Go ahead, make fun of soccer. Never mind that 2 billion people will be watching it. Go ahead and tell me about “bread and circuses” …. as if you don’t have your favorite entertainment distraction. Surely — “don’t call me Shirly!!” — SOMEONE here played ute soccer, or have their own offspring-utes playing soccer …. not to mention all our overseas guests, and folks like El Burrito (go Mehico!!)
So, I actually created a Bracket Group on ESPN. It’s called “Village Idiots”, (really) and the motto is “Start the damn revolution”. You can use your SAME name as in the basketball bracket, otherwise, just create one on ESPN. It’s fast and easy. You can fill out as many brackets as you want. There’s no password. Just click the link below;
http://games.espn.go.com/world-cup-bracket-predictor/2014/en/group?groupID=40417
Just one quirk. If (and that’s a BIG if) you enter, you must choose ALL the teams for EACH round before going to the next round. That’s because, unlike basketball, not every team stays in the same group. Only the winner of a group stays in the same group, the second place team in a group goes to another group. It sounds complicated, but it’s not. Again, just complete each round in its entirety before going to the next round.
If you want to play, but you’re a Soccer Moron … here’s a little insider help for you.
First of all, do NOT judge a team according to the seedings. The seedings (and, rankings) are determined by FIFA, and it’s a complete and utter joke, trust me. So, below are the Groups, their ranking by the much more reliable Soccer Power Index (SPI), their chances of winning it all, and some Stucky commentary.
Note: The “odds” is an unusual and complicated system by oddsshark.com — about as reliable as any odds-maker out there. What you need to know: The LOWER the number (even into negative territory), the HIGHER the odds of that team winning it all.
First, here is a pictorial representation of the teams.
Teams below are listed in order of SPI ranking. The format is — (Team — SPI Ranking ——— Odds of Winning)
Group A
Brazil ………. 1 …… -400
Mexico …..… 26 ….. 900
Croatia …….. 31 ….. 800
Cameroon … 39 ….. 2500
BRAZIL — MORTAL LOCK!! Not enough that they’re the #1 team in the world, they are playing in front of wild-assed crazyfuk fans. They will get ALL the calls. Home field advantage in soccer is worth a .58 goal advantage … a HUGE number. They’re going to the FINAL game. You’re a dumbass, or fanatical fan of another team, to believe otherwise. Very many experts believe they should just give Brazil the trophy now, and be done with it.
MEXICO — Second place (the other team going to the next round) is a tossup between Mexico and Croatia. Mexico has been HISTORICALLY disappointing in the World Cup. They’ll have a big advantage over Croatia if the playing conditions are hot and humid. Croatians will have the advantage if there’s a head of lettuce growing on or near the playing field. I’m not picking Mehico to advance. I hope this pisses off El Coyote.
CROATIA – The Croats have one of soccer’s best midfielders, Luka Modric, who starts for the best team in the world, Real Madrid. The White House was built with Croatian limestones. Da boyz got stones. Pick ‘em.
CAMEROON — “Cameroon” comes from a Portuguese phrase meaning Shrimp River. It’s also Austrian for “No fucking way.”. The only ting they’re leaving Brazil with is the clap.
Group B
Spain ……..…… 3 ..….. -135
Chile ……..……. 5 …….. 225
Netherlands …. 9 ……. -400
Australia …..…. 53 ……. 3300
SPAIN — Mortal Lock. Probably the best team, top to bottom. A roster filled with All Stars. The Spanish team as currently constructed is considered one of, if not the best, national teams of all time. They won the last two Euro titles as well as the 2010 World Cup. The players can walk on water. The coach once fed an entire stadium, even though he had only 5 tacos and 2 sardines in his lunchbox.
CHILE — They are VERY long and skinny. Oh, wait …. that’s their country. Don’t underestimate this VERY good team …… except …. their star midfielder, Arturo Vidal, is just recovering from knee surgery. Without him playing very well, they’ll have a tough time taking 2nd place from the Netherlands.
