An article appeared three days ago — “All-Nutella Restaurant Coming to New York City”. YIKES!! They MUST be stopped!!
http://time.com/3195773/nutella-restaurant/
My mom’s favorite nut (besides me) for baking is the hazelnut; various hazelnut tortes and cookies out the wazzou when I was growing up. So, it’s no surprise that my parents would return from their weekly trip from the German butcher with a jar of Nutella …. the one major crap-food screw-job they forced upon me.
Nutella was founded in Alba, Italy, in 1946 by Mr. Pietro Ferrero, a pastry maker. At the time, there was very little chocolate because cocoa was in short supply due to World War II rationing, nut hazelnuts were locally abundant. So using that as a base … plus a whole bunch of SHIT … he turned that into the best-selling sweet spread in the world.
This made him, and his offspring, the 33rd richest billionaire on earth. His grandson, also named Pietro, died at 47 years old when he fell off his bike, they say because he suffered a massive heart attack. Probably from eating his shit product … a product shittier than any McShits burger.
What’s in it? Here ya go;
Lemme translate that for ya: Nutella is 55% sugar and 15% fat.
And don’t be fooled by the “vanillin flavor”. It’s not the same as real vanilla extract you use at home. Vanilla is expensive so they use a 100% synthetic extract. This truly horrible product costs, on Amazon, seven bucks for a 13 oz jar. Are you friggin kidding me?? Seven bucks for thirteen ounces of basically sugar and fat?? Good lord!
Those dirty rotten sonsofbitches should be tried in criminal court for poisoning countless human beings, and for theft.
.
But, I have a solution! Make your own! It’s fast, easy, infinitely better not only in taste, but nutritional value. As an added bonus, you can help bring down a multibillion dollar enemy of humanity.
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INGREDIENTS
— 4 oz (1 cup) hazelnuts – Roasted & blanched
— 1/2 can (8 oz) of sweetened condensed milk
— 4 oz dark chocolate (70% cocoa)
— 4 tablespoons honey
— 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS
1. Toast the hazelnuts in the oven at 350F for 4 minutes.
2. Pulse the toasted hazelnut for about 3 minutes, until they are very finely ground. Scrape down the sides and the blade and process until there are no lumps remaining. Then, continue processing until it becomes a paste.
3. Melt the chocolate, condensed milk, and honey. I do this quickly via a stove top double boiler. Add the vanilla. (You can do this in the microwave, but be careful. Cooking to long and your microwave will be splattered.)
4. Add the above chocolate mix to the nut paste in the food processor, and mix briefly until well combined.
Note: Lots of flexibility in this recipe as you can increase or decrease each of the ingredients to your liking.
That’s all there’s too it. The taste is phenomenal. If you like hazelnuts you will love this, and you will never ever be able to even stomach Nutella again.
Now go grab your nuts and try it out.
