Guest Post by Simon Black
Are you ready for this week’s absurdity? Here’s our Friday roll-up of the most ridiculous stories from around the world that are threats to your liberty, your finances and your prosperity.
Singapore officially bans ‘fake’ news
Singapore is great for a lot of things– banking, business, trade, etc. But it ranks rather poorly for civil liberties.
Case in point: a new law intended to stop fake news came into effect in Singapore this month; the law will force social media platforms to remove any content that’s deemed contrary to the government’s opinion.
Singapore defines fake news as anything that is disruptive to the “tranquility of the nation”, and to that of its friendly allies. And failure to comply with the law can now land you in prison for ten years.
You can read the full article by clicking here.
China’s “Study the Great Nation” app spies on its users
Speaking of information control, Chinese authoritarianism just got even worse.
China’s government recently released an app called “Study the Great Nation”, which pushes government-sponsored news and information to Chinese citizens.
It also features quizzes to learn about President Xi Jinping.
The Chinese government has not only promoted the app, but made it mandatory for government workers to sign in and use the app daily.
Some corporations are requiring this as well of their own employees.
And now a German cybersecurity company discovered the app has a back door, enabling Chinese authorities to spy on the app’s 100 million users.
Should we be surprised?
Ontario dentist loses his license after treating his wife
In the Canadian province of Ontario, it’s considered professional misconduct if a dentist has “sexually abused a patient.”
According to the Regulated Health Professions Act, sexual abuse includes any sexual intercourse or other types of sexual relations.
Consent is irrelevant. Any sexual contact is considered abuse. But the strange thing here is that the definition of ‘patient’ includes a spouse.
So when an Ontario dentist treated his wife’s teeth, he was stripped of his license to practice (the government obviously assumed that the dentist and his wife are sexually active…)
This is another blatant example of how stupid, outdated regulations cripple small business owners.
You can read the full story by clicking here.
Sex robots have rights too…
And speaking of sexual consent… take a deep breath.
Last month a pair of university professors published a paper advocating for ‘virtual sex robots’ who should have to provide consent before engaging in intimate acts with their owners.
I’ll pause for a moment, because you might be thinking, ‘What? Sex robots?’ Yes. That’s a thing. Brave new world, I know.
But what’s also a thing is ultra-woke university professors who believe that the world’s most critical challenges include the rights of sex robots.
In their paper, the professors suggest that sex robots should be equipped with a “consent-module”, so that a robot could refuse sex, you know, in case it has a headache.
They further suggest that this approach could “support the cultivation of compassion when used in supervised, therapeutic scenarios.”
I can only imagine the thrill of robot sex under the watchful supervision of bureaucrats and academics…
You can read the full story by clicking here.
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Soon the robots will have the right to vote.
Talk about stuffing the ballot box.
Nobody beats a dirty old man for filthy comments, that was a double whammy! Must be Friday.
No, no. The robots will get the right to have the Democrat establishment vote on the behalf of the robots.
Hey … illegals vote, why not sex bots?
Now government will assume the role of madam. But it’s natural for an old whore to become a brothel keeper.
Okay, I don’t know if about you, but this is a perfect setup for a joke. See if you don’t agree.
How ugly was that guy?
He was so ugly that the sex robot he purchased turned him down.
Remember the old “if I had a dog that looked like you I’d shave his ass and walk him backwards?”Me neither. Then there was ‘You’re ugly and your Mama dresses you funny.”
How about some Joan Rivers:
I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
I was born in 1962 … and the room next to me was 1963.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware.
My vagina is like Newark. Men know it’s there, but they don’t want to visit.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp.
I wish I had a twin so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.
My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head.
When I was born, my mother asked the doctor, “Will she live?” He said, “Only if you take your foot off her throat.”
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Don’t talk to me about Valentine’s Day. At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
I was the only Jewish kid in a Catholic neighborhood. They all did Hail Marys, I did Hail Murrays.
You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, “Melissa, you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.”
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, “The man goes on top and the woman underneath.” For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Princess Diana and the Queen are driving down the lane when their car is forced off the road by masked thieves. “Out of the car and hand over your jewels.” After the thieves rob them and steal their car, Diana begins to put her earrings, necklace, and rings back on. “Wherever did you hide those,” demanded the Queen. “Where do you think?” asked Diana. “Pity Margaret wasn’t here,” said the Queen. “We could have saved the Bentley.”
I was so ugly that they sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not and he sent it back and said, “I don’t believe it.”
California is druggy, druggy, druggy. If it is white and it is on the table, they are gonna sniff it. I have a friend who O.D.ed in the beauty shop on dandruff.
The women in California, they get scared. A guy flashes you, they go to the police, “He’s flashing! He’s flashing!” In New York, a guy flashes you, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss.
Don’t you hate McDonald’s? I heard you can’t get a job there unless you have a skin condition.
Stevie Wonder, that poor son of a bitch. Who’s going to tell him he’s wearing a macramé plant holder on his head?
When the rabbi said, “Do you take this man,” 14 guys said, “She has.” My husband bought the horseback-riding story, thank God.
Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.
Elizabeth Taylor is so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
If Kate Winslet had dropped a few pounds, the Titanic would never have sunk.
You want to get Cindy Crawford confused? Ask her to spell mom backwards.
I was so flat, I used to put Xs on my chest and write, “You are here.” I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
I blame myself for David Gest. It was me who told Liza Minnelli to find herself a man who wouldn’t sleep with other women.
The whole Michael Jackson thing was my fault. I told him to date only 28-year-olds. Who knew he would find 20 of them?
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
And since we’re all adults here, let’s be brutally honest — most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they’re weird and freakish-looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed together, kind of like Renée Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.
The most beautiful women in the world are always the dumbest. The most beautiful woman in the whole world, Bo Derek … This woman is an idiot. She studies for her Pap test.
I was dating a proctologist with a sense of humor. We’d go out for drinks, he’d go, “Bottoms up.”
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
I was dating a football player. He was so dumb. The man could not count to 21 unless he was naked.
Did you hear Tom Cruise just had a baby? He was there when it was born … He should have been there when it was conceived.
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I saw my first porno film recently. It was a Jewish porno film — one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.
Not all plastic surgeons are good. My cousin went to one and told him she wanted to turn back the hands of time. Now she has a face that could stop a clock.
Everybody talks about multiple orgasm. Multiple orgasm — I’m lucky if both sides of my toaster pop.
Madonna has just lost 30 pounds — she shaved her legs.
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
The one thing women do not want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Want to know why women don’t blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Okay, Big Red (and you gotta know I defended your right to limitt WHO calls you Big Red to Coyote)…
How much is yours and how much Joan?
Next thing you know they will be entitled to half of your shit too.
Man, I gotta get me one of those….
Bet she’ll never complain of having a headache…
Government has to go.