Other than perhaps their first names and a very very general idea of why they are here, I know very little about My Beloved’s patients and their personal problems. She doesn’t tell me, and I don’t ask. By law, privacy needs to be respected. Yet, sometimes I do know things. These are patients who wail and lament loudly enough for me to hear, or patients who yell and throw fits. The person behind the story below does both. I am changing names and details so that no one can identify this person. Alrighty then.
A man named Fred, who is a cop, marries a woman named Rosita. Shortly thereafter, they divorce. Rosita is from another country south of the border. She is an entrepreneur. One day, as she is doing her business, she gets busted for importing certain illegal contraband into the USA. They have a 10 year old child, Little Freddy, and she loses custody of the child …. but, she is allowed a weekly two-hour supervised visitation (with My Beloved).
Just such a visit took place recently. However, Little Freddy, is having a temper tantrum right after his father drops him off. My Beloved tries to calm Little Freddy down …. but, Rosita is not happy about it. In fact, Rosita urges Little Freddy to disobey My Beloved, and even encourages Little Freddy to punch My Beloved! Not happy when Little Freddy refuses to comply, Rosita then moves quickly towards My Beloved in an aggressive manner. My Beloved puts up her hands in defense …. and incidental slight physical contact is made. It is at this moment when ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.
Rosita starts screaming at some around 390 decibels — “OHMIGOD! SHE ASSAULTED ME!! ASSAULT! SOMEONE HELP ME! ASSAULT!”. It was quite the fucking performance worthy of an Oscar. It was so loud that three neighbors from three different homes came out to see the commotion. The hysterical screaming went on for ten minutes, even while she called 9-1-1, right up until the moment the police arrived … which they did rather quickly.
With all the crazy screaming, the 9-1-1 operator could hardly understand wtf was going on … I suppose all they really knew was that some woman was being brutally assaulted …. so, four cops cars converge simultaneously from two directions, and swoop into our driveway, tires squealing, and when they jumped out of their cars I almost started laughing uncontrollably because they reminded me of a Christmas gift I got as a little kid …. a Jack-In-The-Box … complete with their heads bobbing and weaving. No guns were drawn, but all of them had their hands on the holsters.
So, there we are — My Beloved and I — calmly sitting on the front porch waiting for them, Little Freddy has calmed down by now and is just quietly mulling around, and Rosita, who is completely unmarked and unharmed, still yelling “ASSAULT!!” while pointing in our direction. All four cops looked at her, looked at us, looked back at her, looked at us again …. and, I swear to God, I think I saw one of them mouth “what the fuck?”. It was quite comical. Two of them stayed for about another half minute or so, and then drove off. They had a look of disappointment on their faces. I think we interrupted their donut break. Or, mebbe dey wanted to shoot someone.
So, of the remaining two cops, one interviews Rosita at the end of the driveway. The tall cop comes to interview us. He seems friendly enough, and with a half-smile asks us – “OK. What the heck is going on here?”. We tell him. He seems completely satisfied with the answer, and doesn’t even ask any follow-up questions. In fact, we start making small talk about the upcoming Harvest Day festival in town! He’s really quite a pleasant fellow. Maybe he’s just playing The Good Cop? Cuz the other cop, well, he aint’t that nice. Let’s call him Sgt. Hardass. (Stay with me, some good shit is coming.)
Sgt. Hardass finishes his interview with Rosita, and walks up to us. Right off the bat we know this is a different ball game. He’s short and muscular. He wears a scowl on his face as if it was his badge of honor. Never once – before, during, or after — did he smile. He wasn’t friendly in the least. He barked his questions at us. His general demeanor? Pissed Off!!! In other words, I believe he was a copfuk.
So, Sgt. Hardass briskly walks right up to us. I mean, he’s no more than three feet from our faces. “What happened here!!”, he barked at us like a dog who hasn’t had a bitch in a coon’s age. I say, “I just told Sgt. Niceguy what happened.” He barks, “Is that what I asked you?? I told YOU to tell me what happened here!!”.
Now, I was outside doing work in the backyard at the time of the incident. So, while I did see most of it … especially the supposed “assault” part … I did NOT see all of it, so I’m wondering why the fuck Sgt. Hardass is asking ME. I, ummm, wondered in silence. So, I proceeded to tell him what I saw.
This is where things get interesting. What do I do when I get to the part where My Beloved put up her hands and made contact with Rosita? Well, in my Infinite Wisdom — wtf was I thinking?? — I spontaneously make the decision to DEMONSTRATE the actual scenario for Sgt. Hardass. That’s right … I pushed Sgt. Hardass!!
