A Child of a Freer Time

Guest Post by HollyO

I was born in the last of the best days of a mighty empire.

My people made at one time a great society, and I was a part of it. I have been privileged to walk under the sun untroubled by the colour of my skin. To move about at will after dark unafraid.  To smile at strangers and have that smile returned. To perform a kindness without fear of misunderstanding, or being perceived as weak or a fool.

My people envisioned, built and successfully maintained most everything the world covets. Now we are shamed and persecuted; in most parts of the world we are raped, beheaded, crucified, taken into slavery and ethnically cleansed, then fined or imprisoned for complaining about it.

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Everyone here gets it; that their lives and industry once enhanced their nations and now they have been betrayed by their governments (via the corporations that dictate to those governments aided by controlled media and publishing, the medical, pharmaceutical, food, entertainment and communication cartels, by the systematic eradication of a celebration of The Divine in the human heart and by Socialist Marxist indoctrination in schools and universities.) But how did it unfold to be this way? Complacency? Wilful ignorance? The way of all flesh in history?

I think about it all the time, and it’s the main reason I come to this site. On bad days TBP is a primal comfort, like blind puppies in a clump seeking warmth and an unclaimed nipple. On better days it’s educational, occasionally uplifting, often exhilarating. Sometimes it makes me cry in a good way.

About me: my favourite age was ten; I was green and glossy as a new blade of grass. School and I happily parted ways at the earliest opportunity; I was warned leaving would hobble my chances of a good life but it never has—quite the opposite. As I learned more about myself and the world I determined that if I could design a life without an alarm clock in it I would count myself successful.

I do not own a mobile phone, television, or ebook reading device. Nor do I travel by air, upload my work to a cloud service or use credit or loyalty cards. I had at one time a first generation iPad but found it was destroying my attention span for books, and when it got too old for Apple to find it worthwhile to support the software—implicitly strong-arming me into buying new hardware that I did not explicitly need—I swore I would never have another.

I’ve been determined to remain free and to this end I carry no debt, earn below the poverty level so pay no taxes, yet take no welfare or dole. I am registered to vote but want as little to do with government as possible. I suspect many people live this way – cultivating the quiet life, talking to themselves in battered and well-thumbed journals or in unregarded nooks on the Internet—getting by. Getting along.

It’s nice to think we might be keepers of the secret flame and the holy fire, and though we may grieve for what could have been in the world we once knew, perhaps we also see the bigger picture; we know that eventually every earthly empire falls to dust and that maybe, just maybe, the epoch we are presently enduring is precisely how any great culture fails.

At first, the edge begins to fray, yet it’s still just an annoyance and so we dismiss it. This is followed by an ever-increasing succession of daily outrages, small at first, then increasing in intensity until we feel like beef being tenderised for consumption. There’s the growing realisation that maybe we are living in the midst of a new serfdom where the feudal overlords are now corporations, for all this has happened before and it will all happen again. Then something happens to you and it’s no longer an abstraction, no longer dismissible. It’s tangible and visceral, scary and real.

The first stage of mourning is an obsession with who is to blame. Was it us? Did our vigilance slip? Were we enjoying ourselves too much? Did we get too big for our britches? Were we deliberately distracted by those who live to control others? Do we hunt them down? Hang them high?

In the midst of this we find we are still expected to maintain an even strain, to carry on, pay our taxes, sacrifice our children, contribute and obey, produce and consume. When the price of non-compliance is living out of your car, begging on the street, separation from your children, imprisonment or death, many opt to stay quiet, stay small, stay medicated, complain privately. But that was then. Nowadays, even the right to complain with impunity is prohibited.

Look up—we have assented to a panopticon. The majority have phones that record and upload everything. Government has no need to compile dossiers—we happily do the work for them on social media, and with a level of detail the Stasi could only dream of. The name of one world government will be Google. Something vital and joyous and free is fled from the world and all that’s left of the bitter draught we hold is the orts and lees of fear and despair.

The Germans have a great term, Mut der Verzweiflung—courage out of desperation—the realisation that when victory is impossible perhaps death is preferable to surrender. It happened at Appomattox and Gettysburg. It happens with every stone age tribe of the Amazon basin or Papua New Guinea when they are discovered and exposed to the modern world. It nearly happened in 1983 when The US was pushing Pershings hither and yon during Able Archer. The Soviets stared into the nuclear abyss, baulked, stepped back and collapsed in on themselves.

Courage out of desperation is happening now throughout the entire West. Some throw themselves upon the sword by entering the military or sticking a needle in their vein. Others join vicious totalitarian death cults commanding them to demand that the rest of the world either convert, be enslaved, pay protection money or die. Others kill themselves quietly and by degrees; first comes a fashion for dystopia in popular entertainment, followed by licentiousness and gross indecency, by self-medicating, by conniption fit, by cancer, by a slow drift towards insanity. There’s nothing more dangerous, sad or intemperate than a society that realises it is dying and therefore has nothing to lose.

So, say you are in charge—how do you circumvent the threat to your powerbase from the suicidal aggression of the people you aim to subdue and destroy? How do you get people to give up and stand aside while you replace them with more malleable slaves? The final stage takes some time—almost exactly the span of my lifetime as a matter of fact—but it’s really quite simple: just humiliate them to the degree that they have no more pride to defend.

Refer to The Psychopath Playbook, Article 1: Make people trust you, then love you, then become completely convinced they cannot live without you and you will have laid the foundation to support the world’s most elaborate structure of lies. You then gaslight the population by making them dependent upon a media you control. You show them one thing, then insist it’s entirely the opposite, again and again. You get them to doubt their own discernment. You bombard them relentlessly with blinding and deafening input so that they can no longer hear the pure silver tone of their own sovereign souls.

Populations who realise they have been played for chumps may lash out, but they no longer have the stamina to win a war or even survive a siege. They have been humiliated into believing they are worthless so they may as well take off their clothes in Walmart and have their stunt uploaded for the world to laugh at. Who cares—at least they won’t go down unnoticed.

