Now that a person no longer is what he/she is, but is who she/he wants to be, I believe it is important that we here at TBP compile a comprehensive list of options, so that no one misses out on being exactly what they want to be!
So I have started to compile a list, so that I can make my informed decision about what I am going to be going forward.
Here is my list so far:
– Neegrow
– Neegrow with big weiner
– Gay Neegrow
– Bisexual Neegrow
– Trans-gender gay Neegrow
– Trans-gender straight Neegrow
– Mooslim Trans-gender Straight Slightly Gay Neegrow
– Republican neegrow (rarest of all human configurations)
– Employed Neegrow (second rarest configuration)
– Criminal Neegrow (most common configuration)
– Married Neegrow (extinct)
– Injun
– Drunken Injun
– Ain’t no gay/trans-gender/bi Injuns, so we will skip to the next category here
– Chink
– Gay, Bi, Trans-gender, Cross-dressing Chink or any combination thereof with tiny weiner and bad eyesight and high IQ
– Messican
– Gay, Bi, illegal, trans-gender, cross-dressing Messican with 93 cousins and 14 brothers and sisters
– English speaking Messican with dry-back
– Whitey
– Hillbilly inbred redneck whitey with no teeth and doesn’t understand the choices
– Low-income whitey too fat to fit through a barn door but still able to complain that they are struggling to pay for food
– Middle-income whitey that wants to be whatever it is that the media tells them to be
– Rich whitey that wants to be anywhere but near anyone in any of the other categories
– Jew
– Rich Jew controlling world financial and media empire, simultaneously persecuting Ayrabs and buying Congress
Etc. Etc. Etc.
As for me, so far I have narrowed it down to 90% Drunken Injun with a 5% pinch of Hillbilly Inbred Redneck (so I can make my own moonshine) sprinkled with a couple percent of Jew (I like the rich bit, and would love the chance to buy Congress a time or two), and maybe just a tad of Messican because I sure love tamales, a bit of high IQ Chink, and the tiniest pinch (say .00001%) of Neegrow I can get away with and still get the big weiner, while avoiding the IQ, living in the Blocks of Squalor, and the going to jail part. (I am also wondering if it is OK to claim I am part Brad Pitt, because, well, of the women?)
So, what combos have I missed, and who do y’all want to be, now that anything goes?
BTW – if this offends anyone, please be assured that 100% of this is 50% sarcasm/satire. Because, well, it is WRONG to offend anyone, especially cross-dressing, trans-gender gay black folks that used to be white male heterosexuals. They have feelings and rights, you know!
It’s ok, you’ll still be labelled. There is no satire unless it’s Bill Maher.
I’m happy enough just being me. Been that way for a truck-load of decades. Every now and then some fool comes up to me with, “You ought to,” or, “You shouldn’t,” and I just tell them to go suck toads.
One of the reasons I have not posted to much lately is that I have, as a trial, been visiting some other sites (damn, getting banned is easy), to see what the masses think.
And brother, let me tell you, the masses are out of their fucking minds. Seriously, some of the shit that folks believe is incredible – stuff like everyone in the country should be given $400 a week so that if they do not want to work they do not have to; and that we have to have welfare, because without it people would become criminals, and so welfare is actually stopping crime and besides it costs $50,000 per year to jail them but only $20,000 a year to pay them off; and that the minimum wage should be $1000 a week, so that everyone can be at least middle class, and that no, that will not affect our ability to compete it will actually create jobs; and that the reason the developed world has been so successful is because of welfare (I mean, SERIOUSLY??), and that there is plenty of money and that if they increase the amount given away, they would improve the economy, and that no, the future payments being promised are affordable. Ad infinitum.
Seriously, the world is screwed. These screwballs outnumber the sane people, best I can tell. There are angry people, but they are angry at the wrong folks – they hate small businesses, because those folks just screw their employees. They hate capitalists. They hate libertarians – no way personal freedom and responsibility is the way to go.
And then thee is all of this ridiculous shit – where the abnormal is normal, and you are racist, or misogynist, or bigoted or evil if you say things like – “But that is our culture, and our history, and the basis for our society! What will the society become if anything goes?”
