Sanders Campaign Raises Pay To $700 Per Hour By Laying Off Everyone Except Bernie

Via The Babylon Bee

Washington, D.C—According to an official press release from the Bernie 2020 campaign, presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders will be raising his staff’s minimum pay to $700 per hour. While some questioned the feasibility of the new plan, the release explained that this can easily be accomplished by laying off everyone except Bernie Sanders.

Despite tirelessly advocating for a $15 federal minimum wage on the campaign trail, Sanders has recently been the center of controversy after complaints by his staff that they were being paid only $13 per hour.

“Once I was made aware of my staff’s concerns, I took swift action to rectify the situation!” Sanders explained. He went on to say that he cares so much about “addressing income inequality” that he immediately began to work on the solution from his third home in Vermont, rather than waiting until he had returned to DC on a charter jet.

Many of Bernie’s staffers responded enthusiastically to the announcement. “To be honest, I don’t really understand what he was saying about laying people off, or what this pink piece of paper is for,” said Bernie 2020 Street Team member Renee Schuler, “but I really liked the part about making more money.”

“If there’s one thing this proves, it’s that socialist leaders always put the people ahead of their own self-interests!” said another staffer, just before being handed a cardboard box of his personal items and then forcibly escorted out of the building by security.

Shortly after removing all staff from his campaign offices, Bernie tweeted “Why does anyone need multiple campaign staffers? Just another example of capitalist greed!”

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5 Comments
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
July 23, 2019 4:42 pm

If $15 an hour won’t cause any problems, why not $16, or $20, or $50, or $1000 an hour? Even the most ignorant Progressive (yes, redundant), can see that at some point the basic laws of economics MUST come into play. Why they only come into play when numbers get really high is something they can’t seem to explain, but sadly they don’t understand that LAWS are always at work, most especially the basic laws of economics.

Funny how the Onion and the Bee are more accurate with their parodies than the MSM is with their normal news coverage.

TampaRed
TampaRed
July 23, 2019 5:18 pm
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
July 23, 2019 9:04 pm

Actually, he does pay pretty well, but nearly everyone is salaried, so their long (sometimes 60 hour) work weeks make the hourly rate fall quite a bit. A 40 hour week would put them at $17 an hour.

So here is his solution:

Sanders said the campaign will limit the number of hours staffers work to 42 or 43 each week to ensure they’re making the equivalent of $15 an hour.

So no pay raise, just fewer hours. REALITY….its a bitch.

robert weston
robert weston
  MrLiberty
July 24, 2019 4:08 am

Notice there is no mention of hiring more workers to make up for the lost time. The staff will be paid for fewer hours, but they will be expected to get the same amount of work done.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
  robert weston
July 24, 2019 12:08 pm

True. Or hopefully his campaign will suffer from the loss of effort.