U.S.—Liberals across the country are pinning all their hopes and wildest dreams on the testimony of a lone, sleazy attorney, sources confirmed Wednesday.
As Michael Cohen arrived to give his testimony before the House, Democrats all over the nation said a prayer to no one in particular that the completely unreliable testimony of a sleazeball lawyer would singlehandedly bring down the Trump presidency, causing the nation to instantly transform into a progressive utopia with free healthcare, college, and cell phones for all.
“I just really need this,” said one woman in Portland, Oregon. “It’s been a really tough couple years for me under the Trump Reich. I mean, I am making more money than I was before, and I have more full-time employment opportunities, but that’s literally oppression because Trump.”
Various Twitter accounts with blue checkmarks excitedly tweeted that the suspect testimony of a lone lawyer who until recently associated with the “orange man” they hate so much would bring his whole presidency crashing to the ground.
At publishing time, the nation’s conservatives had announced they would be pinning all their hopes and dreams on the moral character of their president, who until recently associated with the sleazy lawyer.
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Cohen can’t be a bad guy, he is a nice little jewish boy.Right?
I believe he is a Jewish cocksucker.
Just over his right shoulder, is that Kamala?
And in other news Hillary slipped over to the Oval Office and gave Cohen a bj.
No way she would not even oblige Bill with her foul Lips.
I thought the ‘Babylon bee’ was satirical.
annuit coeptis novus ordo seclorum- what part was satirical?
Don’t laugh. The Democrat House members were literally drooling over the testimony of The Man From Queens’ former personal lawyer. The Black House members even made quite a noise about the president being RAYCISS.
Impeachment is coming to the door of the current occupant of the White House, although, like Bill “I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewisky” Clinton, he shall not be convicted. (I think)
Michael Cohen’s roasting before the Congress shall go down in history as possibly the actual nadir of the U.S.A.
Peq.
Democrats doing what they do best….wasting tax payer money.
And licking Black ass for votes.
If I was Trump I would sue the shithead for all he has and request his time in jail be extended for 50 years due to false testimony and disparaging lies against a sitting President.
Cohen had a Mueller gun at his head and is stupid enough to believe that if he cooperated and said any and all things bad about Trump that he’d get a reduced sentence. Silly man. The democrats are beyond help at this point, they’ve become the party of Satan with their determination to destroy babies both inside and outside of the womb. They belong in Screwtape’s letters to Wormword, they are that evil and bereft of humanity.
This whole thing stinks to HIGH HEAVEN on all sides …
First, the govt raids Cohen’s office and (assumed) gets some ‘smoking guns’on Trump … which in my ham and egg understanding of the law … should be protected by attorney-client privilege … and in the process, gets other goods on Cohen because of other tangential infractions discovered (probably NOT related to Trump at all), that can put Cohen in the klink.
They put pressure on Cohen to sing like a canary … and then he comes out today sounding like AOC, espousing the Demonrat Company line that Trump is a racist autocrat and now Cohen is doing this because he is “worried about Trump being in power.”
Meanwhile, Cohen collected (I would suspect) MILLIONS of $$$$ in fees from Trump over the course of decades? If he had such problems with Trump, why would he work for him for decades????? … Simple, he’s a greedy piece of shit.
How can’t people see through this shit-show??