Desertrat – but there are now so many options! You can be anything, and it will be applauded, and hey, if it is outrageous enough, maybe you can even get rich!
I have wondered what the Indians think about their own shacking up with non Indians. Perhaps llpoh can lend his perspective. Am I right to say that an Indian lass will be looked down on if she marries a kneegrow? Is it the same negative feeling if she beds a white? Forgive me if you’ve already answered the question.
My good buddy, J*** the Korean as I call him, has told me on many occasions that if his son marries outside his race, he will have ruined thousands of years of bloodlines. And if he marries a negress, he will be disowned. Is that rayciss?
Archie – based on my observations, it is largely tribe dependent. Some tribes are very, very, VERY against mixing blood. For instance, the Pueblo of NM are very pure of blood. Others, like the Five Civilized Tribes, are very much more lax. But mixing in Negro blood. Ummm, that is taboo best I can tell.
OK, llpoh, you’ve confirmed my suspicion. Thanks. My Korean buddy is not alone then.
Archie, you make some good points and I don’t know if the answer belongs here or on ‘Frankly, My Dear’.
I assumed the article was limited to Americans, they seem to be the world leaders in aberrant behavior. You widened the discourse to world opinion.
I have thought for some time that the phrase ‘it goes with the territory’ applies to all who enter here. Here being the USA. Whatever illusions immigrants have about retaining their culture will suffer a mighty crash when their kids turn out to be Americans with open minds towards gays, blacks, tranny’s, drug users, hedonists, heathens, atheists, and iGadget porn.
America perverts and subverts the values of old world immigrants who are shocked to see their kids openly rejecting the traditional religion, music and food of their own parents. Marrying outside the culture is encouraged by the new culture but it is a shock to the parents. Many an immigrant parent would dream of punishing his children, albeit not to the extreme of running them over with their truck, but something just a little short of that.
Apparently, after a bit of research, there is a fair bit of black blood in some tribes – particularly the Cherokee. Seems the Cherokee owned black slaves, and well, one thing led to another.
I’ll be a self-hating Jew, with some injun thrown in (cause I like to drink and be lazy when I can get away with it).
Z – you fail to understand Drunken Injun. The whole point is that to be a Drunken Injun – you always get to be lazy and drink. There is no “getting away with it”. The time is always right to drink and be lazy!
Like Desertrat, I’m pretty happy being me. I’d have preferred to have been born in the 1930’s though. Apart from that I have no desire to be another human. I’d like to be a big bird of prey or maybe an albatross. My only concerns would be flying, fucking, hunting, eating and sleeping………in that order.
Z, can you confirm that Christians or other non Jews cannot be israeli citizens? You seem to know a lot about this stuff. Thanks in advance.
Archie says:
Z, can you confirm that Christians or other non Jews cannot be israeli citizens? You seem to know a lot about this stuff. Thanks in advance.
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Archie, I am not certain. Of course christians are Israeli citizens if they are born there. I don’t know why a non-jew would want to emigrate there as they are by definition second-class citizens. In Jerusalem, christians are commonly spat at by jews.
llpoh said:
” What will the society become if anything goes?”
Hold that thought and pay attention. We’re about to find out but you gave up your front row seat. It’s gonna be like a Gallagher show! I can hardly wait!
I believe that non-Jews can be citizens. I do not believe any religious or racial restrictions exist. Gaining citizenship is similar to that of most countries.
I’m going to have my consciousness transferred into a robot body.
Billy says:
I’m going to have my consciousness transferred into a robot body.
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So you can be dependent upon human maintenance, never get high, laugh or have sex. Sounds like fun.
Billy – that should use up about, oh, a full kilobyte of memory. Mind if I store my CD collection on the rest of the hard drive?
Your sarcasm is just your cover for your racism which is judging everyone because of some group which they belong. The obvious flaw in the logic of that thinking is one of the reasons we find ourselves where we are today as a nation.
You confuse ignorance and poverty with the color of one’s skin and/or culture. I hope you grow up someday.
I could totally see Insensitive Shark as a robotic entity but Billy? How could he turn into Data? That is so incomprehensible, it does not compute.
B – nah, you got it wrong. I judge each individual as they come, and by the company they keep. But groups of individuals I judge too, based upon how they act as a group. And the behavior of the black “community”, for instance, is despicable. My people, the Native Americans, is not a whole hell of a lot better, save for most of the crime stuff.
