Guest Post by The Zman
I hate Christmas
That’s right. I hate Christmas.
Throughout history, at least since Dickens, guys like me get dubbed a “scrooge” or worse because it is assumed my animus toward the holiday is due to being cheap. Christmas is a gift giving holiday so if you don’t like the holiday, it means you don’t like gift giving. The only people that don’t like gift giving are tightwads and misers. The most famous hater of Christmas is, of course, old Ebenezer from A Christmas Carol, but Mr. Potter from It’s a Wonderful Life is a close second. Both are heartless misers of the first order, who are smote by Christmas.
Well, I’m neither of those guys. I don’t have a problem with gift giving. Gift giving at Christmas is one of the few things about the holiday I find heart warming. I enjoy taking the time to think about a nice gift for someone I care enough about to give a gift. Like everyone, I tend to take for granted those around me that care about me. When it is time to buy them a gift, I take the time to think about all the nice things they do for me and I appreciate how lucky I am to have them in my life.
It is a mostly selfish act, of course, We give gifts to say something flattering about ourselves. That something makes us feel good because we hope that others will agree with it. “What a nice gift” implies “what a nice person you are for giving me this gift.” We give the gift to let the other person know we are kind, thoughtful, generous and so forth. It’s not all there is, but it is the big motivator. Jewelry stores exist so men can let women know they are good guys, who can and will provide for them. Diamonds are man’s second best friend, just behind dogs.
The issue I have with gifts is in the receiving. I’m terrible at gift receiving. I always feel like an obligation has been bestowed on me. My ideal Christmas is one where I give the gifts and no one gives me anything. That way I don’t feel obligated to wear the ugly shirt, carry the useless wallet or read the Ann Coulter book. I have been given every one of her damned books and I have yet to read a single one. God bless Ann Coulter, but I would rather have my testicles hooked up to a car battery than read one of her books.
I could live with the gift receiving hassle, but the whole experience is wrapped up in weeks of traffic jams and people acting like idiots. We know retail is way down. We know people are buying more and more stuff on-line. We see the malls and big box stores closing down. Why are there more people out on the streets each year at Christmas? Where are they going? Why are they out driving around and making a nuisance of themselves? The best gift we could get at Christmas is an EMP so no one can go out and drive around for two weeks.
I could even get past the traffic and the hassle of gift getting, but there’s no payoff to Christmas. You make yourself miserable for weeks, open gifts and then nothing. It’s often in a flash. The kids get to play with their toys, but the adults get nothing for their trouble. That’s because Christmas is not a good food holiday like Thanksgiving or a summer cookout. There are treats we associate with the holiday, but America is a rich country overflowing with treats.
The unique foods at Christmas are things like god-awful casseroles and stuffings that taste like ass. As a kid, I was often forced to taste oyster stuffing even though I hated it with the intensity of a thousands suns. No one liked it, which is why it was always left over and then thrown away. The same is true of the casseroles. Bad cooking is not improved by dumping cheese and mushroom soup. Green bean casserole is a crime against nature and should be outlawed. When I’m ruler of these lands, casseroles will be banned.
In fairness, I used to enjoy Christmas mass. When I was a kid, the one thing I really liked about Christmas, the only thing I liked, was the big hullabaloo of Christmas Eve mass. I could just imagine what it was like in the medieval times with candles and torches lighting the church instead of electric lights. A big old church had that ability to awe a person. I’ve always found it comforting to know that I am just one tiny insignificant fleck in the grand tapestry of life. The most miserable people are those who believe they are important.
But, I no longer go to mass so that’s on me. Even so, the terribleness of the modern Christmas far outweighs whatever pleasures I could pluck from it. This is not a new thing either. I’ve felt this way since I was a kid. Once they killed off Santa, I started thinking this holiday was a bit of a rip-off. It’s just one big pitch to buy stuff and spend money. The fact is, Christmas is for cops and kids, as they say in Boston. Most of us just staple a smile on our face and get through it as best we’re able. Another week and life gets back to normal.
Until then, Bah! Humbug!
