I’ve hit the half century mark. I’m officially an old fart. I will now be able to drive slow in the left lane. I will be able to back out of my driveway without looking. I will be able to block the entire grocery aisle with my cart and pretend not to notice the other people trying to get by. I can now leave 10% tips for waitresses after sending back my food three times. I can now pass gas in public places without worrying about what others might think. I can walk around with toilet paper trailing from my pants. I can shit my pants and still go to Wal-Mart. I don’t have to be my normal positive and uplifting self on TBP. I can be crotchety once in awhile. That’s a relief.
I breathlessly await my AARP card and all the benefits that await me. I can start to refer to Social Security as my money. I can yell at kids to get off my lawn. Maybe I’ll start to understand the perspectives of the other 10,000 geezers on this site. I will now be in constant danger of breaking a hip.
At least I’ve got one thing going for me. I’m still not a Boomer.
I prefer this interpretation of AARP. I think it fits my personality a little better.
Congrats …and welcome to the “Old Timers” club .BTW dinner is served @ 3 pm …
For some reason I’ve got an urge to eat early tonight.
Bedtime is 8:30 pm, 3:00 am is pee time, and the young girls (35 and younger) don’t even see you anymore, you are nonexistent, unless you have a great big fat wallet.
congrats on 50 (and for not being a Boomer).
Now you can go to Old Country Buffet and eat dinner at 12:30pm and play bridge until 5pm before going home and getting ready for bed.
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but please stay off the road…
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Remember you are over the hill at 30. 50 not bad.
It’s nothing, dear.
Play your cards right, and the next ten years will be the best time of your life.
You’re now much smarter than you’ve ever been before, but you’re not yet past your sell by date. I guarantee the next decade will be the best of your life. You’ll see.
If you can, get out from underneath the 9-5 grind to fly away while your knees are still good and your eyesight is working well. Go somewhere. Get rid of stuff. Break away. Fuck the past and start something new.
It’s the beginning of a new era which will be better than than that which came before. Play it well and don’t look back. You’re American, there is still a whole new future in front of you. You have no idea what an advantage that is and how it can be parlayed across the world into a new adventure. Just do it.
God never looked down from on high to commend the people to heaven for showing up for work on time every day and making their monthly condo payments. GTFO and never look back. It’s a big world, go find it. 50 is perfect.
Happy Birthday Admin, I still got a year on you. My mom keeps on trying to give me her AARP magazines much to my chagrin. I will give you something to look forward to though, she tells me that her and my dad had 10, yes 10 doctors appointments in 1 week. I think she took some delight in this, though I am not sure why, but at least all the money that I am paying into Medicare is going to someone I know.
Bob.
You’ve got a few good years left, Jim, but…carpe diem baby. The clock is ticking louder now.
marissa -50 is perfect.
Yeah, so I’ve heard , but then getting out of bed reminds me of how being 20 was a whole lot less painful.
I’d swap a horde of cash for youth any day, as I suspect most will.
Better to be broke and nimble that rich and rusty, but then the choice is ours…..jus’ sayin’.
Congratulations Jim Quinn!
Take comfort in knowing that one day – before you know it – 50 year olds will seem like youngsters.
is should be isn’t
Card802
I do have a big fat wallet.
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Fool has a score and three on admin and starts the day at four thirty AM.
Hits the sack at eleven PM.
Sometimes takes a twenty minute power nap with the old lady after lunch.
She Has thirty six on Jim.
Hell, sonny, You are just getting up to speed.
And a Taurus at that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
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Happy Birthday, Jim. Hope you’ve got a nice evening planned.
And cue up AWD with recommendations on certain ‘exams’ that people should get once they hit 50…
I’m going to ask my waitress tonight whether she will be reporting my tip as income to the IRS.
Congrats.
To a future filled with Geritol, Super Polygrip and Doan’s Pills.
And don’t forget the Life Alert pendant.
I’ll meet you there as well in 3 months.
Admin,
Choose the only restaurant without a senior discount, then blame the waitress. Be outraged that you have to pay the extra 10% that would have been her tip.
Here’s a tip you don’t have to report to the IRS
Lose weight, exercise, and eat plenty of fiber
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Admin-Happy Birthday. Getting older beats the alternative, I guess. Looks like a bunch of us turn 50 this year. But I’ll always be (a few months) younger than you-ha.
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Happy 50 Admin, here’s to ya
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Happy Birthday, Admin!
