I sent Obama an email last night complaining about the hardships we’re suffering due to the lack of power since last Sunday. Today, at 9:21AM, the power came on!!! So, I’m voting for Obama …. he makes shit happen!!
If you’re looking for an intelligent post, you should stop reading right now. Google has millions of pages regarding tips when the power goes out. For example, I found this gem …. “When power goes out drive to the nearest home improvement center and buy a generator.” No fucking shit, Jose’!! The power of the internet, truly awesome. No … you won’t find this kind of incredibly useful stuff in this post …. just mundane run of the mill bullshit observations I experienced firsthand. OK then …
The Weather Channel news anchors —– if you’re too fucking stooopid to get a job on CNN, Foc, etc., …. if you’re retarded beyond belief …. we have good newz for you!! The Weather Channel will hire you. Typical scenario: they show a family whose house is destroyed and the owners are worried about freezing their asses off. Typical comment: “You know, John, people really need to try to find shelter and stay warm.” Yup, stupid cockfucks, every one of them.
The Weather Channel, just like other cable newz, only has about 5 hours of new programming per day. The rest is the same old shit over and over and over and over. Commercials every 6-7 minutes. TV is worthless bullshit. The internet is the ONLY real source of real news.
Gas Generators use a shitload of fuel!! My two 5-gallon containers just didn’t cut it. I had to refill one every single goddamn day. I estimate that if I were to run it just 12 hours a day it would cost about $500. And don’t forget to stock up on oil …. needs to be replaced every 50 hours. And don’t forget an extra air filter, and a spark plug. Generators eat shit.
I used all my Bruce “I love Obama’s Cock” Springsteen CDs for kindling. Bad move. Had to call a Hazmat Team to remove all the toxic bullshit that filled the house.
I’d rather eat a skunk’s ass than eat canned vegetables. We’ve been buying all our fruits and veggies at a local Farmers Market. Obviously, they don’t last long. So, we bought about 30 cans of various veggies. So around Day 3 of the great blackout I decided to make some buffalo burgers on the grill, make some homemade fries on the stove (we still had gas), and opened a can of asparagus. Good Lord!! What a tasteless, texture-less, colorless, oder-less pile of shit. I spit it out of my mouth. The next day … as I was searching for generator gas … I dropped off the remaining 29 cans at a Salvation Army drop off point. I think they only take clothes. Fine. Let ‘em make shoes out of the asparagus. They’ll probably last longer than anything imported from China.
I discovered that I can live a whole week off one gigantic head of cabbage. I made cabbage soup in a gigantic pot. Ms Freud hates cabbage soup. I’m German, so I love it. But the ensuing farts made even my eyes water. One day someone is going to invent a device to capture all that wasted energy. They’ll make millions.
While I’m on that topic, taking a shit in total darkness is no fun. I like to look at my Lincoln Logs before I wipe my ass … so that I can determine how much toilet paper to use. It’s all about conservation. So I played it safe and used a shitload of toilet paper after each movement. I probably killed one extra tree as a result. Damn shame.
You’re never as prepared as you think. Supplies don’t last as long as you think. You will inevitably forget something … and that something will be critical. For example, we had an entire crate of candles … hundreds. We had one book of matches. We realized we had just one book of matches when we used up the last match. I then had to go to 3 stores to find matches. Another lesson learned: people will hoard exactly the very shit YOU are looking for.
Sex is total darkness can be tricky. I remarked to Ms Freud, “I didn’t realize you were so flat-chested, or so damn tight.” She said, “Turn me over, asshole!”
Chris Christie is an asshole. I’m done with him. Bring back Corzine … I know he’ll fuck me … but, at least he’ll say “Thank You” when it’s over.
I discovered that Scrabble is one way to keep Ms Freud from talking.
I swear to God, I think Mayor Bloomberg and all his hangers-on jerk each other off before appearing on air … seeing how they blow each other when they are on air. Everybody thanking and praising everybody else on what a great job they are doing. Talk, talk, bullshit, bullshit, more talk, more bullshit. I wish these guys would just die, every fucking one of them.
