U.S.—In the midst of dozens of key races to watch in the current election, one libertarian candidate is making waves, breaking into the single digits for the first time in the race in a surprise upset.
The candidate is surpassing all expectations, with early exit polls giving him just over 1% of the vote. Many projections had him getting not one percent of the vote, but closer to just one single vote.
“We’ve never seen a libertarian candidate suddenly surge to 1% before,” said one analyst. “This is incredible. This could open up the door for more libertarians to break into the single-digit club in coming elections.”
The analyst added that while libertarians have often been counted out as joke candidates, this impressive showing proves that libertarians are “almost not a joke.” “They’re very close to being a movement that we can mention without stifling laughter throughout.”
At publishing time, his early lead had evaporated after he was seen getting high behind a Del Taco.
Oh, so close to victory he could taste it- which caused him to celebrate with a doobie a tad too soon.
Imagine what America would be like if the Libertarian candidate had won instead of Woodrow Wilson
Libertarians: Intent on debating irrelevancies like non-violence and being intensely individualistic while the Huns surround their house and prepare to burn it to the ground.
I love it when ignorant people try to explain libertarians. Never interupt someone showing you their ass.
The libertarians running do not stand for libertarianism. Look up stepanie miner and you will see what i mean.
That last paragraph is brutal
And just what exactly have the useless fucks that run the Babylon Bee been doing to promote the ideas of freedom and liberty since 1972? Voting for republicans? Working for the republican party? We see how much THEY care about freedom and liberty. In the face of Nixon’s crimes against the US dollar and the American people, some decided to do something OTHER than simply vote for Nixon once again (just because he wasn’t McGovern). All along, the values of small government, the non-initiation of violence (something Jesus might even support), sound money, no income taxation, sound foreign policy, personal liberty, and other values based on the morality of self-ownership, have been promoted by this party (with a few recent deviations), and yet they only receive criticism from republicans. Meanwhile, the best the GOP can offer up is that they are NOT the democrats. And yes, I take this personally because I have put out thousands of my own hours supporting this party once, have even run for State Senate under their banner, and believe that the principles of libertarianism are the ONLY MORAL stand anyone can take in their dealings with others.
Jesus Christ you are humorless. This coming from a fellow libertarian. Lighten up, it’s satire.
Cant wait to hear what you have to say about The Onion ‘news’ site.
Stephanie miner unilaterally declared syracuse a sanctuary city as mayor. Yet ran as a libertarian for governor. Got .9% of the vote. More than she deserved.