Seems like a good place for this:
Little Jimmy was sitting on a park bench, eating a candy bar, when an old man sat down beside him. Little Jimmy had a stash of candy bars and was eating one after another. The old man said, “Son, eating all those candy bars is bad for your health.”
Little Jimmy said, “Don’t worry about it. My grandfather lived to be 98 years old.”
The old man asked, “Did he sit down and eat one candy bar after another?”
Little Jimmy said, “No, he minded his own fucking business.”
Happy Birthday Jim. EF
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Happy Birthday James, welcome to the Old Farts Club.
At what age do you think the accelerator is the brake?
50??
You are now an honorary Boomer!
Bwahahaha
Enjoy Your Birthday and please dont start snoring at the restaurant while still sitting up, you will embarass the misses and then she will pretend that you are her father and the waitress will say “Dont worry about the tip” while thre manager is glaring at you from the kitchen door and XYMs are taking creep shots of the old fart droolinb on his mashed potatoes so they can post it on the internet with their smartphone.
THINK OLD,
AND YOU WILL BE OLD.
THINK YOUNG,
AND YOU WILL BE A DELUSIONAL OLD FART.
Please drive in the right lane and turn your blinker off.
Many happy returns. OF is a piece of cake, in a couple of years i will be a DOM. 50 year old women with sagging boobs will start to look good. actually, they already look good here on TBP.
Fifty is the new thirty – party on!
If you remember when health insurance was optional, you are an old fart.
If you are polite to strangers, you are an old fart.
If you’ve ever changed a typewriter ribbon, you are an old fart.
If there was only one fat kid in your class, you are an old fart.
If you think “Occupy” is a verb and not a noun, you are an old fart.
If you just want to be left alone, you are an old fart.
If you remember when only sailors had tattoos, you are an old fart.
If you remember when civil rights meant equal rights, not reverse discrimination, you are an old fart.
If you’ve never uploaded naked photographs of yourself, you are an old fart.
If you know how to spell, you are an old fart.
If you ever waited to hear your favorite song on the radio, you are an old fart.
If you remember when being radical meant hating the government, rather than relying on it, you are an old fart.
If you know how to get there better than that GPS contraption, you are an old fart.
If you’ve ever felt shame, you are an old fart.
If you still feel a twinge of dread seeing a phone number with a lot of “9″s and “0″s, you are an old fart.
If you think a nice warm day is just a nice warm day and not proof of impending doom, you are an old fart.
If you ever paid for your own condoms, you are an old fart.
If you know how to fix mechanical devices, you are an old fart.
If the phrase “turn of the century” makes you think of the year 1900, you are an old fart.
If you remember when Top Gun actually sat in the plane, you are an old fart.
If you’ve ever bought something with cash, you are an old fart.
If you don’t go all the way on the first date, you are an old fart.
If you remember when being a Democrat meant being anti-communist, you are an old fart.
If you remember when “books” were made of paper, you are an old fart.
If you’ve ever played pinball, you are an old fart.
If you remember when sex scandals would ruin a starlet’s career, you are an old fart.
If you’ve ever gotten on an airplane without first being searched, you are an old fart.
If you even know the meaning of the word “bipartisan,” you are an old fart.
If you you don’t have a Facebook page, you are an old fart.
If you do have a MySpace page, you are an old fart.
If you’ve ever used the word “gay” to mean carefree or joyous, you are an old fart.
If you kept a few leftover French francs and German marks the last time you visited Europe, you are an old fart.
If you think self-esteem is earned rather than a birthright, you are an old fart.
If you remember when the media at least pretended to be impartial, you are an old fart.
If you ever ate at Sambo’s, you are an old fart.
If you still have some bell-bottom pants way back in your closet from the first time they were cool, you are an old fart.
If you remember when every quarter had an eagle on the back, you are an old fart.
If you hold the door open for ladies, you are an old fart.
If you remember when tech support answered without an accent, you are an old fart.
If you remember when being on welfare was embarrassing, you are an old fart.
If you know what VHS stands for, you are an old fart.
If you admire successful people, you are an old fart.
If you know what “the blue dress” refers to, you are an old fart.
If a teacher ever smacked you on the knuckles with a ruler, you are an old fart.
If you think school should be taught in English, you are an old fart.
If you still think music comes on these black vinyl disks called “records,” you are an old fart.
If you played with toy guns when you were a kid, you are an old fart.
If you’ve ever visited a public library, you are an old fart.
If you remember when Apple was a small struggling company, you are an old fart.
If your debate coach taught you to see both sides of an argument, you are an old fart.
If you still have some of those 8-track tapes in the garage, you are an old fart.