There is always at least one asshole per hundred people. They should be shot on the spot. Ms Freud and I were on our way to bring some food to my parents. We suddenly came upon a gas station with a pretty short line for gas-cans. I quickly pulled the car over so I could quickly get in line, and told Ms Freud to drive up the street to the Walgreen parking lot. The switch took less than 45 seconds. But the car was blocking the gas station exit, and 30 seconds into the switcheroo some dumb cunt in an SUV starts leaning on the horn. Krist. I give her the finger. She rolls down the window and starts yelling at me … calling me a ‘selfish prick’. I tell her to go fuck herself. At this point the crowd gets involved. Lol Some are yelling at me to move my damn car, and some are yelling at her to have some patience. At this point I am no longer pissed off. Rather, I am greatly amused at the ridiculousness of the entire affair. So, I decide to take another two minutes before I let Ms Freud drive off. I only let Ms Freud drive off when SUV-woman actually started crying and punching her windows. I know … I’m a prick, but even Ms Freud was laughing at the end, and that made my day.
I don’t know what to think about utility companies. I have nothing against the grunts in the field working their asses off. But … the front office? Bah!! For eight days we got eight different updates on when to expect power to be restored. Even yesterday the forecast was for a Friday restoration of power. I’m not an electric-guy … but it doesn’t seem like fucking rocket science to be a little more accurate.
I will NEVER donate even a penny to the Red Cross again. People in need don’t need coffee and doughnuts … unless you’re a useless fatfuk dumbass cop.
Fuckme. It looks like a Nor’easter will be here tomorrow. But, I’m well prepared this time. I’m gonna make sure Ms Freud is turned over.
Stuck, those Springsteen cd’s must have really made a heck of a fire! But do you know how much Co2 they put out when burned?, I bet the EPA will be a knockin’ at your door any minute now. John
Hysterical post Stuck. Welcome back.
The TBP comment count was down 40% while your were in the dark.
Stuck after Cabbage Soup
Sign in Stuck’s kitchen
@Stucky –
First off, glad to see you are back in action Stuck!
Secondly “I’d rather eat a skunk’s ass than eat canned vegetables.”
Parents wonder why ALL KIDS all of the sudden starting hating vegetables nationwide? THATS THE FUCKING REASON.
Fresh veggies are amazing. That canned slop is horrific.
omg! Stucky,
I haven’t laughed so hard in I don’t know how long.
My sides hurt.!!!
I’m glad your power is back on though and sorry you had to go through that so we monkeys could have a big belly laugh.
Thanks for sharing!
What Maddie’s mom said!!!!
Stuck,
A feature article for sure!!!
Bruce “I love Obama’s Cock” Springsteen has a nice ring to it.
funny shit right there
Some guys will use any excuse to get a little back door action.
Apparently there is a fan here of both Springsteen and obama’s cock who thumbed down the boss’s new nickname.
Very funny post Stucky, sounds like it was an adventure. Propane is the best option for a generator, IMHO.
Stucky, try using wet wipes instead. =)
LOL nice post, this made me realize that I have a huge box of matches at my apt but no candles or a flashlight, yup i’m a dumbass
Thanks for the nice comments gals and guys.
Ms Freud says one of the reasons she keeps me around is because I make her laugh all the time. Which is really weird … cuz you guys know how much shit I hate … I hate everything …. yet, I try to find humor whenever and wherever possible. Humor keeps me sane in this truly insane world. But I’m not sure I’ll be laughing tonight after the election, regardless of who wins.
Ms Freud is back at the clinic today. Me? Been cleaning since I finished this post. It’s amazing how filthy a carpet can become after nine days of not vacuuming.
Also, I had to wash down the walls in the kitchen. You see, we used the kitchen 100% of the time when we were not sleeping. I put two empty coffee cans over the flames …. they glowed red hot and put out some nice heat. I also put two large pots on the stove and boiled water … all fucking day. The steam kept the room very very warm. Unfortunately, the condensation also left water marks all over the walls and cabinets. hmmmmm, didn’t think that one through beforehand….. and Ms Freud wasn’t laughing. But, when she gets home tonight it’ll look good as new.
Hilarious-thanks
I love all german cuisine, with the exception of sauerkraut. It is truly awful.
Sticky said:
“I used all my Bruce “I love Obama’s Cock” Springsteen CDs for kindling. Bad move. Had to call a Hazmat Team to remove all the toxic bullshit that filled the house.”
Same thing happens when you play them!
“we had an entire crate of candles … hundreds. We had one book of matches.”
Stupid question I know, but why not light those candles with the gas stove? It is always a good idea to keep cigarette lighters around, including a couple in each car.
“At this point I am no longer pissed off. Rather, I am greatly amused at the ridiculousness of the entire affair. So, I decide to take another two minutes before I let Ms Freud drive off.”
