‘Give childhood back to kids so that they do what they most need to do, which is develop the skills of being an independent adult. Remember that the job of a parent is to work him or herself out of a job.’
That’s author and NYU professor Jonathan Haidt talking to the Big Think blog about how parenting changed [for the worse] in the 1990s and where exactly he believes we took a wrong turn when it comes to raising our children.
He says that when he toured the country to promote his book, “The Coddling of the American Mind,” he would always ask audiences the age when their parents allowed them to go outside and play without supervision.
The over-40 set would invariably answer between 5 years old and 8 eight years old. The under-25 group would say 12 to 16. Yes, 16 years old.
“In the 1990s, as the crime rate was plummeting, as American life was getting safer and safer, Americans freaked out and thought that if they take their eyes off their children the children will be abducted,” Haidt said. “It’s not until the 1990s that we really start locking kids up and saying you cannot be outside until you’re 14 or 15.”
He contends that such overprotective measures stunted a generation of children’s growth and kept them from practicing independence at a crucial stage.
“They’re just not used to being independent,” Haidt said. “When they get to college they need more help, they’re asking adults for more help. “’Protect me from this. Punish him for saying that. Protect me from that book.’”
Among other factors, he also blames social media for impacting modern childhood.
“They spend a lot less time going out with friends, they don’t get a drivers license as often, they don’t drink as much, they don’t go out on dates, they don’t work for money as much,” he explained. “What are they doing? They’re spending a lot more time sitting on their beds with their devices interacting that way.”
Haidt says kids should be limited to two hours a day on social media.
Listen to his full take on overparenting:
Haidt, along with co-author Greg Lukianoff, published the book in July, after they wrote an article with the same name that went viral for the Atlantic in 2015.
The crux of that piece is that college campuses, by attempting to shield students from words and ideas deemed to be offensive, actually interfere with their growth and ability to get along with each other, while potentially affecting their mental health.
Haidt and Lukianoff wrapped up the 2015 article with this quote from Thomas Jefferson, upon the founding of the University of Virginia:
This institution will be based on the illimitable freedom of the human mind. For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.
“We believe that this is still — and will always be — the best attitude for American universities,” the authors wrote. “Faculty, administrators, students, and the federal government all have a role to play in restoring universities to their historic mission.”
“Zero Tolerance” did my kid in.
A fistfight after school got him expelled to an “alternative” school, where he interacted with the worst nigger/beaner trash that society could produce.
If I ever meet that principal on the street, I’ll shove him and his wheelchair in front of a speeding truck.
When I was a kid, the coaches allowed you to fight it out until you ran out of gas.
And there weren’t any school shootings!
Your comment suggests your kid was at a disadvantage from the get go.
And yours suggests you are ok with typical adolescent behavior being criminalized.
The Petaluma kidnapping (from bedroom slumber party with mom in next room) and murder of Polly Klauss was it for me.
My child was 2 at the time and this marked many parents.
Didn’t let her out of our site (rural area) until she was 11 or 12.
It’s not always the parents errant behavior – many maniacs out there.
Just read the murderers rap sheet. Holy cow, the US sure is light on criminals.
Well, today you can get arrested in some areas for letting your kids walk a few blocks to school, so you can’t blame some parents for micromanaging. Maybe if mental institutions were brought back there wouldn’t be all these “maniacs” out there.
I’ve been criticized by friends for NOT micro-managing our kid’s lives. I suggest we do them a disservice by not allowing them to take some risks and make some mistakes. There’s a dangerous world out there, and they will be ill-equiped to handle it if every social encounter is at a play-date or soccer league with mommy & daddy cheering from the sidelines.
Me too. Even had parents demanding I ‘talk to the coach’ or whatever to right a wrong. Nope, he/she can deal with the issue themselves. Even had coaches/teachers demanding that ‘I’ do something about x. Nope, you deal with my son/daughter about it, I will not. Never did, even in some tough situations.
I did go to the principle the first time, when my son defended one of his friends, and your not allowed to ‘punch back’ anymore……. hahaha. I told the principle, don’t ever call me again, you can deal with him directly. 5+ more times and I never got a call. He had to learn how to defend himself against ridiculous new PC rules, and he did good, eventually.
They both ended up being captains of their teams. Was tough too, dealing with team problems, etc…. I never gave them an answer either. Made them think it through with some debate. And they made mistakes and dealt with the consequences.
Who knows if my ways are right or not, we’ll see.
I big issue I see is the mother taking control of raising the kids and will not allow the father to interject. And a large majority of them do not want their kids to see or deal with any adversity. I believe the kids need to see both mothers and fathers viewpoint. My wife agreed, even though it was/is hard sometimes.
There are many things that “frighten” us. However, if one looks, critically, at what has taken place, our children took a serious turn for the worse when the “Legal System” told them that should a parent raise their hand to them the child should call the “Police”. This, nearly overnight, forced the parent into the role of “best friend”. At this point, children started to commit suicide, and kill each other. The age of majority is arbitrarily set at 18 y/o. Real adults are more likely to appear around age 25-30 y/o and some will never show up. There will be some that are more adult-like at 16 y/0. Taking “Parenting” away from parents was a serious mistake. Before this happened children were NOT being killed or permanently damaged like they were when “Law Enforcement” took that task away from those best suited to do the job. I am sure there will be suggestions of disasters that occurred when parents were parenting but that only becomes valid when compared with what happens when those that care the most are removed from the equation.
Good point.
Agree Xring. Among other ‘changes’ as well.
My young adults say ‘but i’m an adult now…………’
aaahhh, no your not. When you completely stop sucking on our tiets, then you can claim adulthood.
Oh the joy of being DINK.
It’s really good for the rest of us, too. Thank you for not passing your genes on to another generation you self absorbed tool.
Let’s be honest here. What did kids in was the removal of the father from the home. You can blame feminists for part of it but you also have to blame men who breed and then don’t live up to their obligations.
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bethbaumann/2018/11/21/toms-shoe-company-donated-a-whopping-5-million-to-various-gun-control-groups-n2536321?fbclid=IwAR1mht2N8OGY3fHDyTzBWdchq0HFKbPTuOmtg-oYjaq7qyA2HOVe9CAfGxY
The fault is not in our stars but in ourselves. Let’s face it, we, as men, for several generations, failed. Men went soft. We bent over for women, minorities, pussies, Commies and perverts of every sort. Our ancestors went West as long as they could to get away but after that was no longer an option, we began to put up with more and more usurpations in name of civilization.
Now it would take a level of violence practically unknown and unthinkable to most people. I struggle to see how we, as real men, will survive.
A judge is actually siding with a mother who wants to do a sex change on a 6 year old boy against the wishes of the divorced father. This is madness !
Somebody needs to feel the lash.
“The Fourth Turning” and “Generations” explain this over-parenting situation. It’s a pendulum that swings back and forth between over protection and very little supervision, just as the generations change on how they view everything. Before long, we’ll see unsupervised kids all over the place. It’s the next aspect of the pendulum swing.
hmmmm, I hope they’re right. Thx.