U.S. — Dorks across the nation have begun helpfully identifying themselves for the general populace by all wearing solar eclipse glasses.
“Oh, look honey, another huge dork,” said local man Ben Williamson to his wife as they spotted another man with eclipse glasses. “Gosh, I had no idea there were so many giant dorks in this country!”
According to the dorks, the eclipse glasses are carefully crafted by the American Astronomical Society to keep away ultraviolet rays and anyone of the opposite sex. “It’s very important to check that your solar eclipse glasses are certified as ISO 12312-2:2015,” explained local dork Tommy Reese. “The glasses should also come with a certificate of conformity from the POCE laboratory, which you should keep with you in case anyone questions whether you are, in fact, a massive dork.”
The dorks have reportedly begun traveling in packs, renting out houses along the path of the solar eclipse for little dork gatherings. “There are literally planes filled with dorks arriving in Arkansas for the eclipse,” explained local woman Tanya Mason. “Our little town of 1,200 has been completely overrun with these dorks. It’s like there’s a dork migration happening.”
At publishing time, a man who had forgotten his glasses had taken to holding up a sign reading, “HUGE DORK” with an arrow pointing to his face.
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So sick of hearing the bullshit about this. School is canceled here in our county in Florida to keep kids safe WTF!!
There were warnings to keep your pets inside so they won’t look at the sun and damage their eyes. It made me think of all those poor wild animals outdoors that will harm their eyes! (sarc)
I am a dork that will enjoy this event as long as the weather stays clear and I have a nice shroom to go with eclipse!
I plan on being productive outside Monday till 1 p.m.,then tis dork time!
be careful, while the dorks is lookin at da sun, da nignogs and sandniggas is stealin’
I guess I will be uber dork. $500 welding helmet. The edge is close so I will go outside if its clear and not if not.
This man a dork or epic cultural icon?!
https://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/florida-man-busted-for-eating-pancakes-in-the-middle-of-a-busy-intersection
No political message/no transgender agenda,just eating pancakes in the road,sadly,he seemed to have a container of non syrup syrup.
I would admit to be initially a bit aggravated if driving down said road but feel would also bust out laughing and feel aggravation fade away.
Florida man… of course.
I’m donning 4 facemasks on Monday as covid is expected to make a phenomenal rebound and grow exponentially during this eclipse event. The blocking of the sun’s rays will cause COVID-19 to mutate at even a faster rate, rendering all current vaccines useless. Don’t worry though as the pharmaceutical industry is expected to introduce “Operation Warp Speed 2” by implementing “Hyperdrive-24” and introduce new vaccines by week’s end. But until then, on Monday and into Tuesday, hospital wards will be overflowing with COVID positive patients, putting a strain on our already overburdened healthcare system.
the credulity strain
Should I go long on vax stocks now? Asking for a friend.
I’m confused. Should we look at the eclipse without glasses?
Never stare at the sun.
well, that all depends on whether or not u want to look like a dork
Wicked eclipse pahties happenin’ up in Maine ah yut
Would this party be in little somalia…..,oh,I meant Lewiston?
I remember an eclipse when I was a kid. My mom covered all the windows with sheets and made us kids stay inside and away from the windows so we wouldn’t go blind.
The ignorance is strong out there Luke.
The Giant Dork will soon be nearly extinct…as will the Clueless Sheep. Darwinism is a cruel mistress…