The bullshit going on needs to be exposed to ridicule. Making a “hero” out of someone changing their sex? Are you shitting me? If he wants to cut his dick off and become a woman, fine by me. But what say he do it in some kind of quiet dignity instead of shoving it down our throats at every turn?
White women pretending to be black? How fucking absurd.
Black people burning down their own neighborhoods in feigned outrage? What bullshit. They are just looking for an excuse to riot and loot.
Black folk, gay folk, transgender, etc. all screaming racism, bigotry, discrimination at every turn. Fuck ALL of that bullshit.
I am not hurting anyone, I do not mistreat anyone, and everywhere I look someone is telling me that I am wrong to feel or believe what I believe. I believe folks can do what they want so long as they do not bother me. But if someone asks me about what I think about homosexuality, I sure as hell am not going to lie and hide the fact that it gives me the fucking creeps. I then do not expect them to tell me how fucking bigoted and discriminatory I am. I am free to think any damn thing I please, and if they do not like it they can go fuck themselves. Jamming their bullshit down my throat is not going to work.
And re growing up, fuck that, too. I hope I never grow up.
And you can blow me, you asshole.
I don’t need any drunken Indian. I got that covered with Irish.
Llpoh, great post at 11:50 pm. + 1000
LLPOH says:
But if someone asks me about what I think about homosexuality, I sure as hell am not going to lie and hide the fact that it gives me the fucking creeps.
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Men need women more than women need men. They can achieve orgasm by a well-trained finger several ways without a dick, and dicks can be bought that battery-equipped are pretty hard for a man to compete with.
B, what planet do you live on? Everyone is racist to some degree. I read somewhere that Chinks and Beaners appreciate light skin and use that as a basis for judging social status. Now, I have heard that Pacific Islanders valued large women and Japanese find snaggle teeth attractive.
We live in a country where tall, thin, blond or simply light skinned people are the ideal. We all fall short of that standard but we idolize folks like Brad Pitt who fulfill our fantasies vicariously. We would not want our sister to marry a black person because it would go against our goals toward the ideal.
I’m being brutally honest here, although another part of me rejects that, I see ample proof of it to say there is a lot of truth in it. Every group attempts to reach this ideal and there is evidence of it when even whites discriminate against whites who fall short of the ideal.
The question LLPOH posed is an attempt to offer everyone a chance to change what life so unfairly handed you. Will you reach for the brass ring of physical beauty and lily whiteness or will you wallow in your sinful tan or natural darkness?
Yeah, llpoh, I hate to say it, but this is in extremely poor taste. What you’ve posted here betrays a sort of clueless arrogance that I know you think is received as a sign of your good humor, but it actually comes across as the chest thumping of a once poor minority who gained some nominal success in life and now over compensates in order to try to ‘look the part’.
Yew don’t have ter pretend with us anymore you shriveled injun. You should realize what’s funny to you ain’t funny to most folks. It’s just purely offensive, and I think most readers here would agree, we don’t need any more of that.
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Zara,
I expect to be able to fix myself… and since nobody has ever transferred their consciousness into a robot body, if and when it actually happens, how do you know what they’ll be able to do?
So there’s that.
Llpoh,
Ahhh-hahah!!
Funny.
But seriously, you can put your ABBA albums, Bee Gees, etc, somewhere else…
I claim to be a billionaire. You will treat me as such. The bank will treat me as such also.
I’ve had too much fun in my life to want to be anybody different. My wrinkles come from grinning, so why change?
My general lifestyle has pretty much been, “If you were me on a Saturday night, you’d never want to be you again.” Lordy, some weeks have had several Saturdays. Gigglesnort.
Wait a second here. I’m not lazy. Just too damn drunk to go to work today.
Oh, how I have longed to be a short fellow … you know, like just six foot tall
— to never hear again “I’m sorry, we only carry shoes up to size 13”
— to never have to go to a Big&Tall store and pay a 100% premium for dress shirts
— to never again hear the most asinine three words — “Wow, you’re tall.” — as if I didn’t already fucking know that
— to never again hear the most asinine four words — “Did you play basketball?” — “No, you’re short. Do you bowl?”
