SACRED LAND—Elizabeth Warren revealed today that when she becomes president she will bring global warming to an end within five minutes. How would she do it? A simple rain dance, Warren claims.
The dance—one of many ritual dances Warren has known since childhood—begins with the lighting of a small fire. Warren then dances around the fire for about five minutes, and boom, global warming is over—forever.
“I start by giving ’em one of these right here,” Warren said, raising her hands to the sky while jogging in place. “Then I glide around this fire here, see how I’m moving so swiftly from left to right as I do it? Yeah, that’s it.”
Warren began to sweat a little, but that didn’t seem to phase her. She did, however, end the dance about a minute early. Warren’s aide—a young white man—told us if she were to complete the dance there would be no point in voting for her because global warming would cease right there and then. This would deem her, once again, irrelevant.
Warren told us once she completed the dance, spirits would awaken to the sound of her shaman’s rattle. The spirits would then descend from the sky and go scalp every conservative on Earth. Warren claimed she would personally scalp evil fascist Republican Donald Trump. “That should do the trick,” Warren said with a smile.
It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
-----------------------------------------------------
To donate via Stripe, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------
Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
you read stories like this, and parse every sentence, wondering if it’s actually true … sometimes it’s hard to tell ….
The only way she could make a difference in the climate with a dance is if she did the dancing “nekked”. This would surely and swiftly clear the area for mile around from any sort of pollution of any kind. But now that I have had this thought pass through my mind, I am afraid I shall now have to dance around until I can jog it from my memory. Or until I fall off a cliff or in front of a big truck.
No….princess please don’t. We’ve all had enough of your bullsh*t for a lifetime……