NETHERLANDS — Was in the last WC final against Spain … where they played like cheap dicks. Even their own legendary player, Johan Cruyff, said they played “ugly, vulgar, hard, hermetic, hardly eye-catching, hardly football style”. Haven’t been playing great lately, getting trounced in the Euro 2012 tournament. If they can pull their dicks out of the dyke, they just might advance.
AUSTRALIA – Get some Brazilian pussy. Go home. Call it a good outing.
Group C
Colombia …..… 6 ….. -150
Ivory Coast ….. 18 ….. 400
Greece …….….. 23 ….. 400
Japan …………. 32 ….. 900
COLUMBIA —- Yet another very strong South American team. Many have Colombia as the tournament’s best underdog. Many years ago USA played Columbia in the WC. Some player scored an “own goal”. About two months after he returned to Columbia, he was murdered. Colombian players have a lot of incentive to not fuck up.
IVORY COAST — ANY of the other teams can advance to the next round. But, this team only appeared in two WCs and never advanced out of group stage. Not that it matters, but they make great soaps which float.
GREECE — 55% of the utes in Greece graduate with a four-year college degree, which is the highest rate in the world. 25% of them are unemployed and have beautiful hair. In ancient Greece, after a goal was scored, the opposing players would fuck their goalie in the ass. That’s all I know about Greek soccer.
JAPAN — I really don’t like Japs. They’re still hunting and killing whales. That wasn’t good enough for them, so now they want to kill everything in the Pacific Ocean. Plus, their women’s team beat the USA in the last WC final. Fuck Japan and their slanty eyes.
Group D
Uruguay ……. 8 ….. 180
England ……. 10 ….. 225
Italy ……..….. 13 ….. 150
Costa Rica …. 25 ….. 5000
URUGUAY — Jeezus, how many very good teams are there in SA?? But, this is a really tough group. However, they have waaay to many fuckin’ “U”s in their name. No country with that many “U”s has ever won it all. They rely on two super-duper players …. the rest of the team is rather average. They went as far as the semis in the 2010 WC, and won the 2011 COPA. They also lost to crappy teams. Which team shows up, nobody knows.
ENGLAND –— Is there a MORE historically disappointing team in the WC? Well, is there, punk? NO!! The Brits invented a word to describe their soccer teams …. WANKERS. I’m not picking them, evah.
ITALY — A historic European powerhouse. This year’s team is comprised largely with the same players from the last WC, four years ago. Translation … this team is OLD, in terms of soccer. They’ll advance, but only because Costa Rica sucks, and England Wankers always fuck up.
COSTA RICA — This country is sandwiched between Nicaragua and Panama, and yet somehow they don’t give a shit about baseball. Dumbasses. They also don’t care about soccer, and they have zero chance of advancing.
Group E
France ……..….. 7 ….. -125
Ecuador ……….11 …… 350
Switzerland …..22 ….. 250
Honduras ……. 33 ….. 3300
FRANCE — True story, google it; “French foreign intelligence services bombed Greenpeace’s ship, the Rainbow Warrior, on July 10, 1985. The ship was targeted to prevent it from interfering in French nuclear testing in the Pacific.” They BOMBED Greenpeace!! Why? Cuz the Greepeace ship had no guns. I don’t like the French. I’m not going to do a search to give you all a little tidbit. I don’t give a shit about that country. Arrogant little fuckers think swapping spit was their invention!
ECUADOR — Krist Almighty, another very good SA team. No analysis. Fuckit. I’m not picking them. Why? Cuz no way in hell will ALL South American teams advance. I gotta pick a scapegoat loser. Might as well be Ecuador. They’re used to it.
SWITZERLAND — This is the most interesting team in the entire field. German coach, several Germanic players = Germany Light. An interesting tidbit; unlike most teams, this team does not have a single “superstar”. If you like team-play, you’ll love this team. They lost only 1 of 18 games in qualifying. The Under-17 World Cup is an excellent indicator of a team’s future success. The Swiss won the 2009 Under-17 World Cup. You know who won the last World Cup? Spain. Do you know who was the only team to beat Spain? Yup, the Swiss. They’re more experienced, and better. Can they be THE Dark Horse this year? I think so. Once the USA gets booted, and should Germany falter, I will be cheering mightily for the Swiss.
