CHEROKEE NATION—Having dropped out of the presidential race, Elizabeth Warren rode in solitude back to her reservation, having failed to take the land back from the pale faces.
“I am sorry, my people. I have failed,” she said somberly, a single tear rolling down her cheek. “The white man still holds our land, and the very trees cry out against them. May Great Spirit grant us another chance in 4 harvests.” The Cherokee people looked confused, so she clarified: “That means years according to the Indian talk book I picked up.”
The Cherokee expressed mixed emotions at seeing Warren return, from “Who are you?” to “How many times do we have to tell you that if you’re not gonna play some slots at the casino, then you’re gonna need to leave?”
Warren nodded, accepting her banishment from her once-great place among the Cherokee people. “I accept my punishment and vow never to return until the sun once again never sets on the Cherokee Nation. As I depart, let me simply ask you if you have ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grins?”
“Wait, now you’re just quoting Pocahontas,” one tribal security guard said. “Alright, lady, let’s go. The buffet is having crab legs tonight but other than that you’re gonna have to scram.”
At publishing time, Warren had sought advice from Grandmother Willow as to who it is that she should endorse.
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She speaks with a forked tongue and crossed fingers.
Tonto says, “HMMM, Kemosabe, Faux PaleFace no bringum back open borders and much Tutonka, must take back behind Wigwam for beacoup beatdown. You wantum some licks??”
Stands With a Fistful of Dollars should endorse Bernie but she will knuckle under and endorse the machine crony, Biden.
Get with the lefty program EC, it’s fisting with dollars.
subwo
She’ll probably still try to do some negotiating for a VP spot.
Every departure will be “rewarded.” Quid pro quo.
The bitch just dropped out.
Are my holy documents, which appear as cartoons to the average person, making sense now?
Lie about good Republican men-> off with your fucking head.
Names not to be forgotten:
Fauxcahontas
Picohontas
Nanohontas
Lieawatha
Elizabeth “One Drop” Warren
Sitting Bull Dyke
Spitting Bull
Partcohontas
Sortahontas
Pseudohontas
Pocahundredth
Sortajawea
Lackajawea
Chief Spreading Bull
Barely Thereokee
Grey Beaver
Pocaheinous
Pinnochiontas
Hunts at Whole Foods
Pocahotmess
Lying cow
Whatever you call her, at least we can call her “gone.”
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I laughed through that whole list.
Man that was funny.
All the results of some searching. Wish I could take credit for any of them. I do especially like Lackajawea, Pocaheinous, and Lieawatha. Glad I could provide some levity to the “voluntary imprisonment.” Hope the family is all doing well.
Grey Beaver really got me, almost spit out my coffee.
Never have so many nicknames been passed.
I’m a Yankee by birth but my heart is in Salt Lake. Anything from Massachusetts, Vermont or anywhere in New England for that matter is HIGHLY SUSPECT!
Another toxic Democrat fake, non-viable, candidate DOA.
Whoa, I thought you were Southern by choice. What’s this Salt Lake magic underwear shit?
The Angry Elf