John Kerry Praises Haitian Cannibals’ Efforts To Reduce Humanity’s Carbon Footprint

Via The Babylon Bee

MARTHA’S VINEYARD — With the rest of the world expressing shock and horror at seeing video footage of a Haitian warlord eating the charred remains of his enemies, former Secretary of State John Kerry praised the Haiti cannibals for their efforts to reduce humanity’s carbon footprint.

The failed presidential candidate and current U.S. Special Presidential Envoy for Climate said the rest of the civilized world could learn a lesson or two from the violent group of armed Haitian gangs that have taken control of the Caribbean nation and the steps they have taken to address climate change.

“It’s inspiring to see,” Kerry said in a statement from his Martha’s Vineyard estate. “Not only are these fellows reducing the overcrowdedness of the world’s human population, but they’ve also developed a sustainable food source that will lessen their dependence on livestock and farmed animals. I applaud them. They appear to be a group of fine young cannibals.”

Haiti has continued its descent into total societal collapse, with the nation’s Prime Minister Ariel Henry resigning and turning control of the country over to warring gangs, but Kerry sees a silver lining. “It’s wonderful to see people rising up to take power,” he said. “I look forward to the United States building a relationship with the Haitian cannibals as we seek solutions to the serious climate issues facing mankind.”

At publishing time, Kerry had politely declined an invitation from the Haitian cannibals to visit the island as a guest of honor at a barbecue festival.

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27 Comments
Anonymous
Anonymous
March 14, 2024 4:34 pm

You will eat each other , and you will be happy. – W.E.F.

Jimmy Shabimmel
Jimmy Shabimmel
  Anonymous
March 14, 2024 6:39 pm

But… soylent green is people!

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  Jimmy Shabimmel
March 14, 2024 6:53 pm

comment image

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Jimmy Shabimmel
March 14, 2024 7:19 pm

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Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  Anonymous
March 14, 2024 11:25 pm

I had (another of many) million dollar ideas…..
Alert bracelets that says, “No vaccinated blood under ANY circumstances”
Millions would buy one.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Jimmy Shabimmel
March 15, 2024 6:12 am

Highly processed people with salt, trans-fat and modified corn syrup added. Just to keep you unhealthy!

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 14, 2024 4:36 pm

@Matt_Bracken

NBC’s Main Concern About Cannibal Gangs in Haiti is Conservatives Saying There Are Cannibal Gangs in Haiti
https://modernity.news/2024/03/14/nbcs-main-concern-about-cannibal-gangs-in-haiti-is-conservatives-saying-there-are-cannibal-gangs-in-haiti/
14 March 2024

NBC News published a report about cannibal gangs in Haiti by condemning conservatives on X who said there were cannibal gangs in Haiti, and that some members could be making their way to the U.S.

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 14, 2024 4:39 pm

comment image

Jimmy Shabimmel
Jimmy Shabimmel
  Anonymous
March 14, 2024 6:41 pm

You WILL KTA!

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 14, 2024 4:50 pm

Gates Partners With Bezos To Build Vast Network of Fake Meat Laboratories

“Food is the arsonist of climate change, and agriculture is the matchstick that keeps the bonfire blazing,” lamented BEF in a fiery statement, calling for a culinary coup d’état to overhaul the way we grow, harvest, and chow down.”

According to the two globalist titans, flooding the market with cheap, synthetic meat will drive the majority of traditional farmers out of business and drive the price of real meat through the roof and out of reach of ordinary people.

Gates Partners With Bezos To Build Vast Network of Fake Meat Laboratories

B_MC
B_MC
  Anonymous
March 14, 2024 5:54 pm

American Cattle Rancher Exposes How They’ve All Been Sold Out

85% of the US meat packing industry has been consolidated under four companies

(

Anonymous
Anonymous
  B_MC
March 14, 2024 6:22 pm
Anonymous
Anonymous
  B_MC
March 14, 2024 7:14 pm

this is nothing new

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 14, 2024 4:57 pm

WEF Orders US Gov’t To Forcibly Seize Farms By 2025 And Burn Millions of Cattle
https://www.planet-today.com/2023/06/wef-orders-us-govt-to-forcibly-seize.html
.

Bill Gates Calls for Farmers to Be Replaced with ‘Smart Farming’ AI Technology

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  Anonymous
March 14, 2024 6:54 pm

KTA!

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 14, 2024 5:49 pm

comment image

Aunt Acid
Aunt Acid
  Anonymous
March 14, 2024 7:52 pm

Auntie should have put the Cornel Wilde clip here.

k
k
March 14, 2024 7:36 pm

Lucifer lives, above the surface, and his disciples name is John.

Aunt Acid
Aunt Acid
March 14, 2024 7:50 pm

This all Auntie can think of at this moment considering the topic:

Haiti has been “independent” (lololol0l…) for over two centuries. Poorest country in the Western Hemisphere;ignorance, disease, violence, AIDS, corruption, Clintons, Ton Tons Macoute and Voodoo. They took paradise made it a world-class shit-hole.

Go fuck yourself JK and FJB.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  Aunt Acid
March 15, 2024 12:11 am

Where you have Africans..you have Africa.
The fact they are eating each other should come as no surprise.
The only thing missing are bones through their noses.

Max
Max
March 14, 2024 9:05 pm

Glad to contribute a couple cases of barbecue sauce to Kerry’s party with the guys from Haiti.

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 14, 2024 9:48 pm

Hey, John. Why the long face?

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
  Anonymous
March 14, 2024 10:26 pm

.

Walter
Walter
March 14, 2024 11:25 pm

Again, though obviously parody it is absolutely not out of line to hear Kerry say just such things. The man is the very emptiest of suits, puffed up momentarily with whatever platitudes his directors implant.

Erik
Erik
March 15, 2024 5:25 am

Population reduction by 95%. They can not be buried or burnt. That is why they invented the 3D meat printer.

Leah
Leah
March 15, 2024 5:44 am

If John won’t leave Martha’s Vineyard to visit the Haitian cannibals, surely they’d be happy to visit for a meal on/of him. They can eat some other collateral damage while they are there. They may get confused when they reach Obama’s place, though. “Hey yo. Why you not be eatin’ these delicacies? They be in your back yard and shit.”

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 15, 2024 10:43 am

Look at the face of that ugly skull and bones cunt – his face is becoming a skull. LOL