This one has bothered me for awhile and is critical to the continuance of western civilization. Why is there always a pee puddle IN FRONT OF the urinals in public rest rooms?
Question of the Day, Mar 7
This one has bothered me for awhile and is critical to the continuance of western civilization. Why is there always a pee puddle IN FRONT OF the urinals in public rest rooms?
Because the piss boy didn’t wait for the shake.
This one is easy to understand. When the 20 year old dude pees it hits him in the eye. When the 60 year old pees it dribbles on his shoes.
A lot of state parks we’ve camped in, I’m assuming dogs get in somehow and shit on the stall floor, piss is quite common.
Airport urinals are brutal. Must be the young lads ‘pulling out too quickly’ in fear of impregnating the urinal.
zigzag, the urinal overhangs almost a foot now, on the old ones, I understand.
midgets
It’s the dreaded “Split-Pee Phenomenon”. When the stream of urine self directs itself and sprays in two directions at once. It’s the bane of housewives, girlfriends and gay lovers everywhere.
Grumpy Old Men
It’s because my dick isn’t as long as I’d like to imagine it is, so I stand further from the urinal than I need to.
And, as mentioned above, now that I’m 45, my urine doesn’t come out like it once did. When my 10 year old son goes into his bathroom to pee, I can hear the stream from the living room. I listen, and I think, “Ahhhh….Those were the days, when I could piss like a fire hose.”
I shake the damn thing twice, the drips fall to the floor, and then when I put the thing back in trou, he leaks a few more drops in my underwear.
Getting older is the shitter, but it beats the alternative.
That’s not pee. Its breath mint juice.
Most of the American Land Whales can not actually see or grasp the penis so it just kinda goes wherever the fuck………
It’s because the female trannys with vaginas still cannot figure out how to get their baloney curtains to rest comfortably on the urinal walls. Ask Beyoncé, he knows.
It this were Texas then the stain in front of the urinal would be brown….which is from Copenhagen dip .
So a guy wakes up to discover a brown ring and a red ring around his ol’ pecker.
He goes to the emergency care facility to get it checked out .
The doctor examines him, takes a sample of both rings and tells him the test results will be ready in an hour .
The Doc calls him and tells him the results :
1) The red ring is lipstick
2) The brown ring is Copenhagen dip !
Never seen that. Must be a Pennsylvania thing.
Where I work we had 19 employees. Our toilets are the same as residential toilets, no urinals. In one of our bathrooms there was a constant puddle of piss on the floor. Now I expect that kind of thing just about everywhere because people (including wimmens) in this country are basically a bunch of fucking savages. Anywho this pissed me off to no end so I used the computer to print out a page which read:
“You see that puddle and black marks on the floor? (I drew an arrow on it after printing.) That’s PISS. This means that it’s not nearly as long as you think it is. Unfortunately your mommy doesn’t work here and is unable to clean up after your nasty ass. PLEASE take one, two or even three steps towards the toilet before pissing. THANK YOU!”
I signed it, put it into a clear plastic sleeve and taped all four sides of it down to the floor next to the toilet with that clear packing tape. I think just about everybody saw it that day and nobody said a word until the supervisor saw it later that day. He was a narcissistic prick who just knew his shit didn’t stink. True to form he blew a fucking gasket! He was so rattled and pissed off by it that he had to leave work early that day “before he did something the rest of us might regret.” His reaction, though totally normal for him, told me I had my man.
Next morning he’s still in a rage and announces that he knows who’s pissing on the floor and he’s going to take care of it. Dumb fuck set up a chair outside the bathroom door where he parked his fat psychotic ass with a clipboard and he inspected the bathroom before and after each person used it throughout the day. That lasted about a week. After that he had intermittent inspections. Each week after that he picked a new person to ridicule and accuse of pissing on the floor. I shit you not…..15 fucking weeks of that crap! (four employees were women) He put a sign up sheet on the bathroom door offering expert pissing instructions for anyone who wanted them.