HONDURAS –— Ever heard of the Soccer War? Yup. Honduras and El Salvador player three times in order to qualify for the 1970 World Cup. El Salvador won 2 of 3 games, and qualified. Honduras got to pick bananas, the people got vewy vewy angry, and fucked up a bunch of El Salvadorans via riots and general mayhem. Naturally, the Salvadoran military launched an attack against Honduras. Seems like a good response to me. The war only lasted 100 hours. However, it took another 11 fucking years for the two countries to sign a peace treaty. Ain’t that some funny shit?? Did you know they have the world’s highest murder rate? Honduras CAN advance out of group play …. but, only IF all the players are allowed to bring Glocks.
Group F
Argentina ……….. 2 .….. -400
Bosnia-Herz. ….. 14 …… 600
Nigeria ………..…. 28 ….. 800
Iran ……………….. 38 ….. 3300
ARGENTINA — South American …. fuckmedead!! … 2nd ranked team in the world …. Mortal Lock …. blah blah blah …. just pick ‘em all the way to semis.
BOSNIA-HERZ —- Amazing story that such a small and new country is so good at soccer. Did you know they have the only remaining jungle in Europe? It’s called the Perućica forest … has many trees that are 300 years old, and the forest’s vintage is stated to be 20,000 years. In some places the forest growth is almost impregnable. 10 more really truly fascinating facts about Bosnia here —- http://www.expatsblog.com/contests/799/top-10-crazy-things-about-living-in-bosnia-and-herzegovina#sthash.onfw30Kp.dpuf Pick ‘em!!
NIGERIA — here’s all you need to know … they lost last week to the USA, 2-1 … and it was much uglier for them than the score indicates. They suck Obongo dick. Also, someone from Nigeria is trying to scam you right this very moment.
IRAN — Iran???? WTF are they doing in the WC?? Good thing their first game, or any other, isn’t against Da Joos. I leave it to our own beloved ZARATHUSTRA to enlighten us on Iranian soccer. I’m betting Ahura Mazda was Player-Of-The-Year back in 24,678B.C.
Group G — The Group of Death
Germany ………. 4 …… -180
Portugal ………. 16 …… 275
United States … 17 …… 1000
Ghana …………. 24 …… 1200
GERMANY — Deutschland Uber Alles!!! Undefeated in the qualification stage ….. scoring 36 goals in 10 games ….. in the TOP 2 (or, 3) in offensive firepower ….. really, they don’t show any weaknesses at this point. Mortal Lock. Angela Merkel told the players if they lose, all of them will have to lick her pussy … after Obongo boinks her. This is a huge incentive to never lose, and that’s why I’m picking them to win it all. (Yes, I know they’re playing Brazil in Brazil.)
PORTUGAL — Just because Portugal’s national symbol is a chicken, doesn’t mean they will choke the chicken. Why? One name …. Cristiano Ronaldo …. pretty much unanimously considered the best player in the world. And the rest of the team ain’t to shabby either.
USA — this may be one of the best National Teams in a long while … young, fast, skilled, and with a World Class goalkeeper, Tim Howard . BUT, we got really FUCKED over by being placed in this group … thanks to FIFA’s totally corrupt and bullshit ranking system. If they get out of group play, I will call USA’s coach, Jurgen Klinsmann, — the great former German national player — and offer to lick his balls.
GHANA — there is no team in this year’s WC that I HATE/LOATHE/DESPISE more than Ghana … the team that knocked us out of the past two World Cups …. the last time by a last second goal in overtime. I hope half the team takes a dip in the Amazon and piranhas chew off their dicks, and the other half drinks the water and they get the shits … while playing. Not very sportsmanlike, I know. Don’t give a shit. G.E.S.
Group H
Belgium ………. 12 ….. -175
Russia ………… 15 ……. 200
South Korea … 37 ……. 750
Algeria .………..69 ……. 2800
BELGIUM —- what’s the FIRST thing you think of when Belgium is mentioned? I guarantee it’s either 1) legal drugs, 2) legal pay-for-pussy, or 3) waffles. They also have a powerful soccer team with a reputation as Giant Killers having beaten eventual World Cup winners; West Germany in 1954, Brazil in 1963, Argentina in 1982, and France in 2002. Betting against them, especially in group play, is just plain silly.
