Q: Describe one incident that you were part of that REALLY PISSED YOU OFF. How did you ultimately handle it? Specifically, I am interested whether or not you caused bodily harm to the person responsible for pissing you off … and, if so, how you got away with it.
BTW … that’s one question.
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Why do I ask? Glad you asked ….
My concrete staining project had turned into a major clusterfuk. It all happened after applying the sealant. Apparently, I applied the sealer much too soon. I waited 24 hours. I probably should have waited 24 days. The people who sold me the stain and sealer neglected to tell me that the concrete must be BONE DRY. Moisture in the concrete does not react well with sealer. This will become apparent after the first rain. So, the rains fell from the heavens for 40 days and nights hours. This resulted in the brownish stained concrete becoming covered in milky-white discoloration … in some areas you couldn’t even see the brownish stain. Plain and simple, it was FUGLY. Worse looking than when I started.
There was only one solution. Strip the sealer. Stripping sealer from concrete is a massively difficult and time consuming job. It also removes the stain … which I was told was impossible. It took me ten or more hours — (why bother counting time at that point?) — with chemicals, a steel wire wire brush, and endless scrubbing to get the job done. And it did get done … right back down to bare concrete (the sealer was 100% stripped, and the stain was 90% gone.)
I re-stained the concrete. Looks pretty good. I think I’m going to wait to seal it sometime in the Spring. That should be enough time.
I PLACED THREE ORANGE 5-GALLON BUCKETS AND A REGULAR BUCKET DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE BOTTOM STEP. You know, to keep people from walking on it.
Ms. Freud had a client at 6PM. I’m watching TV. The doorbell rings. No big deal. Ms. Freud goes to the back door to let her client in. There’s no one there. Shit. The doorbell rings again. There’s someone at the front door!!! Fuuuuck!! Well, “maybe not”, is my hope. It’s already dark outside and the client is a Kneegrow woman so, maybe Ms Freud just didn’t see her.
Nevertheless, Ms. Freud goes to the front door ……. and there she is ….standing on my fucking wet stain.
I was beside myself. I rarely ever say anything to Ms Freud’s clients other than ‘hello’ or ‘good bye’. But, this time I yelled from the living room;
“YOU’RE STANDING ON MY PORCH??? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED???!!!”
Really. The lady mumbles some half-assed apology and says — “You know, I was wondering why all those buckets were in front of the step.” Fucken’ maroon.
So, I grab my shit, and go out to fix it. Problem is, I only have about an ounce of stain left. I bought enough stain to cover the entire porch and steps ONCE, not twice. Anyway, I did get most of her fucking shoe-prints removed. If she didn’t weigh 300 fucking pounds it wouldn’t have been so deeply ground into the concrete, and I would have had enough. I just checked it again a few minutes ago, and I don’t think anyone will notice the slight defect.
So, here’s the funny thing. It turns out that woman was actually borderline RETARDED. The Social Security folks sent her here to get evaluated, and her IQ is around 78. Ha!
Ms. Freud asked me if I felt bad about what I said to her. I said that I did not. What I did was my own form of therapy. I merely helped her come to terms with her own condition. You can’t fix a problem until you name it. The fucken retard stepped on my stain and, yeah, I’m still a bit pissed because I’m a perfectionist and I can still see where she stepped.
Maybe I’ll feel better if I hear your sorry-assed story.
Just paint the fucking porch and be done with it.
Never ask a woman this question. As Louis C.K. said, “women are non-violent but they will ruin your life.”
If you ruin a man’s life, he really has nothing to lose by beating you to death.
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I had an uncle get divorced. Already retired and on SS, but she was going to take the house. Long story short, he told her that if she took the house, he’d murder her in cold blood, because then he’d get three hots and a cot for the rest of his life rather than living under a bridge and starving to death. She gave him the house. 😉
I expected better from you Stephanie. It only proves the immaturity of women in general. Oh, no he didn’t!!!
A man “says” something and a woman thinks she is now “entitled” to act like a 2 year old and burn the house down.
— Wip
Whole lotta assumption going on here. I never said anything about personally ruining a man life nor did I specify my comment of men vs. women. I just partially quoted Louis C.K.
