Officer Daniel McEwen
Greene County Police Department
Good afternoon, sir. Go ahead and roll your window all the way down for me. My name is Officer Daniel McEwen from the Greene County Police Department. Now, do you know why I’m pulling you over today, being overly aggressive, and charging you with a felony count of assaulting a police officer?
I’m going to need to see your driver’s license, vehicle registration, and proof of insurance. Thank you, sir. Now, just sit tight in your car while I take a look here and grow increasingly hostile. I’m just going to start addressing you in an unmistakably threatening tone that is specifically meant to intimidate and provoke, and then drastically escalate the situation so that it quickly gets out of hand.
Are you aware of the speed limit on this road, sir? It’s 35. I had you clocked at 52 miles per hour, which is why I had to stop you and exhibit a nakedly confrontational, antagonistic, and condescending attitude, practically daring you to challenge my authority in any way whatsoever. You can’t be driving that fast around here, so I’m going to have to write you a ticket and then violently place you under arrest the moment you do or say anything that isn’t in complete and utter compliance—or which could even be remotely construed as noncompliant—with every single instruction I give to you.
Do you understand all that, sir?
If you have any questions about this ticket, I’d be happy to wildly overreact to anything you say that shows the slightest hint of resentment, annoyance, or resistance. Really, while you have me here, I can easily interpret any snide remark or frustrated comment as a potential threat to my safety—even so much as an angry look—and respond in a disproportionately combative way by erupting in unwarranted rage, taking out either my 50,000-volt Taser or my handgun, and pointing it directly at you through the driver’s side window.
Now, I have to head back to my patrol car real quick, so please bear with me here for a few minutes. Then you can be on your way to jail in no time as soon as I come back and forcibly remove you from your vehicle, slam you into the asphalt, cuff you, and jam my knee into your back as I radio in that I need backup right away because you’re resisting arrest—all the while both outright ignoring your vocalized concerns for your safety and directing my own petty, barbed insults at you. Just so we’re on the same page here, you’ll be getting three points on your license for speeding and also assault charges that carry a minimum sentence of one year in prison, but you’ll be assumed guilty of both while I automatically receive the benefit of the doubt despite any and all evidence to the contrary.
You know what, why don’t you step out of the car, sir? And put that goddamn cell phone away.
More truth than fiction to this Onion article today, John
bluestem….your post is what everyone would realize.
I’ve had cops yell at me, once for getting out of my vehicle when he pulled me over. Why you are not allowed to not get out of your vehicle unless asked/ordered to do so may seem unreasonable but from an officer safety standpoint it does make sense. I just stood there as he screamed ‘who told you to get out of the vehicle’ but once he saw I wasn’t a threat he calmed down and started asking me if I saw the sign that said no U turn. I said no, I didn’t that I had been make a U turn here for years and the sign was freshly installed since yesterday.
The only other aggressive cop I met was when he was stopped in the right turn lane while I was trying to make a left turn. When he pulled me over for cutting him off I said “I thought you were being a nice guy and allowing me to make my left turn since you could turn right if the light changed. That got him going “Are you saying I’m not a nice guy?” to which I said ” I thought you were which is why I turned in front of you”. When he saw my newly minted Florida drivers license issued just a couple of hours before and all the moving boxed in the bed of my truck he let it slide.
I don’t doubt there are SOBs out there just looking for a confrontation but if you stay calm ( they have all the power) and respectfully comply with their orders you stand a good chance of getting off with a warning. Don’t know if that will work if you are heavily tattooed or dressed in hoodrat attire. The cops will probably want to search you and your car. May not be fair but cops know who is likely to have drugs, guns or warrants out for them.
I encountered a pair of cops like this in Las Vegas back in 2002, which was the last time I got pulled over. Those 2 cops were real assholes. And back then, I was a balding 50 year old white guy in a newer model car, not some street punk driving a heap of junk.
They wrote me up for failing to signal. I’d had to change lanes quickly because a couple of Latinos in the far left lane were driving an old van that obviously flunked a smog inspection at 25 mph in a 45 mph zone, and they were hard to see in the afternoon glare from the sun.
Needless to say, after that encounter, my view of the police changed.
One benefit of being a white female. Cops fall for the dumb blonde routine every time. Now that I’m old enough to be their mother I might have to modify my routine more toward the ditsy but kindly mother/grandmother routine. I’ll have to try that the next time I get pulled over.
@unit472
“but if you stay calm (they have all the power) and respectfully comply with their orders you stand a good chance of ” – making it to the gas chamber without them whacking you about the head and shoulders!
Wake up and smell the coffee sheep! Baa, Baa. You sound exactly like a “Judas Goat”. Don’t know what that is? Slaughter houses employ “Judas Goats” to lead the cows in. They follow the goat thinking everythings okay. The goat is rewarded and allowed to pass through, to go and do it again. While behind it…. Baa, Baa, Baa…
“Do You Know Why I’m Pulling You Over, Being Wildly Aggressive, And Charging You With Assault Today, Sir?”
Because you’re batshit crazy? But don’t worry, so am I, which is why I plan on visiting your house later tonight while you’re in bed sleeping ‘safely’ with your wife & kids.
I was going over 100 to see how fast/preform my new car would go on a long mostly quite stretch of highway.Flew past a patrol man who later pulled me over.Said did you know you were going over 100?He was a kind teddy bear.He said he understood,smiled,and asked me to please just go the speed limit, no ticket!The other four times I was pulled over only once ticketed.Police always kind to me.
OutLookingIn says:
“making it to the gas chamber without them whacking you about the head and shoulders! ” +”Wake up and smell the coffee sheep! Baa, Baa.”
Please record a video of you giving Johnny what fer on the roadside next time you pulled over. I’m sure it will be quite educational.