Guest Post by Matt Walsh
Our culture is very bad for boys. It’s bad for girls, too. It’s bad for everyone. But I think we fail to recognize and appreciate the unique struggles that boys face. Partly we fail to recognize it because we are too busy worrying about the Patriarchy’s persecution of women. Partly we fail to recognize it because, collectively, we just don’t care that much about boys. Partly we fail to recognize it because men are not as likely to talk about their own plight. And partly a man will not talk about it because everyone, even his fellow men, will only laugh at him and downplay the problem.
There are many factors at play, and they all lead to a pretty dire situation. Men are told about their privilege, but if you look at things honestly you will not see much evidence of this privilege. On the contrary, you will see several profound disadvantages suffered by men in general and boys in particular.
Here, I think, are the four biggest:
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1) Our culture preys relentlessly on a boy’s weaknesses.
Let’s imagine the world the average 13-year-old boy inhabits. He has long since been exposed to hardcore pornography, and probably watches it regularly. Then puberty hits. His hormones are going haywire. His brain is hardwiring itself to focus obsessively on sex. He cannot really help it. He is now fertile, even as the girls his age, for the most part, are not. He feels the biological impulse to go out and find a sexual partner, though he does not understand this urge and his conception of human sexuality has been perverted and confused by the porn habit he developed in sixth grade.
The boy cannot escape sex. It is all over his computer. All over his phone. All over social media. All over the TV. All over the music he listens to. He goes to school and his female classmates are dressed like strippers. He goes anywhere and that’s how the women are dressed. It seems that everyone is doing everything they can to make a degenerate and a creep out of him, even as they demand that he control himself. We ask for self-discipline and self-control from the boy while providing him with no tools to develop them. Rather than tools, we give him temptation. Non-stop temptation, everywhere he goes, all day, every day, right at the moment when his brain is least capable of overcoming it.
And even if the boy possesses the almost superhuman moral fortitude required to pursue chastity and purity in the midst of the sex-choked fog that engulfs him, he will only meet mockery and discouragement from our society. The very people who demand that he “respect women” and “control himself” will heap scorn on him if he tries to do exactly that. Again the boy will need to call upon his superhuman courage to ignore the jeers, just as he rejects the temptations, so that he can walk the path to virtue on his own, with no help from anyone.
Most boys do not have this courage. Most adults do not have it. Yet we expect of our boys a virtue that we do not possess and have never demonstrated.
2) There is a catastrophic lack of male role models.
17 million kids live in homes without fathers. In the black community, around 70 or 80% are fatherless.
Almost all kids have mothers. And they have mostly female teachers. They’re even more likely to have grandmothers than grandfathers, as men die significantly earlier. A girl will have no shortage of female role models, which is a fact worth celebrating. It’s also a profound advantage that many boys, with their “privilege,” do not enjoy.
Even the boys who have dads may not have male role models. Very often, despite the father’s physical presence, the mother is still the spiritual leader of the household. There are plenty of fathers who stick around but then refuse to take part in their children’s moral formation. They are warm bodies taking up space, and perhaps bringing home a paycheck, but they neither lead their families nor provide a worthwhile example to their sons.
If a boy wants to know how to be a man, he will have to depend on his mother to show him the ropes, or else he will turn on the TV and imitate whatever he sees on the screen. He will learn about masculinity from musicians and movie stars and superheroes. He will develop a hollow, cartoonish idea of manhood and he will become a hollow, cartoon man.
What else can we expect? It’s hard to be a good man nowadays. It’s nearly impossible if nobody has ever shown you how.
3) The eduction system is designed for girls.
There is a reason why girls outperform boys in school. Girls are not smarter, on average, but they have an easier time because the classroom is set up to reward the calm and organized demeanor more natural to them. Boys are more rambunctious; they have more physical energy; they are less able to sit still and less able to focus attentively on one dull task for a prolonged period of time. The typical classroom environment is torture for a boy. It penalizes him for being himself. It penalizes him for being a boy.