Well I’ll be damed! I do the same kinds of things! Had no idea that made me a prick. lol
It is amazing how quickly supplies run out. Prepping to survive long term is not easy or practical. It would be great for all you who survived to do a post about what you would do differently in your preps.
For those of you with gas furnaces, (forced air) and a generator you can easily heat your house with a simple little trick. Shut off the breaker to your furnace. Disconnect the main power leads from the furnace and connect them to a standard male extension cord replacement plug. Now plug the extension cord from your generator into your furnace. The blower motor in your furnace will run easily on a generator and your whole house will be toasty. Reverse the process when the power comes back on. Takes five minutes or less.
Glad you are back Stucky. Just imagine how bad it was/is for those with no preps!
I_S
Stuck – you said “There is always at least one asshole per hundred people.” Just in case you have not figured it out, that would be you.
No one likes a dick that inconveniences them for their own purposes – blocking an exit is an asshole act. And then not only do you commit the asshole act, you expand on it for someone daring to challenge you for having committed said asshole act. God forbid you to have pulled forward a hundred yards so as to have to then waddle 20 seconds back to the line – no-o-o-o-o-o, you had to block the exit. Seriously – that is fucked up.
Welcome back! But absence does not buy brownie points – quite the contrary.
“For those of you with gas furnaces, (forced air) and a generator you can easily heat your house with a simple little trick. Shut off the breaker to your furnace. Disconnect the main power leads from the furnace and connect them to a standard male extension cord replacement plug. Now plug the extension cord from your generator into your furnace. The blower motor in your furnace will run easily on a generator and your whole house will be toasty. Reverse the process when the power comes back on. Takes five minutes or less.”
I actually copy/pasted that into a document.
Nice tip!
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TPC —- you don’t like sauerkraut …. even on a hot dog??
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IS — the stove is OLD … it doesn’t light up without a match, even in the best of times. Plus, we had candles strategically placed in every room of the house and basement. I wanted a book of matches next to each of them. BTW … awesome tip!! … I could have used that before I water-stained the entire f’en kitchen.
Stucky that was funny as hell. I gonna try the cabbage soup!
llpoh
I gave you a thumbs up even though you called me a dick. You’re lucky I’m in a good mood.
First of all, SUV-bitch was not even at the exit when I stopped the car. She only pulled up after I already stopped the car. Her total wait time before she leaned on the horn was maybe 15 seconds. Had she waited 5 more seconds Ms Freud would have been off. SUV-bitch is the same exact type of NJ driver who will lean on their horns two seconds after the light turns green … or give you the finger for “only” doing 80mph on the Parkway. I know her self-absorbed self-righteous egomaniacal type. She can go fuck herself.
Secondly, I had a headache the night before, and because it was dark, I mistaken took 3 Viagras, and I had a massive boner that would have prevented me from walking ” a hundred yards “. I know YOU know what that’s all about.
Look at the positive side Stuck. My Doomiest Predictions haven’t come to pass…yet. 🙂
RE
http://doomsteaddiner.org
Stucky, I just noticed that I referred to you “Sticky” up there. That was an honest typo and I apologize. I swear.
I_S
Stucky “TPC —- you don’t like sauerkraut …. even on a hot dog??”
I don’t, and its a shame because everyone else in my family and my wife’s family loves the stuff. Just the smell is enough to churn my stomach.
When I’m in a bad mood my wife tells me not to be a sour kraut.
“Sticky” up there
That’s what Ms Freud said when I turned her over.
“Sticky”, “Stuchenmoobs”, etc. …. none of that stuff bothers me. In fact, I give it a +10 for creativity.
Stuck – You are welcomed back in TBP style – you get no breaks whatsoever. That’ll learn ya to post articles around here. Some real funny stuff in there!
I hate to think what would have happened if that had been my wife – she would have been out of the car in a flash, nose to navel with you. I doubt Ms Freud and you would not have been laughing! Damn, my missus has a short fuse when she is driving – she is always one good finger away from road rage – do not know why that is – and loses all sense of fear. Me – I am calm as can be – I am the quintessential little old lady type driver. I have talked to her on many occassions to no avail.