Ho. Lee. Fuk.
Sgt. Hardass apparently did not appreciate my demonstration. Upon touching him, he immediately went into some fucking Crouching Tiger karate stance, and actually put his hand on his holster. Jeebus, all I did was do the ‘wax on, wax off’ routine for him. He yells at me – only slightly lower than 390 decibels – “DON’T TOUCH ME!!!”. #fuckmedead, his response not only surprised me, it surprised Sgt. Niceguy who actually said – “Take it easy. He’s OK!” — “he” meaning me, that I was no threat.
This did not immediately calm down Sgt. Hardass. He told me to “back off”. So, I did … back to our original three foot barrier. Not far enough. “Further!”. OK. Well, all this is taking place in the driveway, next to our car. So, I take another step back. STILL not far enough. “Further! Go to the end of the car!!” So, I did. Originally, when he first approached us, he’s three feet from my face …. NOW I’M FIFTEEN FEET AWAY!!! Seriously, folks, this shit was cracking me the fuck up, and I truly had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing my ass off about his Keystone Cop routine. I was tempted to do the ‘hands up, don’t shoot’ routine. But, thanks to my superior powers of observation, I decided that wouldn’t be in my best interest.
Well, that’s pretty much the end of it. The cops told everyone to just go home. I heard Rosita ask the cops – “You’re not going to arrest them??”. Fucken hilarious. The cop said she could contact her lawyer if she wants to take further action but, their Police Report would reflect that only a verbal altercation took place. Obviously, she’s looking for a big hit quick paycheck – free sheet for druggies — one she doesn’t have a snowball chance in hell of getting. In fact, it is fairly certain that at this point she will lose even that two hour weekly visitation with her son. It’s a sad situation … for Little Freddy.
Oh, one last thing. I swear on my grandchildren’s lives …. Fred is a cop in the very same city that interviewed Stucky The Terrorist a while back. Honest. lol
Damn Stuck, drama sure seems to find you like a soap opera. Glad I (mostly) don’t have that problem.
As I commented the other day, you should really reconsider letting these fucking people into your house. Eventually one of them is going to come back and try to assault you or your wife or fuck with your cars at least. Bad idea. But, still a pretty funny story. I’ve seen cops like that before. Very dangerous people. In any other context you’d just laugh at their silly little power trip, but unfortunately they can assault you will almost no expectation of recourse, and if you fight back in self defense they will throw your ass in jail for life or kill you. Sucks this is the state of our country.
If i were that copfuck, and you assaulted me like that, I’d of capped your ass. I agree with Gator, home office a real bad idea.
You touched a cop? After all your copfuk stories? Have you not learned anything?
You are VERY LUCKY that that other cop was there or the one you assaulted would not have had anyone to spell his reaction should it be hostile.
Also have the misses use a conference room at your local library. Not your home!
Stuck,
You gotta put up cameras man. If’n two Barney Fifes showed up it could have gone sideways real quick. BTW, was Sgt. Hardass of the same or similar demographic as little Freddy’s mother?
Stucky , glad you’re made it out unharmed . Not a good idea to put your hands on a police officer even if you’re just trying to demonstrate what happened. In North Carolina just touching an officer can result in charges.
Stucky
Glad you made it out unscathed. Seinfeld like in plot it would have made a great half hour of comedy on TV.
As for Sgt. Baddass the picture you paint goes something like this..
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Just more pissed off.
Where did you find my pic? Damn, I was good looking back then.
A lot of Bad can come from a drama queen who’s quick to dial 911. As part of my Grey Man strategy, such a person would be quickly jettisoned from my life.
Vodka:
Thanks for the Grey (Gray) Man Strategy idea; sounds smart to my obtuse cerebrum.
It’s unfortunate, but we cease being Grey the moment we comment on TPB.
I can’t believe you touched a cop. Did you somehow forget that 47.3% of cops are psychopaths? You’re the one who invented the word “copfuk”. Geebus!
stupid of you to put your hands on him, don’t you know they are more equal than you…?
” BTW, was Sgt. Hardass of the same or similar demographic as little Freddy’s mother?” ——— Smoke
Nope. All four cops were crackas.
You must have checked your White Privilege at the door. Next time wear it proudly and you’ll get the respect you deserve.
How about a photo of you kitchen cabinets?
Haven’t sold that ‘joint’ yet?