But this time, you may say, it’s different; for the first time in history our conquerors must also surmount, co-opt and control the Internet by making the cost not worth the benefit. It is a formidable challenge. Since the late 80s, we can speak freely with each other, exchange and debate information, and express our passions in numerous media, though we are being increasingly squeezed like the garbage masher on the Death Star by corporate interests directing the gatekeepers of the ISPs. Places like this site bring me hope, though we must increasingly communicate in non-prosecute-able language. English is a tongue rich in euphemism, we have that in our favour, though in the long run the Internet and our access to its remaining freedoms may only be buying us a little extra time to observe and rant about the inevitable decline.

And that is how you destroy one society before replacing it with another.

Here is how I came to this place where I am now addressing you.

In 1990 I was working the night shift in Dallas doing graphics for a local television station when I got a look at the daily newsfeed footage from ABC of the Branch Davidian compound in Waco.

Like the first kettledrum in the William Tell Overture it presaged a storm. It was profoundly disturbing seeing something broadcast that had been edited in a way to support an official narrative, but I dismissed it at the time. Yes, I did that thing—I did not dwell on it.

I lived my life. I moved on from that job. I learned new skills. I enjoyed the 90s with all my heart. I had a front row seat at the birth of an entirely new media, no less revolutionary than the advent of the Gutenberg Press, but that is a story for another time.

It was a decade when I thought government mostly worked okay as long as you made enough money to keep them out of your hair, when I was convinced journalists were mainly trustworthy and not universally corporately biased, back when synthetic laugh tracks and sweetened applause were still under my annoyance radar, and back when I really believed that citizenship was a sacred contract between a human and the nation they most desired to contribute to.

I was simpler then, and more naive, and I mistakenly interpreted this cognitive dissonance as a problem specific to the States, and so I said, goodbye, America, have a nice day, and moved to England. Specifically, to the navel of my known universe at that time, London.

I am an Aberystwythian hayseed who can claim direct descent from redneck royalty via Texan relatives and after twenty years I finally called it quits on that hellish climate and crossed the Styx at Gatwick in December of 1998.

All my worldly doodads were packed into a rucksack, a portfolio, a rolling luggage thing and a money belt stuffed with more travellers cheques than I could legally admit to carrying. I had sold my pickup truck, given away clothes and computer, dispersed everything I owned like dandelion fluff and landed up on a new shore silently thrilled to never again have to dash from one air-conditioned oasis to the next. I felt like travelling light; like light, travelling. Like lightning. Like an aurora. I felt like I was lit from within, I was that happy.

That Christmas, spring and summer I made the city mine. The dominant theme was freedom from needing a car, from maintaining paperwork to prove I was insured or registered or paid up or worthy to move between Point A and any destination I liked. I recall a day I was leafing through a book and came across a painting of a dying Icarus, then saw where the painting was permanently housed, then realised all I had to do was stand up, lock the door behind me and travel a mile on The Tube to see that painting in person.

Came the day in August I walked down Queensway to the park along with throngs of other people eager to witness a rare event. As we filed through the gates it was quiet, like church is quiet, almost reverent. As the light began to lower it put one in mind of the moment before the curtain goes up and the performance begins.

At one point I turned to look back and saw a remarkable sight: hundreds and hundreds of people all looking up in the same direction. To this day I wish I’d had a camera to capture it.

It wasn’t all reverence, though. Some kid with nunchaku was running through his routine, flashing the weapon with real brio and Enter-the-Bruce-panache when he klonked himself right between the eyes and dropped like a sack of potatoes. This was England so the thousand or so witnesses felt embarrassed on his behalf and decided to pretend he was suddenly napping in the park.

Nevertheless, we were present for a 99% solar eclipse and every person still conscious witnessed the dreamlike experience of rising dark in the midst of a sunny summer afternoon.

There was a quality present that day, one difficult to put my finger on even now, though many years afterwards I attempted to capture it in a story about Robin Hood:

“Tuck had been working one afternoon in the hazel coppice with Brother Gilbert and Brother Hugh. It had been a bright day, and the fresh breeze and liquid trill of birdsong made being outdoors a joy, when a cloud passed in front of the sun, the wind dropped to a dead calm and the birds fell silent.

Both brothers stopped pruning, straightened, looked at one another, then at Tuck, then at the sky. It was as if some unseen leviathan had glided past trailing a primal unease in its wake.”

Like that.

Then, before we knew it, it was done. Bruce was beginning to stir—he’d napped through the whole thing—and one by one, thousands of people gathered their belongings and left the park, changed forever.

Everything seemed altered on the walk back. The city I had loved now smelled like blood and metal and stone, of ten thousand years of cold, grey bones underfoot. There seemed to be something stranger and older than London at large once again, released to roam when the moon ate the sun in Kensington Gardens. Now it loomed in doorways and closes and yards, a shadow at my shoulder, a flicker at the periphery of vision, then contracted to something small and furtive and furious, slouching towards Bayswater to be born.

I never felt the same way about the place again.

Twenty-five months later to the day, two large planes hit two large buildings and three large buildings fell down in another world capital across the sea. The monster had been born, all at once and all over the world, and the hundreds of millions of words written about it since can never fully compass the horror. We were shown one thing and told another, lied to and humiliated on a worldwide scale and, like any abused child, we may never get over it.

I am once again a hayseed in the Land of my Fathers. It’s still safe here for the time being, though the darkness is lapping at the shore and we stand poised for another battle in what amounts to the oldest war in the world.

Here is a bitter comfort—I just thought of this—there was a strange film a long time ago with Matthew Broderick, Marlon Brando and a komodo dragon, I think, and there was some quote in it like, “There’s a kind of freedom in being completely screwed.”

