Guest Post by Stilton Jarlsberg
Tonight the various contenders wishing (or in many cases obsessing) to become President of the United States will get their first real test in the Iowa caucuses. The caucus (meaning “a gathering of Caucasians”) process involves Iowans grouping together to publicly debate which candidates have spent the most money in the state.
Following these impassioned discussions (frequently peppered with expletives like “gosh durn it!” and “hold on thar!”) the Republicans cast traditional secret ballots for their candidates, while the Democrats wave their hands in the air, shout, steal supporters from other groups, and eventually come to agreement via arm wrestling.
Still, the results in Iowa are very, very important because…uh…they’re first. Not because the state is a good predicter of national results (it isn’t), and not because the state has demographics which “look like America” (it doesn’t). But still, Iowa is first for a very good reason: because they called “dibs.”
According to the latest polls, things are wattled-neck and neck between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders amongst the Democrats, while on the GOP side Donald Trump is predicted to edge out Ted Cruz. Which is why later this week we’ll get to see…
In order to attack the alleged Islamaphobia of the eventual GOP winners in Iowa, Barack Hussein Obama will be visiting an American mosque in Baltimore which is apparently in a part of town that mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake did not give to protesters to destroy.
This will be Mr. Obama’s first visit to an American mosque as president, a trip long-delayed because, according to White House spokesman Josh Earnest, “the president’s golf spikes really tear the hell out of prayer rugs.”
Obama is going to the mosque “to celebrate the contributions Muslim Americans make to our life,” and indeed there are many. Just off the top of our heads, for instance, we can thank them for greatly increased national security measures, a decrease in sun-related skin cancers amongst women wearing burqas, a more diverse view of what constitutes “a clock,” and heightened awareness that, despite the similarity in names, San Bernadino and San Bernardino are two different soft targets.
“The caucus (meaning “a gathering of Caucasians”) ……..”
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/caucus
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Full Definition of caucus
: a closed meeting of a group of persons belonging to the same political party or faction usually to select candidates or to decide on policy; also : a group of people united to promote an agreed-upon cause”.
When an article opens with a false statement I quit reading at that point. If someone has a truthful point to make they don’t need to be misleading with a false one to make it.
Anon doesn’t have the sarcasm gene. Dumbass.
News Anchor- Hammond Cheese ( I like it)
Hammond Cheese isn’t the only one who needs a stiff drink, politics is becoming completely unnerving. And the candidates seem to be uglier by the day, Hitlery, Bernie, Cruz…….it’s too much.
Admin,
No, I just believe words have meaning and power and should be used asccordingly.
Phony definitions are not sarcasm, they are deception.
Lighten up Francis. The guy makes his living doing comics. You need to understand context, you idiot.
With Iowa and New Hampshire being first, whites and rural citizens have a disproportionate impact on the presidential race. What’s the problem?
I googled the guy after you posted him the other day. He has tons of great stuff. I got jokes today. Guy walks into a bar, sees two fat chick’s speaking with a funny accent. “Excuse me,” he says, “are you ladies from scotland?” “Wales” replied one of the women. “Sorry,” said the man,” are you whales from scotland?”