Stucky,
For heavens sake are you trying to ruin your hands and elbows
and shoulders? And knees? Stop working like a 25 yr old or
you will regret it.
I have not shouted obscenities at a client of my Mr.
I am a woman. A person that attacked me unfairly
and cruelly (love triangle) wishes she hadn’t.
Hat tip/Stephanie
wow,
really sounds like NJ (Joisey)
I stepped on my own genitalia years ago. I sanded and refinished a hardwood floor in my house and was cleaning up the rented sander and stain applicator in the adjacent bathroom sink. The sanding dust and goo from the stain quickly plugged up the sink. No problem as I had some lye to dissolve the ‘clot’ and a plunger to force it all down the drain. Cleared the sink in no time and took the plunger back to its place under the vanity in another bathroom. Problem was it still had a little water in it from the clogged sink and that water had lye in it.
With horror I could follow my path from the half bath across the floor by the drops of water that had fallen from the plunger and left spots on the new finish. Nobody to curse at but myself. Nothing to be done about it then either so I just made a stiff drink and tried not to think about it.
One time I was driving my kids to school and some fucking moron in front of me was driving about 10 mph on the one-lane parkway I was driving on. When we finally got to a stop sign, I jumped out, screaming at the top of my lungs at the fucking idiot, only to realize it was my best friend from work who’d just been trying to wave to me – and who now saw that I was insane and a horrible parent.
Had some “neighbors” living in a rental home behind me on the street that backed their property up to my back yard.
Sat around in their car late at night and played their thump-mobile audio system so loud it actually made vibrations in my fish tank that looked like the dinosaur vibrations in the puddle in Jurassic Park.
Called their landlord to complain (I actually went down to county records and looked him up) and apparently so had a number of others in the area. Said he couldn’t do anything about it and I should call the police.
I and some others actually did but found out they weren’t at all interested even though they said they would send someone out (they didn’t since I watched for them but lied and just said they looked for the address but couldn’t find it – really? what about the one I and the others that called gave them?).
So I just watched and waited till they got into a very predictable yelling and screaming match which I was sure was alcohol and drug inspired and called the police to report domestic violence in progress with small children involved that might be being beaten (there were, you could hear them screaming).
The police showed up in about 5 minutes and that shut them up real quick. Spent about a half hour there talking to them.
Here’s the killer ending of the story, by about 6 am the next morning they had all just disappeared, moved out overnight and gone away. I’m assuming one or more of them had something to be real worried about after having the police take notice of them.
I suppose I could have done something illegally nasty to them on a personal basis, and I definitely thought about it, but that would just have gotten me in trouble and left the problem still there.
So don’t get mad, just figure out how to be effective at getting rid of the problem without risking personal liability while you do it.
A long, long time ago I had a Beta player (how’s that for judgment?). One of the first video rental places in my old neighborhood would stock one Beta tape for every 20 VHS copies. I rented the movie Vision Quest with Matthew Modine (see first question, above). I was working on a hotel job as the carpentry subcontractor, 12-15 hours a day, six days a week. I’d come home, shower, drink a beer, watch a few minutes of the movie and fall asleep. This went on for a few days and I don’t think I ever got further than the part when the girl from Trenton, NJ (why do I remember that detail?) comes into the flick before I’d pass out from exhaustion. The video rental place charged by the day and you paid when you returned the film so I didn’t think about that much about it. I remember they called a couple of times asking me to return it because they only had the one copy and I think I told them that they should buy another because I was still watching it and I’d return it when I was done. This went on for a few days until I decided I’d drop it off after work one night. I remember getting a few rolls of pennies because that’s how I intended to pay for it because they kept bugging me. So I come home to clean up and put the tape and the penny rolls on the table and as I’m coming out of the shower there was a knock on my door. It was the owner of the place and when I open the door he puffs up and says he wants his video back- no shit, he actually drove to my house for his tape. I’m wearing a towel and have a face full of shaving cream and this guy starts in on me about his tape. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, he flicks a lit cigarette butt onto the carpet of my living room my floor and the sparks go everywhere. I was about 25 years old, I had just gotten out of the 82nd Airborne about a year earlier, I was swinging a 32 ounce Estwing framing hammer all day long and was probably in the best shape of my life and I’m already ticked off about this whole tape rental issue. The guy was about six inches taller than me and fifty pounds heavier and if it weren’t for the shock of his cigarette sparks I may have given it a second thought but in that instant it was like he’d just backhanded my grandmother and I went for him. I remember there was this sound like a rubber band twanging in my head and the next thing I know he’s on his back in the snow, the towel is gone and I’m on top of this asshole beating him into a bloody mess.
