In what is quite possibly the most delightful news story Hope n’ Change has read in years, Socialist presidential candidate Bernie “Share the wealth” Sanders had to involuntarily share (and eventually forfeit) the stage with idiotic protestors who commandeered his microphone.
Before we dive into the actual events – which are so delicious that we don’t have to make up anything – let’s all take a deep relaxing breath so we can truly savor each delightful detail of this hilarious fustercluck. Ready?
It all began in Seattle, the very Mecca of Liberalism, where Bernie Sanders was scheduled to speak to (in the words of the Huffington Post) a “massive” rally of dozens of liberals, staged by a group called the Social Security Works Coalition. The event was a celebration of entitlement services, complete with a tacky cardboard birthday cake – presumably in commemoration of the many years that people have been getting taxpayer-funded cake.
Sanders took to the microphone and drew cheers when he thanked Seattle “for being one one of the most progressive cities in the state!” Which turned out to be his last word on that or any other subject because the microphone was quickly snatched out of his hands by protestors from Black Lives Matter.
Activist (we’d never use the word “extremist”) Mara Johnson then accused the alleged crowd of covering themselves in “white supremacist liberalism” and demanded four and a half agonizing minutes of silence to mark the sad one-year anniversary of violent cigar thief Michael Brown becoming a speed bump in Ferguson, Missouri.