RUSSIA — Top Secret insider info what you need to know; Putin will be playing as a striker. A Mortal Lock for 2nd place. Did you know the land mass of Russia is equal to that of Pluto? Also, Russia is colder.
SOUTH KOREA — I mean, why allow Asian teams to play in the WC? It’s not like they EVER won the WC …. or EVER will. Nevertheless, I love our new Hyundai. Too bad they can’t play a similar quality of fussball. Goddamn, I love S. Korea’s president!!!! In response to criticism that the government botched rescue efforts during a ferry disaster that left more than 300 dead or missing, president Park Geun-hye announced plans to DISBAND THE COAST GUARD. Taking the bull by the horns and not ducking out?? That’s so … so …. soooo Un-Obama-ish!!!
ALGERIA — Fuckin’ Mooslims. WTF? Algeria’s national team name is the Fennec Foxes. Below is a Fennec Fox. Cuter than cute. But, using a Woman’s Method Of Choosing Teams — team colors and/or the mascot — I ask you; “Is this a mascot that could win at …. anything??” Those ears. Yikes! It looks like an animal created by the NSA. Not the worst team in the field, but absolutely zero chance of advancing.
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It seems, from what I’ve read, that some (many?) Brazilians are pretty pissed off at the COST of these games, much of it (as usual) falling on those with the least amount of money. Still … Brazil is one country I’d love to see before I croak. It looks like such a beautiful and diverse country. Breathtaking, in many cases. Check it out …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ2mPAMUhk8&feature=player_detailpage
And for you guys, except bb, they say Brazilian women are amongst the world’s most beautiful. I see no reason to dispute that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chybMnfbih0&feature=player_detailpage
Hey what’s with the except bb .I am a straight heterosexual male .I love women as long as they are not crazy as hell like my x wife turned out to be.
Soccer is not my sport but it is loved around the world .
This post is comedy gold–and reasonable soccer commentary. I love TBP. It truly has it all.
“Hey what’s with the except bb” ——— bb
1.) You are a Bible Thumper
2.) Live by those principles!
3.) This means, no lusting after pussy for you!!
“I love women as long as they are not crazy as hell like my x wife turned out to be.” — bb
Of course she was crazy as hell, she married you.
Stucky,
I couldn’t say it better than Wren, well done.
I will be watching most of the games.
Billy Connolly on soccer:
Yesterday, Lonnie Chisenhall of the Cleveland Indians hit 3 home runs, had 5 total hits, and 9 RBIs. Only 4 players in baseball history can match those single game stats. The Indians SMASHED the Texas Rangers, 17-7.
Cleveland rules. The Phillies suck, and so does soccer. That’s a real sport, which includes golf.
SSS – what you talking about, Willis? 13 players have driven in 10 or more RBIs in a game.
15 players have had 3 homers and 9 or more RBIs.
The only thing really unique about his stats is he did not make an out, and he had five hits. Is that better than 10 rbis? 11? 12? Jim Bottomley went six for six, 2 homers and 12 RBIs, for instance. He would not be among your “4”. But it was a way better game.
A great game for sure, but no where near as good as you are trying to make it out.
llpoh
I’ll give you 100 to 1 odds and bet 283 Italian lire or French francs or Spanish pesetas, or any combination thereof, that the Indians will go all the way this year and take the World Series. Are we good with that?
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SSS – so, let’s see – you are offering me around $.002 against my $.00002. I’m in!
Iran will kick all of your bitch asses
[img]http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showthread.php?t=303110[/img]
Uruguay has actually won the WC twice (in 1930 and 1950), otherwise Stucky your analysis and commentary is an A-1 masterpiece. The videos are the proverbial icing on the cake. I love TBP!
Schwing!
Man-o-man Stucky, da hast du dich übertroffen! Awesome piece – balls and beaver, yeah!
Just one small quibble – Belgium – you got that just plain wrong.
