What Am I Gonna Do?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

What am I going to do? This question has been foremost in my mind for many months now. Years, really. Then, I saw a comment on the forum, which I believe was mostly antagonistic, asking Mr. Quinn what he was going to do. What’s Jim going to do? Stucky? AWD? What are any of us going to do, for that matter? I thought it might help me to gain some clarity into my own thought processes and help me to flesh out some thoughts I’ve had on the future of our country and our economy.

First, let me begin by saying, “I’m a regular guy.” I’m 42 years old, married for 18 years, I have 3 kids under the age of 10. I work for a living. I am a superintendent for a commercial construction company. The company treats me well. I make above-average income, but not into the 6-figure area. My wife has a part-time job at our church, but that’s primarily because she wants to, not because we need to. In other words, I’m in the 99% percent. Nothing special about me or my family roots.

Now, let me back up a few years: In 2007, I moved to El Paso, TX to participate in one of the largest government spending programs I’ve seen, first-hand. The US Army Corps of Engineers spent a gazillion dollars upgrading Ft. Bliss. Entire cities went up in the desert, in a period of a couple of years. A massive amount of construction. Incredible. And good for my family, and all of El Paso and surrounding area in general. While many portions of the country were hit by the economic crisis of 2008, we were largely insulated from (most) negative effects of that crisis.

This created cognitive dissonance for me. At that time, I was listening to Glenn Beck on the radio. Say what you will about Beck, but his extreme message was enough to cause me to seek other information elsewhere. I couldn’t understand it: I was working and making good money, being offered multiple jobs with more and more money thrown at me, and the rest of the country was unemployed? How can that be? How can the economy be crashing when all around me, when things are booming?

I committed to read and listen to everything I could on the subject. No rabbit hole was too small to go down.  I chased down every lead, every angle I could to figure out what the fuck was going on. The more I learned, the more I wanted to know. I am not necessarily a detail-oriented guy. In other words, many of you can explain the intricacies of the financial system with charts and graphs much better than I can. I grasp the concept of the Fed and our debt-based monetary system at a level I am comfortable with. I don’t understand every chart Jim publishes, but I understand that you can’t pay for debt with more debt.

As a result of my studies, here are some changes I’ve made in my life:

1)    I’ve become a political atheist, with libertarian leanings. In other words, I think the system is fucked but I believe autonomous human beings have the god-given right to be free.

2)    I’ve basically walked away from the church, as an institution, and traditional Christianity, as a religion. Not to go into too much here, but…….well, nevermind.

3)    I got my permaculture design certificate and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to grow my own food and improve my health through good nutrition. I live in a very harsh environment (high desert). You cannot imagine how many times I’ve wanted to throw the garden hose down, and say “Fuck This! This shit is too hard!” But, then, I have a few small successes, like garden-fresh tomatoes, fresh apricots, a delicious home-brew, a nice glass of homemade wine, or fresh eggs from the backyard, or a fresh salad and I get re-inspired. What I’m doing is a good thing, and good for my family, and it’s good for the earth. It’s noble and it’s spiritual.

4)    I see things that others may not understand. I only have one or two people I can share ideas with, in real life. Other kooks, I jokingly say. I have to share most of my ideas on the internet as most of my peer group have no fucking clue, or aren’t interested, or it’s too hard to make changes, or whatever.

The question, though, still remains: What am I gonna do? What do I expect to happen in our future? How do I prepare for what is, ultimately, unknown? I’ve constructed an arbitrary 1-10 scale to evaluate the future with. In other words: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being full economic recovery and good times are here again, and a 10 being full-out Mad-Max style survival, what do I think our future looks like? At this time, I am steady in the middle, a 5, but I reserve my right to adjust to a higher number (ie, worse outcome) at any time.

Does the information I seek out on the internet only serve to reinforce my beliefs because of bias and prejudice? Do I seek out other sources of information that challenge my current belief system? These are the questions I ask myself.