As a result, boys get lower grades. Boys are more likely to drop out. Boys are more likely to be expelled. Perhaps worst of all, boys are twice as likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. By high school, 20% of boys — 20% — are diagnosed. Yet we never stop to ask ourselves why boys are more susceptible to this mysterious mental condition. We never stop to consider that perhaps we are not so much diagnosing boys as we are diagnosing boyhood.
If the school system were not predicated on sitting still and memorizing things (and it need not be), there would be no ADHD. We have arbitrarily decided that every child must be the sort of child who thrives in that environment, even if we have to stuff pills in his mouth to force the issue. Girls are not drugged nearly as often because most of them are already the sort of people the school system prefers. The system may not prefer girls, but it does prefer people who have characteristics more common in girls, which is the same thing.
4) Masculinity is denigrated.
You might think we’ve already done enough to these boys. We’ve made our point. We’ve shoved sex in their face, deprived them of role models, and forced them into an education system that treats their personality as a disease. But we are not satisfied. Finally, in case any have survived the gauntlet, we attempt to bury them in self-loathing.
Femininity is attacked in our culture as well, but not nearly so explicitly or directly. Nobody would ever call femininity itself “toxic” or “fragile.” Nobody talks about female “privilege,” even though, as I have demonstrated, females enjoy many unique privileges. Nobody would label all women “dangerous” or “potential monsters to be feared.” These are the special denigrations reserved only for manhood.
This wouldn’t be so bad if not for the fact that boys are emerging from childhood already broken. They are in no condition to endure the anti-male onslaught. So, they will stay broken, and we will not acknowledge that they are broken, and we will not face the fact that we are the ones who broke them.
All true.. now what do we do about it? As long as we go along and continue to serve and provide our labor things will never change.
My wife and I are raising three boys to be men. We counter those issues cited by:
1) We unplugged from TV years ago, so no exposure to the oversexualized world there. We also strictly monitor what they see on the computer and limit their exposure to the rampant sexuality in the culture at large as well . And virtue training is part and parcel of our home life.
2)I make a conscious effort to provide a traditional male role model and we, as a family socialize with other families that do likewise. Plenty of maleness here, but as gentlemen.
3)Homeschool. I could elaborate for days on the benefits of the elimination of the disaster that public education has become. But I’ll just leave it at that. Homeschool.
4) Although the denigration of masculinity is prevalent in our sick culture, I don’t think my three boys have ever been exposed to it. We teach the dignity and respect due to women (which is part of true masculinity) and men both. We are teaching them how to live as dignified and honorable men with no reservations about their masculinity.
Unfortunately our efforts are all too rare.
Dirtscratcher, here’s one for you:
“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard.
Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass’;
‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply. ‘We’re raising boys.'”
Harmon Killebrew
Kick ass. Love it.
Boys have a lot going for them. Boys are about 4+ points smarter than girls in IQ, on average, because of their much greater ability at math, but they are much less talkative. So they get less attention from our superficial society. Except, in my experience, from teachers who have male children and understand the differences…
Your efforts are rare and I am sure meet with challenges by the soy boy nation attempting to make all boys girls with dicks and men into sensitive metrosexuals . Now the same system wants to and your good men off to war . Please don’t let them join this band of fools . Their lives are worth more !
Sounds like you have gone Amish . . . And I think there is a lot we can learn from the Amish.
I have no problem going to war just not for some flimsy half witted band of Washington circle jerks with nothing to back up a real reason to go to war ! Let Congress grow a pair and declare then and only the should we lock and load !
Dickscratcher , you are right .You are rare.Good luck.
Dickscratcher??????
That was hilarious.
I confess. You caught me! If my dick itches, I’m gonna scratch it. That’s part of manhood. I think Google or Facebook or something musta been spyin’ on me. I’m an ass scratcher too. But only my own (or my wife’s)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_ElBq8rbyI&t=4s
A HOLE FROM ABOVE WAS BB FROM BELOW.JUST SAYING.