There’s happiness in that if you have the courage to look. For myself, I am glad to have known what it is to ride my bike barefoot to the library. To spend a summer afternoon with a stack of books, two or three ripe apples and good cheese. To not fear police, to respect my teachers, to worship or not as I please in a land where I did not have to fear bombing, beheading or slavery because of the choices I made with my heart.

I remember a time when my culture’s birthright was the glittering promise of creating so much more, forever, and even though we are presently hounded from pillar to post by those who do not create, only conquer and enslave, I had those freedoms, and they are mine still because they made me who I am. The tragedy is that the children of today see the ghost of these freedoms in old films and television shows and dismiss them as fiction.

Like every human, every republic is born in blood and shit, then patiently nurtured into a shining entity on a hill, the light of the world, coveted by all who desire a place within its walls and cherishing a dream of administering their own share of its brightness, but no one can return lost savour to salt or restore a republic that has died—it can only be born in blood and shit once more after a long and costly war.

Perhaps we might take some comfort that we are present to chronicle the end. Perhaps we might only be here to huddle together against the cold; blind, hungry, yet not alone. Only I can say. Only you can say.

I have been privileged to witness three total eclipses of the sun, two transits of Venus, two comets and a blood moon, and it’s no less awe-inspiring contemplating the final years of my culture. It’s been a good ride and I still plan to stay on till the wheels come off.

I got it a long time ago that what was truly holding me down was the idea that if I argued a point long enough I’d actually change someone else. Save someone else. Convince someone else to see it my way, the right way, the only way. To hear someone say, “My God! You are right and I was wrong! Thank you!” Not gonna happen, ever. Letting go of needing it to happen changed everything for me.

Maybe the path from the narrow gate isn’t arduous so much as lonely, and only wide enough to permit the passage of one soul at a time.

You have my love. Thanks for listening.

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103 Comments
Lucia W.
Lucia W.
May 18, 2017 11:50 am

Nice read. Thank you.

Ouirphuqd
Ouirphuqd
May 18, 2017 11:53 am

Thinking about what you have written illuminates what becomes of all civilizations. It sucks, but it is the way it is, political power corrupts all those who come in contact with it. From nations to individuals, it’s a damn shame!

Uncola
Uncola
May 18, 2017 11:57 am

I now know what it feels like to witness a star being born. That was fucking awesome.

HollyO
HollyO
  Uncola
May 18, 2017 2:41 pm

You’re very kind, Uncola. Thank you.

Thanks to all for your support. I’m just jazzed to be on the show.

Uncola
Uncola
  HollyO
May 18, 2017 3:10 pm

And, in reviewing your very cool website, it looks as if the star was born a while ago, but we are just now seeing the light. Shine on, HollyO, shine on…

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
  Uncola
May 21, 2017 12:44 am
Mongoose Jack
Mongoose Jack
  HollyO
May 19, 2017 5:50 am

I am late to the show here, but there is no way that something this magnificent is not getting my weigh in. ‘Fucking awesome’ is indeed the spontaneous response after reading that, least ways for me, and others. A way of life such as you have adopted is indeed the only way out of our existential predicament that I have seen, both on the personal and societal level, IMO (others agree, ask HSF!) Yet I still vote. Hope springs eternal. In this time of universal deceit you beautifully speak the truth. Oh what a walk back down memory lane! Thank you so much for taking me there. And, here is an ‘aye’ to HSF’s observation re quality surpassing Iowa Writer’s Workshop being published here. I have a family member who is a graduate of said program and is internationally published via one of the big houses. So from my perspective I wholeheartedly second that notion. Also, kudos to the commenters here. Quality essay….quality observations. Lastly, May 18 is my birthday. Thanks for a really cool present!

HollyO
HollyO
  Mongoose Jack
May 19, 2017 9:03 am

Happy Birthday, and thank you.

BB
BB
May 18, 2017 12:10 pm

At first I thought you were just another wondering ding Bat but you did make some good points along the way.” I was simpler than ,and more naive ” I think we all were.I only recently found out 95% of what I thought I knew were lies.It was like God just slapped the shit out of me.” Every Republic is born of blood and shit ” this is the reason America will never recover. White People just don’t have the heart for another civil war.At least not now

Ozum
Ozum
  BB
May 19, 2017 1:04 am

” I was simpler then, and more naïve”…. Hearkens back to “Oh, but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now”….

HollyO
HollyO
  Ozum
May 19, 2017 3:41 am

double dots, well done, I had to just go with, ‘naive.’

BB
BB
May 18, 2017 12:17 pm

Holly ,I am glad you have found some peace .I still want to kill about half this damn population. Especially the treasonous son of a bitches in Washington DC.I enjoyed live and living when I was younger now I’m full of bitterness and hate.Very hard being a Christian .I try but the hate is still in my heart.Maybe one day I can get to where you are.

Thank you for taking the time to write.You should write more often.

Greg
Greg
May 18, 2017 12:48 pm

Great articles always beg responses.
There will always be a great deal of hope AND construction when your individual turns the corner.

Yancey Ward
Yancey Ward
May 18, 2017 12:49 pm

That first picture at the top of the fight between good and evil took me back to my childhood. It was the cover art for Stephen King’s The Stand– a book I read during a snow holiday week in February 1980 when I was in the 8th grade. How the world has changed since then.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Yancey Ward
May 18, 2017 4:11 pm

I remember that cover–it was my first dystopian novel and also introduced me to the artwork of Bosch. I know it is dark but I’ve always loved the straight-forward depictions of diabolical vs goodness done by Hieronymus Bosch and I also have a signed Dali in my living room which is more enigmatic but the Bosch influence on Dali is evident.

PS: RIP Christ Cornell…”Show Me How To Live”

Yancey Ward
Yancey Ward
  Anonymous
May 18, 2017 4:46 pm

I don’t think it is Bosch, though the figures themselves are reminiscent of some of Bosch’s work. I looked up the the book itself on Wikipedia just now and it says the original cover is by an artist named John Cayea of whom I have never heard. I also looked up Cayea on Google and looked at images linked to the artist, and surprising found numerous other novels from my childhood with covers done by Cayea. He appears to have had a long career doing cover art for science fiction in the 60s-90s.

