Mueller Investigation Concludes Hillary Clinton Was Actually Just A Terrible Candidate

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a two-year-long investigation that included thousands of indictments, hundreds of search warrants, and several guilty pleas, Robert Mueller and the FBI managed to provide conclusive proof that Hillary Clinton was actually just a terrible candidate, sources confirmed Monday.

The official report summary indicated that the main factor in Clinton losing the election was not Russian collusion but her just being a really bad nominee.

“We have uncovered damning evidence that Hillary Clinton lost the election by colluding with the DNC to be the absolute worst possible candidate,” Mueller said in his first public address since the historic report was delivered. “As we could not find any Russian collusion, this was the only thing we managed to prove.”

“I mean, she lost to Donald Trump, for Pete’s sake,” he added, shaking his head.

Investigators showed that Clinton’s extreme lack of charisma or likability, her awful public policy record, her constant disparagement of millions of Americans she disagreed with, and her terrible campaign strategies resulted in her defeat.

“The only collusion we found was between Hillary Clinton and her campaign to be really unlikable,” Mueller continued. “And while she really is repulsive to so many Americans, that’s unfortunately not a crime, so I can’t charge her with anything. Ugh.”

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9 Comments
EL Coyote
EL Coyote
March 26, 2019 4:43 pm

No amount of pimping can turn a station wagon into a sports car. Hillary was gonna need a lot of lipo and implants all over to get her looking almost as good as Caitlyn. Nothing was going to fix the cackle or the mile a minute female motor-mouth.

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 26, 2019 7:28 pm

The alt media are no better at reporting than the presidents ability to read and interpret a simple sentence.

Here is a quote from the Mueller report and here is what Trump said in response.

“While this report does not conclude that the president committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him. ” Mueller Report

“It was a complete and total exoneration.” Trump

Responsible reporting is completely dead no matter where one looks. Today Rachael is crying because she believed what she wanted to believe. Tomorrow it will be you. It is my hope that you will all eventually get tired of cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Gypsy Woman
Gypsy Woman
March 26, 2019 7:37 pm

Well, “terrible” is a long ways from “evil”, but at least it is a start.

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 26, 2019 7:43 pm

The herd mentality of both political parties is driving this country over a cliff. The American people haven’t won any battle for a long time. Their stupidity and gullibility is being weaponized. I can’t help from cheering for the bad guys because I cannot stomach the idea of associating with creatures the defy Darwin’s natural selection and God’s intelligent design.

Hollywood Rob
Hollywood Rob
March 26, 2019 7:44 pm

No, she is just an evil cunt. That’s why she lost.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
March 26, 2019 7:56 pm

Deep down, I believe that the Russia narrative was critical to all the folks who can’t imagine why Hillary would have lost. They are such sheep, are such followers, are such blind believers in whatever the DNC/SJW/PC/Progressive crowd tells them, that they simply cannot fathom that anyone, let alone their neighbors, friends, family members, co-workers, other whites, other males, other females, others from their city, others from their state, or other MILLIONS of perfectly rational, hard-working Americans, could have willingly, voluntarily, and in many cases (go figure) enthusiastically voted for Trump. They NEEDED some other-worldly explanation (mass hypnosis, drugs, brain disease, alien influence, etc.) or some convenient “boogeyman” to blame for the election outcome. Russia has always been a good boogeyman, so this time it worked perfectly. So instead of their family members, co-workers, etc. everyone was simply a Russian troll, Russian agent, and a part of the greatest societal infiltration of one nation into another in the history of mankind.

So much easier than believing that millions of Americans would have a problem with an overweight, pathologically-lying, war criminal, serial rapist enabler, murdering whore in pantsuits that was backed 100% by the same Deep State globalist cabal that has destroyed everything that was once good about this planet.

Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
  MrLiberty
March 26, 2019 9:33 pm

And mother of Chelsea Hubbell, to boot!

yahsure
yahsure
March 26, 2019 8:26 pm

I figured she was for big gov. and I didn’t trust her on protecting the second amendment. The country was ready for something different.

bob
bob
March 26, 2019 9:40 pm

Goose shit is easier to look at than Felonia’s visage from hell. Can’t wait for the day there are no more pictures of her to be seen.