U.S.—Gun stores across America have seen a major increase in interest as customers flock to their stores to find the “totally awesome gun that blows the lungs out of bad guys.” The gun, which doesn’t exist, has inadvertently boosted the sale of 9mm handguns.
“Biden has been great for business,” said Anthony Darabont, manager of Bullets For Hire in Riverside, CA. “I printed out his dumb quote on a poster and hung it around the shop. Now the guns sell themselves!”
Experts suggest the huge increase in gun sales is expected to die down soon after people realize they aren’t able to blow lungs out of anything.
“We did have someone here last week who shot someone in self-defense. The gun probably saved his life but he would not stop complaining that the robber’s lungs weren’t flopping around all over the place like dead fish,” Darabont added. “So I said to her: ‘Lady, you can call the president. Maybe he’ll give you a refund.’ and then I said L-O-L because that’s how I do.”
Left-leaning politicians have sounded the alarm over increased gun interest among the citizenry. “Guns are very dangerous!” screeched Elizabeth Warren. “That’s why I’m calling for an immediate 2nd amendment committee to see how we can get around this pesky human right to defense and abolish all legal guns.”
Following her comments, gun sales surged yet again across the board. The NRA then formally thanked Warren for increasing gun sales around the country.
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True story
It IS a true story if you stuff your 9mm magazine full of Liberty Civil Defense AMMO:
Liberty Ammunition is a Florida-based manufacturer of lead-free ammunition for the military, law enforcement, and civilian markets. The Civil Defense Lead Free ammo features very deep hollow-points. When striking flesh, these bullets rapidly expand creating a large wound channel. The petals of the hollow-point tend to shear off and form their own wound tracks, causing further exsanguination. The central part of the bullet continues to penetrate deeper into the body – typically to a distance of 12” – 14” in ballistic gelatin. A penetration depth of 12” in ballistic gelatin is the arbitrary minimum distance the FBI determined was suitable for the needs of its agents. It offers a lot of the things that people want such as reliability, penetration and massive wounding.
I’ve learned an awful lot from Paul.
Alternatives to the “powerful” 9mm: .45acp, .40s&w, 10mm, .50AE. Oh wait, those are all MORE powerful than 9mm. FBI went to the 10mm but the weaker agents couldn’t handle the recoil, so the .40s&w was developed. I guess that’s still too much for some of the agents they “include” now, as they’re going back to 9mm. Next stop .380acp, then .32? Or maybe the FBI could adopt those radio antenna things the UK police have. “Stop, or I’ll swat you with my antenna!”
In fairness to wheelgun fans, revolver rounds more powerful than the 9mm semi auto: .357 Magnum, .41 Mag, .45 Colt, .44 Magnum and the big boy of revolvers, the .500S&W.
This being a crisis, I’ve acted on my entrepreneurial skills and will be selling replacement lungs for only $ 79, 543 dollars to ANYONE who needs replacement lungs. YES, You’re welcome.
12" Crystal Assorted 15ct
Sorry, that is a typo mentioned in the photo of the replacement lungs.
Hurry, quantities are limited.
Home made exploding bullets; where can I find instructions?