Penforce
Penforce
May 18, 2017 12:52 pm

“If I argued a point long enough I’ll actually change someone else.”
I’m still arguing, and yes it’s pointless. I just have so much anger to burn and cursing seems to help. Thanks, that was a really good read.

SteveW
SteveW
May 18, 2017 1:09 pm

Magnificent! Thank you HollyO..

It is for times like this that I persevere and, often, trudge through the dreck.

Hat Tip to Admin.

Christine
Christine
May 18, 2017 1:12 pm

Excellent, beautifully written. Hard, biting, sweet, horrible and tender. I Absolutely loved it and am quite seriously looking forward to seeing more from you. Thank you.

JimmieOakland
JimmieOakland
May 18, 2017 1:18 pm

Incredible, and your point on the uselessness of arguing with people is well taken. I’ve recently given up trying to convince anybody of anything. At most, I just nod and sometimes allow, “Well, that could be true.” But I don’t add the rest of what I’m thinking, “…in an alternate universe.”

HollyO
HollyO
  JimmieOakland
May 18, 2017 1:28 pm

But I don’t add the rest of what I’m thinking, “…in an alternate universe.”

or, “Maybe behind the sofa…. in HELL!”

(Old Buffy reference we say a lot in my neck of the woods)

Goodburger
Goodburger
May 18, 2017 1:29 pm

That was more than a terrific article, it is a eulogy for the profound loss of something great.

JLW
JLW
May 18, 2017 1:31 pm

I think the saddest part of our loss is that it was so unnecessary. Even a rudimentary study of history would have shown us (the common people) how all this plays out. Why in the hell we think we need a bunch of psychopathic ‘leaders’ to boss us around and make rules is beyond me. It always ends the same way. Death on a massive scale and ruin.
We had so many sign posts to say ‘STOP’ and to reclaim our culture but the ship of fools forged headlong into the rapids. I am still mourning, blaming and I am still pissed.

Francis Marion
Francis Marion
May 18, 2017 1:54 pm

Amen Holly. And thank you.

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
May 18, 2017 2:06 pm

This place produces better pieces than the Iowa Writer’s Workshop.

That was a cool break on a hot day, many thanks for the share.

nkit
nkit
May 18, 2017 2:18 pm

HollyO, thank you for that most excellent piece. Please continue to enhance this site with your writing.

Your sentence : “but it’s really quite simple: just humiliate them to the degree that they have no more pride to defend” stood out to me not only for the broader context that I believe was your intention, but also for the specific context that it roused in me. Something for me to mentally masticate on. Thanks. Do keep writing, please.

james the deplorable wanderer
james the deplorable wanderer
May 18, 2017 3:19 pm

Eloquent, beautiful and absolutely spot-on. Thanks!

suzanna
suzanna
May 18, 2017 3:28 pm

Holly,
your writing is lovely. I enjoyed the story and appreciate
your telling it.
In particular, I enjoyed the pile of books, ripe apples, and a bit
of cheese. I remember that too.
Thank you,
Suzanna

Gayle
Gayle
  suzanna
May 18, 2017 5:11 pm

For me it was books and endless packages of David and Sons sunflower seeds.

Konnie
Konnie
May 18, 2017 5:36 pm

No words. Best post I’ve read this year. Thank you for expressing what we are all feeling.

muck about
muck about
May 18, 2017 6:33 pm

Me thinks we’ve lived through similar times, thee and I. We’ve obviously trod several walking paths through the sun dappled forests together as well. You write like good soprano sings a great self-composed song on a good night.

More please..

Dennis Roe
Dennis Roe
May 18, 2017 8:13 pm

So sorry Holly O but you sound like a rich, yuppie douchebag. Fuck you pal, a lot of us aren’t goin to buy your bullshit.

Joe Fahy
Joe Fahy
  Dennis Roe
May 18, 2017 8:39 pm

The irony of deep introspective projection always brings a smile. Thanks Dennis.

Joe

Stubb
Stubb
  Dennis Roe
May 18, 2017 9:04 pm

Whether she’s a socialite from Austin, or a cowgirl off the ranch, she is a beautiful spirit. Give her a break Dennis. Read it again. Brains and heart are a wicked combination in the best possible way.

Rdawg
Rdawg
  Dennis Roe
May 18, 2017 11:05 pm

Dennis,

I try not to use this word in mixed company, but you’ve earned it: you’re a real cunt.

Dennis Roe
Dennis Roe
  Rdawg
May 19, 2017 6:22 pm

Did’nt realize Holly was a chick. You’re right I am a cunt. Everybody lobbing these peaches and cream softballs at her aint gonna make her a better writer. I threw a hard inside fastball at her to see if she’s got a pulse. It was a pretty good piece but the gushing, fawning benediction to sainthood got to be a bit much. What, we’re all gonna hold hands and drink Kool Aid together? Fuck that. A little adversity will make her write better, think harder and try her best. Hell, its 100 vs.1. I’m just an albino walking down Martin Luther King Boulevard after the Colt 45 ran out.

Dennis, Do Us All A Favor and DRINK THE KOOL-AID
Dennis, Do Us All A Favor and DRINK THE KOOL-AID
  Dennis Roe
May 20, 2017 10:38 am

You flatter yourself. You look like you patterned your critiquing skills after Mad Magazine. The best thing HollyO…and the rest of us…could do is completely skip past your “contributions”. It’s easy to see you have zero/zip/nada to teach anyone, probably about anything.

People like you are the reason I much prefer to spend time with cats. What a pathetic thing you are.

