A WONDERFUL DAY AT THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE

Guest Post by Indentured Servant

It’s bad already. I’m having to take over all of my parents affairs and was told by the SSA on the phone that I needed to go to any local SS office to take care of a few things and she gave me a list of documents I needed to bring with me.

I drive around the building looking for a place to park. There’s a brand new multi story parking garage but it is of course, closed. The bestest parking spots were all reserved for employees and the handicapped. I finally find a place on the street and put two tires up on the snow berm to avoid being towed. I notice that I’m parked right across from a perfectly plowed parking lot that is chained at every entrance with a sign saying the lot is closed. So, on a 17 degree, crystal clear, blue sky day I leave my handgun in the car and make my way to the entrance/lobby.

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Inside is a ocean of people. On my way in I was closely followed by another dude who just walked right up to door I needed to go in and he walked right in so I followed…..or tried to follow. Local rent a cop asshole automaton guy lets the guy in but stops me. He says I need to wait in line in the lobby. I ask for what? He says to get in here. I walk out and ask if everyone is waiting to get in the same door and get a literal chorus of an exasperated “YYYyyyeeessss”. Fuck! I loudly ask if they have a titty bar in there with free beer or is Beyonce about to take the stage? Double fuck!

The lobby is a crowd and in no way could you describe the mob as a “line” of people. I ask if anyone knows where the end of the line is. I assume my place in the crowd and learn that all you need to know is that you can’t go in until the person you are slowly following around has gone in unless of course they need to go to the shitter, go to their car or go outside for a smoke break (mostly weed) and then your job is to hold their place in line (in front of you remember) until they get back.

I definitely need to get to know some old people. There was not a wrinkly face in the crowd except mine and I’m only 50. Everyone there was younger than me except for the rent a cop automatons and some of the employees. I’m not sure how the old people do it but they must know some secret voodoo or secret code word to avoid having to go there. I’ve probably pissed SSS off enough that he certainly won’t share the secret with me. Maybe Muck will help me out before the sun cooks his brain like SSS?

I didn’t take my cell phone in with me so I have no idea how long it took get through the magic door but there was certainly loads of good news awaiting me in the inner sanctum. Turns out I was milling around the lobby with my new FSA friends just waiting to get through security and into the fucking WAITING ROOM!

The real reason you can’t take a gun in there is probably because they get tired of mopping up the teeth, hair and eyeballs when sane people finally off themselves by turning their skulls into porridge! The most asshole-ish of the local rent a cop automatons barked out instructions for obtaining a coded ticket that, I was told, would get me some face time with real live bureaucrat. I could hardly wait. The ticket machine was a touchscreen unit that I really did not want to touch. I finally did touch it with the knuckle of my little finger. I briefly thought to make a mental note to bring my own gloves next time but then I remembered promising myself just a few minutes earlier that I was never…ever coming back here again.

The only bit of good luck I had was getting the best seat in the house……away from the bathrooms, close to the exit and close to the only handguns visible. I can’t even imagine what it must be like in the SSA office in a big inner shitty. After spending an eternity staring at a screen waiting for my coded number to appear, I was finally on my way to see the wizard. While I’d been waiting I took careful count of the number or service windows and only about 3 in ten were even open. Each window had a miniature garage door that could be opened or closed from above.

I was to proceed to a window down a long corridor that could not be seen from the waiting room. It was about 200 feet long with service windows all along the left wall about every five feet. I get to my own live bureaucrat and succinctly give him my tale of woe and in just a few seconds he tells me that there was no need for me to be there at all. I literally said “you’re fucking shitting me?”! He looked to be about 14 years old so rather than being offended he probably thought I was just trying to be hip. He cheerfully says that the SSA has their very own paperwork and process that does the EXACT SAME FUCKING THING as my power of attorney and trustee documents do in the rest of the world including the courts! Of course they do! How fucking stupid of me!

Not only that but there is nothing I really need to do at all except call them when my parents die and don’t spend the last benefit payment for 90 days in case they need to claw it back. (Don’t even ask!) Get this…..They won’t say shit to me about my parents accounts sans me being in possession their own brand of magical paperwork BUT, if I have the name and SSN of ANYONE currently receiving SS benefits, I can make one phone call, report that person as deceased and their benefit payments stop immediately. I don’t even have to give my name. Opie explained all of this as if he’d been explaining it for 40 years already. Poor bastard! So we shoot the shit about a few other SSA “quirks” before I intentionally changed subjects to weather, camping and fishing. We talked for close to an hour I’d guess, about absolutely nothing. I made up my mind to eat a bullet or three before I ever bother to seek assistance there before thanking Opie for his help and heading for freedom. When I got back to my car I looked back at the place and noticed another rent a cop on the roof wearing body armor and carrying a dreaded assualt rifle. The ordeal took just under five hours. Gawd I luv ‘Murica!

