Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
So, it’s Christmas time again, and your shopping is so much simpler since conservatives already have their present. We got ours when America laughed in Hillary’s face and rejected her in favor of Donald Trump.
Sorry, I just need to say that one more time because it feels so, so good.
America laughed in Hillary’s face and rejected her in favor of Donald Trump.
Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.
So, while we have the gift that keeps on giving – total control of the government – many of our liberal friends are sad. They’re despondent, confused, and a bit afraid at how things have turned out.
Oh man, this just keeps getting better and better.
It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
-----------------------------------------------------
To donate via Stripe, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------
Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
No, this is about our liberal friends, about thinking of them and their needs, and in this special season we should be extra-generous. After all, they are in pain.
Sorry, but this feeling of overwhelming joy is so awesome.
Okay, back to our liberal friends. Giving is important, and so here are some gift ideas for some of the prominent liberals (and others) who have helped make 2016 the year it was – a year I can’t accurately describe within the scope of the language allowed here.
Lena Dunham: My first thought was muffins, because you can’t go wrong with muffins for Lena Dunham, but we always give muffins to Michael Moore and he’ll get jealous and upset when he realizes he could have had more muffins. So, what do you get the girl who already has everything – deep ignorance, incredible self-righteousness and no filter? Well, since Lena is always out there committing herself to whatever trendy ideology du jour she stumbles upon – feminism, Hillary, talking rocks and twigs – how about a Bible? Maybe instead of trying to fill up her empty life with nonsense she ought to try something that billions of people have found useful, enduring, and not agonizingly stupid.
Michael Moore: Muffins.
Evan McMullin: A clock that measures time starting at 15:01 minutes. It would already be on minute 17:00 or so.
The Democratic Party: A tombstone to memorialize its dead dreams.
Lindsey Graham: A ball gag. Wait, he’s probably already got several, though he sadly never uses them when the urge strikes him to talk to the media about fellow Republicans. So, how about the board game Risk so he can launch as many stupid wars as he likes without getting anybody else’s sons or daughters killed?
Bill Clinton: An electronic subscription to Bootylicious magazine so he can covertly read it on his iPad when Hillary is around, since she’s going to be around a lot. Bill Clinton is, after all, 2016’s biggest loser.
John Podesta: A pen and a pad of writing paper, because “passw0rd” is not a password.
The Media: Let’s get it a mirror, since it’s been looking for the reason we voted for Trump.
Dr. Jill Stein: A financial advisor to help her with all the dough Team Sucker forked over to her for the hilarious recount fiasco.
David Frum: A new act. The “Concerned Conservative” thing has become tiresome.
Barack Obama: A trophy engraved with the words “#1 Republican Electoral Hero of 2016.” He can put it up on his mantle with his trophies for “#1 Republican Electoral Hero of 2010” and “#1 Republican Electoral Hero of 2014,” right there next to his Nobel Peace Prize.
Harry Reid: He’s gone but not forgotten. Let’s get him an ill-tempered rowing machine.
Martin Sheen and Hollywood’s Liberal Elite: A studio and video crew on call 24/7 for whenever they feel like making a video telling normal people what to do. We want to make sure that regular Americans see as many progressive actors as possible celebsplaining at them in the run-up to 2018.
Merrick Garland: A custom coffee mug that reads “Future Jeopardy Question.”
Samantha Bee: Some sleep. She’s so tired looking, probably from non-stop shouting about Trump on whatever show she is still on.
Paul Krugman: A set of Kevlar body armor and a black assault rifle because Trump is such a fascist threat to our democracy (yeah, I know) that he is clearly morally obligated to go to war just like our Founding Fathers to defeat this impending tyranny. I mean, from what he’s said, Donald Trump is so awful and horrible and stuff that if he didn’t personally put his life on the line to fight this peril he would have to be considered either a coward or a liar. Or both.
Hillary Clinton: Give that shrill, naggy harpy a bottle of Crown Royal and point her toward the ice bucket. Then, as she staggers over to it, tumbler in claw, give her our thanks for being so transcendently awful that she inadvertently gave America a fighting chance at regaining its glory.
And of course, don’t forget my new novel for any conservative you like, and for any liberal you don’t. Merry Christmas.
Just give ’em all some Trump election memorabilia so they won’t feel completely left out of things for the next decade or so.
Jill Stein and Hillary – a good stiff one. We just have to find someone willing to do it… was thinking about a deaf and blind guy.
Tommy
If it was a just world, Trump would get 8 years in office to make up for the 8 years of empty negroism Obama inflicted on America.
Seriously, other than manipulated unemployment and GDP numbers, emasculated police departments and Trayvon Martin, Superstar, what did America get from Obama’s presidency?
We can’t even put a man into space now. Our corporate champions sell apps, ride sharing and advertising. Not products.
Obama’s presidency was purely symbolic. A negro pretending to be the president of the worlds most powerful country. If he indulged himself and his family he achieved nothing of substance for the nation. What a ripoff this grotesque mulatto was.
But, we need to give em free rainbow stew, free health care and a minimum wage. (well, possibly a red hot poker up the yazoo)
When it comes to Obumble, let’s not forget his numerous awards from various firearms manufacturers for “Best Salesman of 20xx”! AR-platform rifles are now about 1/2 to 1/3rd of what they were going for a few short years ago. For awhile there, it was difficult to find upper receivers, at any price.
“Some Christmas Presents For Our Liberal Friends”
—-title of article
Easy peasy. One present A “Make America Great Again” baseball hat.
“Harry Reid: He’s gone but not forgotten. Let’s get him an ill-tempered rowing machine.”
(snicker)