Deanna Johnston Clark
Deanna Johnston Clark
  Dennis Roe
May 19, 2017 6:37 pm

Didn’t HollyO say he lived below poverty line and was a Texas redneck?
One thing England gave him(her?) was a way of writing in pictures…evocative. I love it.

Maverick
Maverick
May 18, 2017 10:24 pm

Thanks for a great read. We were witness to amazing things in the ‘ 90s. It has all been turned against us now. All I can say to the promise of being a creator is to continue to create, knowing that those who stumble in the ruins of what we built might be pleasantly surprised to turn the corner and find something the wonder of which made them cry in amazement – followed by the ache of knowing they are not equal to recreating – or even maintaining – what we made.

Such is the way of things. May our children forgive us and, if we are lucky, secretly carry the torch during the coming dark times.

Huck Finn
Huck Finn
May 18, 2017 11:10 pm

Thank you Holly for introducing me to the word, “panopticon”. What an appropriate description of our situation.

“I’ve been determined to remain free and to this end I carry no debt, earn below the poverty level so pay no taxes, yet take no welfare or dole. I am registered to vote but want as little to do with government as possible. I suspect many people live this way – cultivating the quiet life, talking to themselves in battered and well-thumbed journals or in unregarded nooks on the Internet—getting by. Getting along.”

This to me was the golden paragraph. You obviously understand how to maximize personal freedom in a world of serfdom. I follow a similar formula. I’ve opted out of every institutionalized system that is practical for me. Debt free, use the bank only for basic bill payouts, off grid, raise as much of my own food as I can, fish and hunt for meat, heat my house with wood I harvest from my own land. I don’t patronize the medical establishment, or the education establishment, don’t watch TV. I see it as more than getting by. I see it as a way to take the system down. A way to starve the beast.

When people begin to realize that they are able to easily take care of themselves and don’t need a nanny with an army of “experts” telling them what’s required for a good quality of life, big brother will become irrelevant. To me it already is for the most part.

Excellent article, I hope you’ll be posting more.

HollyO
HollyO
  Huck Finn
May 19, 2017 2:45 am

You have my deepest admiration for the choices you have made.

Anon
Anon
  Huck Finn
May 19, 2017 10:18 am

I too decided to starve the beast from a successful ‘career’ of investments in businesses and real estate, living like Huck Finn stated. A great quote about people realizing they don’t need all these ‘experts’, and simply need to crack open a book to learn themselves. Big brother has become wholly irrelevant to me as well. It is funny that I live in a neighborhood of drones, that simply go to their 9 to 5 prisons every day, and they wonder how I can be so calm, still get things done, and be at peace when they are hurried, rushed, indebted and seem to get nowhere quickly. I simply tell them to step off the treadmill, and quit running….they don’t get it….Excellent read Holly, I just wish more people would take up the mindset, and set themselves free.

Huck Finn
Huck Finn
  Anon
May 20, 2017 1:16 pm

I understand the drones. I listen to them complaining about the prisons of their indentured servitude. It is the main topic of choice when you talk to one, probably because it is such a painful sore they can’t stop licking it. How much they hate their job, how bad the boss and the coworkers suck. Every time I suggest they just quit and walk away they look at me like I’ve lost my mind. It seems that most people are frightened by the idea of actually having some freedom. Not having someone else structure their day, their lives for them. Tell them what time to be where, which days to work, which days to relax, and so on.

I’ve had people tell me they wish they’d win the lotto so they could just go hunt and fish. You don’t have to win the lotto. You just have to stop consuming. There is a very simple secret to obtaining freedom. Get out of debt and stop buying all that crap that you really don’t need. I myself traded a well paying job, a mountain of debt and a beautiful house in the suburbs for a little piece of land out in the boonies with a 320 square foot cabin. I have about $150 in monthly bills. Phone, internet and car insurance. I have solar electric, enough to run lights and a refrigerator. I heat with wood I cut myself. I haul captured rain water in buckets, but you know, life is full of trade offs. I’m comfortable.

Then they tell me they can’t do it, because they have to keep the job for the health insurance. I understand that is a huge problem. I decided I don’t need it. I took responsibility for my own health. I don’t eat processed crap, or sugar (I do love a beer once in a while). I maintain a healthy weight and I get plenty of exercise doing my daily chores and activities that I enjoy. I’m very mindful to work safe, always being aware of what is the worst thing that can happen. I realize that I’m exposing myself to big risks going without coverage, but I think you expose yourself to even bigger risks putting your health in the hands of the big pharma medical establishment. And at the end of the day, we’re all mortal. I’m going to exit this life eventually no matter what efforts modern medicine takes to prevent it. I’ve chosen to enjoy the days between now and my eventual fate, rather than drudge away in a prison waiting for social security to pardon my sentence.

HollyO
HollyO
  Huck Finn
May 21, 2017 2:48 pm

“You don’t have to win the lotto. You just have to stop consuming.”

Perfect. Exactly.

Gayle
Gayle
May 18, 2017 11:27 pm

Holly

Your lovely lamentation is a testimony to what many American feel, especially those born before 1970. What went wrong? Propaganda, corruption in every institution, cultural degredation, social degredation via no-fault divorce and monetary reward for illegitimacy, removal of the constitution from school curriculum for starters. Combine those with the complacency that always accompanies economic prosperity and the campaign over decades by Socialist/Communist elements, and we are toast. Just reflecting, not telling you anything you don’t already know.

Younger people have no concept of how it used to be, so they can’t recognize the deterioration. The New Normal looks ugly to us, but not to them. I’m glad I got to experience sunnier days.

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
May 19, 2017 1:04 am
GilbertS
GilbertS
May 19, 2017 4:16 am

Nicely done.

I think Republics die because “Valar Marghulis.”
You may not be on to Game of Thrones, but that’s the ancient saying in the show and books which is constantly being mentioned and which means, “All men must die.”
Nothing lasts forever and most things, things you care about, eventually look like shit.
Ever watch a movie you liked as a kid as an adult? Man, that’s depressing. Just watch The Last Chase some time. I thought that movie was wicked cool as a kid…
If you’re into collapse, check out Guy Odom’s America’s Man on Horseback. Also, if you missed it, check out Strauss and Howe’s Fourth Turning (I know it’s well-known here, but not everyone read it). They sort of put a happy face on the death throes.