Point 1)legal drugs – that be the Netherlands.
Point 2)pay for pussy – on display (s)natch – that be the Netherlands again.
Point 3)waffles? Fuck their waffles – when I think of Belgium, I think B.E.E.R!
“Uruguay has actually won the WC twice …” ——– Skooby
Damn fine catch. You, sir, are a TRUE soccer aficionado.
unePluiebreve
So, Belgium ALSO doesn’t have legal drugs and pay-for-pussy?? Sumvabitch! They’re right next door!
You, sir, are a TRUE geographical aficionado.
Vielen Dank, lieber Herr
SSS / Llpoh
Get that baseball shit the hell outta here. This thread is about the BEAUTIFUL GAME.
Nevertheless, I shall give you the opportunity to make ONE additional baseball comment ….. give it your best shot ….. please answer the following question;
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I’ve been counting the days until World Cup – I can hardly wait! Just been watching this video on Messi: his dribbling, passing, chips over the keeper’s head, ball control, agility, ability to play off either foot. Unf**kingbelievable! Know someone very well who plays just like him, except left side. Sweet to watch.
Watch the whole video and tell me this isn’t a great game! Enjoy.
stucky,
love the commentary, top notch. my favorite team since my youth has been the dutch but they have been playing like chicken-fuckers since the opening whistle of the final 4 years ago.
i filled out my bracket (copfuk hater HP), i am not as high on brazil. they are always good and the host nation has never not made it out of group play but i think the final will be germany and spain.
i also think the us sneaks out of the first round even though they got buttfucked into the group of death,
my reasoning: i think they can draw with portugal and beat ghana and then they play germany last. germany will likely be comfotably in 1st with nothing to play for and sit people which will allow the us to draw or win.
baseball, like tennis can be fun to play but watching baseball absolutely sucks balls, it is worse than watching paint dry.
I am pissed because my soon to be brother-in-law’s bachelor party is going to a phillies game that will be going on the same time that i think brazil will be playing the dutch.
and here’s nike’s latest commercial that came out (5+ mins long),
http://youtu.be/qjT4T2gU9sM
it’s pretty funny but not as good as this classic from almost 20 years ago
harry p / others
Thanks for the kind words. Ms Freud, who could give a shit about any sport, also laughed her ass off —- strangely, I thought my comments were ‘cute’, not really haha funny —- anyway, her ex is from Belgium and she exclaimed, “That’s him! Smoking dope and getting nookie from anyone but me!” (he was a philanderer). I told her he sounded like a real Wanker, and then I had to explain what that was.
Watch any Brazil game, and then count the one-sided pro-Brazil calls. It will be BRUTAL! Don’t see how that home-court advantage can be negated. Nevertheless, I have Germany beating Brazil in the final. An emotional pick. I wouldn’t bet a thin dime on that.
I would like to share your optimism re USA … almost picked them. Forget even tying, no less beating, Germany. So, the next two games probably need to both be wins. One more loss and it’s over. A win and a tie …. 4 points …. probably won’t get it done. Portugal … I’ve seen 3 games this year …. so good, and out-talent us in virtually every position …. tough, tough draw …. but, hey, I believe we stunned them back in 2000, so ya never know. And, Ghana seems to have our number. Fuck FIFA!!
And the there’s Klinsmann …. whose balls I will not lick, regardless, who said just last week the USA has NO CHANCE in the WC!!! …….. WTF?? ……. nice confidence builder! …….. then again, maybe he’s just playing some Teutonic Mind Fuck games to inspire the players. Regardless, all the games in that group should be highly entertaining.
Never played baseball. Did play a lot of softball … church leagues. Enjoyed it a lot. Both my kids played baseball up until high school, went to most of the games, loved it. Spending 3+ hours in front of a teevee (200+ commercials) …. are you fucking kidding me???
Pro baseball has the fattest “athletes”, after football. And someday someone is going to tell them, “DO NOT SCRATCH YOUR CROTCH DURING TELEVISED GAMES!!