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36 Comments
Dan
Dan
February 9, 2017 9:32 am

Geeze, and I thought the DMV was bad….

MN Steel
MN Steel
  Dan
February 9, 2017 9:10 pm

Try going to the SS office in downtown Minneapolis. Very entertaining, if you think being one of the 3 white people in a sea of Somali, Hmong, Chinese, Central American and Africanus baboonus ssp. typicali is entertaining…

At least you get to watch the ‘See Something Say Something’ PSA on one of the half-dozen flatscreens in at least 4 languages after using the broken touchscreen, the other broken touchscreen, and the only touchscreen that works, and admire your handful of numbered call-tickets.

RiNS
RiNS
February 9, 2017 9:34 am

Great story Indent

A page that could have been ripped directly from Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. For some reason your description of that day matches the imagery of that book.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
February 9, 2017 9:38 am

So if I have someone’s SS# I can make an anonymous call, report them dead and get their Social Security turned off? Good to know.

Dennis Roe
Dennis Roe
February 9, 2017 9:49 am

If they own a house, get them to sign it over to you. Five years have to pass before you have a shot at keeping anything they worked hard for. The Sick and Death Industry is gonna want every last dime they ever made.

IndenturedServant
IndenturedServant
  Dennis Roe
February 9, 2017 4:15 pm

Luckily my parents established a living trust so the majority of their assets are protected. My father had two houses and signed one over to the State of Idaho a decade ago to pay for my mothers care. Everything that is left is intended to pay for my mothers long term care which we have no problem with. So we’ll pay out of pocket (the trust’s pocket) until medicaid kicks in or until the evil witch dies. That way we get some say in her standard of care.

But you’re right. The entire system is set up to take it all which is why I advise that EVERYONE establish a trust even if you think you have no assets and do it early to avoid the five year exclusionary period you mention.

Dutchman
Dutchman
February 9, 2017 9:54 am

When you go to the SS office – you will immediately see that it is filled with women, immigrants, and niggers. No one of retirement age.

There are no white, US citizens, except some of the employees. In the parking lot, niggers are waiting around for their baby-momma to finish her business.

Gator
Gator
  Dutchman
February 9, 2017 10:56 am

I was just in one in December. I moved and apparently needed a SS card to get a new drivers license in a different state, and I haven’t seen that card in years. 2nd time in my life Id been in an SSA office. It was fucking terrible. I wanted to get this done as soon as I could, so I just drove in there and waited. Im only 32, and I was about average age. There was one elderly couple that looked ‘normal’ and the rest were FSA bottom feeders, obvious drug addicts, and several foreigners who spoke ZERO english, and had to have their 10 year old anchor baby translate for them. There was also a 500 pound land manatee with an oxygen tank complaining about the line, and asking if there was anything she could do to “get seen quickly” because she gets tired. No shit….

And yes, IS, the 3 window open out of 10 was pretty close to what i saw too. And those fuckers sure did take a lot of breaks. The letter/number combo before me was called, and I watched the person go up to the window, handle their business, and was happy since I should be next, and the fucker closes the gate and disappears for 10 minutes. They seem to “work” for about 20-30 minutes and then take 10. Hopefully I never have to go back. The dregs of society and old people will have cleaned out the SSA by the time Im old enough to collect, anyway.

Gloriously Deplorable Paul
Gloriously Deplorable Paul
  Gator
February 9, 2017 5:43 pm

“500 pound land manatee with an oxygen tank”

Still giggling 5 minutes later.
Thank you very much. Made my day.

Ag
Ag
  Dutchman
February 9, 2017 2:36 pm

And, they all have props that are only used when leaving the house, like the obligatory cane, which covers all sorts of disabilities (from your feet to your hips).

“Don’t forget your cane and your handicap sticker, I think they are in the Lexus”

Suzanna
Suzanna
February 9, 2017 9:55 am

The zillions of gov workers at SSA are there to send you a vaguely
threatening bit of information which contradicts the information
they sent you yesterday. Further, if you made XX rather than X
in your last tax year…you are paying double the medicare contribution.
Welcome to hell. And a tree cut down with your name on it for the
paper you will receive.

TrickleUpPolitics
TrickleUpPolitics
February 9, 2017 10:23 am

I found out that as a vet receiving medical care from the VA I don’t need to enroll in Medicare. Since I enrolled when I was eligible due to all of the threats of retaliation, it occurred to me to cancel my Medicare and get my $120.00 monthly “contribution” back. I went online and looked for the form (the gov has a form for everything, right?) but the form is not online and you are directed to call the SSA office for an appointment so you can be counselled about the momentous step you are about to take. So, I called my local office to make an appointment. The guy told me I didn’t need to come down, just get the form online. When I explained that it wasn’t available online and that I was directed to come down for a personal counselling session, he offered to mail me the form. It arrived two days later. So glad I didn’t actually go to the office.