He was particularly pissed off at me for putting the note down there. We had a run in during his second week working there and I let him know in no uncertain terms that I was not someone he wanted to fuck with in any kind of serious way. Still, one night (I worked nights) he drove more than an hour home then drove all the way back to work after everyone else had left for the day for the purpose of talking to me about that note but he couldn’t bring himself to broach the subject at all and I made a point to ignore all hints on his part to do so. Fuckin’ pussy! He spent three hours there bullshitting with me about everything under the Sun except for that note then he drove another hour+ back home.
On his next camp out in front of the bathroom door I told him he was never going to catch the phantom pisser unless he set up a camera. He said that he’d get fired for that. I argued that he only needed the camera when HE was using the bathroom and let that sink in. He blew another gasket and spent the next few months bringing the subject up in every single conversation he had with anyone there.
He literally spent more than eight months acting like a three year old with respect to pissing on the floor. Every time some would take a day off or go on vacation he’d point out how no one pissed on the floor during that time. We all pointed out how it stopped when he was on vacation.
In hindsight I think management was giving him enough rope to hang himself so they could fire him but always stopped short of a firing offense. About a year later another manager told him that no one had any respect for him. That started an epic pissing contest and he was fired a short time later.
About six months after he got fired I told a friend of his to pass on the message that the problem went away when he went away.
To answer the QOTD:
1. Most guys think their dick is much longer than it really is.
2. Most guys are fucking savages who literally need their mommy to follow them around like a maid.
3. Some guys never grew up and are still trying to set distance records like five year olds.
4. Probably all three.
My mother cured my brothers and I of that kind of shit by making us clean the bathroom on a rotating basis from a young age until we moved out of the house. Dad fully supported her in that!
My dad was a B24 crewmember in WW2. He had a little sign that they made on Tinian: “Those With Short Stacks or Low Manifold Pressure Please Taxi up Close”. Guess it still applies today!
It is all the angle of the dangle and the shaking of the Johnson. It is also to keep custodians gainfully employed!
IS @ 4:04 PM. I started in 2002, but Ann Barnhardt and I went “Galt” around the same time in 2011 (although in different ways).
Reading your post above makes me so glad I did, and, in fact, only reaffirms my decision. Office / workplace politics are ridiculous and “pisses” me off to know end.
People are fucking stupid and it totally sucks to have to work with them everyday. For the most part, I left it behind.
I now only do biz, with those whom I respect and trust. Nothing worse than a bad boss. No doubt…
“No end”. Not “know end”. Freudian slip. Bleh…
Truth is, you know urine trouble when your boss pisses all over the workplace and doesn’t care.
Been there. Done that.
What Tim said.
Anywho, our instructor at Chanute commented that there was a mystery shitter who had left his elegant work each day for several weeks and nobody had any clue. They kept finding the toilet full every morning but no clue as to the author. He sent us on a field trip to the mens’ room to check out the artwork. The middle stall had a notice to the mystery crapper, suggesting that he see a doctor. In the bowl was a brown mush that covered the entire surface of the water. We could not guess what condition would cause that loose movement.
Too much oatmeal or cream of wheat followed by a binge of hastedly ingested Snickers bars will do it? Just a wild guess.
One of these should fix the problem:
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I was at the Lakers game in the Forum back then, the pissoirs were these long metal troughs. I found a space and proceeded to piss like a gentleman since I was wearing $150 tailored slacks. The fucker next to me was pissing like a runaway firehose. He left a myriad golden beads that shone in the light all up and down my pants leg. Mother effer.
Walt, I heard some distressing news, Kimka threw her back out. With an ass that big, it’s a wonder she didn’t do it sooner. She’s wearing a back brace. Methinks this is an excuse to cut off Kanye.
I was thinking about pissing and holding one’s dick when it occurred to me that Kanye will be left holding his schlong for a while.
If they can make a pill that gives you a 4 hour Woody that requires a Emergency Room Romp,Surely they could invent a urinal with a built in sensor that would adjust its distance accordingly
Pizz, they have urinals at Costco that go to the floor just like in grade school. I like those, I don’t get my dick wet.
My little brother used to do the high distance spray formation because other people like him might have pissed on the floor before them.