“i am not as high on brazil. they are always good and the host nation has never not made it out of group play” — harry p
harry p, you lost me on that one. Brazil has never made it out of group play? or do you mean that at every world cup the country that was the host never made it out of group play? Both are wrong.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Cup_Football
The host nation wins about 30% of the time.
Leobeer
I think you’re reading it wrong. Here is what he said, with the key word in caps ….
” …. the host nation has never NOT made it out of group play”
It’s a double negative. Meaning, the host team ALWAYS makes it out of group play.
Thanks Stucky, I did read it wrong, too much beer consumed tonight.
But still wrong, South Africa, the host of the last WC didn’t make it out of the group stages.
leobeer,
yep, my bad, you are right, i watched less of hte last WC than when it was in japan/korea in 2002 and the games were on at 3am. those stupid horns were so painful
plus, i don’t think South Africa should be considered a “nation” or “country” anyway.
i think it will be safe to say that Qatar won’t win in 2022, hahaha.
i am optimistic for the us mainly bc of howard, he is top notch and if the rest of the team keeps it close he can keep them in games.
how i think the group of death plays out
US vs Ghana-US win
Germany vs Portugal – Germany win
US vs Portugal-Draw
Germany vs Ghana – Germany win
Germany vs US- US draw (germany has nothing to play for, sits starters)
Portugal vs Ghana- Portugal win in close game
Germany 7 pts (1st place)
US 5 pts (2nd place)
Portugal 4 pts
Ghana 0 pts
I realize it means the US would technically go undefeated but with a goalie as good as as howard it can be done with some luck. sometimes the posts are jsut not kind to goalscorers like ronaldo.
in less than a week the us could choke against ghana (again) and i could be waaaaay off.
“Germany vs US ……… US draw ” ———— harry p
Nice!
harry p when he comes back as a turtle
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harry p, no question that Tim Howard is a world class goalkeeper. The USA’s problem is that they don’t have any world class goal scorers. Portugal has one of the best in the world.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_men%27s_national_soccer_team
Not that he’s a ‘world class’ scorer, but Landon Donovan is a damn good one, and Klinsmann decided to not invite him ……… a decision that PISSES me off, cuz I think Klinsmann did so for personal reasons (and I really like LD).
poor stuckenschnitzell.
your forecasts about soccer are almost as relevant as me predicting the weather in swatziland 26 month from now.
you will be proved wrong and fucked deep and hard.
as for Germany, there’s no team more boring to watch in the entire world. I would better watch an ant in the garden for 24hrs than watching germany on tv.
want to learn something? have a look to the results and the final ranks of the 10 last cups.
arrogant untermensch
“poor stuckenschnitzell. ……….. arrogant untermensch” ———— Frenchie Surrendermonkey
blah blah yada yada yada blah blah blah
You’re just pissed because I said this; ——— “I don’t like the French. I don’t give a shit about that country. Arrogant little fuckers think swapping spit was their invention.”
Q: What’s the difference between a Wonderbra and the French football team?
A: Wonderbra has decent support and a cup.
How the French practice …
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Stucky, you need a geography lesson. Guyana is in S. American. Dey haz the piranha. Ghana is in Africa. Dey bes teh kneegrow.
stucky,
i have been called many many things in my life; but optimist is not one of them.
haha, its quite a chain of events that would need to happen but i am sticking with my bold prediction.
the us does lack goal scorers and ronaldo is amazng (i watched him a lot during his Man U days) but there ar lulls where no bounce goes a goal scorers way and other times its like they can’t miss. if i remember SAfrica correctly, Messi didn’t have much luck early on.
i don’t mind he let LD go, i didn’t like him, reminded me of some of the biggest d-bags i played with for years.
true goalscorers are hard to find, need to be selfish and have a killer instinct one of my favorites was hristo stoichkov from bulgaria (eventhough he sometimes dove), particularly in the 94WC, i was 13 yo left-footed striker and loved seeing another lefty give htem the business.
It’s gonna be fun. After the first couple of games it will be much clearer who the real contenders are. That’s what makes it exciting, then once you know it’s usually good games. I hope we get to see great games, there is certainly talent. Although quite a few good players are out due to injury.
stuckenmussy,
mark my words. I prefer 10 fold watching the US soccer team, than to watch germany. does it speaks to you?
as for scuba diving, we’ll see. wait and see. bwaaaa haa haaaa!