Anyway, Odom theorizes every nation has a roughly 10 generation run from birth to success to decline. Every nation does not develop the same and some falter early, but he figures 250 years is about right. When a nation sinks into decline, it gets so bad they’ll offer total power to anyone who promises to fix the problem. Enter the Man on Horseback. Odom believes this moment in history is a critical decision point for the society to either fight for survival and begin another 10 generation cycle of growth, or decline and become a tourist trap backwater full of old buildings and monuments, like Rome or London.

Odom spends some time explaining his theory of genius/creativity and dominance and how only a small % of population has these traits (Edison, Bell, Einstein, Ford, etc) and fewer people inherit them as time passes, while the stupid out-produce the smart Idiocracy-style, leading to the eventual ruin of the nation. The nation is ultimately doomed because The Mob will always outnumber the smart and eventually derail any nation, especially a republic, with pure numbers. Odom also suggests our politicians know this, or learn it, and cater to it, knowing they can manipulate the mob to keep themselves in power. Odom guesses our make-or-break moment is about 2030 and we’ll bring in a strongman to save the nation. The rest of the book is essentially a Machiavelli-style How-To book for that future ruler to give him advice on how best to rule and how to be more George Washington than Ceasar.

It’s an interesting read, but I doubt the US can be lead or dragged anywhere, even to national survival. My guess is we’re about 10-15 years from Yugoslavia and a war that will be so destructive and unthinkably horrible that we will become WWII, the Nazis, the USSR, Mao, Idi Amin, the Khmer Rouge, Hitler, Stalin, the Hindinburg, WWI, the Titanic, the Civil War, Napoleon, the Revolution, the War of the Roses, the 100 Years War, the 30 Years War, the Black Death, Rome, etc all rolled into one. People centuries from now will grunt about how amazing America was and look with awe at the remaining fragments and hardly believe what we did before the big war happened and we wiped ourselves out.

Or not.

I liked what you wrote. You kind of reminded me of the horror over what society does to us. I had a German-American professor in college whose family moved back to Germany right after WWII to reunite with the survivors. He said half his family was Heer, the other half SS, and it led to some interesting family discussions over dinner. One of the things he told me about were the freak-outs people had for years after the war. I don’t know if anyone else has discussed it. He said ordinary people would suddenly lose their shit in public and have to be taken away. Like a neighbor who was found standing outside throwing the Nazi salute at their mailbox. Or folks who would suddenly start screaming in public for no reason things like, “The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!” I think the burden of society makes our own people go crazy, too, but usually in more boring ways, like drug use, sex, and body destruction/”modification”. Better get used to it; this train goes all the way.

HollyO
HollyO
  GilbertS
May 19, 2017 5:26 am

“Better get used to it; this train goes all the way.”

I entirely agree. And well said, all of it.

and though Valar Morghulis, perhaps the secret to joy is living like we have all the time in the world, and to Valar Dohaeris for ourselves, on our own behalf.

Purplefrog
Purplefrog
May 19, 2017 6:51 am

What a resonating piece!! And thank you Dennis for reminding us what it is to still be lost from our own humanity.

Sami Jim
Sami Jim
May 19, 2017 7:18 am

Thank you HollyO!

willy
willy
May 19, 2017 7:20 am

You are an enlightened spirit.

Maybe the path from the narrow gate isn’t arduous so much as lonely, and only wide enough to permit the passage of one soul at a time. This reminded me of the attached quote which I am fond of.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

Hunter S. Thompson

norman franklin
norman franklin
May 19, 2017 9:28 am

Holy, thanks for this, it brought back some wonderful childhood memories long forgotten. I have been so richly blessed in this life. In what I have experienced and how I ended up were I am now.

I have seen many things that can’t be unseen or erased from my memory. Moving away from babylon as it were to the country has been a way to stop and see more of the beauty that still surrounds me. It is also a way of escaping the madness and chaos that this once magic land has descended into.

To live in a country that exists only in the past, and only in the minds of those who grew up on the greatness that was and is nevermore is a nightmare of sorts. This nightmare tries to crowd out the dreams of our youth where All our roads and days stretched out before us in the promise of the vast horizon. There was no dark gloom hanging over the land like today. No pod people wandering around from distraction to distraction.

The only solace I can take from this whole mess is at some point the pod people mostly go away as they are unaffordable to tptb. This may afford us the opportunity to have places in the wilderness that get passed over by the darkness. Small enclaves and communities that survive into the next turn and cary forth the things that all of us hold dear.

Again thanks for writing and I will have to check with my guardian angel to see who’s works harder, yours or mine.

Robert (QSLV)
Robert (QSLV)
May 19, 2017 9:55 am

My first and last visit to London 1992……..a bombed-out cathedral roofless turned into garden solitude and introspection. I sat on one of the stone benches and thought of the girl who offered me a hit earlier at the fountain in Picadilly Circus. It may have been you.

https://youtu.be/oA1I11IeF8U

DaBirds (The day the music died...)
DaBirds (The day the music died...)
May 19, 2017 10:04 am

Holly, I had not visited TBP for nearly a week now as I was down south preparing for the impending death of my father. The correlation being that my sister and I spent the better part of an evening reliving the joys of the world we grew up in and despairing the world our grandchildren face. We were in agreement that though ours was the simplest time, the world we knew was already an illusion and though “ingnorance is bliss”, it is still ignorance.
Anyway, all that blathering aside, I was thrilled to see your essay at the top of the page and devoured it, nodding in agreement as I went. It felt as though you were sitting there, recording the evening spent with my sister.
Thanks for your gift. Beautifully written.