She almost got me into a brawl in a parking lot a while back. Two dicks in a car almost backed into her as she was walking along (I was parking the car and was maybe 40 yards away). She had more than a little to say about it – but the guy was totally in the wrong, and had it coming. He hopped out and started abusing her in a most horrific way, and then I showed up. He jumped back in the car when he saw my intent. He made a mistake by not locking the door – I opened it up and snatched him by the collar. He said he and his buddy would whip my ass – I asked his buddy if he was all in, or what. The buddy shook his head no and hunkered down out of sight in his seat. I told the guy I had pinned to the seat that he was all alone in this little get together – and did he want to apologize or did he want to get out of the car. He chose to apologize. A security guard had watched the whole thing go down. After he drove away the guard told me he had my back if the other one tried to get out of the car, as he was familiar with the two asshats, and was very pleased to see them back down. My teenage son saw this whole thing, and asked what would have happened if he had decided to get out of the car – I told him 1) he was very unlikely to make that decision, and 2) even if he had made that decision, he was never getting out of that car – my advantage was far too great to allow him to stand up, and he deserved a beating, and it wasn’t on the cards to let a beating turn into a fight. My son’s eyes were big as saucers. His upbringing and mine were far different – he has not been involved in a violent incident ever. Me – I grew up on it.
See, the one question I have is does a lack of hot showers make people more or less docile? On the one hand, a lack of a shower pretty much makes me befuddled until I get one, on the other hand, a cold shower makes me more like the bastard offspring of a Hun and a Viking.
Interesting story, llpoh.
I try to avoid road-rage confrontations at ALL costs (usually). People do incredibly foolish stuff. And people die.
Very very briefly … I was involved with a road-rager back when I was in college. I was about 25, just got out of the Air Force, and was in pretty good shape. Didn’t matter. We eventually both got out of our cars … and, me, thinking I’m a big bad-ass and ready to rumble …. was accosted by this little fucker ……………. who pulled a gun and pointed it at my heart while screaming “I’m gonna kill you!!!”. THAT was one of the scariest moments of my life. Obviously, no one died that day, but it pretty much ended my own bravado with road-ragers. Please tell your wife THAT story! Life is like a bunch of chocolates, you never know which road-rager will kill you.
Take this crazy SUV-bitch. There I am … wearing two pairs of socks and boots … so now I’m about 6’8 ….. I’m wearing a turtleneck and a bulky flannel shirt so I look like I’m about 400 pounds … I had not shaved in a week, my hair was tussled, and my eyes were a bit bloodshot from lack of good sleep. All in all, I may not be a bad-ass motherfucker in actuality … but I sure as hell looked like one! And this wee little waif of a woman wants to start shit with me?? What the fuck are people thinking?
Kepi
Showers. That’s another thing I learned. We men still smell good after five days of not showering. In fact, we smell better …. got that manly man smell thing going. Women, on the other hand, start turning rancid after two days.
Ladies, don’t hate me. It’s the truth. Biology, chemistry, decay … and all that. I think TPC has a chemical formula he can provide as proof.
Stuck – I have told her. And I have told her that she will drag me, or our kids, into something bad if she is not careful. But, as one of those people that has never seen anything bad, or seen anything violent, she just does not get it.
Me – I have seen a lot of violence. I get it. I try to avoid it at all costs – my kids have had no exposure to it whatsoever. But I can be drawn in – for instance someone abusing my wife or kids will draw me in very quickly. Someone can abuse me just about all they want personally anymore, and I will walk away if I can. But it is not possible when they involve my family.
llpoh’s wife BEFORE she gets into a physical altercation
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llpoh’s wife AFTERWARDS
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Stuck – that top pic is very, very close to the truth. If the middle claw was up, you would be 100% on target.
This seriously happened at my house:
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This, too reminds me of something, just cannot remember when:
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Sorry, Stucky, but I think men smell like monkeys after 3 days without a shower. Or 2 ,really. I won’t touch the BF if he hasn’t had a shower, especially since I am always freshly bathed when I’m with him.
THIS is why Ron Paul should be POTUS.
================================
The Economics of Disaster
Tuesday, November 06, 2012 – by Ron Paul
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Hurricane Sandy was one of the worst natural disasters the East Coast has ever seen. Cleanup and recovery will take months, if not years and estimates run in the tens of billions of dollars. Parts of New York and New Jersey will never be the same. Entire seashore communities have been wiped out, but the determination to rebuild has been lauded as courageous and admirable. Yet as with all natural disasters, Sandy raises uncomfortable questions about the extent to which taxpayers should fund the cleanup and the extent to which government programs create moral hazards.
