LLPOH’s Short Story on What Employers Want in Their Employees

Given the size of TBP’s readership, it seems certain that a there are several hundred members who will be seeking new employment at any given time. The intention here is to provide a bit of insight into what employers are looking for in employees, in hope that that information will assist the members to land interviews, successfully negotiate the interview, and hold the job through the crucial first few months.

As an employer, I hire employees for one reason and one reason only – to help the company make money. I believe this to be a universal truth for all employers. I understand a great many people find this truth to be distasteful, and that some greater relationship, such as mutual loyalty, should exist between employer and employee. To them I say this: what you believe matters not – this is the way it is. Live with it, or do not. If you choose to not live with it, your lives will be harder and it will impinge upon a fruitful search for employment. So in your search for work, keep foremost in your minds at all times this thought – how can I show prospective/current employers that I will help them make money?

The Application

I do not wish to dwell on this area, but will only try to provide some generic advice on what I look for when sifting through job applications.

– I look for a cover letter specific to me and my organization, and do not wish to see a form letter.
– I look for a resume that is appropriate to the position. In other words, I do not want to see a five page resume when the person is applying for a machine operator’s position. Limit the resume to no more than two pages no matter what position is being applied for. Also, get it professionally done, no typos, and printed on quality paper (I recommend something other than plain white so that it stands out).
– I do not want to see that the person has job-hopped. If you have, try to devise a means of obscuring and/or explaining this. I also do not want to see a huge list, or any list, of personal interests. It will not be a positive, and will possibly be a negative if it leaves me with the idea that you partake in dangerous activities or so many activities that they may interfere in your work.
– I want to see what skills you have, and I want to know what you have accomplished. What you were responsible for is of lesser interest to me. A lot of people are responsible for many things, but accomplish little.
– I want to see that you can help me make money.

The Interview

Following is what I want in an employee, and these are the things that the applicant needs to address during the interview:

– I want an employee that comes to work. This is the single most important thing. I repeat, this is the single most important thing. Everything else runs a distant second. You need to get the fact that you will come to work into your application. In 40 years of work I have missed the following days of work: 5 days with pneumonia, 3 days with hernia surgery, 1 day with shoulder surgery, 1 day with a temperature of 104, 2 days with food poisoning. I have no time for people that miss lots of work – especially if they miss lots of single days. Miss a week with pneumonia or surgery – fine. Miss ten days a year one day at a time? Take that crap somewhere else. Some people think that this is harsh. I do not care – not one single whit. Come to work, or get lost. My company averages less than 1.5% absenteeism, and always has. That is three days per year per person, and includes long-term illnesses. As a result, I am able to very accurately plan and schedule my business, which helps me make money and compete in a world market. (There is that thing again – money.)
If a new employee misses a day of work in the first month, I raise an eyebrow and keep an eye on what is going on. If they miss 2 days the first month, it is unlikely they will maintain their employment.
– I am not recruiting for superstars. Superstars are too rare to recruit for. I am recruiting for hard-working individuals that come to work, bring a varied skill-set, and are willing to learn. I do not want to hear that a person can do everything – it is almost always bullshit. I do not want to hear that they are quick learners. Everyone says they are a quick learner. No one is ever a quick learner. I want someone who says they will come to work every day and who says that they are willing to learn and that they will keep at it no matter how long it takes. Funny enough, it is these folks that turn into superstars. People that apply and try to sell themselves as superstars invariably overstate their cases. Sometimes they fool me, and I put these folks in jobs where I find out that they are in fact not qualified. That costs me money. That is a bad thing.

– I do not want job hoppers. If I see that a person has held 5 jobs in the last ten years, they need to explain this in detail, and to convince me that this is not going to continue. This may be hard to do. But the best way would include an explanation that they were young, immature, and have reached a point in their lives that they understand the need to be stable. I spend a lot of time and money training and recruiting new employees. I do not want to see that money wasted.