My neighbor (who was a local cop) was just coming home at the time and came over and pulled me off- sorta- he didn’t want to actually grab a naked guy, I guess, but he was yelling at me to knock it off, my dog was going for the guys feet and the next thing I know he gets up and starts running away. I step back into the house, grab the Beta tape and chuck it at his retreating form as hard as I could and that thing hit him square in the back of the head and it split in two and the tape spooled out down the street like something out of a movie. Lucky shot.
I have never lost my cool like that since.
Funny after story. He pressed charges against me for assault. I go to court with the cop neighbor as my witness. The guy shows up like something from the People’s Court, wearing a neck brace and a black eye, split lip, arm in a sling, etc and I’m standing at the other table looking like his kid brother. The judge was a black woman and she looked up at him over the paperwork and points at me then asks him “That man did that to you?” and when he nodded she laughed at him.
The charges were dismissed and everybody in the courtroom was giggling at the guy. I don’t think I ever rented another movie again in my life. I have never told that story to either my wife or my kids, so keep it to yourself.
Is that the kind of story you’re looking for?
hsf….now that was memorable
That’s one of the funniest stories l have ever read!!!!
Awesome HSF. Your best yet!
HSF truly hilarious !!!!!!!!
Stucky – so the big black woman had an IQ of 78? That is within the range of normal for that race.
Which of the many instances of being pissed off should I relate? There are so many. Some resulted in some asshole getting his ass beat. Most resulted in the asshole fleeing after me telling him (each time me going from screaming to dead calm) pretty much word for word “one more word out of you and I am going to beat your ass”. I am dead serious when I say that to someone, and am pissed beyond the point of screaming and arguing and have reached the point of 100% pissed off, and attain an outward veneer of calm and pure menace, and they can see it, somehow. I have never, ever, had anyone else even utter a noise, much less a word to me, after I have told them that. To a man, they have immediately fled.
Anyway, one day I dropped my missus off in a parking lot, and went to park the car. When I arrived at the store entrance some asshole was cussing my wife (very bad move). Seems he almost backed over her, and when she shouted out, he got out of his car and began abusing her. That was where I came in.
Pretty soon the asshole scurried into his car, owing to the danger he was in, but had a parting word for me when he thought he was safe in his car. He did not get his door locked in time, so I wrenched it open, and grabbed him by the shirt front. I was outwardly calm by then (very bad sign for that asshole).
Asshole had a friend in the car, and said that the two of them would kick my ass. I looked over at the friend and asked if he wanted to be part of this. He shook his head no (smart guy).
I let the asshole go, stepped back, and ofered him the chance to step out of the car. He declined (there was a surprise), closed his door, locked it, and beat feet.
My teenage kids were watching with eyes as big as saucers, and mouths hanging open. They had never seen such a thing before. My wife had. One of them asked me “what would have happened if he got out of the car?”
I replied, “He was never going to get out of the car. Never. First, it was improbable that he would even try. Second, if he had tried, I was going to grab the car door and slam him with it until he was a bloody mess”. More wide eyes and mouths agape.
I then explained “there is no man on earth going to cuss your mom when I am around. Ever. Fighting is no fun, and not done for fun. And if that asshole wanted to push it, it was him going to take the beating, and not me. Fighting fair is for the other guy. I do not start fights, do not like getting my ass kicked, and much prefer the alternative. But I do not take backward steps.”
I grew up in a different world to most.
Stucky…..probably won’t see this, but…
why don’t you rent a sand blaster; should make the concrete look almost like new.
Maybe they don’t do it intentionally but men do the same makeover with women before handing them over to another dude. Boobs, ass, nose job, wardrobe, everything. Yet the idiots made do without all of that when they had her. Weird.