What is a woman? Nobody knows—not even Supreme Court nominees. But we’ve come up with a few key indicators to look for. Run through this list and keep track of how many “yes” answers you come up with. The more affirmatives, the more likely you’re a chick!
1. Are you always cold?
2. Has a human ever popped out of you?
3. Have you ever decorated a bed with six or more pillows?
4. Can you tell the difference between cream white and rustic farmhouse white?
5. Have you run into a curb in the past 24 hours? Be honest, CAROL.
6. DO YOU BLEED? Like, for an extended period of time at regular intervals?
7. Does it take you over three hours to decide what you want to eat?
8. Are you currently a member of at least three pyramid schemes?
9. Do you find simple movie plots hard to follow?
10. Do you frequently describe your emotional state as “fine” when you are not in fact fine?
11. Is your Starbucks drink order anything other than black coffee?
12. Do you have two X chromosomes?
Tally up your number of “Yes” answers and consult this chart:
0-2: There’s a small chance you’re a dude, bro.
3-5: We’re getting some real feminine vibes here.
6-8: Starting to look kinda likely that you’re probably a woman.
9-11: Definitely a woman.
12: You are the final boss of women. Congrats!
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Apparently, I’m doing to bare minimum because this survey doesn’t cover winos who wear yoga pants to the grocery store.
You gals need to bring back CURLERS in the hair at the grocery store!!!
I miss those days. Back when there where ashtrays in every aisle.
Bleeding is just rayciss.
Not to gross people out, but post-op “trans women” never stop bleeding. They have a gap wound which is their inside-out penis (faux vagina) and they need to keep it from healing over. I read that somewhere.
Another thing I didn’t need to know…Thanks, Iska. (:~)
yep, that’s hard to un-remember.
Yeah, I couldn’t stop reading it either.
That is way gross… much more so than the Alice Cooper song I posted.
You lose you medical license for prescribing Ivermectin for “covid,” but you don’t lose your medical license for performing inside-out penis (faux vagina) surgery.
Got it.
I regret my original post.
I apologize to all.
If it’s too sick for Joe you know THE LINE has been CROSSED!!!
I see a striking resemblance to Arsenio Hall in drag, Judge.
We might have to put her to the Crocodile Dundee grope test, to ascertain.
I believe the correct answer is “sir, I am not ‘suicidal’ so I am not going to answer that question truthfully.”
As was clearly stated in the movie :Kindergarten Kop….
A woman has a Vagina, a Man has a Penis…
Easy. Remain standing and pull your pants away from your waist a couple of inches and look down. If you don’t see anything-you’re a girl
All I see is hairy belly.
How many times does it need to be said?
STOP focusing on the genitals. Thousands of butchers pretending to be doctors, will happily mutilate a man or a woman in some Frankenstein attempt to fashion external genitalia that look like those of the opposite sex. If William Thomas had had his genitals mutilated, HE would still have won the NCAA swimming competition as a cheater. Mutilation surgery does NOT change anything and by throwing out these flippant statements, you simply play into their twisted vision of reality. It is wrong to allow men to compete against women, and no less wrong to allow them once they have been mutilated. In fact, putting the focus on that might even encourage MORE folks to rush into undergoing such surgeries all because that is the bar they must pass. XX=female, XY=male. Period.
It was a joke.
But far too many see that as the distinction. Much like using the term “trans,” it simply plays into their version of “reality.”
Or, if you don’t trust your own judgement—pull pants down. if a crowd gathers you’re likely a girl; if they call the cops, you’re definitely a guy.
Location, location, location being KEY.
Try that shit in San Fran or Austin and results may vary.
Remain standing and pull your pants away from your waist a couple of inches and look down. If you don’t see anything-you’re a girl
I see a Glock.
I must be a dude.
Thanks for clearing that up.
Hmmm…I’m not sure I’m a woman?? 🤔
😊😘
Not that thread again.
😂 Svarga…somebody’s gotta have some fun around here.
Well, they obviously didn’t get the room yet, AP is falling down on the job here. Tsk.
Dr. Seymour Cervix, at your service.
Giddy-up and heels in the stirrups.
Chivalry is not dead!
Wanted to be a gynecologist myself for purely altruistic reasons. Did ok with the course requirements…until we got to the practicals. Fingers were too short.
Do you love money & material possessions more than people???
Does your bathroom counter top look like you are having a garage sale???
Do you have a sea shore on top of the water closet??? (Jeff Foxworthy)
Does looking at a map give you a migraine headache??? (Jeff Foxworthy)
When you take a long road trip with your husband is your main job to control the cars heating and air conditioning controls??? (Jeff Foxworthy again!!!)
When riding in the car, do you feel the urge to issue turn by turn instructions, even on the same route the driver takes multiple times a week?
Ever notice the default GPS voice is always a woman?
To be fair, “have you ever bled?” might be more appropriate to catch the post-menopausal WOMEN.
And my wife goes into Starbucks and orders black coffee. That is all she has EVER drank….other than my wonderful Irish Coffees. She is also smart enough not to waste her own money at Starbucks, but sometimes folks give her gift cards there.
And one more….”have you ever voted for a political candidate because he/she made you feel ‘safe’ or was ‘good looking?'” My wife, very much a woman, knows far better than to do anything as stupid as that….unless of course the candidate promised to make everyone feel safer by slashing government power to the bone….but that is not what I implied in my original question.
Does she have a sister?
3 actually. Not one of them is worth a minute of anyone’s time. She was an “accident” and 9 years younger than her closest brother (6 total). By the time she was born, her parents were pretty much done with raising infants, so her upbringing was completely different than all the rest. No Catholic school (actually a reasonably decent public school in a city filled with Asians and Engineers – so a great peer group), and the ability to be a lot more independent (pretty much had to be. The best thing that happened to her was meeting me though as I probably swayed her more politically and philosophically than anything else she was exposed to.
Isn’t every person part of multiple pyramid schemes these days?
SS, Medicare, Federal Reserve Notes, Bank Savings Accounts, the Stock Market, 401(k)s, etc……. Good point.
Made the mistake of going ‘shoe shopping’ with the old lady yesterday…………
I feel for ya, Vegas.
Imelda Marcos had NUTHIN’ on my old lady.
Moar pairs of shoes than a Nike warehouse.
If she could, she’d be a centipede, just to show ’em all off simultaneously.
And bunions………..Lord, to die for.
Some fugly hoofs, I tell ya.
LOL… I hire the young lady over the yonder to come clean my house for twenty dollars worth of cleaning (that’s what I tell her and if I think she’s done more, she gets a bonus.)
Her bonus one week was all of my old shoes and boots from working years.
So… of course, I had to go and buy a few more pairs for my post-working years. Nick doesn’t say “boo” about it.
2. Has a human ever popped out of you?
Best line ever!
Just go to your personal library: 1. Have you read more than 200 self-help books on various topics ? (exclusive of: 2.
more than 50 diet and nutritional books? and 3. Cookbooks, more than 100? and 4. more than 25 volumes on de-cluttering or dis-hoarding?
If there is still any doubt, here are the final tie-breakers: 1. Do you save lots of money by shopping? and 2. Is your family broke because of all the money you saved by shopping?
The more ya spend the more ya save!
13. Do you allow a man to open the door for you?
I’m sorry but there is really only one sign…I don’t mean to be crass…but it is a pussy….pussycat….I mean.