– I want employees that treat the job and business like it is their own. That is to say, they do not waste money or resources, they treat equipment with care, they produce a quality product every time, etc. I want employees that do not waste time. Every minute an employee wastes cost me approximately $1. Really. Say I have 130 employees and they all waste 10 minutes a day (I am sure it is far, far more than that) that is $1300 dollars per day wasted. Or about $300,000 per year wasted. Of my money. I can stroke out just thinking about it. So I want to hear that potential employees will not waste time, and that they will care for the business as though it is their own. So in an interview say exactly that – “I will not waste time and I will take care of your business just like it is my own”. See how fast you get hired.

– I want employees that fix their own problems. I do not want employees that bring me a never ending stream of problems they have identified. Most issues are not rocket science, and the employee can fix the problem themselves. And I do not want employees coming to me every time they have fixed a problem to crow about it. Blow your own horn, but do it infrequently. I am not blind – I can see. Let your prospective employer know you are this type person. It saves them money.

– I do not want anyone that is a pain in the ass. I want people who treat others with respect. I do not want people who are complaining all the time. I have enough trouble running a business, and do not want to be a babysitter too. It wastes my time and costs me money.

– There are two areas that every employee has absolute authority over –safety and quality. Employees are empowered to shut down any operation that is unsafe or which is spitting out bad quality. I want employees that understand that this is the case – that they are not helping me if they allow unsafe practices to continue or allow bad product to get out the door. Bad quality costs me money, as do any injuries – and injuries can even get me in severe legal trouble. I want people to keep me out of trouble.

– In interviews, I am always concerned if the applicant focuses too much on working hours/vacation days/sick leave provisions/etc. Perhaps it is all reasonable to ask, but it worries me nevertheless.

This list isn’t comprehensive, but it covers the basics. As is evident, it all comes down to money – helping the employer make it and save it. Applicants that show that they are focused on this will be successful. It will overcome a vast array of other deficiencies. For instance, I employ several ex-cons, people with learning disabilities or poor educational skills, ex-drug addicts, etc. etc. etc. For the most part, I do not care about that stuff – I care about whether they help me make money. In many cases I take a chance on people if I think they can help me make money. When I take a chance, I know that the odds are that I will not be successful – for instance, drug addicts relapse. But then again all new hires are something of a crap-shoot.
Here are some examples of how applicant have shot themselves in the foot, and lost the opportunity of a job, or have lost the job themselves:
– In an interview, the applicant told me that they couldn’t work past 3 on Friday, as he played golf then. He was stunned when I showed him the door immediately.
– A receptionist called in sick with a migraine on her first day of work. I advised her there would be no second day. She couldn’t understand it.
– A young man missed 3 days in the first month of work. When I spoke to him about it, he asked me what my problem was as “it is only 3 days in a whole month”. I showed him the door on the spot. The young man’s father showed up to threaten me for mistreating his 23 year old son. That didn’t go well.
– A painter with “10 years’ experience” baked 2 high value spray guns in 2 days. Baking the gun cooks the paint inside the gun and destroys it. Adios, amigo.
– A new hire clocked out without notifying anyone at 9 and came back at 1:30. When asked what that was about he said he had things to do. See you later.
– A new hire was leaping off the top of a dumpster onto his ass inside the dumpster “to compact it”. Do not pass go on the way out.
– A new hire emptied the trash out of his car (lunch bags/ashtray/newspapers/etc.) onto the ground in the employee parking lot. He thought that was fine. I didn’t.
– A new hire started a fire in an employee restroom as a joke. I laughed and laughed.

So, in summary, job applicants need to keep in mind exactly what the employer wants, and needs to convince the employer that he/she will deliver the goods. The employer wants someone to help make him/her money, and who will not be a pain in the ass. It really is that simple.

I hope that this is some help to those looking for new employment. I also hope that those many members with great experience can add and augment to this post. I know that many believe that the world should be a kinder, gentler place. Perhaps that is correct. But it doesn’t help today’s job applicant, who must live in the current reality.