HollyO
HollyO

“preparing for the impending…”

My best thoughts go with you. There’s nothing in the world more intense than the experience you are facing now.

DaBirds (The day the music died...)
DaBirds (The day the music died...)
  HollyO
May 19, 2017 11:20 pm

“best thoughts”
Thank you for those kind words.

Having passed once, then been yanked back, I know it’s a painless journey. Nonetheless I realize the greater pain is usually​ experienced by those left behind.

Dying is easy, living is much harder.
Not as hard as maff, but hard…

HollyO
HollyO

If you can forgive me for sounding glib, don’t be afraid to feel what’s happening while it’s happening. Recovery time will become a gift instead of a burden then.

NtroP
NtroP
May 19, 2017 10:15 am

Thank you, HollyO, I greatly enjoyed your writing and look forward to more.
I, too, have had an interesting life, from Eisenhower to Trump, and have been fortunate enough to have seen a good bit of our beautiful planet. Now burning wood and keeping an eye on things.
I am a ‘lurker’ and mostly read and listen, but feel much as you about TBP and the fellowship that is here. Thanks again.

GoldWerewolf
GoldWerewolf
May 19, 2017 1:08 pm

Long time reader and lurker. Very seldom post. But that paragraph about republics being born in blood and shit….man….I’ve reread it at least 10 times today.

Excellent, excellent work.

HollyO
HollyO
  GoldWerewolf
May 20, 2017 5:19 am

Thank you, that one paragraph was my favourite, and it’s weird, it just plopped onto the page fully formed. A bit like shit, actually, but smelled like a rose.

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
  HollyO
May 21, 2017 12:29 am

Rose gets no respect.
Old Phil: My farts don’t stink, they smell like Rose’s.

Huevos Azules
Huevos Azules
May 19, 2017 3:52 pm

HollyO!
Thank you again. Very well written and moving. Do what you can. Be faithful to friends and family. Be open to a spark between casual glances. Turn off the f-in TV. I have no certainty, but do trust that life will be well lived. Thank you for making it so.

Deanna Johnston Clark
Deanna Johnston Clark
May 19, 2017 6:44 pm

My epiphany about the sea change came at a health food store in 2005. The youngster at check out asked me what I was doing that weekend. I smiled my grandmother smile and said:
“I’m getting my family, grandkids and all, out to the beach to watch the media shower at 3 in the morning!!”
The girl was shocked, “Oh my God, isn’t that illegal…I mean can you do that?”
“Of course…it’s a free country!” I laughed….but what an ambush. She sounded like a girl raised in East Germany in the 1950s.

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
  Deanna Johnston Clark
May 21, 2017 12:27 am

I read that the media drink too much and shower too little.

flash
flash
May 19, 2017 7:49 pm

“The monster had been born, all at once ” Exactly. And chaos has reigned supreme since. You have the gift. Thanks for sharing.

Doc K
Doc K
May 19, 2017 9:37 pm

I have been reading TBP for over 2 years, as I apologize for always reading “Friday Fails,” and “Walmart.” Sometimes I just need a break from the seriousness of life. Who doesn’t? I must say I have recently read a couple of BRILLIANT essays, of which, this is one. I am at the age of reflection and I watch this world and THIS COUNTRY go to places that make me shudder. I love this site. I NEVER post anywhere – you all know why, and yet I just had to post on this one essay. TBP readers: believe me when I say – WE are not alone, even among the millennials. I’m an adult educator. I get to take the “pulse” of my classes. I hear the voices of the younger people. Many know, many see, many are aware. It’s what keeps me going. I give that to all readers of comments like me: I’m a lurker – but decided just this once I wanted people to know: we are not alone in this struggle! Blessings to all!

Francis Marion
Francis Marion
  Doc K
May 20, 2017 1:15 am

We have the most interesting people lurking in this joint. They should post more often.

Iconoclast421
Iconoclast421
May 19, 2017 10:58 pm

Democracy only works when you eradicate your enemies before holding the vote.

LilDebbie
LilDebbie
May 20, 2017 2:58 am

Why such despair for what was? The world never stops turning as you have witnessed multiple times.
We are blessed. We carry the flame of our ancestors into a new order.
Do not mourn the dessicated remains of a rotting empire. Purify the flesh with the fire you were given.
Yes, something small, furtive and furious is slouching towards the Bayswater. It grows fat on the blood of Stockholm pedestrians, Parisian concert-goers, and San Bernardino office workers.
It is our privilege to serve as midwives to this glorious rebirth. The Saxon is learning once again.
Can you hear the drums?

Dennis Roe
Dennis Roe
May 20, 2017 7:36 am

When did Oprah Winfrey productions take over TBP? Read that for the third time Holly thanks to the boatload of shit I got from Anonymous Clown Club. Its got a yuppies in pain vibe to me, but I’m in the extreme minority of 1, so more power to you. Say what you really want to say, not what you think these motherfuckers want to hear. You even got the Jewhaters all mushy and teary eyed. Unfuckinbeleiveable.

Dennis, Do Us All A Favor and DRINK THE KOOL-AID
Dennis, Do Us All A Favor and DRINK THE KOOL-AID
  Dennis Roe
May 20, 2017 10:52 am

Dennis, I think I see the problem now.

HollyO writes poetry. You write obscene graffiti but think it’s an epigraph.

Small thoughts, small chalk, eh?

Dennis Roe
Dennis Roe

Reach in to that bone in your head where your fuckin brain is supposed to be and come up with 3 sentences that don’t involve cats, shit for brains. And Coyote I had no idea she was a chick. Chick or not why should she be treated differently? I read it and thought it was some rich homo slumming with the white niggers, giving me a lesson in shit I already found out the hard way decades ago. If no one throws a tomahawk this site will be more boring than yogurt. Cue up Dust In The Wind and you can all have a group hug in the Cloud. I’m checking out of this Monkeylodge , just follow the Herd. You’re born into it, educated into it and too fuckin scared to step out of it.

