DERRY, NH — After an intense competition, the winner of a local Miss America beauty pageant for a college scholarship was revealed to be the Patriarchy.
Brían Nguyen, the male winner who left twelve female competitors in the dust, accepted his prize on behalf of oppressive, dominating males everywhere. “I’m a beautiful lady! See? I shave my legs and stuff!” growled the 250-pound behemoth of a male. “I’m proud to show the world that men are better at being women than women are. Chalk up one more point for the patriarchy! WOOOOOOOOOO!”
Nguyen then shotgunned a beer and crushed the can on his head.
Sources say few expected Nyugen to win the contest, but he quickly shut down skepticism after posting perfect scores in the caber toss, pie eating contest, and parallel parking competitions — all new additions to the pageant.
“We hope Nyugen’s performance sends a clear message to girls everywhere,” said Jyrx Gruumer, the local pageant coordinator. “Men will continue to invade their spaces and their competitions until they dominate in every category, all opportunities are stripped from women, and women cease to be a real category of human being altogether. PROGRESS!”
At publishing time sources had confirmed pageants across the country are reinforcing their stages to bear the weight of the influx of male contestants this year.
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Jyrx Gruumer – Absolutely brilliant
Beat me to it, TNP. That jumped out and gobsmacked me with a 90 second laugh.
Excellent news!
Dear God is that thing ugly. The red head in the green dress should have won. I don’t know why these girls agree to play along with this rubbish. They’re being erased.
That’s why it is so awesome!
They’re all losers, but especially “fat boy”. When the SHTF and this upside down world rights itself he will be erased along with a lot of others. No photo ops then– history says they’ll be looking for the darkest closet they can find to crawl into.
Ground into Soylent Brown
Not enuff ketchup in the entire world for that, Joe.
It seems the best woman for the job is now a man pretending to be a woman, and in this case, an overweight, ugly one at that.
A fat Vietnamese. Even more of the new normal.
“He love you long time.”
Definitely not a Spinner!
Once again the best is a man
There is no way that thing is the best. It is an affront to nature.
Real life is make believe! If you don’t play along and make believe, then your a ….. ist
Ah! Finally I know what I am!
Feline-aphobe.
We now celebrate mental illness instead of treating it………
Not having a mental illness, is a mental illness.
Fucking nutz.
Moar scotch, stat.
Is he sultry looking or what? I’ll go with or what.
The Bee does what I cannot. They make an actually nuanced point on a destructive and perverted cultural ‘trend’ that is humorous and completely devoid of profanity and vitriol. Go Bee!
We all need to get “We are Doomed” from TBP.
A few moar sequins and voila! Ready for the vice presidency or, at minimum, U.S. Senate.
Coach Brand Trans Model Threatens To Beat And ‘Destroy’ Women
At a recent event in New York City for a female activist group named Let Women Speak, a group of male high-end fashion models who are transgender activists attacked and threatened the group of women who were speaking in support of women’s rights.
No beauties in that lot.
Judging by the picture, there’s only one GIRL that broke a six of ten. ‘It’ broke negative infinity. Alrighty then