Countertop guy comes on Monday. He will be done by Wed. Pics up shortly after that.
Nope. No sale. Came close a couple days ago. Buyer offered at $11k under our asking price. We countered at $6k under. They would have accepted, but they (supposedly) were maxed out (in terms of getting a mortgage) at their initial offer. Too bad, so sad. Next!
You held out for a lousy $5K? This is why your house isn’t selling.
Stucky, my friend, Listen to Iska.. Never Touch a Cop…
Interesting story and one I’m sure for the record books for you (if not your sweetie – who, being a head Doc in the first place has probably seen it all by now)..
Once again: Stucky.. Do Not Touch A Cop.
We want you to continue to be around TBP now and again.
Muck
Ummmm …. Friends, Romans, Countrymen ………. I am pretty fucken aware that touching him was a fucken dumb-ass move.
Thank Yeew
Lol. At the very least if you decide to do it again could you at least post some video?
At this point, I am relatively sure that you were an ax murderer in your last lifetime and have been doomed to work off your karma debt in the here and now.
No wonder you sit and stare at the little cabin in the woods you have as wallpaper on your computer screen. This all must be true because nobody ( not even Stucky) could make this much shit up. Truly, you were born under a bad sign/dark cloud. May you find peace from the constant copfuk torture Stuck.
Rosita sounds like she could be a coke addict.
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Good thing she shaved the beaver, otherwise, it might not pass muster here.
Some like harriy ones!
Man we are going to feel bad when Stucky dies from 3 self inflicted gunshot wounds to the back of the head.
Just stop resisting and put the gun down.
Stucky, the scary part is not what happened at your place with Sgt. Hardass. The scary part comes when Sgt. Hardass is having a bad day and spots you driving….not doing anything wrong….but he decides to teach you a lesson for touching him by pulling you over, smashing your tail light as probable cause and “touching” you repeatedly or tazing you into submission when you “resist”.
Perhaps Ms. Freud could attempt to upscale her practice by providing her services to a more wealthy class of freaks? That shit will be the death of you both. I’d definitely invest in a couple of handguns and some training. At a minimum I’d get Ms. Freud a tazer and teach her to use it. Hell, I’d encourage my wife to quit and I’d take a second job to make up for the lost income. You’re smart enough to recognize the effects of our current financial and political ills on yourself so it stands to reason that the stress level is ratcheting up for everyone. I expect incidents like this to increase in frequency and severity. Act accordingly my friend.
I find it interesting that Officer Hard Ass acted like such a pussy by making you stand 15 feet away from him as though you were a serious threat. What’s so scary about a seven foot tall Austrian that hates cops?
I believe I’d have just walked back into my house and locked the door behind me when he kept yelling for me to get back. Of course I would not have touched him in the first place.
Matter fact, if I get wind that Johnny Law is coming to see me I’ll be retreating indoors and we can communicate through the window regardless of why he is there.
I’ve got a cop story. Just happened today in fact.
I parked on the street and sat in my car waiting for the realtor to arrive. A black cracka comes to my window and asks if she can help me. I say, no. She says, why are you parked in front of my house. I told her I was waiting for a realtor to arrive so I can take photos of her listing across the street. She aks which house? I say, does it matter? She tells me to move my car from in front of her crack house. She gets pissed and loud when I say no, I have a right to park any where on this street I want. She calls me a cracker. I roll the window up and ask her to leave me alone. She comes to the other side of the car and yells at me again. I tell her to leave me alone. Nope, she’s a crazy bitch. I told her I was calling the cops and she goes inside.
Cops come. One black and one hispanic. Nice guys. They tell her to leave me alone.
Black bitch crackas be crazy.
I thought “blacks” and “crackas” were mutually exclusive? Was she albino or wearing white face?
I just wanted to call her that. Can a person be a white nigger?
I can’t remember ever calling the cops on another person before but she pissed me off. I park every day all day long in neighborhoods. I’ve had the cops called on me at least 20 times in the last 10 years just for sitting in my car. I thought I had white privilege.
They can and they are.
Thanks to the ghetto influence, we now have niggers of all colors.
Watch your step in the ghetto.
They have Niggers and Miggers and Whiggers, oh my!