If you love your country, you are an old fart.
If you remember when budgets were measured in billions, not trillions, you are an old fart.
If you want to go back to measuring budgets in billions like we used to, you are really an old fart.
If you remember when campus revolutionaries fought against The Man, and weren’t yet The Man themselves, you are an old fart.
If you’d welcome a death panel at this stage, frankly, you are an old fart.
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Run walk 1.5 miles push ups sit ups as many as you can in a minute. Clean a jerk as much as you can. Write it down and build on it. Improve physically along comes mental improvement. Set the example. Then preach the solution using yourself as the example.
Happy Birthday Jim. I’ve been an old fart for more than 22 years. It’s easy. I’ve lost my sense of smell and only get to hear my farts now. The best part is you don’t have to give a shit about anything.
Administrator
I’ve been behaving like since I was 25.
Congrats, Admin. Allow me to give you some advice. Compensate for your advancing years with increasing immaturity. Like me.
Seriously, go back and reread what Marissa says. That’s some of the best advice you’re ever going to get.
When you’re my age you’ll get it, but then it might be too late.
ASIG
Marissa’s advice is great for someone with no kids and no aging parents living nearby.
Happy bday Admin! May I suggest exercising, and regular chiropractic care to maintain mobility and proper spinal function. Simple, cost-effective and great preventive care. It’s one thing to be old, it’s another one being sick.
Get right with your maker,while you still have time.
Confusing the accelorator and brake is a driving error made by two categories of drivers: 1) people who drove manual transmissions in their youth, which most people born before 1940 did; and 2) people who somehow developed the very bad habit of driving with both feet- having the left foot lying on or poised over the brake while the right foot is on the accelorator.
Bad habits of many decades really trip you up in old age, when you are less likely to be able to respond quickly to a novel situation on the road, like a kid dashing out into the street or even an irritant like a honking horn.
People who never developed the bad habit tend not to make this mistake, and neither do people who grew up driving automatic transmissions, where you aren’t used to using the left foot to work the clutch.
If you belong to the latter category, break this nasty habit immediately. Your foot should be either over the accelorator or over the break. You should roll through intersections with your foot hovering over the brake and if you are only driving with one foot, as you’re supposed to, you will be ready for sudden hazards and you won’t confuse the two pedals.
Happy Birthday, Admin!!!
And may there be many more ahead for you.
1963 birth year…you are a BOOMER!
Sorry Boomers. You aren’t lucky enough to have me.
AWD says:
You are almost exactly 3 months older than me. Happy Birthday.
I knew it. Boomer Born in 1963! The Boomer doth protest too much!!
I was born in December 1961 so I am in the group with Admin and AWD. I am glad we are not boomers, but damn it was close.
Sensetti
I knew you were one of us and not one of them.
Admin, it’s your birthday, you should be out getting drunk with Avalon
A baby boomer is a person who was born during the demographic post-World War II baby boom between the years 1946 and 1964, -Wikipedia
Are 2.
6
The Baby Boom includes people born
from mid-1946 to 1964. The Baby Boom
is distinguished by a dramatic increase in
birth rates following World War II, and is
one of the largest generations in U.S. his-
tory. For more information, see: Hogan,
Perez, and Bell, 2008, Who (Really) Are
the First Baby Boomers? In Joint Statistical
Meetings Proceedings, Social Statistics
Section, Alexandria, VA: American Statistical
Association, pp. 1009–1016.
7
The changes in the 75 to 79 year old
age group mainly reflect the relatively low
number of births during the late 1920s and
early 1930s. The relatively low number of
births during that period has resulted in fewer
numbers of people entering these older ages
during the previous decade. Between 1990
and 2000, decreases were noted in the 65 to
69 year old age group,
~~
Hah!
4th turing is a theory not stufy in popiulation statistics
Admin, AWD. and sensetti are all Boomers!
Woooo Hoooo!!
I can’t wait for KB to tell us about The Fourth Turning even though he hasn’t read the book.
I told Avalon this morning that KB would go into a frenzy of Boomer comments on this thread.
Nailed it again.
OMG KB SAY IT AIN’T SO
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Nevahh!!
I have a feeling AWD has curled up on the kitchen floor sucking a can of cheez whiz and nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Bwahahaha
I can’t wait for KB to tell us about The Fourth Turning even though he hasn’t read the book. -admin
I see that you havent read Hogan,
Perez, and Bell, 2008, Who (Really) Are
the First Baby Boomers?
And no. I am not frenzied I am LMBAO
BBES