Stuck
This post has gotten more views than your epic WWII saga.
That’s pretty mutha fuckin’ DEPRESSING, actually.
I guess people prefer funny over serious. Here’s a somewhat funny story.
I’m writing the WWII story the other day, and I have Bonanza on in the background (background noise helps me concentrate, silence fucks me up). This particular episode had Mark Twain in it. So, Ms. Freud comes home from the gym, and she asks what I’m watching. I said, “Bonanza, and it has Mark Twain in it.” And she says, and I shit you not, “What? He does acting too?”
I kept silent. I don’t know what she meant, what she thought I said, or anything … I was afraid she heard me correctly, and then I would have to send her away.
Stuck – re your “baseball is boring” point – I would rather watch paint dry than watch baseball on TV. However, I really enjoy watching baseball in person. It is relaxing. The crowds do not tend to be too vicious in general. You get to razz the umps – gently of course – and boo. Loads of fun.
I used to go see minor league teams play when I was in high school. I would sit behind home plate and let the umps and players have it.
There was a time when it was all tied up in the ninth, and the team’s star hitter came up, 2 outs. I started screaming for him to hit it out of the park. An old guy next to me tarted scream for him not to listen to me, and just get on base. Back and forth this screaming it went: “Hit it out of the PARK!!” screamed I. “Don’t listen to him – just get on” screamed the old man.
Well, the guy hit it out of the park – woohoo we won! Yea!!! But the funny thing is that the old man was PISSED – I mean really pissed. He cussed me, he cussed the player for “listening” to me, and he stomped away. He felt like he had been disrespected by the player and me. It was a real hoot.
Anyway – baseball live is loads of fun.
Soccer, on the other hand, is like watching paint dry on TV and in person. Plus the fans are animals. Truly.
The best live sport – by far and there is no comparison in my opinion – is ice hockey. At college I went to every game I could. I would sit by the opposing teams penalty box and dump cokes on them when they got sent off. They were covered in goo by the time they went back on. They were in a little glass cubicle thingy and couldn’t do shit about it. Probably wouldn’t be allowed these days – but back then I think the powers that be thought it was funny as shit, too.
llpoh interacting with player at hockey game
llpoh,
I too, prefer ice hockey live. However, on TV it is too fast and too hard on my eyes to see the puck. For TV I prefer soccer which is known in most of the world as football. Which brings the question why is the American game called football when the ball is usually in someone’s hands?
Leo – I think it is because during gang tackles, there are a lot of feet that hit balls. Only a guess, mind you.
llpoh
OK.
I was just trying to start a shit-fest.
Agree 100% re live hockey.
Disagree 100% that soccer is boring. But, you’re an Injun, so I understand.
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from the web ….
“But how did they come up with the word “soccer”? Basically, the sport is technically known as association football, the rules of which has been established and is overseen by the Football Association. Anyways, somebody somewhere at some point in time, basically took the letters “soc” from association and turned it into soccer as sort of a slang term, and I guess it stuck.
Meanwhile, American football, along with soccer and rugby, originally evolved from the same sport. Rugby gets its name from a school in England, which is named after a town. And it seems like proponents of our sport simply never cared to call it anything else other than plain old football, prompting the other sports to differentiate themselves. In other countries, they specify it as American football, or gridiron football, which can then include the CFL.”
“Which brings the question why is the American game called football when the ball is usually in someone’s hands? ” ——— Leobeer
Because the name “handball” was already taken …. by handball.
Which reminds me, why do they call it golf? Because ‘fuck” was already taken.
BTW, German for soccer = Fussball = football (Fuss = foot, ball = ball)
There was a time I believed our beloved Governator was the funniest Austrian. We voted for him because he spoke with an accent and had a wife named Maria.
Admin – the throwing stuff into the penalty box was a hoot and no one ever wanted to smack the guy. The players were pissed, tho, and may have had a different view of it. 🙂
But at the start of the video there was the guys crashing into the boards – that is what makes hockey so much fun to watch. The folks next to the boards will remember that hit forever.
