Kanye West Is Retarded

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Why aren’t more people making fun of Kanye West? Is it because he’s retarded? Who cares? That’s hilarious. On Tuesday, Virgin Airlines told him he should “EAD” (eat a dick) and added that he’s a “douche.” This is interesting because douchebags were designed to clean vaginas and if there’s one thing that should eat a dick it’s a clean vagina. Just kidding, they said nothing of the sort, and quickly apologized to Yeezus “for any offence caused.” The original comment was a response to Kanye claiming he deserved a 30 out of 10 for his album instead of the 9 critics had given him. With context, “EAD” and “douche” seem remarkably benevolent.

As a Canadian immigrant by way of Britain, I am constantly surprised by the soft bigotry of low expectations blacks in America are awarded. I don’t care about slavery. America got 3% of the slaves Africa sold the New World and Americans lost 650,000 men abolishing the practice (the equivalent of 7M today). I heard they had it rough in America, but where I’m from “No Blacks, No Dogs” included “No Irish,” and they were slaves too. When a black person says something completely insane, I laugh my head off and go, “That’s idiotic.” In America, they say, “It’s complicated.” So a concussed entertainer such as Kanye West can go gallivanting through life like something out of a children’s book and the response is usually positive.

Kanye’s IQ first became an integral part of popular culture when he blurted out that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” during a Katrina PSA with Mike Meyers in 2005. It was a remarkably naive thing to say considering the National Guard saved a good 50,000 lives during that storm, 17,000 of which were rescued by air. Sure, FEMA screwed up, but that’s big government’s fault. The military and the countless white volunteers were consistently thwarted by black looters and criminals taking advantage of the chaos. The reporting on this event is remarkably left-wing, but we’re still hearing stories of blacks raping whites in the Superdome (I also heard locals talk about white rescuers having their boats stolen mid-rescue but can’t confirm). George W. Bush called Kanye’s comment an “all-time low” for his presidency, but today The Huffington Post sees Kanye’s statement as something that “struck a chord” with African-Americans and helped pave the way for, I don’t fucking know, people whining about what pictures the media uses of Michael Brown? Why does Kanye get a pass? He is an endless fountain of comedy. It doesn’t make sense for a free-market economy to deny ourselves this relentless source of joy. He doesn’t have Down syndrome. He has Ridiculously Funny syndrome.

West’s prepubescent views on everything Kanye haven’t stopped over the past decade, but everyone is too scared to mock him because he’s black and they don’t want to be called racist. He’s aware of this, so when his clothing line fails he says it’s because people were too “racist” to buy his stuff (this from a guy who gets to wear the Confederate flag on his bomber jacket). His clothing line was made up of people wearing brown nylons and strange “skin-colored” sweatshirts that looked like they were made out of Nazi lampshades. We recently learned that this foolish mistake put him $53 million in the hole and he took to social media to beg Mark Zuckerberg to bail him out to the tune of $1 billion. No word yet on why you get to be $947 million in the black when you screw up that badly. Forbes’ two cents is Yeezus might be able to get the money tax-free.

Kanye’s justification for the gift is that Zuckerberg needs to care more about black people. West complains that charities are building schools in Africa without helping black Americans get out of debt to the tune of 17 times what their debt is. Where are the jokes? Sure, Obama called him a “jackass,” but that’s just as disappointing as George W. Bush caring about the Katrina quote. I don’t want presidents commenting on this stuff. (I also don’t like Obama going on YouTube to tell a kid named sWooZie that Kendrick Lamar could outrap Drake.) Kanye recently told America that he too will be running for president. Some laughed, but the mainstream media wants you to know that you had better not sleep on this up-and-comer in the national political scene. The New Yorker even likened him to Harry S. Truman.

At his own wedding, Kanye said his pulchritudinous bride was “more beautiful than I am talented,” which guests thought was just “the cutest.” Americans laugh at this asshole in polite company, but in public they’d much rather kiss his black ass (which he insists he doesn’t enjoy). No failure is too great to prevent praise for this Afro-American tumor. Back when my kids went to public school, their school library featured a large-type book all about his life (academia has become consumed with progressive biographies of minorities). The book is about a guy who describes himself as a “proud non-reader of books” and includes a chapter called “The Dropout.” Instead of mockery our children are taught to study him. He’s a perfect example of how untouchable black Americans have become.

After he sabotaged Taylor Swift’s Video Music Awards win she quickly forgave him and later presented him with the “Video Vanguard” award, whatever the hell that is. He was so thankful he later rapped he “might have sex with her” because he “made that bitch famous.”

Kanye’s retardation personifies how cucked we are as a culture. One of the best examples of this is a recent SNL sketch where beta comedian Kyle Mooney says that after a lifetime of practicing rap he’s going to challenge Kanye to a freestyle battle. Mooney purposely throws the match by making a terrible rhyme about Kanye’s breath. West then responds by rhyming the word “Kanye” with itself about a dozen times. Mooney stares at the ground with all the shame 400 years of oppression brings. It’s fucking pathetic. Mooney sums up what we’ve become as a culture. We are so cloaked in guilt we can’t see the fool lampooning our fear. I don’t get it. Kanye West is a fucking retard, and as a true egalitarian I enjoy making fun of him. If you were truly nonracist, you would too.