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
  Dennis Roe
May 21, 2017 11:44 am

Denny, I hope you haven’t wasted your best withering or denigrating comments picking on a woman. You should wait until creampuff Stucky comes back with another of his sappy, touchy-feely articles. Your criticism might help him get in contact with his manly side even.

idahobob
idahobob
May 20, 2017 9:57 am

You have struck a resonate chord!

MOAR, please.

Bob

Minister of Future ... aka sandy
Minister of Future ... aka sandy
May 20, 2017 10:50 am

Thank you for sharing your journey. I am inspired.

Ragnar Daneskjold
Ragnar Daneskjold
May 20, 2017 11:11 am

I cannot change the course or speed of the decline. I will not be here to see a rebirth. But I can guarantee that my children and their children will be prepared to rain hell down upon the last of those who fought to maintain our slavery of both mind and body.

I want the final thoughts of the oppressors to be this – “they are going to fucking kill us without a thought or concern, because in truth, we do not matter, except that we made the wrong choice”.

Both thermite and phosphorous burn bones into powder. Who cares who the bones’ owners were. Only that their actions helped bring about this final change.

And so life repeats. The only immortality is that which can be passed on to another generation. And the only values are those which can survive generational change.

Burn, baby, burn.

HollyO
HollyO
  Ragnar Daneskjold
May 20, 2017 4:03 pm

That was electrifying, Ragnar. I sort of wish I’d written it.

Ragnar Daneskjold
Ragnar Daneskjold
  HollyO
May 21, 2017 2:29 pm

Try reading Ted Kazinski’s manifest. On Amazon Kindle if you like. Not what anyone would expect given the basis of his fame. You will be disturbed by reading a highly logical discourse from such an intellect that could as easily kill indiscriminately.

HollyO
HollyO
  Ragnar Daneskjold
May 21, 2017 2:53 pm

I have read it. It made me see the world in an entirely new way and I’ve never quite gotten over it.

Reg Bannister
Reg Bannister
May 20, 2017 2:49 pm

“The tragedy is that the children of today see the ghost of these freedoms in old films and television shows and dismiss them as fiction.”

As a father struggling to figure out how to raise his daughters in this utterly insane time, this line literally brought tears to my eyes. Amazing essay, Holly.

HollyO
HollyO
  Reg Bannister
May 20, 2017 4:01 pm

Thank you very much, Reg. Having a father like you, caring about the things you do, is the finest advantage your daughters could have to become sane and fully-realised souls.

T Spratticus
T Spratticus
May 20, 2017 4:24 pm

Long Time Lurker first time
comment. Not to nitpick but Waco Branch Davidian occured under the watchful eyes of Janet Reno (if I recall correctly) in Feb 1993

HollyO
HollyO
  T Spratticus
May 20, 2017 6:23 pm

it’s not a nitpick, I should have been more clear. I was on a ride-along with the news crew doing the first investigative report on the compound two years and change before the siege. What I heard Koresh say in person that day and how they chopped and pasted his interview in the editing suite eventually soured me on the media, and convinced me that both he and Randy Weaver were test cases/rehearsals for a much larger, nastier agenda of lies and manipulation that I wanted no more part of.

fear & loathing
fear & loathing
May 20, 2017 8:34 pm

for two hours today i was a felon subject to 5 years. crossed a line. like leaving east berlin. america reminds us all that the constitution has many meanings. as an old guy with not even a parking ticket it is nice to know i will not spend my last years w/o smokes in a alien place. so much for 3 honorables and no record.

GilbertS
GilbertS
  fear & loathing
May 23, 2017 2:56 am

I was recently the target of the full weight and power of the People of the United States in Federal District Court. It was a sobering thought when I pondered having the awesome might and power of 50 states’ worth of people aimed at me for what was an unintentional violation of a regulation. That experience was intimidating and the arrest that initiated it was frightening, despite the fact that very little happened. I’ve never been arrested prior to that event and it was very scary for me as a first-timer. By the time it was over, it seemed kind of absurd, but my detention was very brief compared to others’. Do yourself a favor and don’t get arrested; it’s not as fun as it looks on TV.

mangledman
mangledman
May 20, 2017 9:54 pm

I enjoyed the snot out of it. I have been having trouble posting for days. Here the page goes black, other place captcha wouldn’t work for over halfnhour. I thought it was great if I haven’t said so already. You bring more, I will look forward to reading.

Different things and times shifted the way we now look at things. It was little things at first, that progressed to worse and bigger. The madness is big bold and blatant staring us in the face, no longer to be ignored or trivialized. Again I say well done.

Trmist
Trmist
May 20, 2017 11:26 pm

“To smile at strangers and have that smile returned. To perform a kindness without fear of misunderstanding, or being perceived as weak or a fool.”
Beautiful sentiment.
I look forward to more submissions
All the best.

SSS
SSS
May 21, 2017 12:37 am

Good read Ms. Ollivander. In your words elsewhere, “I have never been a great fan of my gender. I admire Isabella of Spain, Hildegard von Bingen and Tina Turner – that’s about it.”*

Well, that’s certainly an interesting blend of admiration. My take. Tina Turner is a head-scratcher. Enduring and entertaining for sure, but nothing more. You’re on to something with Hildegard von Bingen. Remarkable accomplishments for ANYONE in the early medieval period. As for Isabella, please, spare me. The woman is history’s pluperfect example of religious zealotry and intolerance.

Your batting average on females is .500, Holly. One win, one loss, one tie. But I’ll give you a home run on this article.

*Click on HollyO’s name to find this quote from her.

HollyO
HollyO
  SSS
May 21, 2017 5:30 am

You know, you’re right. There’s only one woman I admire, but I set myself the task of coming up with three and that was the best I could manage. But I’ll take that score and set it on the mantelpiece to keep me warm on cold winter nights, thank you.