NEW YORK, NY—Moments after Mike Bloomberg announced he was suspending his campaign, the Bloomberg campaign office was filled with inconsolable mourners, who were compensated handsomely.
“No, Mike, don’t drop out — please!” screamed one woman as she sobbed uncontrollably for the nice sum of $2,500. “We need you! America needs you! We love you, Mike!”
One mourner was seen rolling around on the ground screaming. Another was quieter and more reflective, as he was only paid $50. A high-ranking campaign staffer was reportedly paid over $50,000 to commit seppuku to restore honor to his name after failing the great Mike Bloomberg.
To end the memorial for his campaign, Bloomberg pulled out the world’s tiniest violin and played a somber tune, though it was just a normal-sized violin in comparison with him (because he is small).
“Now that I’m done, I guess I’ll go to Disneyland,” Bloomberg joked, although he probably won’t have much fun at Disneyland since he cannot ride most of the attractions (again, the height thing).
It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
-----------------------------------------------------
To donate via Stripe, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------
Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
This prolly would be a mo’ ‘propriater sit’ation for the former mayor of Noo Yawk’s campain.
Lawd hab moysee.
And to think White peepo are on the hook to keep these untermenschen on Welfare.
Filthy, low-I.Q. savages.
Almost wet myself. Awesome
I think the only important question to ask here is who’s the cute redhead in the picture?
She’ll be in the Friday Fail….don’t worry.
Pretty sure he coulda got a cardboard time machine for much less than the half a billion he paid to muck it up for Bernie.
Aaaaand Lotho Pimple returns to Sackville on the Hudson.