U.S.—A new policy issued by the United States Department of Defense, in conjunction with online platforms like Twitter and Facebook, will automatically enlist you to fight in a foreign war if you post your support for attacking another country.
People who bravely post about how the U.S. needs to invade some country in the Middle East or Asia or outer space will get a pop-up notice indicating they’ve been enlisted in the military. A recruiter will then show up at their house and whisk them away to fight in the foreign war they wanted to happen so badly.
“Frankly, recruitment numbers are down, and we needed some way to find people who are really enthusiastic about fighting wars,” said a DOD official. “Then it hit us like a drone strike: there are plenty of people who argue vehemently for foreign intervention. It doesn’t matter what war we’re trying to create: Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, China—these people are always reliable supporters of any invasion abroad. So why not get them there on the frontlines?”
“After all, we want people who are passionate about occupying foreign lands, not grunts who are just there for the paycheck,” he added.
Strangely, as soon as the policy was implemented, 99% of saber-rattling suddenly ceased.
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I’ve argued that for years.
Same with members of congress, media, joint chiefs, etc.
Suit up you pussies.
Or better yet all the neocons here at TBP.
This is why I love the Babylon Bee! Super on-target articles using satire in the Information War!
Here’s a li’l musiqué video for the brainlet armchair generals, NeoCONs, and the definitely NOT dual citizens of that other country of those “who say they are Jews but are not, but do lie” /s
looks like the above video won’t embed at the time lapsed point it should start at, so you’ll have to fast-forward to 6m 19seconds
And the kids of politicians who advance war.
Great Idea , my life experience is such that I have never seen a military intervention worth the blood and treasure pissed away .
So before you cheer on troops shipping out , waving flags and tying yellow ribbons all about stop and think why and who really benefits from this fool hardy action . Now take a walk by a wall in DC or acres of white crosses in Arlington and if you still think it’s a good idea saddle up ! “BUT” trust me on this one you are gravely mistaken !
I will be flying my flag inverted as a sign of distress !
FORGET ME NOT
Those farthest from the front are the most eager to engage it.
From my experience, the closer to the site and smell of rotting, burned chunks of human remains diminishes such enthusiasm.
And they can drop by Virginia on the way out and pick up their firearms.
I still think if there were a draft that people would actually get involved with stopping any possible wars because they would actually have a toe in the game. Now wars are fought by “other people” Heck, I’m for pulling out of the middle east altogether and downsizing our military. Close some bases.
750+ bases in 150+ countries. I think we could close more than “some.”
Boot Camp with helicopter mommies hovering over their offspring they were waiting on while they play X-Box as they whine to mommy about the Sargent yelling at them and how devalued they feel , yes the new draft LMAO
yahsure,
Just addd a critical word after upvoting.
“I still think if there were a draft that people would actually get involved with stopping any possible wars because they would actually have a toe TAG in the game.”
I agree regarding the draft with zero deferments except in cases where the draftee is about to graduate medical school . My number was 106 and the cut off was around 275 yes I had great fun that summer swilling beers by my dads pool . My future was guaranteed . Survived unscathed , just lucky , not smarter or connected just counted off by 3’s
It’s a shame this is satire. Previous service doesn’t count. You get airdropped in as infantrymen with standard gear, behind enemy lines.
It’s easy to advocate for war when, as Taleb would say, you’ve got no skin in the game. If all our military was limited to operate within 5 miles of our borders without a declaration of war by Congress, and as part of such a declaration all voting members had to commit seppuku in a public display, we’d be living in a very different world right now. But no, our politicians, bankers and war industry are all incentivized toward war; no personal downside and all financial upside.
That may be enforced on us when all is said and done post-Fourth Turning. Who knows? I could envision a scenario where whatever remnants of American sovereignty still exists come 2032, they are mandated to remain within their immediate AoR…if they’re allowed to have a standing army. It wouldn’t be too dissimilar to post-WW2 and its losers.
The flipside to that is the fact that Washington has access to nukes…but again, who ends up with them? Military strategy was always fun and challenging on paper. It adheres to a lot of the same thought experiments used in the hard sciences. But as I’ve gotten older, I realize how un-fun it is to allow glorified Engrish majors (politicians) to tap into their efforts.
Best idea ever.
I guess negros on welfare can’t vote because they can vote for more money . Only property owners can vote on taxes because they have skin in the game . Everyone has an opinion , deal with it
Didn’t your momma ever tell you that two wrongs don’t make a right? Christ, this country is completely, moral-equivalency fucked. Would you goddamn lunatics stay the fuck out of Tennessee for the next 5 years or so? We’re all hicks and meth heads here.
Texas is the Promised Land, flock to Texas!