I saw this on Facebook this morning, and it made me think of Billy.
Oh, Billy. Where art thou?
1953 Ford F-1 4X4
$3,200
Somewhere deep in rural Kentucky
1953 Ford F-1 sitting on a 1979 Ford Bronco Frame
Unknown Miles
400M Engine
4WD
AUTOMATIC Transmission
Bright Black
Crank Windows, no cruise, has tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
POWER MIRRORS! Naada
$3200
Here’s the deal, kids:
This is a 1953 Ford F-1 4X4. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
It’s a Ford. It rides like a Ford. It drives like a Ford. All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.
If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR FORD TRUCK.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold my beer and watch this …”?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, “I could hit that from here with the .22 …”?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?
If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR FORD TRUCK.
DETAILS:
-I am the second owner. First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
-I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
-The motor uses a little oil. How much? I don’t know, I’m not collecting statistical analysis points.
I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
-It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enough for me to care. It has unknown miles, Poindexter!
This is what happened to it before I bought it. Kid was going to make a STREET MACHINE out of it and shaved the door handles. He took the box off never to be found again. Oh…He also shaved the gas filler and removed the tank from behind the seat.
This is what I have done since I bought it!
Worked on the 400M motor – runs like a ape on steroids. / New Manifold – racing low RPM power range / New Windshield after some nutball took a crack at it in a drunken rage after the fireworks festival / New windshield wipers to go with it / New Carb Endelbrook Competition Series 650 or 750 / Dual Oil Filters / New Gas Pump Holly Performance Series – Inline filter / Newer Radiator / Twin electronic radiator fans / BRAND NEW transmission less than 500 miles on her / New external transmission cooler with electronic fan on it / exhaust cutouts with plates / dual high flow mufflers / NEW gas tank – biggest available for Bronco frame – 33gals? / New rear bumper / Front tube bumper / Aluminum Diamond Plate Dash / New Gauges – no speedo / New rear Tri tail lights in aluminum box / Beard Racing seats / Five point harness / Remote battery between seats / Punkin and driveline good / Brakes good – have a leak in passenger rear right now / Shocks and springs good / CUSTOM Flatbed with light mounts – 82”W X 102”L X 1-1/2” X 4” Rails / Great aluminum tool box too
WHEELS IN PICTURE NOT INCLUDED – have running wheels on it to push it around
DON’T EVEN ASK ABOUT THE TIRES – ALREADY SOLD THEM!!!!
QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
I can’t justify owning it anymore. Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money. Bad back makes it hard to get in and out too.
Someone else needs to appreciate the Ford for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.
-What’s wrong with it?
Passenger rear brake cylinder leaks. Will have to go through brakes and lines to make it road worthy. In front of Driver’s side door cosmetic issues.
And it’s pissed it has been neglected and parked. It needs rescued.
-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.
-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No. I’m not in the salvage business. Buy the 53. Love the 53. Give the 53 a home.
-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of shit honda project down the road.
I think I’m plenty cheap for this bad mofo.
-Why is it still available?
Because I bought it for a daily driver and weekend warrior. Had a lot of fun but now it is time to let her go. Needs TLC and I haven’t had the time to do so. So I am selling it.
-Can I put a 6″ lift and giant tires on it?
I don’t give a shit. But be sure to use quality components and for God’s sake – get it aligned after a lift!
-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn’t really enough room in the back for that little bastard she’s dating to try anything.
-Can you deliver?
NO!! But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc. Bring a trailer for I will not let anyone drive it off with the brake leaking.
-Will you take a check / cashier’s check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
No. I’ll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don’t show.
-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.
-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That’s great, I don’t give a shit. Unicef ain’t running this deal, and until they do I want $3000.
Why? Because I don’t HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I’d rather keep it.
But if it’s going to a good home – I will sell. Unless you’re an asshole – then no sale.
-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
Any other questions, feel free to reply to this and ask.
Aw man…no pictures? That ad had me salivating.
My high school girlfriend had a sister who married while I was a senior. The wedding procession was led by 8 monster trucks. I drove the best man and maid of honor in the second truck.
Scranton PA. 1984
A) I want the truck
B) I need to have a beer with this dude
C) can I fix the brakes where she sits?
Only problem is its all the way in kentucky.
Good way to start the day with some good words of wisdom.
i am the owner of a 1990 Dodge Ramcharger with 80,000 miles on the odometer. no rust, no cruise control, no USB port or wifi, no electric windows and no car payment. 11 mpg city/14 hwy. can do my own tune ups, etc., easily. people love this truck and are almost daily giving thumbs-up and asking me about it. young girls and old men love it. better attention-getter than a Corvette. cost me $4,000 5 years ago. i’ve also deducted 25,000 miles at 55 cents or so per mile, so it has paid for itself twice now.
From the title of this post, I thought Bill was divorcing Hillary.
Oddly enough, I wondered where Billy has been… I felt sure he would give us a rant about the Russkies hacking the election.
That really DOES sound like a Billy rant.
Hey, Billy, if you’re reading this, just want to say I hope you, the missus, and family are doing well.
Before: 1953 Ford F-1 4X4
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After: 1953 Ford F-1 4X4
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Eh,sounds like a cool ride but not for me.I did put a E100 van body on a 1974 F-250 frame,running a small lif with 33″ tires on wagon wheels .2 captains chairs/stereo/good to go,was a great vehicle but a little tippy 4 bying,that and a bottle of jack in the woods,well,lesson learned.I have had many great ones over the years,look forward to another!
I will build another 4×4 but start with rust free/hopefully orginal faded/chipped paint,they are out there!
Endlebrook carbs?
Must be a Chinese Edelbrock knock-off.
Same goes for the Holly fuel pump.
Billy…….Where are ya man? Come back.
Kensucky isn’t a southern state and Billy is a pussy.
That ought to do it.
I guess the dude didn’t notice that he lowered his own asking price from $3200 to $3000 between the top and bottom of the ad.
Brakes should be an easy fix.
All of the snowflakes that tried reading this are sitting there staring at the wall jibbering to themselves something about, idiots, rednecks, and not understanding greek……lmao. Wait, nevermind, a snowflake could never have gotten this far or close to truth by coming to this website…..if so said snowflake would have melted long ago…….
Automatic transmission? Just took the fun out and buried it.