Good post Stuck,
I’m a huge WC fan. I’ll watch all 72 games (including the simulcast 3rd games of round 1 on two TVs). I’ll probably nearly die trying to balance work against that lost time, but fuck it. It only happens once every 4 years. If I can’t do that then WTF am I working so hard? I say that as someone who hit 40 hours for the week before lunch Wednesday.
Anyway, I was laughing because my I read your story about Mark Twain to my phD toting wife. She said, “I don’t get it”. “Why was he in the show?” “I thought he was an author, not an actor”. ROFLMAO!
frenchie, a little background is helpful in understanding stucky’s resentment towards the french. see, when he was in the air force stationed in nice, he went to a cafe and ordered a ratatouille. it made him sick. he walked it off though. feeling rejuvenated he strode into the local whorehouse, and fell in love with the redhead named Marie Cecile Tatas. they chatted a little, stucky made a funny joke about being “nice” in “nice”. she cooed and soon enough he pulled out his 12 inch python, to which she screamed “mais non!!!”” stucky yelled “WEE, WEE!!” and made an obscene gesture. he was promptly thrown to the curb by guy la butte. to this day, he has never forgiven the french.
as for me, i stand shoulder to shoulder with the french for having given the world so much, including my favorite artists like daumier, delacroix, ingres, david, cezanne, et al. and writers like camus, merleau-ponty and sartre. and who can turn down a parisian baguette with a chunk of epoisses? you’d have to be a retard not to love the french! there’s a reason why no one has chosen the moniker “stuck-in-lyons”! and just look at this list of french inventions:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_French_inventions_and_discoveries
vive la france! vive la france! and long live french hookers!!
stucky, i hope you don’t mind that i shared your story. but i couldn’t resist.
Fuck Soccer and Fuck the rest of the planet for liking it.
The Simpsons nailed it 20 years ago…
Just cuz’ all the idiots in all the other shitty countries like it doesn’t make it good.
Oh goody …. it’s back!
REPOST of shit I said in the FIFA thread …. for posterity and to keep it all in one place
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And a Billion people just saw why it’s so hard to beat Brazil on their home turf.
We just saw the two worst things about soccer; flopping and phantom calls. No wonder many Americans hate the game.
Here’s what happened. First of all, the Jap ref made a call that is rarely made in the penalty area. A Croat and a Monkey (aka, Brazilian playa) fight for the ball in the penalty area. Croat BARELY touches Monkey’s face. Monkey falls to ground flopping like a fish out of water. Jap ref calls foul, resulting in Penalty Shot, which Monkey makes. It changed the entire complexion of the game, in which the Croats abused the Monkeys. Even the chickeshit Brit announcers were stunned with the call.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the Jap ref was paid off by FIFA …. “under no circumstances can you allow Brazil to lose!”. Japs shouldn’t be refs anyway. How the hell can they see out of those slits for eyes?
Fuck FIFA.
Fuck Jap refs.
FUCK BRAZIL. I’ll be cheering for 31 other teams … even Ghana.
SVarghese said —– “What about the other 2 goals? Those were not penalties.”
The game should have ended 1-1.
We already know the penalty call was bullshit. The penalty put Brazil up one goal. It changed the complexion of the game … teams play differently when they are trailing, especially as the time winds down and they are forced to take chances pushing the ball forward and therefore leaving the defense more vulnerable.
It was a shit game for Brazil. If they keep playing like that, they won’t win squat.
.
And harry p said — “That game is exactly what i meant when i was talking about the us having a chance; croatia got screwed on the penalty flop but honestly the croatia goalie should have saved all the goals including the pk. I could see the us pulling out a 1:0 win over portugal similar to what croatia should have pulled off. And yes, fuck brazil, fifa and that inconsistent japfuk ref. “
“Anyway, I was laughing because my I read your story about Mark Twain to my phD toting wife. She said, “I don’t get it”. “Why was he in the show?” “I thought he was an author, not an actor”. ROFLMAO!” ———- Sonic
That’s even hilariouser! TWO PhD wives …. and only one functioning neuron between them!