Here are some of the things I see: I think all TBP readers will agree that a major economic upheaval is going to occur in the next x years. Tomorrow? Or ten years from now? I hear different opinions, from sources I trust, about the time-scale of peak oil. (For a view that opposes Kunstler, et al, listen to Jack Spirko at thesurvivalpodcast.com) I think that as the economic situation of our country (and the entire world) gets worse and worse, our Federal Government will increase it’s authoritarian, statist tendencies. More taxes, less freedoms. Those in power are not going to give up that power easily.

What does that mean for me, a regular guy? I don’t have the resources of Doug Casey to move to a luxurious Argentinean private community. I think I am destined to be here in the good old U-S-of-A. How do I best protect my family? Is my plan good enough? Are my resources deep and wide enough? Will I be able to protect my wife and children in the event of a worst-case scenario?

You’ll notice that there are lots of questions. Maybe more questions than answers at this point. But, here are a couple of things I HAVE decided” Fuck ‘em. Those in power. Any of them. All of them. From the Government to the Church to the Media to anyone else in a current position of power, THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY MOTHER-FUCKER WHO WILL TELL ME THE TRUTH! I will rely on myself to discern the truth. The Church, as I see it, doesn’t address half the problems in real life and instead, wants to focus on songs, and leading time-wasting events such as day-long workshops about nothing relevant. (I acknowledge there may be a few outliers in the church structure. I like the work of Triple-X Church, for instance.) The Government and the Media appear to be two whores in the same bed. They will fucking juice my children up on psychotropic drugs, that arguably, turn them into mass-murderers. They will fucking feed me shit for food and fucking poison while telling me it’s “health food.” They will take my guns away to “protect me”. They will take my money from me in the interest of “helping others less fortunate.” My health care gets more and more expensive and I can’t figure out why our budget is so fucking tight every month. So, fuck them all. I walk away from them.

The alternative media (internet) is good, but it takes a huge amount of discernment to distill truth out of the massive amount of information. On the one hand, it’s easy to get bogged-down in the (D) vs. (R) debate. Bush=good. Obama=The Devil. Or, Obama=good. Bush=The Devil. It’s all the same shit, and a distraction. On the other hand, you can get into the reptilian, shadow government, Rothschild, secret illuminati, alien bases in New Mexico stuff, too. Nonsensical, and a time-waster.

How do I fight back against an increasingly authoritarian regime? I’ve got my kids to look after, you know. It will not do me any good to resist and end up in some fucking obscure FEMA camp. (If that’s even for real.) It won’t do me or the country any good to go off and start firing shots and end up in prison for the rest of my life, only to have the shots NOT start the revolution. What a wasted pud-puller THAT would be.

No, for me, I think the solution is to keep my head down, but be on the lookout. At all time. I’m a good little W-2 rank-and-file wage earner. I pay my taxes. I’ve decide it’s better not to hang the Gadsden Flag in my front yard. Keep a lower profile that way. I work hard for my company, with no complaints. I go to church when my wife asks me to. I’ll give some fresh eggs and fresh parsley to my little-old-neighbor lady.

But, on the inside, I’m another guy entirely. Right now, in my head, I’m re-designing my garden beds to be more effective with less work. I’m going to learn to grow medicinal herbs and what-not to take care of my own medical and spiritual needs. I’m going to slowly acquire silver coins, with cash, anonymously, in person at a local shop. I’m going to develop some kind of business that I can work hard but under the radar. I don’t know what this is yet, but does anybody need any lawn work done? I can cut your grass for cash or help you build a garden bed, or something. I may have a little home-brew or some labor or basic carpentry skills to trade you for something in return. I’m learning to play the guitar so I can entertain myself and my wife sings. Family-style sing-along anyone? I’m developing a practice of meditation so I can Be Still when the world around me is in chaos. I’m continually thinking about moving to a less-harsh environment where I can develop a strong sense of community. This one hasn’t been easy, but I trust I will know what to do when it’s time to do it.

In short: Fuck them. Trust myself.