Horse Juice Tastes Like Hay … And Other Tales From A Horse F****r

I came across this article (pun intended) by accident yesterday. Let me state that this is NOT a fake news article from the Onion, or similar rag. It is a serious piece from New York Magazine online, and their “Science Of Us” webpage.

It’s the story about a 42-year-old man from Canada  who is sexually attracted to female horses … kinda like bb. I’m not sure what this sick mofo says about our culture, as bestiality is even mentioned in da Bible. Moohamid was a goat fucker, and there’s evidence Moses liked sheep.  Here are excerpts from that interview. My comments are in red.

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He wasn’t born a horse fucker. Phew!  It’s the damn Carnival’s fault.

The first time I saw a horse I was 7 years old. There was a carnival in a parking lot across the street from my house and it had a parade of them walking around in circles. I begged my parents to let me go so I could ride the ponies, but when I got on a horse’s back I was absolutely horrified. I bawled my eyes out. I think I was bothered by how awful the situation was for them. All they did was go ’round and ’round; I could sense something about that in their attitude. 

He didn’t get a hard-on for horsies until a few years later.

I started to notice horses in “that” way when I was about 11 or 12. Everybody else was stealing their dads’ Playboy magazines, but I had a book called The Big Book of the Horse.  

Okaaaay … did the Horse Mag cause him to choke his chicken?

Oh, yes. And later I’d go to pre-internet online dial-up forums and that’s where I came across bestiality porn.  I grew up in the city, so I didn’t have much access. I always was on the lookout for horses when I was traveling.

Did he ever have any interest in a human vagina?

No. I was a little nerdy and not at all athletic. I’ve always been somewhat overweight. My interest was horses.

Did he ever even kiss a human?

My first kiss was from a man named Mark. He was aware of my sexual preference and interested himself in dogs. That was about two months after I lost my virginity, so I was about 22.

Did he lose his virginity to a human, horse, or dog?

A horse. 

How does one go about finding a suitable horse to fuck?

One of my friends had access to a nice female pony, and he let me have sex with her. She was a Shetland-cross, and she had dorsal stripes — the black line across the spine — and that’s something that’s turned me on ever since. 

How did that turn out?

The sexual experience itself was incredible. To this day it was the best sex I’ve ever had. But in some ways I regret that first time. 

Ummmm …. Okay, I’ll bite ….. why?

Because I didn’t get to know her first, and I’ve since come to understand that enthusiastic participation makes the experience better. So I kind of wish it had been different.

Does horsey fucking involve foreplay?

I’ll tell you about the first time I had sex with my current mare friend. It’s sort of a comedy of errors. So I’d had her for about a year. I had her in the barn. I’d given her food. I’d brushed her, cleaned her under her tail, and cleaned her face. I’d scooped snot out of her nose — we know each other very intimately. We were in a barn with all the lights out and a nice warm heater; it was lovely. So, she was settling in for the night, and I went to the stall and I just sat in the corner. I let her come to me, and that’s one of the things I am very adamant about: I never use a halter or any kind of restraint.

So, she chooses to come with me, and I leave her food and she puts her head on my chest and we snuggle and I whisper sweet nothings in her ear and rub her cheeks — what she likes. By this stage, she knows I’ll rub her thighs. She really loves the area between the back of her legs touched. So, she turned around and she actually backed into me while I’m sitting down. I slip my hands up a little further up and play with her genitals.  

Her clit?  You mean her clit, right?

Yes. Now, one of the things that’s a problem with horses is the height difference. So, here’s a little tip: Use a water bucket to stand on. In the case of the first time with my current mare friend I was sitting with my back to the wall, and she had actually pressed into my face hard enough that I was pinned there performing oral sex. 

Uh-huh.  So she was a domineering little bitch?

She was enjoying it. I wouldn’t say she was trying to dominate; I think she was just expressing her enjoyment. We did that for about 20 or 30 minutes. Mares aren’t easy to satisfy. They need a lot of stimulation. This leads me to the penetrative sex. I was about 38 at the time,  and I was about 10 to 15 pounds too heavy for the bucket. So we have this plastic bucket upside down, and I’m standing on it and my drawers are dropped. I’m in the corner of the stall, and my mare friend has turned around and is looking at me strangely, and she comes over and sniffs and rubs and snuffles me. Because horses love biting things I was a little bit concerned; I kept my hand in a way that I could save myself if I needed to. But the really interesting thing is that after having oral sex she turned away from me, lifted her tail, and walked backward into me and actually onto me.

Do Blow Jobs enter into the picture?

I mostly have oral sex with mares. When I first gave a horse oral sex I was in my early 20s, and one of the things I had to overcome was the thought that it’s disgusting to go down on a horse, much like the way some men feel about women. So it was at the back of my head at the time, and it’s kind of strange because there’s nothing about horses that’s disgusting to me. And, as I discovered, mares taste very, very nice, like mown grass or fresh hay, and they really enjoy oral stimulation.

How can you tell if you’ve satisfied your girl horse?

She tenses up a lot and “winks” her clitoris repeatedly. She makes noises and grunts. 

What about horses fucking YOU?

I can’t be penetrated. I have severe hemorrhoids so it’s too painful, and that made some of my gay relationships difficult, but I was always happy to pleasure my partner.

Do you fuck around with several horses at a time?

No. I am monogamous. I have two mares, and one is my mare friend and the other one is just a mare. I’ve never done anything sexual with her. 

How does he pick which horse he’s like to fuck?

I really like the dorsal stripe and other markings. I tend to like darker horses because of the contrast between the inside and the outside. Personality is important. I’ve become attracted to Arabians after meeting my current mare friend and seeing the kind of bonding they can do with humans.

Is he ashamed of being a horse fucker?

No. What have I done? I am a normal, average, hardworking guy. I pay my taxes, I make fairly good money, I have a nice house. I have dogs, I have ferrets, I have cats, a couple of rats, chickens in my backyard I’ve saved from places where they were just going to get killed. What have I done that’s so wrong? What is so wrong about physical contact between my penis and a mare’s genitals?

That’s a damn good question. I’ll take a horse fucker over a Catholic priest molesting boys … wouldn’t you? I hope your eyes have been opened. Horse fuckers and indeed, all animal fuckers, are just human beings with a slightly different twist. They, too, deserve our love! With that, I now declare bb my friend.

Well that’s the general idea.  It’s a very long interview, and the rest is here —->  http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/11/what-its-like-to-date-a-horse.html

Author: Stucky

I'm right, you're wrong. Deal with it. View all posts by Stucky