Government run schools in the control of left wing radical feminist types are completely out of control. The damage they have done and are doing to the children is destroying the fabric of our society. The stupid asinine shit they come up with, in lieu of teaching kids how to add, subtract, spell and think for themselves, is breathtaking to behold. Home schooling is the only solution at this point.
Via US News and World Report
I am always fascinated by trends. And I am especially intrigued by the emerging trend among European schools, and now some American schools as well, to ban best friends.
That’s right. Some schools are attempting to ban the entire concept of children having best friends.
This, to me, seems like a Herculean task. The notion of choosing best friends is deeply embedded in our culture. Nonetheless, there is, in my opinion, merit to the movement to ban having best friends.
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Certainly in life we all benefit from having close friends and confidantes – those who really get us. On the other hand, there is something dreadfully exclusionary occurring when a middle schooler tells the girl sitting next to her that she is best friends with the girl sitting in front of them. Of course, this scenario plays out in a variety of ways, but child after child comes to my therapy office distressed when their best friend has now given someone else this coveted title.
Many of you will suggest that our kids should toughen up and will become hardier if they learn to deal with the natural shifts in friendships that are inevitable. Perhaps, there is some truth to that. However, I am concerned about the bigger picture, which includes the pain associated with exclusion and the gentle comfort associated with inclusion.
So, what do I, as a psychologist, think of this trend where schools are banning best friends? I have thought about it long and hard, and I say bring it on. Let me tell you what brought me to this controversial conclusion.
I am a huge fan of social inclusion. The phrase best friend is inherently exclusionary. Among children and even teens, best friends shift rapidly. These shifts lead to emotional distress and would be significantly less likely if our kids spoke of close or even good friends rather than best friends. And, if kids have best friends, does that also imply that they have “worst friends?” A focus on having best friends certainly indicates there’s an unspoken ranking system; and where there is a ranking system, there are problems. I see kids who are never labeled best friends, and sadly, they sit alone at lunch tables and often in their homes while others are with their best friends.
My hope is that if we encourage our kids to broaden their social circles, they will be more inclusive and less judgmental. The word “best” encourages judgment and promotes exclusion.
I am not, however, an advocate of encouraging kids to have huge groups of friends. What I would like to see instead is children having a smaller group of close friends. In fact, there is research suggesting that adolescents who have a small group of close friends fare better emotionally than those who are part of a larger social circle. Perhaps those who are part of a large group lack closeness and are socializing primarily with acquaintances.
So, what is a parent to do with these attempts to turn best friend culture upside down? First, you should certainly not forbid your child from having contact with her best friend. Nor should you march into your child’s school and tell the administration that they will not and should not attempt to bring this new trend into the school.
Instead, take a moment and breathe. Then consider making a bit of a shift to your vocabulary and talk to your children about the importance of having close friends. Put less emphasis on popularity and having best friends. In life, there is much to be gained from having a few close friends. Everyone brings something different to the table. Our lives are richer if we are closer with a few others rather than putting all of our eggs in one basket, right? This is true for children and adults. Think of all the wonderful opportunities you may have missed if you socialized exclusively with only one friend. Now think about your kids and help them broaden their perspective.
“They’re practicing for long-term intimate relationships, you blind, bloody fools; you appalling, pathetic, ignorant do-gooding meddlers. Leave the damn kids alone.”
Jordan B. Peterson
“-bucko”
100+
Here is food for thought, especially for those who support “public education” and rally about the doctrine of “socialization” that they claim is lacking in “homeschooled” children.
Let’s look at what “public education” has to offer:
1. Cliques and rampant bullying, quite often the victim of bullying punished more harshly for fighting back. Many times, bullies are part of a “protected” class–racial minorities, jocks, etc. Strong official disapproval of students making friends outside their grade level. “Peer pressure” used to push conformity.
2. Teachers that don’t teach reading writing and arithmetic. Pushing communist principles such as rabid environmentalism, blaming humanity for conditions beyond our control as well as pushing “communitarianism” (“it takes a village”)–actually communism. This also ties in with teacher-recommended feminizing and drugging (mostly boys) to make them “less fidgety” and more compliant–all for the “benefit” of the teacher.
