These are all pretty good pranks but if the next one was ever done to me, that person would have a mortal enemy for the remainder of their sorry life.
Pranks
These are all pretty good pranks but if the next one was ever done to me, that person would have a mortal enemy for the remainder of their sorry life.
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One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened
the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
“No,” Obama said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
“No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks
all day,” commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, “Yeah man, I can handle this.”
The devil smiled and said……….
“OK, Monica, you’re free to go. Your replacement is here”
I love pranks. In fact, I’ll bet that I’m the Prince of Pranksters.
In college, everyone had to keep their beds made in a very precise manner with hospital corners and a “dust cover” over your pillow. Everyone. Every day. No exceptions.
One evening while my roommate was at the library studying, I unmade his bed and squirted a massive amount of Gillette Foamy shaving cream down at the end of the bed where his feet would go. Then I remade his bed and waited until he returned and crawled into the sack.
He turned out the lights in the room, and I was already in bed. I could hardly stifle myself to keep from laughing as I heard him get into bed. For a few seconds, nothing. Then, I could hear him shuffling around in his bed. Suddenly, he said “What the hell is going on” and jumped out of bed and ran over to turn on the lights.
Here he was in his skivvies and T-shirt just staring at his feet and legs, which were covered with huge gobs of shaving cream. I lost it and started laughing, and he said to me, “You bastard. I’ll get you for this.”
Just one of my Top Ten pranks.
I have three sisters who love to pull pranks on others. When our parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary we took them on a Caribbean cruise.
I paid the Jamaican maid $100 to short sheet the beds in my three sisters (and husbands) rooms, she was clueless as to what short sheeting was. So after a quick lesson to teach her how to do it on my bed she was good to go. She was so scared she was going to get into trouble, it took a bit to convince her she would be fine. Then the next morning it was a big fight as they all blamed each other, they didn’t figure out it was me until that night because I complained as well while trying to hold a straight face.
card802 says:
“I paid the Jamaican maid $100 …after a quick lesson to teach her how to do it on my bed she was good to go. She was so scared she was going to get into trouble, it took a bit to convince her she would be fine. Then the next morning…I complained.”
bastard
One I played on my rather serious mother in law in a failed attempt to endear her to me:
Took a smallish balloon blown up tight and placed in a faux cake of whipped cream for her b-day. The other son in law and I made sure she cut it first, with a sharp knife. Love that memory.
Bunch of humorless jerkies on this site. No pranks to share. First and only rule of professional pranksters like me. “Do no harm.”
@ underfire
Stuff like whipped cream and shaving cream are basic to the prankster’s tool kit. I would have loved to have seen your mother-in-law’s face when she sliced into that cake.
Guy in the room next to me in the barracks was a gold plated dick. I hated that motherfucker with a passion.
Big inspection coming up. He spent all night GI-ing his room. It was literally spotless, the floor tiles were like glass…
After PT the next morning, the room inspection was to take place after 0900. In other words, shower, change into your uniform, go hit the chow hall and then on to your respective shop, etc..
Gold plated dick shuts his door and checks the knob, making sure it was locked. Pockets his keys and out the door he goes…
Me? I took a ziplock baggie half filled with shaving cream and stuck the open end under his door an inch or two….
STOMP!!
Throw baggie away on my way to the chow hall…
Heh, heh, heh…
Same barracks, some time later…
Guy at the end of the hall pulled the same stunt on me, so I had to get some payback…
Someone, at some point in time figured out the following (which I pulled on the guy at the end of the hall):
“Penny-ing someone’s door”
If you lean very gently against a barracks room door, nothing happens. If you then apply your whole weight to the door, it flexes in the door-jamb very slightly and in complete silence..
If someone were to say, oh… stick a couple pennies in between the door and the jamb itself, it becomes physically impossible to open the door from the inside, as the door is jammed shut. The appropriate counter-move would be to hammer on the door from the inside, jarring the pennies loose so they fall out, unjamming the door…
Well, I took about a dozen pennies and, at three in the morning, pennied this guy’s door… thing is, the counter-counter-move is to superglue the pennies in place so they can’t be jarred loose…
Heard this on my way out to PT formation at 0620…
“BAM! BAM! BAM!! YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I KNOW IT WAS YOU BILLY, YOU SICK FUCK!! LET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!! YOU WAIT TILL I GET OUT OF HERE I’M GONNA… “
Upperclassmen used to steal our care packages from home – cookies, brownies, that sort of thing.
We got together and baked a big batch of brownies. Instead of chocolate we used Exlax. During the late evening we opened our “care package” and the upperclassmen duly stole them from us, and gobbled them up.
We waited a while, removed the lights from the bathrooms, and Glad Wrapped up the toilet seats.
The greedy fucks shit all over themselves because of the Glad Wrap.
Bwahahahaha! They were pissed off, but learned a valuable lesson.
Card802 – you had me at ” Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies”.
We used to Nair the eyebrows of anyone foolish enough to pass out at a party.
We used to put Ben Gay in the jock straps of the freshmen as they headed out to road games.
We had this stuff that would make your pee turn blue.
We pulled the inside lining off off a car door, put a nice sized fish in there, and replaced the lining as a guy and his new wife headed off on their honeymoon. A few days later we got a call “OK, assholes, where is it!”.
Guys I know superglued a guys hand to his forehead when he made the pass-out mistake. Had to go to the clinic for de-hand removal.
If girls made the pass-out mistake, they often received a beer-balancing. People would balance beers all over them, so when they woke up they would get covered in beer.