Stucky,
In my own less aware past I had five encounters with Florida cops. One was a decent human being and the other four were nastyfuks. The first and worst was being confronted by three J’ville motorcycle cops back in the 70s because my buddy was pounding on a pay phone that had disconnected and retained a bunch of his quarters when he was trying to call home on the West Coast. The cop who confronted us was a skinny cracker with mossy teeth and a mean attitude. We were both long hairs crewing on a sailboat and he could have made our lives something beyond miserable. Because we did not fit the demographic of poor white trash he backed down. We were lucky. You were lucky that you had developed some rapport with the good cop. Today you have to assume that anyone with a badge and uniform may be a psychopath ready and willing to inject you with some lead pills. Lots of today’s cops are ex-military who served in war zones and have been indoctrinated to see everyone as the enemy. Be especially wary of the ones with shaven heads.
Why did you talk to cops? It’s never a good idea, can’t help you, and often ends in arrest.
Tell them you want a lawyer and stfu. Always.
Never, ever talk to cops.
Stuck – I know you know it was a bad idea to touch the cop.
But here is the thing – you gotta know this stuff before you do it, not after. You are seriously going to get in some deep shit if you keep thinking second and acting first.
You know what cops are. You have told us. I have told us. We all fucking know cops are fucks.
Knock that shit off.
GET RID OF THE HOME OFFICE OR CHANGE THE CLIENTELE.
I’m glad you’re not dead Stucky.
Seriously. If you get fucken killed, I refuse to read any more of your stuff.
Stucky
If I wuz holdin one uh Billah’s Jr’s orange colored 2lb turds in one hand, and this retarded made up story in the other, and someone asked me which one smelled like shit, I would squeeze the turd til it squished thru mah fingers and yell out ‘Stucky is uh gawd dammed bullshit artist’. I was just waitin fer the part where uh 12″ night stick disappears in yer anus.
Yer need ter git back ter yer gawd damned pictorials yer lumbering polack and cut out the hyperbolic personal anecdote’s cuz they make me feel retarded just by readin.
Oh, Stucky tangles with a midget cop and BW hits the bullshit alarm but when Billy tangles with a menacing gopher it’s another story altogether.
Stuck, just as prosperous, working white people with money in they pocket scream white privilege and are therefore offensive to the sensibilities of po’ black folk, big lumbering galoots make the trigger finger of a cop with little man syndrome itch.
BW, if this really was a bs story, heck, I can top that:
1. Cops shoot blind man after reports of a prowler in the neighborhood at 3am. Witness video shows cops arriving and telling the blind man to put down his weapon. Cops claim he was swinging a stick at them in a menacing manner. Video shows blind man shot two seconds after cops arrive on the scene. Officials refuse to release cop car video pending review.
2. Cops shoot and kill disabled motorist. Bob Flounder of Washoe Iowa, a double amputee veteran of Iraq was stopped last night after cops spied him with his feet on the steering wheel, they pulled him over and ordered him out of the vehicle. When they saw he was barefoot, they immediately ordered him to put his hands in the air, when he did not comply but rather tried to explain that he lost both arms in an IED attack, the cops shot him for failure to comply with a lawful order. Both cops are on paid leave pending review of the case.
If you were smart enough to listen to someone I’d give you the following advice-
Knock it off with the cops already. Clearly you are hardwired to challenge authority but this type of behavior is going to get you killed if you keep it up. One does not put their hands on a clearly hostile cop in the middle of a confrontation.
You should have taken the $5K adjustment when it was offered. You must be aware that we are right on the edge of another housing collapse and that may have been your only chance. Sell the house and leave New Jersey, the stress is going to precipitate more than a blog post if you continue to dig in your heels. It is no longer the home of your youth, it is occupied territory and you are a minority. And the local cops don’t like you.
It’s time to change the dance, Stucky.
It’s all there, HSF. Nothing more to say. Nice post.
Yeah Sticky
Time ter buy uh farm and start doin some shit. Time ter start buildin rock fences, relishin senses, butchering hogs, pettin dogs, shovelin snow, losin dough, drinkin raw milk, lovin yer kids (wait, don’t they already hate yer?), robbing bees, tappin trees, gettin Jewed by Maggie, chokin chickens, remodelin kitchens, raggin on blackies (check), musin on life, makin sweet love ter yer wife out under the stars (nevermind, fergot about yer noodle dick issue) and so on.
Im afeard Stucky would be dead in uh fort night havin ter do anything but post shit on this website. He ain’t cut out fer yer badassness Hardscramble, so we should all just congratulate him on driving uh hard bargain and pretendin ter piss off the local constabulary.
He can do anything he likes but staying put in hostile territory seems counterproductive.
Of course reading your description of my life makes me want to do it again.
