Great News, Everyone! The CIA Has Promised To Become ‘Much More Vicious’!

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It’s not often that I get to be the bearer of good news at my humble little gig here on Medium, but readers will be glad to learn that I can put your minds at ease about at least one major concern today: the CIA is about to become much more vicious. 
It goes without saying that one of the major worries on the average American’s mind is that the Central Intelligence Agency has gotten far too soft and cuddly lately, but at Thursday’s National Security Summit for the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, CIA Director Mike Pompeo assured us that we can all breathe a sigh of relief. The Jerusalem Post reports that Pompeo said his role in the CIA has entailed helping it “become a much more vicious agency” in fighting US adversaries, which include Iran and the “Syrian regime.”

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Pompeo did not specify the ways in which the CIA will be increasing its woefully deficient amount of viciousness, so it’s unclear how it will be escalating its savagery beyond torture, assassinations, drug running, warmongering, manipulating elections and toppling governments around the world, spying on congressional legislators and lying about it under oath, conducting psyops on entire nations, illegal domestic espionage, Orwellian surveillance programs, infiltrating the media, drug-induced mind control experiments, and deliberately arming and training known terrorist factions.Regardless, we can all sleep a little safer at night knowing that the agency will finally be taking off the kid gloves and dispensing with cutesy little girl scout tactics like those employed by the Phoenix program, an operation which involved in the kidnapping, torture, and murder of thousands upon thousandsof Vietnamese civilians, its methods including the following:

Rape, gang rape, rape using eels, snakes, or hard objects, and rape followed by murder; electric shock (‘the Bell Telephone Hour’) rendered by attaching wires to the genitals or other sensitive parts of the body, like the tongue; the ‘water treatment’; the ‘airplane’ in which the prisoner’s arms were tied behind the back, and the rope looped over a hook on the ceiling, suspending the prisoner in midair, after which he or she was beaten; beatings with rubber hoses and whips; the use of police dogs to maul prisoners,

and:

The use of the insertion of the 6-inch dowel into the canal of one of my detainee’s ears, and the tapping through the brain until dead. The starvation to death (in a cage), of a Vietnamese woman who was suspected of being part of the local political education cadre in one of the local villages…The use of electronic gear such as sealed telephones attached to…both the women’s vaginas and men’s testicles [to] shock them into submission.

So plainly it’s time for these fine fellows to stop playing Mr. Nice Guy and start doing some real work for freedom and democracy. Perhaps they can start filling Yemeni war orphans with helium until they float into the atmosphere and explode, or airdrop busloads of civilians on top of nursing homes in Syria? Surely there’s a way to napalm cities via drone by now, right? It’s 2017 for cryin’ out loud!

Thank you, Mike Pompeo, for finally bringing an end to the tutu-wearing tickle party days of the CIA. Lord knows if there’s one thing your agency needs, it’s more sociopathic bloodlust and brutality.

Reprinted with permission from Medium.com. To support Ms. Johnstone’s work click here.

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10 Comments
Rob
Rob
October 22, 2017 12:39 pm

I feel much safer. Thank you all for voting for trump.

kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
  Rob
October 22, 2017 12:46 pm

As if Hitlery wouldn’t have already been in a full blown war.

kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
October 22, 2017 12:49 pm

Well, here’s to Syria, Russia, Iran, and Hezbollah kicking US and Israel and Kurd ass.
The Lord is on the side of the righteous.
Brother Nathaniel will be clicking his heels.

Anonymous
Anonymous
October 22, 2017 12:51 pm

Maybe instead of becoming more vicious toward those wanting to destroy and kill us, we should be becoming kinder and gentler towards them.

In a kind and gentle world that is at peace and harmony, there is no need for anyone to be vicious to anyone.

kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
  Anonymous
October 22, 2017 1:53 pm

Anon….Who is wanting to destroy us (the U.S.)?

How many countries has Iran attacked or initiated Regime Change? Same for N. Korea. OTOH, those countries (along with the rest of the world) recognize who has caused death and destruction around the world. Maybe you can’t accept reality

Anonymous
Anonymous

No one.

Everyone in the world, particularly North Korea and Iran and such, absolutely loves the U.S.

If South Korea and the United States hadn’t teamed up to invade North Korea without provocation back in the early 50’s they wouldn’t need nuclear weapons to protect against our constant attacks on them in their waters and infiltration with by elite troops by subs and small naval craft to carry out the constant sabotage the North faces from the South.

North Korea has never attacked anyone, and Iran has never made threatening statements to the west, it is the other way around.

CCRider
CCRider
October 22, 2017 12:58 pm

Is there anyone more dangerous than a committed statist suffering from a homicidal psychological pathology in a position of big power? Yes, a dumb one. Pompeo is all of that and a notoriously sycophantic crack lapper as well. Look for him to go far in the trump regime.

Zarathustra
Zarathustra
October 22, 2017 1:06 pm

Sounds like some people are gonna get some Freedom.

Southern Sage
Southern Sage
October 22, 2017 2:53 pm

Gee, fellas, we are nice guys. Please believe me. Sure, some of the boys go a bit over the top on occasion….

rhs jr
rhs jr
October 22, 2017 4:37 pm

The house cleaning needs to begin at home. There are enough known Known Criminals in WDC needing prosecution to keep Trump busy at least a year to eliminate dangerous traitors but there are also many unknown Unknown Criminals that need to be investigated and prosecuted before we dare attempt to purify the World with War.