3. Non-existent moral guidance…the communist concept of “values clarification”, allowing each student to set his own moral standard with no discussion permitted as to guidelines. A student dare not mention God or the Bible in “public school”–not permitted…discussing Islam is OK…even field trips to mosques are encouraged.
4. Sex education that normalizes homosexuality and other deviant practices, actually encouraging deviant behavior and downplaying heterosexuality and abstinence.
5. Insane zero tolerance practices, punishing students for pop-tarts shaped like guns or a student having an “unauthorized aspirin” or plastic butter knife. Of course, abortions and birth control are available without parental notification.
6. Lockdowns and backpack/locker searches by police utilizing “drug dogs”, getting the upcoming generation used to random unconstitutional searches. Quite often, students “roughed up” by “school resource officers”…just because they can…Lockdowns should be reserved for prisons–not schools…
Since these “socialization” practices seem to be the norm in our “public education” systems, parents who send their children to these dysfunctional “indoctrination centers” are guilty of child abuse…
Children who are homeschooled actually do much better in life as they are comfortable with people of all ages. True socialization takes place outside the classroom.
One of our “neighbors” out here in nowhere has three kids being homeschooled at home. Back when I used to share photos more frequently, I might post the photo of the kids with their horses, my rabbits or dogs on occasion. However, with the botz gone wild situation, I’ve decided images of anyone other than myself and the odd unrecognizable image of a visitor are probably not a great idea.
Anyway, I sometimes wonder if they are lonely out here miles and miles from the real world, reading their lessons and checking in with Mom/teacher throughout the day. Perhaps riding the bike or even the horse down to get the mail (and once in a while their beagle named BB). I think of the videos I see here about urban schools and the stories I’ve gleaned from my son’s less than fond remembrances of time wasted in the halls of Choctaw high. When my son saw my neighbor’s teen son chaperoning his younger brother and sister around our giant dogs, he commented to me (snidely, I think) that Austin is just a bit too wholesome in his point of view. He said no one could possibly be that country wholesome without having some major flaw about to flare up.
I suppose Austin might grow up to develop a serious character flaw, but I really admire the couple across the way for moving out to the hills to raise their children the way they want to raise them. We should have moved here twenty years ago.
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The peace, quiet and silence must be awesome…….
A friend, locally, commented that it possesses the raging quiet of Narnia.
Maggie,
The boy may be genuine. My neighbor homeschools (4)
and they are quite sophisticated…I mean strong mentally
and confident. They help each other…older helps younger.
It is a real sacrifice to keep the kids 24/7…no alone time, ever.
I’m not sure I would be up to it, were I have it to do over.
You can have alone time. Especially if your circle of friends has other homeschooling parents.
Sometimes a parent with a given talent will teach it to a group of local homeschooled kids. You set it up, pick a time and house, kick in $5 or $10 for materials and drop your kids off. Go shopping, catch a burger, whatever and pick your kid back up when class is over. Pottery, art, even math and science can go this way, it just takes talent and time.
Field trips to the museum, fire house and whatever can also be done this way. Just takes a little effort.
I’ve had some rather odd reactions/experiences with people, including myself, using the term “best friend” in a way I hadn’t realized possible. It is definitely one of those new safe space requiring concepts.
The whole world was a better place prior to the explosion the number of ‘professional’ psychologists and psychiatrists and all their ‘research’.
Should we ban government run schools and the socialist/immoral funding mechanism that supports them?
YES.
Then parents can decide for themselves what type of school, what curricula, what “rules and regulations” best fit their own personal choices and those of their children…..problem solved.
Anything to reduce natural instincts and self thought.
This just another attempt to change human nature.
It will be about as successful as banning drugs or alcohol.
Why do we allow our institutions to be run by fools?
Doesn’t that make us fools ourselves for doing it?
In your quest to be the best psychologist you can be, oops, can’t say best, that is exclusionary. Anyway you neglected the fact that you have a title. Psychologist. Not every one is one. That is exclusionary. Got an office? Not everyone has one. That is exclusionary. I bet you have nice clothes, car, home and all sorts of other things that others don’t have. That is exclusionary. When was the last time you used the word best to describe something? You are exclusionary. You pompous arrogant jackass you have a lot of stuff to get rid of including your job. You can keep the psycho part tho. You earned it.