For example, FEMA and the National Flood Insurance Program (NFIP) are expected to pick up the tab for much of the flood damage caused by the hurricane. Of course, this will mean more federal debt and inflation for the rest of us, since the program only has about $4 billion to work with and is already $18 billion in debt from hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Many think there is a need for the government to provide flood insurance of this kind. After all, the market would never provide insurance in flood prone areas at an affordable price. But shouldn’t that tell us something?
Shouldn’t that tell us that it is a losing proposition to insure homes in coastal areas and flood plains often threatened by severe and destructive weather patterns? And if it’s a losing proposition, should taxpayers subsidize the inevitable losses arising from federal flood insurance?
The NFIP disguises the real cost of flood insurance in flood prone areas, which influences homebuilding and sales in such areas. Recklessly taking unwise risks when risk is underpriced is known as moral hazard. When politicians decide that private insurance premiums are too high, as with houses built in flood plains, the solution is to under-price the risk through federal subsidies. The obvious and expected outcome is more danger to life and limb when disaster strikes.
Even NFIP has been forced to raise rates significantly in coastal areas, and is now dropping second homes from coverage altogether.
Many assume it is compassionate to entrust government central planners with disaster recovery. However, the greatest compassion brings results, not just good intentions. And we’ve seen how bureaucratic organizations like FEMA mismanaged recovery and relief in the wake of hurricanes Katrina and Ike. Organizations such as the Red Cross and private companies like Home Depot and Duracell have already stepped in admirably to help those in need, and we can only hope FEMA has learned this time not to impede and frustrate private efforts as they have in the past.
Above all, my thoughts and prayers are with the victims of Hurricane Sandy in this tremendously difficult time and hope they can get their lives put back together as quickly and seamlessly as possible.
The smell’s not the issue, really. I use my morning shower like most people use a cup of coffee and a cigarette. If I don’t get the shower within an hour of waking up I’m somewhere between an orangutang and a zombie in terms of level of consciousness.
Dr. Paul is a great Texan and and a great American. It was my profound honor and pleasure to write in his name on my ballot today.
We will not likely see another man of his intelligence, honesty, and conviction in Presidential politics in our lifetimes. I wish him well in his future endeavors, whatever they might be.
LLPOH,
Your road rage kitty made my day.
I appreciate your humor.
And to think that it was just yesterday I was plotting another motherfuck on you.(concerning Calvin’s lemonade stand and regulation)
Thankfully I nodded off.
The wife is pissed watching the tube and them talking about Obama winning.And im here laughing at this stuff,I may be in trouble.
That was some good stuff! Stuck and the replys. Romney is telling everyone how glad he is that he didnt win.Because the country is so fckd up.
Ah Stuck, so glad you are back in the land of modern convenience.
Your candle story greatly amused me. About a year after I upped my prepping game we had a storm related power outage (was really common the first five years I lived here, they replaced our transformer with a more modern one three years ago and we have only lost power twice – less than six hours both times, anyway) and when I pulled out my candles my lighter died. After a panicked scouting of the house, car, basement, I came up with an old stick lighter (would only light once in ten times) and half a box of kitchen matches.
Next day I went out and bought boxes of kitchen matches, a half dozen stick lighters and a magnesium fire starter.
@TPC, I married a pollack and I hate cooked cabbage in nearly all variations. It has helped to cut down on pounds gained over the holidays because every family get together is filled with smells that make my stomach churn. Silver lining and all.
Canned vegetables are disgusting (hub loves them though, will eat them cold from the can, ewwww) BUT I’ve learned how to make them palatable. Saute them (corn, green beans, peas, asparagus, beans, whatever) in olive oil, onions and lots of garlic (never forget salt and pepper). I hate peas yet crave my sauteed peas (use fresh parsley and mint, yum). I’ve yet to meet a canned vege that cannot be made edible with onions and garlic.
Or bacon, gram always cooked her canned veges in bacon grease. Which was the only reason having to eat my veges at Gram’s (usually) did not result in my hurling. Bacon grease and lots of salt cover many food ills.
Stuck, hope your cleaning goes well and your wifey is returning to her normal self. *hugs*
@Stucky – “Ladies, don’t hate me. It’s the truth. Biology, chemistry, decay … and all that. I think TPC has a chemical formula he can provide as proof.”
I do, but its super secret, and I’d lose my membership if I shared it with the masses.
Lets just say its the main reason nerds stay virgins. The secret is….awful.
Just awful.
Obama haters suffered divine justice and should off to Argentina where Croatian and Arab Nazis mete out homeland “security”