It’s ’cause you ain’t got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will fuck you’re head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his load – now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you’re no longer trying to get laid, you’re actually… you’re thinking like a girl, and girls love that.”
– Chris Elliot, There’s Something About Mary
leading to, of course:
The first quote nicely fits my position on the masturbation issue…. in point of fact, I jerked it twice while I was trying to read this long-ass article on masturbation.
Stucky
I guarantee this will be your most famous post. I think you outdid yourself. It will remain in TBP hall of fame for quite some time.
I have never understood why all the hysteria about this particular activity. Perhaps you could do one of your famous research projects to find out where it began (the hysteria) and why.
Also, little did I know there could be so many imaginative and colorful euphemisms for a single English word.
Gayle
“Documented complaints of female hysteria date back to the 13th century. Doctors of that era understood that women had libidos and advised them to relieve their sexual frustration with dildos. In the 16th century, physicians told married hysterics to encourage their husbands’ lust. Unfortunately, that probably didn’t help too many wives because modern sexuality research clearly shows that only about 25 percent of women experience orgasm consistently from intercourse. Three-quarters of women need direct clitoral stimulation, and most intercourse doesn’t supply much. For hysteria unrelieved by husbandly lust, and for widows, and single and unhappily married women, doctors advised horseback riding, which, for some, provided enough clitoral stimulation to trigger orgasm. But riding provided many women little relief, and by the 17th century, dildos were less of an option because the arbiters of decency had succeeded in demonizing masturbation as “self-abuse.”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201303/hysteria-and-the-strange-history-vibrators
OR
You can watch the movie “Hysteria” … which is exactly about THAT.
Trailer
Link for full movie below … but you must sign-in to confirm your age
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0SinPIKmrs
oops … full movie here —-> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0SinPIKmrs
Help! which TBPer is this?
At one point the monkey wanks by stepping on his dick … which is an AUSTRALIAN term … so, I gotta go with Llpoh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=YPotQF67Mfk
“I experimented with masturbation a time or two, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t ejaculate, and never tried it again.”
– Bill Clinton
Someone looking for me………….how can I help you?
Silicon Valley- Kiko the monkey
I masturbated while reading this article! The picture of the fly fooking the little girl did it for me.
I’m working on a GMO article. It will get 2 comments. Both mine.
SSS says:
I’m working on a GMO article. It will get 2 comments. Both mine.
_________________________________________
You posted that morsel here because you are masturbating thinking about it?
lipoh Tribe.
now that’s funny.
Anyways I’ve always divided the world into two camps.
Those who masturbate
and those who lie about masturbating……..
Old and so confused, need to call my old friend Bruce, err Catlin, ad see how he/she dealt with these issues
Now that is the most entertaining (and truthful) article I have read in a coon’s age…. Yes, I said, “coon,” I guess it’s that racial thing i’m doing as I pet the panther…… lol man… the stories I could and would love to tell would fill volumes. Being Catholic, I too, kept checking knuckles daily and just accepted my failing grades as part of the doom to come my way… like the reality of hell as i’d be told over and over again would result. I will say, however, I never hair in the palm of my hands but did eventually have to get glasses in my mid 40’s so, yes, the fanning the friend did eventually take its toll. Without going into details, I vividly recall the first experience being quite uncomfortable and aside from the guilt, the pain assured me i’d never do it again…. yeah, right…. thanks for the great article…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0oDbfvy-l0
I think the war on flies was due to deaths other than influenza. They were due to dysentery caused by flies.
Until the introduction of Mexican foods around the 70’s, The American diet was pretty bland due to the prejudice that spicy foods led to hot temperaments. Sad to see it was true, Americans have tilted towards their neighbor in unsavory ways.
The sign says 98% of PROCURABLE women -> prostitutes.
Love R.Crumb cartoons, never read his bible illustrated..
The scoutmaster expressed his opinion that there was no lovelier sight than little boys in the state of undress. Lewis Carroll loved to photograph little girls al buffo, them not him.
Didn’t all this sexual repression coincide with the Victorian era? Franco so repressed his people that they broke out in a sexual awakening after his death.
Stuck, I once wrote a long comment entitled Your a fucking miracle, it didn’t go over well with the prudes on this site. Keep on stroking the long dong.
Reminds me of Old Sarge’s joke: A priest caught the young man jerkin the gerkin. You should save that for when you get married, he chided. A week later the young man proudly announced, I’ve got a bucket full.
An Army Sarge catches a recruit polishing his gun. You shouldn’t waste your ammo like that, he warns, someday you will find yourself shooting blanks. The recruit reacting quickly says, second chance! and swallows his load.
Back then ‘race’ referred to a species or creature; man as well as horses were referred to as a race. Therefore, the racial member would seem to be the procreative member.
Very nice sticky. (I typed stiucky and autocorrect changed it to that, so I figured id leave that one the way it is, seems appropriate given the subject…)
I came to this site intending to just skim over it to see if there was anything interesting going on, and I saw this, and ended up reading the longest fucking article in a long time, purely because I am such a juvenile even at age 30 and it mentioned jerking off so I couldn’t help myself…..kinda like actually jerking off. Sometimes you just can’t help it…
Greetings,
I was pleasantly surprised to see a snippet from Crumbs Illustrated Bible. I bought that book the moment it came out as I’ve always been a fan of his. It really is good work and I would recommend it to people of all beliefs. The article was great too, btw. Sometimes we really do need to liven it up here and stop being doomers. Not everything is bad.
Nickel Thrower , tell us about your first Jack off experience. I sure everyone would like to hear about it. Come on ,don’t be shy.