CNN Reports On ‘Deadly Boat Accident’ At Pearl Harbor

Via The Babylon Bee

HONOLULU, HI—CNN and other mainstream news outlets are reporting on a “tragic, completely accidental” boating accident at Pearl Harbor. As details still come in, CNN is urging people to not rush to judgment or assign blame until the story goes away in a few days.

“Such a tragic and completely accidental boating accident,” said one news anchor. “The thing that’s so sad about it is the tragic, totally random accidentalness of it. Our hearts are with the victims and whatever. Anyway, in other news…”

Independent journalists from the scene are sending messages that this was an intentional attack by the Empire of Japan that was designed to inflict as much destruction and casualty as possible. Such messages have been dismissed as unfounded and racist, and likely linked to recent increases in anti-Asian hate crimes.

“We do not need to investigate this any further, or talk about it ever again, as it was an accident,” said the local Police Chief in a press conference. “Any talk of motive is unhelpful at this time. I think what’s really important is allowing our Pearl Harbor community to heal.”

CNN then quickly transitioned to a news story about the latest Cary Grant movie.

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13 Comments
hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
November 25, 2021 9:14 am

Consistently funny, top notch comedy writing that an entire season of SNL couldn’t touch.

Because it’s true.

Undebatable
Undebatable
  hardscrabble farmer
November 25, 2021 9:52 am

I just read the headlines and they crack me up. Astute satire, for sure

Ken31
Ken31
  hardscrabble farmer
November 25, 2021 12:12 pm

More or less. I don’t think the Japs expected to be let through. They wanted their trade back, not to go to war. They were already at war. That’s why they were pissed about the trade.

Arthur
Arthur
November 25, 2021 10:20 am

Now do the USS Liberty.

Foot in the Forest
Foot in the Forest
  Arthur
November 25, 2021 11:03 am

A flock of birds in a feeding frenzy over a school fish caused minor damage to a US Navy vessel. Some members of the crew were injured in the rush to film mother nature.

falconflight
falconflight
  Arthur
November 25, 2021 11:07 am

Why is that more important when crypto jooos were responsible for Pearl Harbor? Happy Thanksgiving dckwad.

Chud Bently
Chud Bently
November 25, 2021 10:51 am

Super funny. Sad commentary on just how decayed our republic has become. Happy Thanksgiving TBPers.

rhs jr
rhs jr
November 25, 2021 11:15 am

Better to be Herod’s pig than be a White Person in America now, especially if you are a Conservative, who must always look down and shuffle your feet; always start sentences with sir or mam, ask permission and apologize for everything, or else you will be attacked as a racist, uppity bigot, white supremest, nazi fascist; be arrested as a Terrorist and held in solitary. It’s not rampaging scofflaw Blacks being arrested, convicted, and sued to death; it’s Whites you Useful Idiots.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
November 25, 2021 11:38 am

Remember the “mostly peaceful” protests at CNN last year? Good times for sure.

comment image

Undebatable
Undebatable
November 25, 2021 11:39 am

He was flying through that crowd for maximum psychological impact. Thanksgiving and Christmas will never be the same again for those folks who were there.

ConcernedCitizen
ConcernedCitizen
November 25, 2021 7:21 pm

CNN reporter ask “Other than the unpleasantries of the evening, how was play Mrs Lincoln?”

musket
musket
November 25, 2021 9:37 pm

Please do not give them any ideas as they already stupid enough now as it is……

Anonymous
Anonymous
December 16, 2021 9:53 pm

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