— to never again hear the most asinine two words — “Why not?”
— to never again have to listen to fuknut comedian wannabes — “How’s the weather up there?” …. and each of these fuknut shitfaces thinking that’s the first motherfucking time I ever heard that “joke”
— to never hit my head on some whatever-the-fuk item again
— to actually feel COMFORTABLE behind the wheel of a car
— to never have to bend over again … at the sink, the counters, the fountain, the supermarket … the world is built for short people. The bathroom sink is 37 inches from my chin, I measured it .. and that’s why I only shave twice a week.
— to never again have to disappoint a certain segment of the population who believes that all body parts are proportional
And if that’s not bad enough ……. now I’m also a fatfuk! But I still have a full head of hair. At least I got that.
Be like the Army. This is America. Be all you can be. Be a legend in your own mind. Holy Shit! We are losing our grip on reality.
I want to make a guitar scream like Clapton, Van Halen, Jimmy Page, et al.
BUT, I don’t want to have to actually put in the work to get there. I just want to be a guitar god.
Does that line of thinking fit in with the overall ethos of America?
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Damnit, Stuck, I never knew….
We MUST begin a tallness-awareness campaign. You and others like you will never again suffer in silence. Xtra tall sinks in EVERY public bathroom….this horrendous lack of compassion towards the vertically over-endowed ends today.
I will personally throw a $20,000/plate dinner to make everyone aware. After a small (~90%) withholding to cover of my overhead, the rest will go towards this awful problem in our culture once and for all.
DRUD
I just KNEW that I could count on you!
I bestow upon you the Presidency of your local ‘Friendly At Tall-folk And Short-folk Suck’ (F.A.T.A.S.S.) chapter immediately.
I’ll take either Rich Whitey or Rich Jew, thank you.
Anyway, I just WISH.
Eons ago I had a buddy who stood 7′, flat-footed.
A doofus asked him, “How’s the weather up there?”
The response: (Ptui) “Fine, up here. Raining, down there.”
Thanks to those who posted.
I wrote this in general disgust at all I am seeing. The world has gone insane, and I think it is high time to expose the bullshit to the ridicule it deserves.
You should really just drown your sorrow in alcohol like I do.
Still llpoh. You disgrace the spirit of our ancestors with such a piss poor effort. Look at Stucky. Why you not do pictorial essay on great accomplishment of cherokee. Oh wait, nevermind.
Yeah, llpoh, I hate to say it, but this is in extremely poor taste. What you’ve posted here betrays a sort of clueless arrogance that I know you think is received as a sign of your good humor, but it actually comes across as the chest thumping of a once poor minority who gained some nominal success in life and now over compensates in order to try to ‘look the part’.
Eloquence from a supposed hill-tramp. Now where would she have heard about over-compensation? And what would she know about poor taste? Clueless arrogance? Nominal success – pooh-poohing LLPOH’s conquest of the American Everest.
Your not fit to hold LLPOH’s dick while he pees, BW.
EC – thanks! Appreciate the support.
This, as mentioned, was a response to all the poor taste I am seeing on a daily basis. Much of it is being accepted as heroic, instead of being ignored, or better yet, ridiculed. I decided to do some ridiculing.
Llpoh – seconded. I have been going by the Pareto principle (80/20) that most people are morons. Depending on my level of cynicism, I’ve been around 99/1 of late. That’s 99% morons and 1% normal people for the morons on this site).
And Stuckenmeister – seconded on the tallness rant. Only, I’m not a fatfuk, but my hair is thinning…
PS: 99% German (don’t fuck with us, we’re the biggest raycissts on earth) – and some French crept in there a few generations back. (nothing to do with my nick though.)
Une – thanks. Your ratio is pretty good. I think mine is around 499 to 1. Moving to the outback of Australia is going to see mine improve greatly.
So, Kraut with a touch of Frog. I love the Germans – easy people to understand. The French I have not yet figured out. But last time I was in Paris they treated me great.
I love the Irish, Italians, and Messicans, too. The Irish are the most welcoming folks I ever met, and the eyeties and wetbacks got to be great folks given the food they cook.
LLPOH, those are mostly Catholics you mention.