Just after announcing his resignation as U.S. attorney general, Eric Holder has accepted a top job with Wall Street finance giant JPMorgan Chase.
Starting in early November, Holder will serve as JPMorgan Chase’s chief compliance officer, where his responsibilities will include lobbying Congress on the company’s behalf and ensuring it “gets the best deal possible” from any new proposed financial regulations. Holder will also fetch morning coffee and breakfast orders for CEO Jamie Dimon and board members.
For his efforts, Holder will earn an annual salary of $77 million plus bonuses for a job well done.
In a statement, Holder said taking a job at JPMorgan Chase was the logical next step in his career, given the revolving door between financial companies and the government officials who are supposed to regulate these companies.
“By joining JPMorgan Chase, I’m simply cutting out the middleman — the U.S. Justice Department — and going to work directly for the great Jamie Dimon,” he said. “Plus, when Jamie Dimon calls you, or one of his many secretaries calls you, you pick up the phone immediately. Seriously, that’s what we do here in Washington.”
“We are extremely pleased to have Eric Holder, a dear friend and and tireless advocate for the interests of Wall Street, join our prestigious financial services firm where he belongs,” Dimon said in a press release. “Considering the awful s**t we did — and boy did we do a lot of sleazy, ugly, ethically insidious s**t — Mr. Holder always stood in our corner and defended us no matter what. Hell, I even got a 74 percent raise out of it!
“We know any of our fellow financial firms would have been happy to have Mr. Holder on staff, yet he chose us. We are sure he will fit right in with our company culture.”
Cowardly Lion of Wall Street
Before President Obama appointed him as attorney general, Holder was a corporate attorney at law firm Covington & Burling, which represented too-big-too-fail banks.
Despite serving as the United States’ top law enforcement official for for six years following the 2007-08 financial crisis and having the budget, Holder failed to hold anyone accountable and declined to prosecute banking executives who played a role in the meltdown. Instead the banks, including JPMorgan Chase, were bailed out and received miniscule fines that often weren’t collected, while the Justice Department went after the mortgage borrowers.
The news that Holder was resigning as attorney general was met with mixed responses from the public.
Reginald Cousins, a construction worker in Baltimore who lost his job and home after the housing bubble burst through fraudulent lending practices, said he was sorry to see Holder go.
“Eric Holder did what he had to do in order to save this country’s economy,” he said as he rummaged through some trash cans for scrap metal and food.
Johnny Weeks, who lost his house shortly after DOJ agents raised his marijuana dispensary, said Holder was a self-serving hypocrite.
“Oh well. At least he was cool with gay marriage.”
I scrolled down, expecting this to be an “Onion” story. Stick a fork in it, the rule of law is dead in the U.S.A. when this can happen. Talk about “Quid Pro Quo”
Wow, JP sure does send out AWESOME Thank You cards.
Fucking disgusting, and wasn’t this one of the Great & Powerful O’s platforms from his first run?
Seems to me I remember him saying, “I’ll stop the wars and bring the troops home. Refuse to sign bills with pork. Stop the revolving door between the government and mega-corps. Limit lobbying and refuse to hire former lobbyists.”
Well, at least he is batting 1000.
To bad our team lost decades ago and we still haven’t accepted that fact.
Stick a fork indeed.
Given who’s reported this so far, I wouldn’t bank on it being true just yet.
@Halfpint, ah, there’s the rub.
It may not be true, not at all.
But imagine, if you will, Mr. Holder accepting a job from Goldman Sachs – or their law firm – for $20 million annually.
After hearing this the average American will then fully accept, and not complain, and not do anything, because it will seem so much better and less disgusting.
He’s going to make a bazillion dollars with some mega-corp. That is a given.
Does it really matter if it is JP, Wells Fargo, or AIG, or GS, or Exxon, or GE? Or $77 million, or $50, or even $5 million?
Not to me. All the same. All the symptoms of the disease of crony capitalism and our new robber barons.
Sheep will say “baa.”
And our collapse will continue. So it goes…
I’d bank on that.
What this country needs is more assassinations.
You do realize this story is a farce? The Daily Currant is an Onion-like site.
How in the fucking world could Holder possibly be worth 77 million a year? WTF??? The obvious answer is that we do not have a free market economy, we have a corrupt oligarchy that fill each other’s pockets.
PS, I hate this country.
NM, my comment above, this story smells of too much bullshit to believe. Even for “merica. I still hate it though.
“Zarathustra says: we have a corrupt oligarchy that fill each other’s pockets.”
With yo money.
Obama Holder declared drug money ok to money launder-Banks too big to prosecute.Now illegal to take pic in national parks if you are a journalist without almost 2k permit-What going on in parks?My guess cartel
“You do realize this story is a farce? The Daily Currant is an Onion-like site.” —— Admin
Dammit, Jim!!! I wish you wouldn’t have spilled the beans. It was so enjoyable reading the responses.
Stuck
You’d think this sentence in the second paragraph might give it away:
“Holder will also fetch morning coffee and breakfast orders for CEO Jamie Dimon and board members.”
Yeah …. and his other duty will be to water the spaghetti bush.