Crazed Nutjob Hellbent On Destroying Country With His Psychotic Moderate Policies

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As heroic Democrats in Washington race against time to save America from the horrors of not spending $3.5 trillion dollars, there is an utter psychopath who is standing in their way with his moderate policies: Joe Manchin.

“Joe Manchin is greedy and immoral,” said Senator Bernie Sanders, who was really mad to see his $300 billion in gulag funding removed from the infrastructure bill. “He must be stopped before he destroys the country with his reasonable attempt to compromise with Nazis who don’t want to spend 3.5 trillion dollars. He’s clearly lost his mind.”

“Joe Manchin is an existential threat to democracy and he even tried to kill me,” said AOC to the press. “He’s on an evil sexist rampage of fiscal responsibility. The other day he waved ‘hi’ to me but it was a terrifying, aggressive wave. If I am killed, please know that it was Joe Manchin who probably did it.”

According to sources, in addition to being a deranged fiscal moderate, Manchin is also pro-life, which makes him literally Hitler. Democrats are praying they can stop this monster before it’s too late.

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14 Comments
Doc
Doc
October 2, 2021 6:47 pm

‘Sic – Em!

Stucky
Stucky
October 2, 2021 7:05 pm

Joe is against the $3.5 trillion dollar bill. What a hero, eh?

But, he’s on record being in favor of a $1.5 – $2 trillion bill. Wow … what a win!

Has he even talked about what’s IN the damned thing? For example, the $3.5 Billion allotted to tree seeds in something called “seed equity”! Really. No, he hasn’t.

Some hero!!!

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
  Stucky
October 2, 2021 9:46 pm

I heard the bigger bill contains amnesty and a path to citizenship. Aka perpetual one-party rule.

Stucky
Stucky
  Iska Waran
October 2, 2021 10:13 pm

Yes. I recently read an article –+ wish I bookmarked it — something like $50 BILLION earmarked for laws that favor only Democrats.

And did I read that it’s another 20,000 page bill? I guess they’ll have to pass it to see what’s in it. Again.

overthecliff
overthecliff
October 2, 2021 8:34 pm

If Manchin stops the social infrastructure bill I’ll take it but will never trust him. However, none of this shit show makes a difference. America is all over but the shooting.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
  overthecliff
October 2, 2021 9:50 pm

I’m surprised Dems don’t just add Puerto Rico as a state so they can get two more senators.

ZeroZee0
ZeroZee0
October 2, 2021 8:46 pm

The Bee is beginning to lose its charm for satire, as its “Satire” is rapidly devolving into “Reality”…….
Last weeks Humor is this weeks Fact…..

KJ
KJ
October 2, 2021 9:42 pm

He’d switch parties ASAP if he knows what’s good for him. Same with Sinema. She’s a nutjob, but I’ll take her.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
October 2, 2021 9:49 pm

It’d be a damn shame if Jon Tester died in a farm accident – or Jon Ossoff died in a car accident.

ReluctantWarrior
ReluctantWarrior
  Iska Waran
October 3, 2021 11:02 am

Sorry, people only die of COVID these days.

ReluctantWarrior
ReluctantWarrior
October 3, 2021 7:12 am

Although this may be satire…Joe Manchin really is an example of a modern day profile in courage.

overthecliff
overthecliff
  ReluctantWarrior
October 3, 2021 11:48 am

I think you give him way to much credit.

Anonymous
Anonymous
October 3, 2021 1:49 pm

Manchin’s voting record shows him to be anything other than a “moderate”, and despite his current reluctance to spend $3.5 trillion more in the wake of nearly $6 trillion spent over the past year and a half, he’s still more than willing to vote “Yes” on a bill without all the incredible pieces of pork that spends an incredibly astounding exponentially higher amount than when Democrats were referencing Trump’s $20 billion border wall plan as “massive”. Manchin understands he and other Democrats can get the bill under $2 trillion, while retaining its transformational aspects, and emerge well set for re-election in 2022. The end result will be terrible and severely damaging and Manchin will once again have aided those all too willing to stab America in the back.

~ J Smith