WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Representative Adam Schiff came under scrutiny for reading a fake version of the phone call between President Donald Trump and the president of Ukraine, Schiff was forced to admit he is just a parody of an actual congressman.
“I know I may have seemed like a congressman, as I wear a suit and say Congress-y things, but I’ve actually just been a parody all along,” he said in a press conference Monday. “Wait—you all didn’t realize that this whole time!? I thought I was pretty clearly labeled satire.”
Schiff revealed his real name is Bob Peterson. He’s a method actor from Iowa. “I got really into the part,” he said. “And I guess at some point the line between reality and parody began to blur. Boy, it’s been a whirlwind for the past couple decades, hasn’t it?”
Peterson said he was sorry for those who were fooled by his act. “I never meant for anyone to take me seriously,” he said, chuckling. “I thought it was very clearly satire from the beginning.”
The committed actor pulled off his Adam Schiff mask, revealing himself to be a portly man with a wide handlebar mustache and a mullet. “The jig is up.”
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I always knew there was something about Bob P (Peterson). His wit on FF is hilarious and now we know his true identity.
I always figured Schiff to be a robot/android kinda thing. Queer as fuck, to be sure, but a machine nonetheless.