Friendships within groups is self-selected as well. Schools
can sponsor that with activities that require groups. Music/band,
art class groups, dances/dancing, chess clubs and book clubs.
Rather than focus on what is “exclusionary” do remember
“everyone” is different, and everyone can contribute to the group.
People can get self selected into extroverts and introverts.
The spread is about 50-50. I supervised groups, various kinds,
as a student and for my work. There are no hard and fast rules
the “psychologist” need concern themselves with. Treat everyone
with respect and try to give everyone the chance to contribute.
For school children, the class might discuss current events.
Perhaps managing money, cooking, working around the house,
and gardening. All those involved come away with skills and
knowledge, and lively discussions can follow.
Academic subjects can be done in a group as well. Math, science,
biology, reading and even writing/penmanship can be rewarding
for students. Phones and gadgets can be left in some cubbies by
the door, simple. I better quit…but I have to say the psych person
has no wisdom or compassion, my opinion.
Above all else, their must be free time for the boys in particular,
to run around and shout and “play.” Girls may not be as lively or
as loud but they want some fresh air as well. Sitting is the new
smoking. Healthy people need to move around. Just common
sense. Teachers are lazy, oops, some teachers are lazy.
Kids invent the idea of Best Friends on their own. You can’t make them be friends with the kids they don’t like. You can’t control who they like. If you try to force them to pretend they’re friends with the kids they don’t like, they’re not going to be fooled. They might be civil while you’re watching, but they know who they don’t like and they won’t like them because you forced them to play nice.
Leave them alone.
Psychologists tend to be egotistical, and believe they’re insightful. How could they not? After all, they’re part of that brilliant group of social scientists. The one that includes that other collection of great thinkers, sociologists. Whose science is built on the cornerstone belief that two or more people forms a group.
Leave the kids alone.
When best friends are outlawed, only outlaws will (still) have best friends.
i guess after this will come the “you can no longer pick where you live”, or the “you can no longer pick who you marry”, or the “you can no longer pick what race or gender you marry”. Endless fun in the construct run by the chosen who pick whatever the f**K they want (and you better not say a word or question their rights). So forget about best friends , the chosen have plans and you are powerless, unless you push back like you still have a pair.
Do you notice that the writer of this missive has not been identified? I found this, which looks like the original.
https://health.usnews.com/wellness/for-parents/articles/2018-01-05/should-schools-ban-kids-from-having-best-friends
Well, I guess we should all listen to old dr. Barby here:
About Barbara
Dr. Barbara Greenberg, PhD is an adolescent, child and family psychologist who practices in Fairfield County, Connecticut, after 21 years of running an inpatient adolescent unit at a private psychiatric hospital in New York. She also blogs as “The Teen Doctor” for Psychology Today and is a consultant for other magazines on a variety of mental health and relationship issues, as well as frequently sharing her expertise on television news programs. You can find her at drbarbaragreenberg.com and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
And we wonder how it is that nothing seems to work…look no further than this lovely wyman who only seeks to help the poor children. Just imagine all of the damage that she has done.
“The word “best” encourages judgment…” It says without a trace of irony.
I once had a best friend join another clique/gang, steal my favorite handheld video game, then proceed to try to bully me. I beat the fuck out of him, knocked out a few teeth, slammed his head into a car door, and when my buddies said he’d had enough I got in 1 more kick to the ribs. When his sister tried to attack me, I hit her upside the head with a trash can.
My Dad congratulated me and said that’s how U take care of a bully. I was never bothered again after that as even my own friends thought I was cool, but possibly insane enough to kill someone.
Nowadays I’d have probably been arrested and have my life screwed by some kind of a juvie record.
Back then, the cops would’ve said the kid had it coming.
What a wimpy, pussified nation the USA has become.
Putin and the Chinese must be laughing their asses off, although Trump has probably made them more cautious by showing “toxic masculinity”. & WTF is that anyway? If the USA was all metrosexuals, wanna-be man feminists, and gays, the country would have been invaded and conquered a long time ago.
At 1 school where I taught, they attempted to force kids to group. As time went on, the kids fought more and more.
Before the stupid idea, when the kids self-segregated, the kids got along better. Forcing people to associate amplifies the malice, not lessens it. The stupidest people I’ve met are all “educators”.