Author: Uncola

by Uncola

Did you happen to see Donald Trump speak at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner this last Thursday night? Wow. The white-tie gala was held on October 20, 2016 at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York and was broadcast on the cable news networks. With Hillary Clinton and the Archbishop of New York, Cardinal Tim Dolan, sitting just a few feet away and the celebrity media and other high society luminaries held captive: Trump spoke and it was like lighting a match in a leaking gas refinery. It was like watching the tsunami hit Japan, Indonesia and Fukushima all at once. It was like Gloria Steinem inviting Andrew Dice Clay to address her “womyn’s only” book club. Or perhaps, more accurately, it was like Rosie O’Donnell in the waiting room of her gynecologist only to see Andy Kauffman walk out donning a white Lab coat, with an enema pump in hand and wearing prophylactic rubber gloves ready to give her the treatment.

Continue reading “Transitions of Scorched Earth”

by Uncola

Fall is here and the Locker Room Brigades have taken the field. The preseason game is already underway. The stadium is slightly less than two-thirds full yet the fans are cheering their respective teams with vigor and the entire world is watching the game on television or at least periodically checking the score on TV, radio or online.

It is the Deplorables in red versus the Hypocrites in blue with Pepe the Mascot, a green frog with brown lips, running up and down the sidelines whipping the red team’s crowd into a frenzy. Yet the game is rigged because the referees and announcers are all corrupt and are coordinating an illegitimate victory on behalf of the Blue Hypocrites. In fact, the bias against the red team is so obvious, even the fans can see the blatant unfairness and undeniable prejudice.

Continue reading “Lords of the Locker Room”

by Uncola

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ENLIGHTENED: /inˈlītnd,enˈlītnd/ adjective

1 : having or showing a good understanding of how people should be treated 2 : not ignorant or narrow in thinking 3 : freed from ignorance and misinformation 4 : based on full comprehension of the problems involved

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If there ever was a Devil, some say the biggest lie he ever told was to convince the world he didn’t exist. Yet, in truth, the adherents of most religions believe there is a Prince and Power of the Air wreaking daily havoc in the affairs of mankind both great and small. Surely, if there is God to whom they pray, than the author of such death and destruction, evil turnings and hellfire’s burning cannot be Him. Ancient writings identify this Yang to God’s Yin as Lucifer, the Bright and Morning Star, a dark angel who masquerades as a bearer of light and now is named the Fallen One. According to both ancient scripture and medieval legend, this angelic being, once shining like a star, fell from the heavens for the pride in his heart and an abundance of trade that filled him with violence.

Continue reading “Disorder From Those Enlightened”

by Uncola

In a nationalized chocolate factory founded by a mysterious, enigmatic zeitgeist taking the form of Gene Wilder’s ghost, immigrated by naughty kids and feeding the fat, obnoxious ones their saccharine sweet poison; there rises an orange Oompa Loompa man frightening the children. The man has applied for a new position in the factory that happens to be nothing less than to become its new president and Chief Executive Officer. If the collective Charlie Buckets, Alt-Right Oompa Loompa’s and the other likeminded children in the factory give their winning tickets to the orange man, the man will become president. However, if this happens, the kids currently in the established positions of authority at the factory are afraid the man will look to them and say: “YOU’RE FIRED!”

Even though the political Charlies, Alt-Right Oompa’s and others may, indeed, have some questions of their own regarding the Orange Oompa Loompa man, they fear and despise the man’s opponent more: The Wicked Witch of the East. Furthermore, the man speaks directly and honestly regarding the specific problems currently manifesting in the factory and this causes the witch to continually shriek: “He’s a divisive misogynistic, xenophobic, bully! I’m melting! I’m melting!” But that’s another story entirely.

So who is this bombastic, bloviating, billionaire Oompa Loompa man?

Continue reading “The Oompa Loompa Man”