Sionnach Liath
Sionnach Liath
  TrickleUpPolitics
February 9, 2017 10:50 am

Once you reach 65 you are automatically enrolled in medicare. But there are three portions of medicare, part A, part B and part D. You can dis-enrole from parts B and D, but not part A, which is a permanent part of the program. Part A covers inpatient issues – hospital stays, nursing homes -and part B covers outpatient issues, doctors, EMS types. Part D is prescription meds.

I had a similar experience when I dropped parts B and D. The website says to call a special tel. number to have the forms mailed. I did so and the forms came about a week later. I filled out and sent them to a designated office for processing. Two months later I still had not heard, I went to the local office and after a three hour wait I was told that you cannot drop parts B and D without physically appearing in your local office to fill out forms they supply which are entirely different from the forms I downloaded from the SSA website.

I truly believe these agencies do this kind of misrepresentation deliberately so as to discourage the public from even questioning their authority much less actually exercising your rights to control your participation – at least to the extent you can do so.

Dutchman
Dutchman
  Sionnach Liath
February 9, 2017 11:36 am

I was lucky, I just had to talk to some fat, nigger bitch in NJ.

IndenturedServant
IndenturedServant
  Sionnach Liath
February 9, 2017 5:39 pm

My father says that you just have to shut off all conscious thought when dealing with these people and don’t question anything. Just fill out the forms, answer questions and somehow it all works out fine.

Trapped in Portlandia
Trapped in Portlandia
February 9, 2017 10:24 am

Servant, I feel your pain.

If you look close you can see the walls of this once great structure called America slowly crumbling. Pretty soon our country is going collapse like the World Trade Center.

BB
BB
February 9, 2017 10:32 am

Indent Service , I thought you were going to lead a revolutionary war against the Central Banks .Was this a dry run for practice ?

I had to go to Social Security office a couple years ago to get my work and tax records.Place was full of blacks ,Hispanics and poor single white women.I saw two people over the age of 65. Perhaps this is the real reason SS is broke.

WIP
WIP
February 9, 2017 10:43 am

The government is only good at 2 things. 1) killing people and 2) collecting money from sheep.

Their motto is…Fucking pay us or be killed.

Unassimilated
Unassimilated
February 9, 2017 10:47 am

Well, at least now you have bragging rights. You can honestly tell people you’ve been to hell and back.

rhs jr
rhs jr
February 9, 2017 11:07 am

Tallahassee calling. When I turned 66 and applied for SS, it took about three trips and every time the place had only a couple seniors but was crammed with kids and young Black women to get Behavior, Emotional or Mental Disability for their kids. That makes a double bind: they don’t pay in but draw out billions for their defective children. God please help Trump and US.

TampaRed
TampaRed
  rhs jr
February 9, 2017 2:33 pm

The name on the street for that kind of disability is a crazy check.

Anonymous
Anonymous
February 9, 2017 11:42 am

@Indentured Servant: Now you know what your non de plume stands for, right? Don’t expect Ol’ Muck to help you out dealing with SS.. I did battle with them twice and won both of them – at great cost and much more frustration than the battle was worth.

Now I just keep quiet and my daughter will drop them a line when I’m dead so I don’t have to it. I do dread the passing of either my wife or I (unless we’re lucky enough to go out in a blaze on the Interstate at the same time!) because they are bound to fuck up when reducing SS benefits for the remaining half of our partnership. I’m sure they’ll want a certified copy in triplicate of the death certificate along with the keys to your car, a blank deposit slip to your bank account and 15 other bullshit requirements just to die.

Now chin up and go for it!

IndenturedServant
IndenturedServant
  Anonymous
February 9, 2017 5:42 pm

Hell MUck, given your age I don’t think I’d bother even telling them when one of you dies. Just carry on as if you had no idea. 🙂

Platoplubius
Platoplubius
February 9, 2017 12:32 pm

Wow! I.S. Your story is similar to mine when I had to go get a new Social Security card for my son last year!

When I first entered the building and met the rent a cops, I felt like I was being greeted by someone similar to the guy who greets people entering Costco in the documentary Idiocracy!
Shit you not! First thing the rent an oink said was “Good morning do you have any knives, brass knuckles or any other weapons on you?” With no pause between good morning!
After making it through the entry point, I took a numbe sat down and was treated to hearing these arrogant douchebags ask the same question in the same condescending manner to every person that entered the door whicj included an elderly white couple who had to be pushing 70!
I proceeded to say , “Welcome to Costco, I love you” each time they asked the next poor sap who walked in the door!