Listen to hardscrabble Stucky, Joo Jersey is lost. Remember the comedian who did the “move to where the food is, this is sand” schtick? Well, move to where the white people live.
HF- Seems to me I remember they were moving in musloids to your area, what ever happened with that? Do they just keep coming and do you hear the call to prayer waft over the hillsides?
I work from home, but no clients ever come to my house. In fact, the closest clients I have are in a different time zone.
I’m glad you survived Stucky.
So, what would’ve happened in the same situation if Stucky was a black man? Would he now be perforated by bullet holes? Would his local neighborhood CVS be burnt out and looted? Would the state of New Jersey have a curfew?
Stucky
You might have seen this already but here is another copfuk story. Stay safe my friend. My last encounter with a cop wasn’t a good one either. Won’t get into it here. Safe to say it is never a good idea to argue with a guy and his gun.
Well, dammit, this didn’t turn out quite the way I expected.
First of all, I regret writing this — “That’s right … I pushed Sgt. Hardass!!”. I demonstrated what My Beloved did to Rosita, which was, she just put her hands out and barely made contact with her. I should have said “made slight contact with Sgt. Hardass”. Of course, I shouldn’t have even done that. I get it.
I just thought Sgt. Hardass’s over-the-top reaction was fucken hilarious. I really did. There were three other cops there … four if you count the dad … and even his partner was surprised by this dick move … so, I really never felt I was in any danger. Again, it was pretty funny to me, and I was hoping to convey that in this story, to bring a smile to ya … but, it seems I generally did not succeed.
And where exactly did I “challenge authority”? The only lawful order I received in the entire scenario was to back off, thrice … which I promptly obeyed.
Ms, Freud is looking forward to leaving this shithole state, as am I. But, that will never happen until my parents travel to The Great Beyond. Personally, I don’t give a fuck if I die here in a Zombie Apocalypse as a result of staying. My stubborn parents themselves refuse to move — at their age they are set in their ways, and they need to retain familiar surroundings — and there is no way in hell I’ll even consider abandoning them to fend for themselves. Hoka Hey.
Lastly, the most recent offer was $11k below our asking price …. an asking price we already dropped by $20k from earlier in the summer. SO, it was much more than just a $5k adjustment.
Stucky- Just so you know, the Levers had several really good belly laughs when we read the account of your latest mix up with the law. It was VERY funny!
THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about!! Thanks, Bea.
The better question is where is the best country left to escape to? Damn if I can tell. Iceland? At least they tried and jailed the criminal banksters and politicians that crashed their economy. Possible safe haven for Snowden too.
Russia.
Lots and lots of white people. Smart people. 46. That’s the total number of kneegrows in Russia. Virtually self sufficient. A landmass larger than Pluto, … but, slightly colder. Bring a jacket.
Nick and I enjoyed the movie Snowden a lot and I was delighted to actually see they went to the trouble to include the “real” thing in the film at the end.
It is the irony of ironies that it appears Russia may indeed be the last place any of us could go to be safe from the US evil empire.
Oh, and if you insist on mixing it up with the cops, do like I do and carry extra Apple Pie in a Jar with you to bribe them with.
I like the large property away from people with a fence. Buy one and move while you can. Impress people by having sticks with flags marking yardage around the property.
Hey Stucky, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think what you did would- in any sane world- constitute anything more than a good story, but we don’t live in that world any more. Things are moving towards dark. I’d hate to see anything happen to someone who puts together pieces like the one you did on castles. There’s a lot more going on there than you let people in on and it isn’t worth getting tasered into your dotage just because you were cutting up with Barney Fife.
Now we got Maggie squirten uh diarrea icing on Stucky’s turd flavored cake with that damnable lie about bribin uh police with uh jar uh apple pie. This story drives me absolutely bat shit crazy! Now it’s on Maggie.
PS would you please pay Hardscramble fer his gawd dammed maple syrup already. His ass needs ter pay the light bill.
Listen to me Stucky and Maggie – makin up stories about how yer deal with imaginary cops ain’t necessary. We don’t know who you are ((actually thanks ter that whole AWD dyin and Nick Noodle Dick writin all that retarded shit fer his obituary we do know Stucky’s shit) Hardscramble probly missed all that cuz his ass is still uh newbie) so just let it go Boomers and stop puttin on airs. The only fallout from either of you talking ter uh cop would be uh big deuce in yer Depends.
OK, Maggie and Hope can get off with a warning. Maybe your doing it wrong, BW. Have you tried flashing some titty?