Tag: flatulence

THE GREAT PHILLY “FART IN” TO PROTEST HILLARY’S FLATULENCE OF THE MOUTH

I’m so sad I’ll be in Colorado during the Philly Democratic National Convention freak show of FSA army members, Black Thugs Matters activists, feminist freaks, trannies, and assorted other nutjobs. But I’m really upset that I’ll miss the great Hillary Fart In. The Wells Fargo Center doesn’t smell great to begin with and Hillary’s supporters already have the wretched stench of liberalism wafting above them. Now add in thousands of baked bean filled Bernie supporters and you’ve got an explosive situation. Mayor Kenney has proposed a fart tax to take advantage of the situation. Here is a preview of Hillary’s DNC acceptance speech:

Via Truthdig

Philadelphia: Cheri Honkala, the leader of the Poor People’s Economic Human Rights Campaign, announced that her group was organizing the world’s largest “fart-in” to be held on July 28 at the Wells Fargo Center during Hillary Clinton’s anticipated acceptance speech for the Democratic nomination.

“We will be holding a massive bean supper for Bernie Sanders delegates on American Street in my Kensington neighborhood on the afternoon of July 28,” she said. “We are setting up a Clintonville there, modeled on the Hoovervilles of the 1930s where the poor and unemployed built shanty towns. The Sanders delegates, their bellies full of beans, will be able to return to the Wells Fargo Center and greet the rhetorical flatulence of Hillary Clinton with the real thing.”

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FART WITH CONFIDENCE

Avalon says she is buying these for my birthday. Now we can play pull my finger all the time. I could have used these yesterday.

Fart with Confidence with Shreddies, the Flatulence-Filtering Underwear

 

“Nope, sorry guys. Can’t go out tonight. I’ve got a serious case of the farts.” If you’ve ever had to stay in, curled up on the couch in complete solitude because your bowels were no friend of yours (or anyone else’s for that matter), then you very well understand the effect of public flatulence on self esteem, confidence, and overall self worth. (Research has actually found that people are more likely to make negative judgments about a situation while they’re in the presence of a fart-like odor.) [1]

Thankfully, there’s an undergarment for that! UK-based company Shreddies created men’s and women’s underwear that contain zorflex, a material that allegedly filters super offensive odors — ya know, like the ones emitted from your tush. The company claims the super skivvies can neutralize odors up to 200 times the stink strength of the average fart.

Each time the magical undies run through the wash, the carbon material is reactivated (according to the underpants’ makers). The underwear comes in briefs and high-waisted briefs for women (starting at $30) and boxer briefs and support boxers for men (starting at $45). The panties of the future aren’t exactly new. In 2008, Shreddies whipped up their undies hoping to alleviate the social hindrance that is chronic flatulence. Now they’re gaining buzz in the States. The Shreddies motto is “Fart with Confidence.” We’re not kidding.

Breaking the effects of breaking wind — what a novel idea. We haven’t tried Shreddies for ourselves, but research does point to active charcoal (like what’s in Shreddies) as a remedy for flatulence [2]. But before you get your panties in a bunch, know that while Shreddies do (supposedly) mask scent, they do not in fact mute bodily noises (total bummer).