“Only those who lack it use the adjective ‘excess’ in front of testosterone.”
-Dan Goodman
My remaining offspring in college regale me often of chilling stories about lost boys devoid of direction, integrity, and honor.
As a mentor for my county, I engage with other young men who never made it to campus, or didn’t last long there. Raised in daycares, on a diet of processed and fast food, juice boxes, and video games, they now experience their late teens and early twenties drug-addled and with spindly arms slightly thicker than their index fingers.
Then there are the tattooed, weightlifting warriors with angry attitudes and dead eyes who I hope to never meet in an alley on a dark night.
The damage, for the most part, is done.
The above article is an excellent, profoundly sad, and partial, explanation of how we got here.
Sometimes glimmers of hope are seen and other days it’s like being a middle-aged Holden Caulfield.
One more good reason for Vouchers, to provide parents choices of some schools with classes that cater more to males in methods and subjects. I went to public school before integration, half the day to Robert E Lee HS for English, History, Chemistry, Physics, Algebra, Geometry etc. Then to Jax Vo-Tech HS half the day where most guys took electronics, autobody/mechanics, welding, etc and girls took nutrition, nursing, home economics, etc; there were also academic classes like accounting, law, government etc that both took. The feminazi’s requirement that all boys sit quietly in a desk all day like slaves in Grammar schools and Jr High Schools is unnatural demonic hellish bull shit guaranteed to fail.
I get that you like the concept of vouchers. You mention them every time the opportunity arises. But please answer these simple questions:
1. When has money the government has stolen from everyone EVER been allowed to be used by folks WITHOUT STRINGS ATTACHED? My point being that while you BELIEVE that vouchers will allow parents to afford schools that teach the the way THEY wish, government will NOT allow those monies to be spend at schools that THEY do not approve of – meaning LOTS of conditions, regulations, requirements, etc.
2. How much will the voucher be for – the amount each parent PAID INTO THE SYSTEM via school taxes, or will it include monies that were STOLEN from everyone who owns property, whether they have children or not? And if its just the money each parent paid in, why not cut out the middle man and simply end the socialist/forced-based theft of monies from everyone and let everyone spend that money as they see fit?
3. Why is it so important to maintain the socialist funding mechanism and government control of ANY schools – given what abject failures they are?
1. Maybe never but base the Voucher money on a schools Standard Test Scores (3Rs) and not politics or religion. Right now, school tax money is mostly wasted. There will be local fights over what schools can get Voucher money and how much; some schools will win; and some will lose and will have to keep fighting. 2. That is another local issue for people to deal with. I’d cut Welfare and property taxes and make the maggots and schools do with less taxpayer money. 3. Socialist funding because most parents cannot afford a decent education for their kids and Christ knows they will never be capable of providing it but the kids need it. Socialism sucks but in the case of widows and children etc we have a God given obligation. Bless you my friend.
A new school that offers what YOU want, but has not yet turned out enough children to have a history of test scores, will NOT receive ANY voucher money under your suggested method. And I know that YOU would want things this way, but I can guarantee that when the bill goes through committees in your state legislature, the very things you want will be prominent on the list of things that will specifically be BANNED for any school taking voucher monies. Don’t get me wrong. I worked long and hard to help get enough signatures for California’s voucher initiative on the ballot in the 90s, only to watch it be gutted and shelved by lawyers, judges, and the parasites in the “education” community. Then I woke up and realized that government simply CANNOT be involved at all if freedom is to be restored to education.
What is wrong with individuals donating money to fund private scholarships to help out less fortunate kids? Would “god” approve more of a system in which everyone is forced, through threats of violence, to give to help their fellow man, or one in which people are provided the opportunity to freely help their fellow man….and their fellow man is tacitly aware of the voluntary assistance that is coming from their neighbors, etc. rather than treating the money they are receiving as an “entitlement” that damn well better NOT stop anytime soon??? Is the use of violence to achieve a goal REALLY something GOD would want?
