I’ve hit the half century mark. I’m officially an old fart. I will now be able to drive slow in the left lane. I will be able to back out of my driveway without looking. I will be able to block the entire grocery aisle with my cart and pretend not to notice the other people trying to get by. I can now leave 10% tips for waitresses after sending back my food three times. I can now pass gas in public places without worrying about what others might think. I can walk around with toilet paper trailing from my pants. I can shit my pants and still go to Wal-Mart. I don’t have to be my normal positive and uplifting self on TBP. I can be crotchety once in awhile. That’s a relief.
I breathlessly await my AARP card and all the benefits that await me. I can start to refer to Social Security as my money. I can yell at kids to get off my lawn. Maybe I’ll start to understand the perspectives of the other 10,000 geezers on this site. I will now be in constant danger of breaking a hip.
At least I’ve got one thing going for me. I’m still not a Boomer.
I prefer this interpretation of AARP. I think it fits my personality a little better.