I was finally taken to the back where i sat on one side of an aisle in front of a desk wherea woman sat ready to interview me to verify my identity. She mentioned there were a few questions she had to ask. We didnt get but a few minutes into the interview before we both started eavesdropping on the confidential interview taking place across the aisle. Apparently this person who sat across from us was there to get “her” gender and name changed before “she” moved to East coast. I say “she” but the woman helping her was corrected several times with the phrase, “proper pronoun please”…after the second time the s.s. worker became frazzled and shut down…it was one of the most awkward moments i have witnessed!
I was beyond irritated with this dikes attempt to use her new found gender identity as a means of power over someone else! The S.S worker helping me realized I was irritated and didnt even ask me any other questions. She got me outta there rather quickly!!

Anonymous
Anonymous
February 9, 2017 1:21 pm

My husband & I have found it necessary to visit a SSA office in Houston 3 times since last summer. We arrive about 8:45-they open at 9. We are out before 10. The service has been great every time. The workers were polite, knowledgeable, & went out of their way to solve our complex issues. The last visit I asked to speak to the manager & expressed those thoughts. Most of the windows were open & people were being helped. Perhaps this office is an anomaly. I’m happy to be so lucky!

nkit
nkit
February 9, 2017 1:39 pm

Good story, Indentured. Thanks for sharing. At least you got Opie for assistance. The average government “workers” I get directed to are usually complete morons.

Years back I had the unfortunate experience of having to settle a matter of contention with those wonderful folks at the IRS. Fortunately, it was via phone so my facial and hand expressions could not be used against me. The young man I spoke with started off by saying: “Now, Mr. “Nkit” let me axe you a question…blah blah blah.” From that point onwards I knew that things probably would not be resolved in my favor. Just knowing that my fate (and my bank account) was at the mercy of some idiot that spoke ebonics instead of English was a very unsettling thought.

Yeah, I’d have taken my chances with Opie anyday.

IndenturedServant
IndenturedServant
  nkit
February 9, 2017 5:49 pm

Yeah, the system had not sapped Opie’s soul yet but they’ll eventually get him! He’s probably just happy he can pay his student loan payments. I don’t think he was old enough to have thought about “the future” yet.

Llpoh
Llpoh
February 9, 2017 5:21 pm

Moral of the story:

Avoid FSA parasites and govt drones.

Thanks, IS.

IndenturedServant
IndenturedServant
February 9, 2017 5:52 pm

My first comment elevated to it’s own post by admin! Thank you sir! It’s an honor.

AC
AC
February 9, 2017 6:34 pm

It only took a single trip to deal with this? Are you sure they weren’t lying to you? They were probably lying to you.

They lie about pretty much everything, in our experience.

Document every minute detail of your interactions with these people. Keep records, photocopies, etc. of everything you give them and everything they give you, and anticipate them lying about everything – now and in the future, anticipate simple things taking a dozen trips to their office to resolve.

Boat Guy
Boat Guy
February 9, 2017 7:16 pm

You can schedule an appointment on line and over the phone but god forbid it snows ! I drove 35 miles one way to work installed a series of solar panels returned home that evening but our paid government servents with the parking garage we cannot use had off with pay that day after all it snowed in January and it took 15 or 20 minutes extra to clean the car off , a full day’s work for a government employee ! Went in the next day without an appointment was in and out in 2 hours because of liberal leave the next day and I almost fell on my ass leaving because of the amount of salt on the side walk and steps ! Got my family shit wired tight though and the people were helpful but generally helpless in other aspects ! If they had to work in the private sector they are all convinced they would make a fuck ton more money but truth be told most would not make it to lunch !

B LEVER
B LEVER
February 9, 2017 7:51 pm

Having hand surgery tomorrow, first time to use my Medicare coverage since I have had it. Not looking forward to this.

Boat Guy
Boat Guy
  B LEVER
February 9, 2017 8:24 pm

By the time you sift thru the papers mailed to you that read this is not a bill and get to the meat of what Medicare will and will not pay which has nothing to do with real world applications you will be turned over to a collection agency but at least your hand will be ready to grip that firearm to do what ever you feel the need to do !

Fergus
Fergus
February 9, 2017 9:36 pm

Social security staff have little to do with social security. There are many welfare programs they administer, chief among them is SSI, a program for people who are not eligible for social security (in other words foreigners, the lazy, the insane, the pimps, crooks, and crazies who we must support to the tune of over 2,500 monthly).

SSI needs to be abolished. Let the Left demonstrate their love of these lossers and insane perverts. Do not take the food off my children’s pates nor deprive them of a future.

Chubby Bubbles
Chubby Bubbles
  Fergus
February 10, 2017 3:45 am

I’m evisioning a rather interesting dinner hour at the Fergus household….