And please explain where you got the “widows and children” line? My 80+ year old mother in law used to use that term when we would “discuss” Social Security (widows and orphans) was her line. If the ONLY people we helped out were those TRULY in financial need, that would be one thing (and would cost SO MUCH LESS), but the rich, middle class, and poor TAKE these monies in the “free” “education” that the socialist funding mechanism empowers.
I’m thinking of the parents that both work, want to get their kids out of the public system, pay property tax but can’t afford private school. Europeans get Voucher money and it works; poor working Americans get locked into public schools. Kids for a proposed school could be tested and those that passed the standard test be permitted to attend for 6 months and then test the school itself. Yes the Communistic Education System will fight every such school on every possible specious grounds. No I don’t consider it a sin to use taxpayer money for public schools or Vouchers at the present time. Private is better but most can’t afford it or their kids would not be in the public school. I propose low cost Learning Centers run by parents who receive Voucher money with the only strings that each kid passes an annual standard test and the school obeys the laws (ie, does not advocate polygamy, cutting heads off, insurrection, etc). Cutting off the rich from the public schools, social security, etc, is an issue other than Vouchers that you can have. We could discuss a lot more, especially since you have great experiences, but this is a rough way to do it. Your friend, RHS.
True enough that this forum isn’t the best. I think your heart is in all the right places, but your head isn’t, especially when it comes to the continuing participation of government in education (even if only to take the money from everyone). And you seem to be ignoring my concept of private fully voluntary scholarships that anyone and everyone could donate to support, that would offset costs of fully independent private alternatives. Or do you believe that people only give when forced?? Because each charity could have their own requirements. I certainly don’t support government-managed scholarships anymore than I support government involvement one bit.
My parents were not rich by any means. They cut back, both worked, and put me in private schools all the way until college. When my father left and then passed away, my mother managed on her own, and because of my hard work, I got a scholarship at the school I was attending. There are ways, and knowing what my mother was going through made me study that much harder and APPRECIATE all that I was being given.
“FREE,” however that is achieved, is valued at $0.00….and that also is at the root of the problem. Take care.
Last comment for now, OK? Glad to say, you don’t know poor or you wouldn’t keep talking about paying your own way. Poor as I know it can’t pay their own way, they can’t cut back because everything is already cut to the bone, and nobody can help because everybody is poor too. There are no family or friends with any money to spare. Nobody can donate anything. If there was a spare dollar, i’d go to bills, food, house or car repair, etc. It’s the public school for the poor or nothing. That’s why I go to Vouchers, the only source of education money for the REALLY poor. Yes I hate the taxes that take money from poor Whites and give it to better off Welfare Maggots who seem to have access to many kinds of assistance. Yes we should avoid all godless government socialist programs, even public schools and vouchers if possible. Many poor kids see the hell their parent(s) exist in and study to go to college to escape. Vouchers exist for the minorities in failed schools; let’s demand them for all children that want out and are smart enough to meet admission standards in a private school that will accept them. If my boat comes in while I’m still alive, I will create a low cost Learning Center as a model for others and I will be a crusader for some of that donated money, you betcha. See ya next school article that comes along Mr Liberty. Vaya con Dios.
Men are a team and women aren’t on it!
Great topic, things that are destroying boys.
A question to ask also, is why, and, is this a recent phenomena.
J. M. Barrie touched on it over a hundred years ago, in the first of his books on Peter Pan, oddly enough.
Barrie explained about the “lost boys” in this way.
During the days, the mothers or perhaps it was the “nannies” would put the babies in the prams, and go walking in the park, maybe it was Kensington Gardens. The ladies would be pushing the prams through the park, gaily talking and gossiping with each other, and on occasion a baby would fall out of the pram.