Ann Coulter writes books? Who knew…
Best day of the year is January 2nd. The days are getting longer. Christmas is over (unless you’re Eastern Orthodox). Any of the financial stuff you thought you had to do by Dec 31, well, it’s too late. New Year’s Eve is over. New Year’s Day is over. You can just go back to work and be normal again – until you find yourself standing in the drugstore greeting card aisle with 9 other poor bastards at 5:30 pm on February 14. God, please kill me.
Sounds like someone needs a hug……c’mon, bring it in……
Could it be you’re just a Jerk???
BB, hell has frozen over; you made me laugh.
The #1 killer of Christmas is….. STRESS!!!! Take that away and viola!! It’s not so bad after all. Ditto on the spending for presents and shopping.
As a former ground search manager, this is the “despondent” season.
See all kinds of calls at this time of the year.
The best day in December?? Dec 21!! The winter solstice. From here on the days start getting longer once again!! Yahoooooo!
It’s the birthday of Jesus Christ….focus on that and let all the obstacles pass by. Although I gotta tell ya, my wife makes a kick ass green bean casserole. And speaking of casseroles, you mean to tell me that turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, maybe some corn (don’t laugh, it’s really adds) and gravy in a layered casserole type like 9 x 13 dish like thing isn’t the finest meal on the planet?
Otherwise, I get what your throwing down overall though – I wonder, do you I guess, ever wonder if the sheeple enjoy the holiday more than ‘the awake’?
Christmas is simply for family. There a tons of nice feelings to be had without all the gift giving. There is something a tad bizarre to me about giving gifts. Seems a bit materialistic.
When my family gets together for Christmas, we only buy gifts for school-age children, including college age, just to give them some money really. The adults enjoy the time together and watching the kids.
You know, gift-giving at Christmas didn’t start until the mid 1800s, with the introduction of advertising. Prior to that, it was a Christian celebration of friends and family and church going.
From Huffpo: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/roy-speckhardt/being-good-for-goodness-s_1_b_4337826.html
You’re an old softy, everyone fells uncomfortable accepting gifts. Let the guilt go, if you so wish, regift what is given. You still are that one tiny insignificant fleck in the grand tapestry of life, as we all are!
ZMan, thank you. Except for the Mass (I was raised Church of Christ), you pretty much described my attitude. I’m sending this to my Ma; she’s not hugely into holidays, but she still doesn’t understand why I hate Christmas.
I must disagree about the green-bean casserole. They can be pretty good. They can be very damned good, if you make them from scratch (including beans from this year’s garden). After you wake up from the food-induced after-dinner nap, you also have to go out back & burn up some of the ammo that several people have received as gifts (& naturally, everybody generally has his or her sidearm on them or somewhere near). Drudgery, I know, but it must be done.
Your Christmas sounds fun.
For most of my life, I’ve dreaded the hassle of the gift-giving nonsense with siblings, their children and all the annoying lists of what to get who when presenting self to the “gathering” of family members who interact with one another fewer than five times a year.
This year, with the log home built and spectacularly decorated (okay, am exaggerating a bit, but I have been told by at least six locals that ours is the nicest house in the community. Of course, there is a hillbilly trailer park in our community less than two miles away, so the competition is weak.
Anyhow… I declared myself to be OUT of the Christmas gift-giving business. I will make cookies, cakes, pies and all sorts of canned goods that people are welcome to “call” gifts from me, but it is really what I LIKE to do… make interesting food and hand it out. Just eat it and say yum… no return gift.
It doesn’t help that my birthday is just a few days after Christmas. Bah Humbug comes to mind.
I hate Christmas too…….ever since that little British bitch schoolmate of mine told me at age 5 or 6 that Santa was not real. I pedaled my bike (with training wheels) as slow as any little boy ever did, all the way home, crying all the way. I guess I actually owe her a debt of gratitude for the truth of it is that she gave me my first dose of the red pill. I’ve been a cynic and skeptic ever since.
Although I won’t be in Boise with my parents for Christmas, I’ve been with them for the past few weeks and it’s been awesome. At their age and infirmity level Christmas is not a big deal. I’m not sure what they are taking away from this whole twilight of their lives experience but I’m having a good time and enjoy *them*.