If it was a girl baby that fell out, it was noticed right away, and the mother would stop, and pick the little girl up, put her back in the pram, and then continue on.
However, When a boy baby fell out of a pram, no one noticed. Ever.
Not even when the mother got home. No one noticed the boy was gone.
What happened to the boy?
Ah, yes, he turned into one of the “lost boys” in the Peter Pan story.
Perhaps J. M. Barrie was aware over a hundred years ago, and maybe it has gotten worse, who knows, that our society doesn’t care so much about boys.
Need another example?
Back when we were raising children, we would occasionally go to a children’s clothing store. At that time, it was 80% girls clothes, 20% for boys.
Showing that our society put much more value on little girls than little boys.
I wonder what caused this…
The meat starts a few minutes into the video, after Emma Waston finishes demonstrating her intellectual deficiencies.
[Bonus – Tucker Carlson narration]
Has to be the best condensed version of the problem I’ve ever read.
I knew a girl in college who was pretty cute, but she had a way of flirting that had all the guys happily bending over backwards for her. The catch was that she only “dated” black guys. When asked why, she said that black guys have a “confidence” or “swagger” that white guys didn’t. So, I think this article is pretty much on target, with one clarification: it’s primarily *white* boys who are being emasculated by our schools and media.
The future is quite predictable, history is replete with examples to observe.
The strong rise up and conquer the weak and rule over them.
A Darwinian sort of thing, the strong survive and the weak become extinct, survival of the fittest as such.
My father had some major problems. Depression(which I inherited) and paranoia.
However, he still made time to get me out of the house and do things. He started taking me to Little League games to spark some interest. The next year I played in the Perth Amboy farm system prior to playing organized baseball.
He’d drop me off at 8AM went to work, practice ended at 12 noon and I walked 6 blocks to my grandmothers house at age 9 and he picked me up at 4 after work.
I played Little league for 3 years, Babe Ruth league and then High School varsity for 3 years , after work he was one of the 10 or so fans watching the game.
I worked part time in school, making enough money to buy a 1965 Rambler American station wagon. Dad said it was a good choice because it was spacious enough to get laid in.
After my games he’d bring out some Horlacher Beer and shared some. The legal drinking age in our 900 sq. ft. estate was 14. Staring with Little League I never got a ride anywhere. I walked or road my bike. Mom didn’t drive and dad worked, so i provided my own transport. Kids walked or biked everywhere then.
Today I see a bunch of pussy high school boys getting off a school bus, parents with suvs waiting to drive them 2 or 3 blocks home. Makes me cringe.
Dad had his problems, but he and my mom stayed together and raised 3 good kids now in their 60’s
Jordan Peterson how not to become Peter Pan:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGGIN3nQ5kQ
Bob.
So we have 100% agreement and consensus by all commenters (to the point of this writing). I conclude that the deeper source of the problem is the profound failure of women to value manhood. This is seen first in the tone and tenor of marriage, then in the destruction of those marriages. Everything else is a consequence of that. Reversing course requires that women embrace the value of men. I believe that must be our collective first focus. I suspect that when women truly value men, men will necessarily rise up. If that never happens, men will separate themselves.
Interesting thread on the subject
As a male teacher, I see this idiocy daily. I also stay far away from the liberal teachers of any kind. They’re always looking for something to report to try to get you fired or “written up”, especially if you are better than them at your job or don’t agree with their intolerant politics.
But, as I’ve said before, it’s liberal white women and their worthless degrees who are the main destroyer of schools, the family, etc. They are morally degrading society the more they get power.
They are terrorists as they are just as fanatical as any crazy jihadist their in belief in radical feminism, cultural Marxist ideology, and moral relativism .
They are “female supremacists”.
is it supposed to be ironic that you have ads showing scantily clad women and some images that are practically porn being used to garner clicks for advertisers? looks like you and every other website is part of the problem.
Blow me.